A Glimpse Of Tomorrow



  A

  GLIMPSE

  OF

  TOMORROW

  By K.T.Martina

  Published by K.T.Martina

  Copyright 2015 K. T. Martina

  www.ktmartina.com

  Thank you for downloading this ebook. This book remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy from their favorite authorized retailer. Thank you for your support.

  For my beautiful wife Charlotte;

  Always and Forever,

  and my two wonderful children;

  Talya and Tobin.

  Preface

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  From the Author

  Connect with the Author

  Preface

  In my own life, I have found that it is not necessarily true to take a piece of something fluid and expect the whole to be represented by that singular fraction. Therefore; as I sat in my study anticipating the content of this story, I had to be more real to myself. As a born again Christian I want to portray more than a singular point of focus. I have heard people quote a singular verse from the bible, and at the time it fit my situation, only to read the rest of the book or chapter and find that, in its context, it had nothing to do with how it was presented to me.

  In this book, I strive to keep things basic and to the point. God has set us out a guide to live by, and although I do focus on topics, I try to not take his teachings out of context. I keep my opinions and perspective with what the bible says rather than some one's interpretation of it. There are a number of basic truths that I adhered to, and they are as follows. God is love. God is the creator of all. God sent his son to earth to teach us, guide us, and save us from an eternity of perpetual death.

  There are also a few life lessons that I have learned and I wanted to pass them on, then maybe someone could avoid some of the pitfalls that I have encountered in my life. In the beginning of the story I touch on a big one for me. Cheating on my wife didn't mean that I had an affair with another woman, but instead, I was cheating her by having things on my mind that took time from her, such as writing, and I didn't even realize it until it was brought to my attention.

  Finally my friends, I know without question that God is real, heaven is real and I am going there when my physical body dies. And because I have no doubt about it, I am willing and able to proclaim it to the world. I truly hope to see you all there in my Father's house.

  Chapter 1

  Nearly every morning Nathan Foster met with his mistress, his passion, his release. He was at her mercy and could not resist her, although on few occasions he had tried. She called to him in the early hours, before the rest of the world awakened. Her softly sloping rises, her precarious curves and her every changing landscape feed his determination as well as his inspirations. But on this cool spring morning it was not so…

  Although there was a chatter of birds stirring in the ancient oaks that canopied the weathered concrete sidewalk, he couldn’t hear them. The smell of new tulips and iris’ and lilac bushes hung thick in the air but their aroma couldn’t breach his senses. His morning run, that had become as necessary to him as breathing, now smothered him in repetitiveness. There was no point in continuing and yet he couldn’t resist. He needed to be out of the house, away from the pain and in the security of his routine that he had become accustomed to, although on this day, it evaded him.

  Each time he ran through the streets of this small town, he had been able to shed the stress and worries of the day, that weighed him down. Today as he ran though, he could not shake his anguish or lessen his burden. He knew the time was getting near and he knew it was inevitable, but who is ever prepared to say a final farewell to their best friend, their partner, their spouse.

  Kathleen, his sweet, amazing Kathleen was gone, vanished like the moist footprints left in the morning dew on the pavement. No more sitting on the porch on a cool summer evening surrounded by a million lightning bugs in a three dimensional light show. No more trips to the antique shops - oh, how she loved antique shops. No more birthdays or holidays or… Life as he knew it was over.

  He hadn’t minded the long nights by her bed side, in fact now he was craving them, yearning for just one more. As long as he could hear her voice and feel her touch, there was a chance to pull through. Though day by day he could feel his life draining as his lovely wife faded deeper into the cancer’s clutch. He watched as she reeled in pain, unable to ease even the slightest discomfort. He had told her that if he could take the pain away, he would, and he meant it with all the pieces of his crumbling heart.

  The Doctor’s had said she only had weeks left when they found the tumor, but that was almost eight months ago. Somehow she resisted the beckoning of death’s mercy until the sixteenth day of March, the day after their tenth anniversary. Though they had been married for ten wonderful years, they had been in love since the fifth grade. The images of their first date at Chilly’s Ice Cream stand, the proposal and acceptance of marriage and their three beautiful children played like a slideshow in his mind and on the vacant buildings as he passed by. He could look nowhere without seeing her lovely face.

  Perspiration soaked into his sweat shirt and ran down his temples as he ran harder and further than he normally would. He hoped the ache in his legs and the burning in his lungs would dampen the agony in his heart. But it couldn’t. The pain in his body was no more than a splinter compared to the agonizing devastation of his heart and soul, so he dug deeper, ran harder as if he was trying to out run the phantoms that clung to him.

  As he rounded McPherson’s Auto repair, the final corner that would lead him back to their craftsman style home, he conceded his failure to outrun the pain and slowed to a walk. His mind was on fire and the pain in his heart wouldn’t surrender so he focused on the fact that he had to get a shower and get dressed before the funeral. He wished that he could push out the memories if he focused hard enough on what he needed to do and yet was terrified to let even one memory vanish for fear that he might lose it forever.

  “Nathan?” a man’s voice called from across the street.

  He didn’t want to turn and didn’t want to talk but his weariness had replaced his resolve and he turned, “Oh, hi Mr. Rowe.” He replied halfheartedly to the well-dressed man on the sidewalk.

  Edger Rowe was an affluent man with money to burn. He owned more than half of the properties in town and rather than selling any of it, he leased it to people for their bakeries, consignment shops, Pilates’ studios and whatever else was needed to sustain the small town’s slowly growing population.

  Although he was a wealthy man and liked the more expensive things he never acted as though he was better than anyone else. When the business owners met for a town meeting two years ago and banned kids from skateboarding on town sidewalks, Edger Rowe built a skate park on one of his vacant lots in the middle of town for the kids to have a place of their own. It was surrounded by a six-foot-tall, chained-link fence displaying a bright red sign that read, “Skaters Only. All others watch from out here.”

  When asked why, he simply answered, “Have you ever taken the time
to watch these kids do what they do? They really are quite amazing.” He had a way of being the solution in more cases than not. But even still, Nathan wanted nothing to do with him or anyone else for that matter.

  “I am so sorry to hear about your loss.” The old man said with the utmost sincerity. “If you need someone to talk to, I would be happy to lend an ear.”

  “Thank you sir.”

  “I mean it Nathan; this is a difficult burden for anyone to bear. You don’t have to bear it alone.”

  “I don’t need to talk Mr. Rowe; I need answers so I can understand.” Nathan snapped.

  “Understand what?”

  Nathan cocked his head to the side. “Really?” He shook his head. “Why he took Kathleen from me and the kids.” His voice cracked, “who does that? What kind of a God does that?”

  Mr. Rowe slowly made his way across the street and put his hand on Nathan’s shoulder. “It was just her time. There are things that we aren’t meant to know.”

  Nathan’s face; streaked with tears and sweat began to burn. “Do you honestly expect me to believe that nonsense? Her time? She had her whole life ahead of her. Her children still need her…and so do I.”

  He slid his shoulder from the man’s hand and began toward his house. After a few steps he stopped and looked back at the old man, who was still standing there. “That’s just not good enough for me.” He said callously and he continued up the street.

  His approach to the old house began to press down on his shoulders with the force of all his distain and anger. As he opened the front door, he was sure that he was about to be crushed under the weight of this day. Their house felt more like a tomb than the home he and Kathleen raised their family in. Every piece of oak tongue and grove floor held a moment of their life in it. Every door frame, every rug, every piece of furniture whispered a story to him. The creek of the screen door and the echo that reverberated throughout from closing the front door seemed like a rusty prison door being closed behind him.

  As he looked into each room, reality faded and visions of years past formed. In the living room he witnessed Christmas morning with his children buried in wrapping paper and he and his wife sipping coffee comfortable in the knowledge that their family was a happy one. Then he handed her a final gift he pulled from his tattered blue bathrobe; a pair of tickets for a tropical cruise that would never get to be enjoyed.

  He stopped at the kitchen and watched as she slid under the sink with him to help repair the garbage disposal. In that moment of connecting hoses and tightening the last bolts she give him the news that a new crib was to be added to her honey-do list. In his excitement he tried to sit up only to be stopped abruptly by the bottom of the sink. They sat laughing and hugging and crying with absolute delight.

  Each room held a piece of the life that was falling apart around him and he finally collapsed at the foot of the stairs and began to sob uncontrollably. The children were with Kathleen’s parents and he felt the full sting of his loneliness swallow him like an enormous whale swallows tiny krill. It was more than he could endure. He screamed at the top of his lungs, flailing his clenched fists against the walls and steps.

  He felt his hands distort with each hit on the hard oak steps. His anger and pain merged into a fury he had never known before; a fury so intense that it sucked his muscles dry and left him scarcely able to lift his swollen and bloody fists any longer. The pain and exhaustion overcame him and the light faded as he lay motionless on the stairs.

  A knock on the front door startled him back to consciousness. He sat up, his head throbbed and his hands ached. As he rose to his feet he checked his watch, he couldn’t read the tiny numbers through his burning eyes. He walked to the door and opened it.

  A slender man in a long black overcoat and a black fedora trimmed with a grey band stood on the porch. He looked as if he had just stepped out of one of those old detective movies. He wore plain black leather gloves and had a strangely unexceptional look about him. He could have been nothing more than a shadow left behind by a living person. His face was also plain and nondescript giving the appearance of just another face in the crowd.

  “Can I help you?” Nathan asked, hoping for the man to say he was at the wrong house or something and leave.

  “Come with me Nathan, we need to talk.” The man said in a low mournful voice, that Nathan seemed to feel more than hear.

  “I can’t right now. I have a funeral to go to.” He said as he stepped back and began to close the door.

  ”This will only take a moment, I assure you.” The man said extending his hand and stopping the door from closing.

  Nathan pulled the door open again, “I’m sorry, who are you.”

  “Come sit with me on your porch. We need to talk.”

  The man’s unwillingness to answer Nathan’s question, seemed a bit strange but Nathan figured that this man was tenacious enough to not leave without a word or two with him. Nathan wondered if he might be from the insurance company and he stepped out on the porch. “What do you want from me?”

  “Have a seat over here.” The man said pointing at the two wicker chairs at the far end of the porch. He sat down and motioned for Nathan to do the same.

  Nathan sat and immediately recalled Kathleen setting beside him watching the kids playing tag in the front yard. He watched as she smiled at her children, her sky blue eyes seemed to dance in the sunlight as her hair the color of the iced tea, floated effortlessly above her slender shoulders.

  “Kathleen,” the man began evaporating Nathan’s vision, “left four letters for you and the children.” He reached into his coat and retrieved a manila envelope. “This one is for you,” he said handing a folded piece of paper to Nathan. The paper was sealed with a small piece of tape and displayed the designation of “My Love”, on the front.

  Nathan’s eyes swelled once again as he took the letter. His instinct was to read it in private, but he couldn’t wait. He could feel her in the message speaking the words in her sweet honeysuckle voice.

  “My love,

  I will always cherish your devotion to this family. Although our time together was brief; it was full of laughter and love, and I could never ask for anything more. Please know that I am with you wherever you are and I will always love you.

  I need you to know that there is more. This is not the end. I will be in heaven waiting patiently for your arrival. Do not hurry, enjoy our family and let them know that I love them. I know you will want to be angry, don’t be. It was meant to be.

  I know you have your doubts and you don’t see it now, but God loves you even more than I do. To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven; a time to be born, and a time to die.

  Give my love to Alexander, he is a younger you. He has your determination and inquisitive mind.

  Give my love to Rebecca, she is my shining star. She makes the world a better place just by being in it.

  Give my love to Thomas, he is and always will be our best surprise; a true gift from God. He is the best of both of us.

  Please give them these letters t the children when you feel they are ready. They are my way of saying good bye.

  I love you and always will.

  Kat”

  Nathan folded up the letter and turned to the man, “How exactly did you know Kathleen?” he asked whipping tears from his eyes.

  The man pulled three other letters from his coat and handed them to Nathan, “I knew her from church. I am the pastor there. My name is Bill. Kathleen said you might not talk with me if you knew who I was.”

  “Oh,” he replied dismissively, taking the other letters.

  “You know Nathan, Kathleen prayed for you constantly. She wanted you to find your way to church and ultimately back to God.”

  “Church is fine for some people but I don’t see it.”

  “See what Nathan.”

  “I don’t see gathering, to worshi
p a God who acts more like a tyrant than a father. Who in their right mind sings songs of love and joy to a God that is obviously more entertained by war and pain and death?”

  “Don’t you think that’s a little extreme?” Bill asked with a little snicker.

  “No, not at all. He tortured my wife for months.”

  “God uses us all to reach a final goal of all coming to the cross. But it’s hard to see it without faith. Your wife prayed for a little more time with her family, and she got it. The fact that you didn’t see that is on you, not God. She prayed for his will, not hers, to be done. She prayed that you would become the man you were meant to be. Kathleen saw a great man, a devoted father and a loving husband and yet believed that there was still more inside of you.”

  “I need to get ready to go.” Nathan said getting to his feet and motioning for Bill to do the same.

  “Can I give you a ride to the funeral home?”

  “I still need to get a shower and get dressed.”

  “I can wait.”

  “I don’t need you to wait.” Nathan snapped, getting frustrated.

  “Very well, I’ll see you there then.” Bill replied walking to the steps of the porch. “Nathan?” He said stopping just shy of the first step.

  “Ya?”

  “I know this is a difficult time, so if there is anything that I can do, just let me know.”

  Nathan stood with his hand on the door knob. “You can tell your God to give me back my wife!” His words dripped with suffering and resentment as he opened the door and walked in.

  The house, no emptier than before, echoed with the memories of days past and it haunted him. He could hear his wife and children going about their day as he climbed the stairs to their bed room; footsteps hurrying down the hallway, doors opening and closing.

  “Let’s go guys, the bus will be here in a minute.”

  “Mom, I can’t find my blue sweater.” Rebecca called.

  “It’s in your dresser.”

  “I can’t find my back pack.” Tom cried out rushing down the stairs franticly.

  Nathan entered the bed room and smelled the soft fragrance of Kathleen’s perfume. He looked at the disheveled bed that he was unable to find rest in anymore. He knew she would never let it go like that, so he pulled back the covers and smoothed the sheets. Then he laid the comforter back and tucked it under the Billowy pillows that held secret pillow talk that only a man and his wife know. He didn’t mind a little mess but it made him feel better to see it as she would have left it.

  He went in the bathroom and turned on the shower, and began to undress. The hot water felt good on his neck but stung his hands. He looked them over and decided that they were bruised and swollen but he could still move them so they probably weren’t broken.

  When he finished; he dried off, shaved and combed his hair. He took out a black suit from the closet and laid it on the bed. Kathleen’s favorite color was pink, so he took a salmon colored shirt from the closet and laid it beside the suit. He brought a black tie from the back of the closet door and placed it on the bed also. Then he put the garments on in order and stepped into his simple, black shoes and made his way back downstairs.

  He walked through the house and out the back door into the cool spring air. His worn shoes carried him through the flower garden that Kathleen had planted over the years and to the garage. He walked to his car, a silver Chevy Malibu and got in. He reached for the garage door controller, but before he pushed the fat white button to open the door he thought how easy it would be to just start the car and meet Kathleen in the afterlife.

  “Who would take care of his children?” He thought. He had life insurance and Kathleen’s parents had plenty of room. He knew he couldn’t raise them on his own. They deserved better than a beaten down father.

  His life lost all value as he sat in his car convincing himself that he was a failure as a husband and a father. So he started the car and closed his eyes.

  The motor hummed on and the air became saturated with carbon dioxide. His fingers began to tingle and he felt light headed. The sound of the motor faded into the distance and his head became too heavy to lift. He tried to open his eyes but, they wouldn’t open. A warm sensation covered him and then, nothing.

  “It’s not your time.” A voice in the distance called to him.

  There was a light, he tried to open his eyes, but it was too intense to focus. He could feel the warmth of it on his face. He felt a hand take his and then he began to rise up. There was a lot of noise growing louder and the chatter of voices. He couldn’t make out what they were saying and then an abrupt thump and the slamming of doors.

  The noise shocked him into realization. He was in an ambulance. He looked around and saw Bill sitting beside him holding his hand. He tried to speak but his words couldn’t penetrate the oxygen mask on his mouth and nose. Bill leaned in and Nathan turned his head away.

  “You’ll never see her again by doing it this way.” Bill said then sat up again.

  Nathan snapped his head around and glared at Bill. He began to speak again but Bill gently shook his head and then turned and looked out of the rear windows. Nathan stopped and closed his eyes. What had he done? On top of the pain of losing his wife he now was filled with guilt. What about his children, what would they think? What did Bill mean, never see her again? He couldn’t seem to organize his thoughts.

  When they arrived at the hospital they rolled Nathan into the emergency room and began to hook up new oxygen hoses, wires were stuck to his chest and a clamp placed on his finger. Nathan knew he was coming back because his head began to pound like if there were battling jack hammers inside.

  Bill stood at the end of the gurney and watched as the medical staff took Nathan and transferred him into a bed. The paramedics took the gurney and vanished. A mid-twenties nurse with small lips and large brown eyes took his pulse and blood pressure. She smiled politely as she worked but Nathan could see her disapproval.

  When the nurse finished an older pleasant looking woman in a white lab coat walked up to Nathan’s bed and took the clipboard from the nurse. They talked for a brief moment as she looked over the chart. She placed it on the bed beside Nathan and with a tiny pen light began to inspect his eyes. “Mr. Foster, I’m Dr. Shultz. How are you feeling?”

  “What?”

  “Do you have a headache?”

  “Yes.”

  “Not surprising, we’ll give you something for that.” She made a note on the chart, “We’ll keep you overnight for observation. Also I’ll have a counselor come by to talk to you when you are feeling better.” She wasn’t rude or nasty but more ‘matter of fact’. She checked the monitor beside the bed and began to walk away.

  “Doctor?” Bill asked quietly. “May I have a word?”

  “Are you family?”

  “No.”

  The doctor stopped and looked at Bill, with her hands in her lab coat.

  “I am Pastor William O’Malley from the New Covenant Church in town. I would like to have the Bill for this sent to my church. Also do you really need to keep him over night?

  “It’s for his own good and it is also hospital policy.”

  “This man is burying his wife today and even after an accident like this, he really needs to be there.”

  “Accident?” the doctor questioned with reservation.

  “Yes, accident. Unless you have proof it was anything other than that?

  “Well, no but, after twenty two years I can spot a suicide attempt. The car in the garage, his farewell suit. I’ve seen this far more times than I can count.”

  “He was on his way to the funeral home and with everything on his mind he forgot to open the garage door. That’s all. That’s why he is in a suit and why there wasn’t a note.”

  The doctor looked at Nathan resting on the bed. She walked over to him. “Was this a suicide attempt, Mr. Foster?” She blurted out.

 
“What?”

  “If you were trying to commit suicide I have to admit you for evaluation.”

  “Is that what he said?” looking at Bill.

  “No, he said it was an accident. So what was it Mr. Foster?”

  “Nathan thought for a moment and said, “Accident, I made a mistake.”

  “Very well.” She made another note on the clip board. “When your O2 stats reach 98 you can leave.” She looked at Bill then back to Nathan. “I’m very sorry for your loss.” Then she turned and walked away.

  Nathan turned toward Bill, “Why did you…”

  “Not here.” Bill interrupted.

  For the next hour, Nathan had nothing to say, he just laid in the bed and stared out of the window. The medication had relieved his headache, so he looked at the monitor and counted as his O2 stats climbed. Finally the nurse walked in again and began to remove the sticky pads and wires from his chest.

  Nathan sat up and swung his feet off of the bed. Bill placed his shoes beside the bed and Nathan buttoned his shirt. Bill handed him his coat and tie, still not saying anything. Nathan put them on and the men left.

  They walked to the parking lot where Bill’s caramel brown Ford Explorer was parked. Nathan looked around, “How’d you get it here.”

  “Some friends dropped it off.”

  Once inside of the truck Nathan finally said what was on his mind. “Why’d you tell the doctor that it was an accident? I didn’t think you were allowed to lie.”

  “First off, you’re welcome. Secondly, you really want to do this now?”

  “Yes. My wife trusted you and I find out you’re a liar.”

  Bill turned in his seat. “Alright. You know Nate, you're not as smart as you think you are, Webster’s defines an accident as, and I quote, ‘an unfortunate event resulting especially from carelessness or ignorance.’ I believe that was your ignorance creating an event that was unfortunate. You may have wanted to see your wife and even ease the pain of her loss, but I don’t believe you wanted to die and leave your children.

  If you knew the consequences of your actions you wouldn’t do it again. And that is from your lack of knowledge, information or education. You’ll never see your wife again if you try to circumvent the process.”

  “What Process?”

  “Faith and a relationship with God.”

  “Faith,” Nathan snickered. “You bible thumpers and your faith. That’s your answer to everything because you can’t prove any of it.”

  “Ok, you’re a fairly well educated man. So if I asked you to prove to me that the earth revolves around the sun, could you?”

  “Of course, you can go into any library and get books on it. You can go online and read a million articles about it. Everyone knows it does.”

  “You're right I could read about it, but I asked if you could prove it. I can give you a book about God and eternity and salvation that you can read. But it’s your faith in the scientists that is your proof. And it is my faith in the writers of the bible that is my proof.”

  Nathan sat in the seat with a disgusted look on his face.

  “Kathleen told me that you and she never made any big decisions without first talking it out. She was a little more cautious and you were a little more spontaneous. You balanced each other very well. But I can’t help but wonder why you would put so much trust in her, if her deepest belief was so…erroneous.”

  “That’s different.”

  “How? She based every decision she made on her beliefs. She prayed about them constantly.”

  “Then how could the God she told me about, who was loving and merciful and all powerful, do this to her.”

  “He didn’t do it to her.” Bill turned and started the truck. “Nathan, if you don’t think there is a God, then how can you blame him for what has happened.

  “She was at peace, you’re the one tormented. She has God and you don’t. Don’t you see the correlation?”

  “No.”

  The conversation die right there, so they drove in silence to the Baily and Dunn Funeral Home where the service was to be held. They went inside and Nathan met Herald Dunn at the door.

  “Good afternoon Mr. Foster, You know you're a bit early?”

  “I know; will that be a problem? I can wait out here if I need to.”

  “No, no, it’s perfectly fine. Please come in. Can I get you anything, coffee, tea?”

  “No thanks.” Nathan shifted nervously, “May I see my wife?”

  “Of Course. She is right in here.” Harold said leading him into a large room with peach curtains behind a dark walnut casket. Large bouquets of pink and white flowers filled the rest of the space between his beloved and the walls on either side. The pink lights designed to make the loved one look more natural, felt ominous.

  As he approached his once happy and vibrant wife, he watched for her to wake and tell him it had all been bad dream, but she did no such thing. Her lifeless body dressed in her best rose pink and white church dress, lay in a sea of white satin, her hands folded neatly at her waist adorned only with her modest engagement ring and gold wedding band.

  Nathan’s pain filled eyes began to leak lava hot tears across his distressed face. He leaned down beside her left ear, “I can’t do this alone.” Then he kissed her cool forehead, “I miss you so much I can’t breathe. I love you.”

  When he stood up, he wiped his eyes with his thumb and forefinger and sniffed, then turned and sat in a folding chair in the front row. He sat there for a while remembering the good times and the last few months when she spent more time comforting him than he did for her. He couldn’t understand where she found the strength to talk or even smile, but she did.

  After some time he heard voices in the entry way and turned to see his oldest son Alex enter the room. A boy of only nine years, dressed in a pair of tan Dockers and a dark blue button down shirt, walked bravely to his father. Nathan could see the hurt and confusion in his face as he approached.

  “Hey, buddy.” He said compassionately as he held out his arms and gathered his broken hearted son into his chest. Alex began to tremble as he cried into his father’s shoulder. “It’ll be ok.” He looked over his shoulder at the door and saw Kathleen’s father Richard, standing at the door, his eyes red and puffy, but always the Marine, not a tear fell.

  Richard entered the room and walked with determination to the casket as if he were fighting the urge to flee for the first time in his life. His dark blue suit pressed with seams sharp as razors, snapped with each crisp step. He stood motionless at Kathleen’s side, looking down at her, then turned and faced Nathan. He didn’t say anything for a moment, making Nathan feel uneasy, then he spoke in a crackling voice, “Anything”, he cleared his throat. “Anything you need, just say it.”

  “Thank you sir.”

  Richard straightened up and as he entered, he left the room and took position beside the front door. He wasn’t one for standing idly by, so he waited for mourners to arrive so he could take their coats, or usher them to a seat or anything. He was statue like as he stood by the entrance, a true manifestation of a resilient soul.

  Nathan was holding his still sobbing son into his arms and carried him to Richard, “Are Becky and Tom staying with Mom?” he asked the obviously devastated Richard.

  “They are in the parking lot with Carol. They wanted to see you but we didn’t think they needed to see Kathleen like this.” Alex picked his head up and looked at his grandpa. “But this young man insisted on being here, with you.”

  “I thought you might be sad daddy,” said the sniffling little boy. “Grandpa said that mommy is in heaven now. When will she come back?”

  “She’s not coming back buddy.” Nathan said before realizing the weight of his words. But Alex didn’t seem to comprehend the statement completely and just laid his head on Nathan’s shoulder. “I think we’ll go outside and see Grandma.”

  As he walked away, Richard spoke
up, “You were good for her. Thank you for taking care of my little girl.”

  Nathan hesitated as he swallowed hard, “Thank you for letting me.”

  There had been a dispute as to who would take care of Kathleen when she was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer. The two men argued for a week or so until Kathleen finally stepped in and settled it with one statement. “In sickness and in health,” she had said. “Daddy I love you and I appreciate your concern but would you let anyone else care for mom if she got sick?” The old man accepted his defeat, but offered assistance whenever he could.

  Nathan lowered Alex to the ground and looked around for his other children. He spotted them running in the grass by a large oak tree. His mother in law, Helen was setting on a wooden bench and watched as they played.

  She was a petite woman with a heart as big as the outdoors. Kathleen had gotten that from her mother as well as her warm smile and iced tea hair. He came up to the bench and sat down.

  “Oh, Nathan,” she said taking his hand in hers. “Baby,” she gasped, “what have you done to your hands?” Her southern dialect was predominant when she was feeling sympathetic.

  “Nothing, their fine.”

  “Pish posh.” She replied. Her tenderness toward him always made him feel at better. “How are you holding up?”

  “I’m doing all I can to just breathe.” He forced down the harsh lump in his throat. “I don’t know how to survive without her.”

  Helen gazed up into the tree tops and said, “I can remember when she was a little girl, maybe ten or so, she told me about this boy in her class. He made her laugh so hard that she nearly cried. Then that boy took her to Jr. Prom, then senior prom, and then he asked her to marry him. He had said they were going to be together forever anyway.” Helen smile slightly and slid closer to him. “I glad it was you. She loved you from the very beginning.”

  “And I loved her, the best I knew how too. I can’t imagine life without her now.”

  “She’s not gone completely; there are parts of her running around right in front of you. She is in a better place now. She has gone home to be with her heavenly father.”

  “I’m sorry but I can’t find any comfort in that right now. I wish she were still here, with me.”

  “Don’t we all?” Helen said resting her head on his shoulder.

  After the service, Bill waited for Nathan in his Explorer praying for some words of wisdom or verses from the bible to offer him, but nothing came. Perhaps he wasn’t the one to comfort Nathan right now. Perhaps God had other plans. He knew that God would always answer his prayers, even though sometimes the answer was “no”.

  Chapter 2