What They Left Behind

What They Left Behind

  Karen Teagarden

  Copyright 2014, 2016 Karen Teagarden

  Chapter 1: March 6, 1963 Willow, Alaska

  It was a week before Genevieve Joy’s and Benjamin Roy Perrin’s fifteenth birthday. Gennie, with her chestnut brown hair in a messy ponytail, was fixing her snowmobile in the garage and Ben was cooking supper. It was pasta something or other. Bryan, their twenty-seven year old brother, had been working all day. He was supposed to move to Washington last fall but changed his mind the day before he was scheduled to leave. However, at least he had a job now. He worked for Western Electric, adding to and maintaining the telephone system for the Matanuska-Susitna Borough. A friend of a friend who worked there told his employer that Bryan was very smart and very good with his hands. Gennie didn’t quite understand exactly what Bryan did, but he seemed to like it. He never talked much about it, but he was happier than he had been before. He actually stopped calling Ben names, replacing homo, loser and retard with the milder Hey You. He didn’t talk back quite as much either, which was good considering their father’s condition.

  Their dad, Jimmy, wasn’t doing very well. He tired out very easily and occasionally he would have chest pains and have to lie down. Gennie begged him to see a doctor but he refused. Even Bryan noticed his change in behavior. “What the hell is wrong with him?” was his version of expressing concern.

  They took over more of their father’s duties. Jimmy managed to go to work every day in the gold mine, but when he came home, he was usually unable to do anything else. Gennie totally took over cutting the wood. She was a pro at using a chainsaw and it didn’t take her very long to do. Sometimes Ben would help her though he wasn’t very good at it. At night, she would keep the wood stove fed. Their father expected Bryan to help and wanted him to contribute a part of his paycheck to support the family, but he refused. Most of his money was either spent at CJ’s, a pub in Willow, or Kitty’s, which was a strip club in downtown Anchorage. Gennie heard through a friend that Bryan’s girlfriend Juliann worked there, but Bryan denied it. The night before, as they lay in their beds, Gennie and Ben discussed what kind of girl would be attracted to Bryan.

  “I don’t know what she sees in him, do you?” Gennie asked. “I mean, he’s got bad posture, greasy hair and giant bug eyes. And he’s even uglier inside.”

  “Maybe she needs glasses,” Ben replied, “and he probably treats her a lot better than he treats us. You told me he throws his money around at that club, maybe she’s getting most of it.”

  “I guess so.”

  “He might be like the way he is because of our mom.”

  “Oh. How?”

  “Well,” Ben paused, his blue eyes looking down solemnly, “he remembers when she died.”

  Gennie recalled her father telling her that Bryan was the one who found her. Their mother had to walk to the grocery store to buy formula for the both of them. It was a bitterly cold day with a snowstorm soon approaching. When she didn’t come back three hours later, Bryan went out to look for her. He found her face down in the snow, covered with a thin layer of frost. An ambulance was called but by the time they were able to get there, she had died. Gennie always felt guilty about that. If they hadn’t needed formula, she would be alive right now.

  Ben put a hand through his sandy brown hair.

  “He probably thinks we’re to blame for that. The only reason she went out is because of us.”

  “Yeah, that’s true.”

  “I don’t think he’s ever going to change,” Ben said. “Actually, I know it.”

  Gennie didn’t think Bryan was going to change either, though she still kept hoping one day he would wake up and be concerned about something other than himself. She wasn’t holding her breath though.

  Ben opened the door leading to the house, interrupting Gennie’s thoughts. He stepped inside.

  “Five minute warning, Handy Girl.”

  “I’ll be there in a second,” Gennie said. “Just let me wash my hands and wake up Dad.”

  “Sure,” Ben replied. He closed the door behind him.

  Gennie went into the half bath inside the garage and washed the grease from her hands and underneath her fingernails. She wiped her hands on a tattered hand towel. Then she went down the hallway connecting the garage to the house and into her father’s bedroom.

  His bedroom was always colder than the rest of the house but that night it seemed doubly so. Gennie always thought it was odd he had a vanity, with a pink handled hairbrush and makeup strewn about. There was also a large blue jewelry box with hand painted pink roses. Pearl necklaces stuck out of it as if it was a newly opened treasure chest. The fact was that stuff had been lying around for years. Her father left everything exactly the way it was the day her mother died. It was as if she was coming back someday and he wanted everything to be there for her. Her clothes were even in her bureau drawer, waiting to be worn again. Gennie thought the whole situation was sad and hoped when she grew up she would never end up like her dad.

  Her father was face down, one pale, veiny arm hanging on the side of the bed. Gennie thought it was weird he wasn’t snoring, but it didn’t alarm her.

  “Hey Dad,” she said, “time to get up, supper’s ready.”

  He didn’t respond.

  “Dad,” she said louder, shaking him. “You have to get up now. You don’t want to starve to death.”

  Gennie was annoyed. He wasn’t even stirring.

  She smacked him lightly in the face. The stubble felt rough on her hand. Still nothing.

  “Dad! This isn’t funny. Get up!”

  She noticed he looked very pallid. She touched his face again. He was as cold as the room was.

  “Dad…” she said, her hazel eyes peering down at him, “you’re okay, aren’t you?”

  She turned him slightly and opened one of his eyelids with her fingers. She wished she hadn’t. His eyes were very glassy.

  Panic rose to her chest and her breath quickened.

  “You’re not dead, are you? Please say you’re not dead.” She shook him very hard. “You’re not dead! Oh god no! Don’t be dead!”

  “Hey supper’s ready,” Ben said as he entered the room. He looked concerned when he saw her face. “What’s wrong?”

  Gennie sobbed. “It’s Dad. He’s not waking up…and his eyes are really weird. They don’t look real.”

  Ben stiffened up, obviously frightened. “I’m going to call for an ambulance.”

  Thirty minutes later, the ambulance arrived. Gennie and Ben had to leave the bedroom while the paramedics worked to revive their father. Then a gurney was brought in. He was lifted onto it and taken to the hospital. They were in the ambulance with him while the paramedics continued to try to get their father’s heart working again by injecting a huge needle into his chest. Gennie kept her eyes covered. She didn’t want to see what was happening to him.

  They waited for three hours in the hospital’s emergency room. Gennie was so upset all she could do was stare into space. She noticed out of the corner of her eye Ben was trying to read some magazines, especially one called Gourmet, but every ten seconds he would put it down and sigh deeply.

  A nurse asked them if there were any other relatives they wanted to contact. Ben gave her Bryan’s work number. The nurse told them a few minutes later Bryan would be there but he didn’t know when. Gennie and Ben kept waiting.

  Finally, the emergency room doctor came out from behind the swinging doors. Gennie hoped he would have good news, but when she looked at his face, she knew it was very unlikely.

  “Well…,” the doctor said, not looking them directly in the eyes. He put his hands in t
he pockets of his white overcoat. “I’m really very sorry.”

  Neither Ben nor Gennie said anything.

  “We did what we could to save your father.”

  “He’s dead?” Gennie whispered.

  The doctor nodded.

  Tears fell from Gennie’s face. She looked over at Ben. He appeared stunned, as if he was told the world was ending.

  “Is there anything I can do for either of you?” the doctor asked.

  Gennie shook her head.

  “No, there’s nothing,” Ben replied, his voice hollow.

  The doctor shifted his feet and backed away from them. “All right then. If there’s anything you do need, don’t hesitate to let me or anyone else on staff know.” Then he walked away, retreating to the other side of the swinging doors again.

  Gennie was relieved he left them alone. Now she could bawl all she wanted. She put her head on Ben’s shoulder and sobbed. He let her, not saying a word.

  They stayed that way for at least an hour, until Bryan casually strolled into the emergency room.

  Just looking at him filled Gennie with rage.

  “Where the hell were you?” she spit out.

  “Geez, thanks for the friendly greeting, Little Sis. Well, you see, I do something people call work and when you work you have to have a really good reason to get out with no notice.”

  “You had a good reason!” Gennie yelled, not caring who heard her. “You just don’t give a shit and couldn’t be bothered.”

  “Hey, watch your mouth. For your information, I have work backed up to the yin-yang. We had a guy that left us in the ditch two days ago and since he screwed up everything he touched, I have to do his work and mine. There was no way I could have gotten out sooner.”

  Neither of them said anything else to Bryan, only giving him empty and tired glares. Bryan chuckled nervously.

  “So…how’s dad doing?”

  “He died a little over an hour ago,” Ben replied wearily.

  Bryan looked at Ben like he had gone insane.

  “What! You’re kidding me, right?”

  Ben shook his head.

  “Why didn’t the nurse tell me that on the phone?”

  “Because you were supposed to be here!” Gennie yelled. “Why didn’t you come sooner?”

  “I told you, I had to work!”

  “Are you going to take us home?” Ben asked. “We’ve been here for four hours.”

  Gennie could see Bryan had to think about this.

  “Okay, I’ll bring you home,” he said, not sounding particularly thrilled with the idea.

  When they arrived home, Gennie went upstairs and straight to bed. Ben followed her a few minutes later. He turned on the light mounted above his headboard and opened the latest issue of his vast collection of Superman comic books. Gennie tried to sleep but she couldn’t. Images of her father dead in the emergency room flashed through her mind, along with her mother lying frozen on the side of the road. Gennie felt she was to blame for both of their deaths. If she hadn’t demanded so much from her parents, maybe they would be okay now.

  Gennie cried into her pillow. She soon felt Ben’s hand rubbing her back.

  “Ben…do you think Dad’s death was my fault?”

  “No,” Ben replied, sounding puzzled, “Why would it be?”

  “I don’t know….maybe if I took over all of his chores sooner he would be okay now.”

  “Come on! You know how hard it was for him to let us do stuff. He felt like he was supposed to take care of you, not the other way around. I mean, you saw what it was like for me to convince him that I should cook. He told me he was the one who was supposed to be doing that, even though the only thing he knew how to make were TV dinners.”

  Gennie laughed. “He burnt them all the time too.”

  “He was the only one I know who could turn the cherry pie dessert as hard as a stone.”

  “Thank god for Tommy’s Diner.”

  “And Chinese take-out.”

  “He was a lot better at riding snowmobiles. Remember when we were kids, he used to take us riding way out into the woods?”

  “Yeah, I remember,” Ben said. “And we’d always see deer and rabbits and sometimes a fox.”

  “Yeah, that was fun,” Gennie replied. “I liked looking through his binoculars. Remember that time we saw a grizzly bear way way out?”

  “Weren’t we about six or seven then?”

  “I think we were seven. I wish we could have done that stuff more often.”

  “Maybe next winter we can.”

  “I don’t know if it’ll be the same without Dad,” Gennie said.

  “Probably not, but it’ll still be fun.”

  “Ben, do you think Dad is with our Mom now?”

  “I don’t know.” He paused. “I hope so.”

  “Do you believe there’s a heaven and a God and all that?”

  “I try to believe, but…sometimes it’s hard.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, life is so unfair, you know? We shouldn’t have to live without a mother and father. We shouldn’t have a brother that’s a total jerk and doesn’t give a damn about us. We haven’t done anything wrong, so why is this happening to us?”

  Gennie didn’t have any answers for Ben. She thought it was unfair too. “Maybe it’ll get better someday.”

  “When? We’re practically grown-ups.”

  Gennie giggled.

  “You, a grown-up? Oh please!”

  “Hey, I have armpit hair now. Wanna see?”

  “No thank you. So you finally have hair under there, huh? I’ve had it for about two years now.”

  “Do you shave it?”

  “No, do you?”

  “I’m a guy. You’re supposed to shave yours.”

  “Why? I wear long sleeve shirts all the time. No one’s going to see it. Besides, who made that stupid rule up anyway?”

  “I don’t know, but that’s the way it is. It looks weird for girls to have hair under their arms.”

  “I don’t think it’s weird at all. You know what? Let’s make a deal. If you shave your pits, I’ll shave mine.”

  Ben shook his head. “I’m not doing anything like that.”

  “Fine then. So I’ll be hairy too.”

  “Boy, you’re one kooky girl. I don’t know what I’m going to do with you.”

  “You’re not going to do nothing,” Gennie said. “I’m making all my own decisions.”

  “Oh god!”

  Gennie gave him a playful shove. “Don’t ‘oh god’ me, you creep. I can do what I want.”

  “Really? So what are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know yet,” Gennie said. “Maybe I’ll get into fixing cars or something. Or I’ll work at a place that does paint jobs or body work. That would be fun.”

  “You’re more of a son to Dad than Bryan and me are. Do you know he was constantly bugging me to be a mechanic? He said he was afraid people would beat me up if I didn’t get into something manly. I’m lucky that’s never happened.”

  “That’s because you have me to beat them up for you. Nobody messes with Gen.”

  “I wish we were still in the same school,” Ben said. “I hate being in middle school while everyone else my age is in high school.”

  “Oh, high school isn’t all what it’s cracked up to be,” Gennie replied. “Actually, I wish I were in eighth grade again. All my friends are too busy making out with their boyfriends to have any time for me. And when we do get together, it’s always, ‘Bobby and me did this…blah, blah, blah.’ I’m so sick of it I could just die. You know, our being in different grades isn’t going to make much difference in the end. The only thing that I don’t like is that we’re not going to graduate together. I was hoping we would do that.”

  “Me too,” Ben said. “Now we can’t unless you’re willing to flunk all your classes like I did.”

  Gennie chu
ckled. “You know that wouldn’t be a bad idea.”

  “You wouldn’t be able to go to college though.”

  “I wasn’t planning on going to college. Are you?”

  “Uh, no. I want to get a job and leave here as soon as I can.”

  They talked for a little while longer then played a couple of games of Scrabble, which Gennie won. Then they played Go Fish, and the winnings were divided evenly among them. Finally they were both tired enough to go to bed. Before she fell asleep, Gennie tried to imagine what it was going to be like to wake up and not have her father around. Now they were completely dependent on Bryan. One word popped into her head when she thought of Bryan being their provider and that was scary.

  Chapter 2: March 14