The Boy Toy



  The Boy Toy

  By

  Justin Blasdel

  Justin Blasdel

  11/24/09

  Version 7

  [email protected]

  Characters

  Helen Crandall-Crabtree; 40’s wealthy widow

  Brenda Ralston; Early 30’s, mental health nut

  Keith Wilcox; 20’s, good-natured athlete

  Dr. Louise Devereau; 50’s, amoral hypnotherapist

  Jeanine Biddle; 60's, all-purpose house servant

  Time

  Present, Summer.

  Location

  Beverly Hills, CA

  Production Notes: If needed, an intermission can be placed between scenes five and six. Jeanine's humorous lines are meant to be spoken to the audience rather than the other actors, unless otherwise noted. You might be tempted to play Helen simply selfish, but her behavior must grow out of need, not anger and selfishness.

  SCENE I

  Slow lights up.

  The Crabtree Estate is a marvelous, eclectic mansion that fits elegantly into the wealthy and unique Beverly Hills. This particular room in the mansion is the late Dr. Crabtree’s den, which is built to overlook the pool, garden, and tennis court.

  One door opens up to the yard, and the other enters into the center of the house near the kitchen. Dr. Crabtree’s portrait hangs on the wall, an unfinished game of chess collects dust underneath it, a selective library about psychiatric treatments remain unused on the shelves, and a comfortable couch centers the room and the rest of the matching furniture.

  (OS)BRENDA

  Helen, you won again! I should be getting better at this, shouldn’t I?

  HELEN and BRENDA enter.

  HELEN is the queen of HER empire, the center of HER world, and the focus of everyone else’s attention. However, SHE understands the attraction to honey rather than vinegar, and is careful not to lose the benevolent empress image to a selfish tantrum.

  BRENDA is the loyal friend only too happy to stand in the glory of another, so long as SHE gets closer to the lifestyle of the rich and ridiculously famous. SHE does have some pride, but it can easily be brushed away at the chance to grovel to the right people.

  HELEN and BRENDA are both carrying tennis rackets, but HELEN clearly has the ball in HER hand.

  HELEN

  Maybe I'm getting better too.

  BRENDA

  But I have a trainer and practice three times a week. Three times! And you still beat me.

  HELEN

  Don’t feel bad, Brenda. I’m probably winning so much because I practice with Keith.

  BRENDA

  You can keep up with him?

  BRENDA motions as if asking where to put the tennis rackets. HELEN hands over HERS to BRENDA.

  HELEN

  On the books is fine. I can barely keep up with Keith, but I never let him beat me without him breaking a sweat at least!

  BRENDA leans the rackets against the books.

  JEANINE enters with a duster in hand. SHE is a loyal, hard working, dedicated servant of the house, and has been for awhile. However, SHE still hasn't quite managed to overcome an inability to keep quiet.

  JEANINE

  Finished with your tennis game already? Ms. Crabtree, you needing the usual rub down?

  HELEN

  It's Ms. Crandall-Crabtree. Only the feet. I'm too sweaty for anything else.

  JEANINE

  Oh, goodie! The feet, my favorite body part.

  BRENDA

  (whispered to HELEN) Is she ever going to call you Ms. Crandall-Crabtree?

  HELEN gives a sign as to say "Don't ask."

  JEANINE

  You needing anything Ms. Ralston.

  BRENDA

  No. I'm fine. Thank you.

  JEANINE

  Suit yourself.

  HELEN sits down and lets JEANINE take off HELEN's shoes and rubs HER feet.

  HELEN (CONT.)

  Now, Keith is a walking muscle…yes…, but I don’t let it intimidate me. If I ever suspected he was being easy on me, I’d take the keys to his Porsche and wouldn’t give them back till he earned it…over and over again.

  BRENDA

  He must keep you happy.

  HELEN

  Yes.

  JEANINE

  And "Yes", and "Yes!", and "Oh my god!"

  Beat.

  BRENDA

  Because you’ve kept him so long. Your last three or five lasted a month each, tops. He must be doing something right. Right?

  HELEN

  I’ll try not to tire you out so much next game. I don’t feel comfortable winning a game by double-fault.

  BRENDA

  I…my wrist hurts, Helen. It might be tendonitis.

  JEANINE

  I can rub your writs if you're in need of it after I'm through with Ms. Crabtree's lovely feet.

  BRENDA

  Thanks Jeanine, but I'll have it checked out this Monday at work.

  KEITH enters exhausted from working out.

  KEITH is the kind of man who needs to always be in motion; swimming, running, sports, etc. HIS hero smile and pleasant innocence wins over the coldest of hearts, although this doesn’t keep him immune from their manipulations.

  KEITH

  Hey, babe.

  KEITH and HELEN kiss.

  HELEN

  Hello, my little beach bum.

  KEITH

  Hey, Jeanine. Make sure you loosen her up good.

  JEANINE

  Will do, Mr.Wilcox. (Whispered) Although, I hear you're better at that than I am.

  KEITH

  Hi, Brenda. How’s it going?

  BRENDA

  Hi, Keith. Did you have a nice run?

  KEITH

  Sure did! Getting close to breaking six minutes on the mile.

  BRENDA

  Wow! That’s impressive.

  KEITH

  Thanks.

  BRENDA

  So do you run with anyone or do you usually do it alone? I mean, I've been running-

  HELEN

  -Keith?

  KEITH

  Yeah, babe?

  HELEN

  Can you go get us some lemonades from the kitchen? We're very dehydrated.

  JEANINE gets up.

  JEANINE

  Don't bother with it, Mr. Wilcox. I'll go fetch some lemonade.

  KEITH

  It's no problem. I'll get it. Brenda, extra sugar?

  BRENDA

  Please.

  KEITH exits. JEANINE returns to massaging HELEN's feet.

  BRENDA

  (Whispered) Oh-my-god!

  HELEN

  Get your own man.

  JEANINE

  It's harder than it sounds.

  BRENDA

  I'm sorry. It's been awhile.

  Beat.

  BRENDA (CONT.)

  A long while.

  HELEN

  So how’s the center?

  BRENDA

  What? Oh, it’s fine. Not any different from when you worked there. Oh! Guess who checked in yesterday.

  HELEN

  …Beck Hansen?

  BRENDA

  No! Joey Kovar.

  HELEN

  I don’t know him.

  BRENDA

  Joey Kovar!

  HELEN shakes HER head.

  BRENDA (CONT.)

  He was on The Real World.

  JEANINE

  Oh, Joey. I remember him. He's the fellow with the nose candy problem.

  HELEN

  A reality TV star? I didn’t realize they were so famous.

  BRENDA

  Anyway, he checked into The Canyon two days ago under another name, and I was assigned to his sui
cide watch. Me!

  HELEN

  All night?

  BRENDA

  Think of it. I was responsible for a famous star. His life was in my hands.

  JEANINE

  Good for you, Ms. Ralston. Keeping people safe like that and all.

  HELEN

  I’m still not sure if I’d call him famous.

  KEITH comes in with the lemonades on a tray.

  KEITH

  Here’s yours babe.

  HELEN

  Yes.

  KEITH

  Here’s yours.

  BRENDA takes the glass closest to her.

  BRENDA

  Thank you.

  KEITH

  And yours Jeanine.

  JEANINE

  Oh, I don't need one. Set it on the coaster there, and I'll get to it later. (Whispered) Just as soon as I rub off these corns and calluses.

  HELEN moves HER feet away from JEANINE’s grasp.

  KEITH sets JEANINE's drink on the table. HE drinks from HIS own glass.

  JEANINE

  Enough rubbing for you already? Good, I’ll go back to dusting then.

  JEANINE starts dusting practically everything in the room.

  BRENDA

  Keith?

  KEITH

  Yeah?

  BRENDA

  You know who Joey Kovar is, right?

  KEITH

  TRW: Hollywood.

  BRENDA

  (to HELEN) I told you.

  HELEN

  Fine, he’s famous.

  KEITH

  Yeah, he left the show early. He was afraid of getting addicted to drugs again. Wait, is he…in your-

  BRENDA

  -I don’t know what you’re talking about.

  KEITH

  Cool! Hey, could you ask him a few things for me?

  HELEN

  Keith, you know she can't talk about her work. (to BRENDA) And she knows that too, right?

  KEITH

  That sucks.

  BRENDA

  I know.

  KEITH

  I'll let you ladies enjoy your drinks. I'm going to take the dogs out for a run.

  KEITH stretches a little.

  KEITH (CONT.)

  Wooh! Okay. I'm ready.

  KEITH carefully places the tray down on a table and sets HIS glass on it. HE then kisses HELEN again.

  KEITH (CONT.)

  I’ll be back, babe.

  HELEN

  Remember to give them their treats afterwards.

  KEITH

  Sure thing. (to Brenda) See you later then.

  KEITH exits, leaving the door to the yard open.

  BRENDA

  I could just eat him up.

  JEANINE

  And I'd lick the spoon.

  HELEN

  He’s fun…for awhile.

  BRENDA

  What? I can’t believe he doesn’t last all night.

  HELEN

  Oh no! No, no, no, no…no! No. He…well, you remember how I canceled our meet two weeks ago?

  BRENDA

  Yes.

  Beat.

  BRENDA (CONT.)

  The whole day?

  JEANINE

  The whole day before and night. Thought the neighbors were going to call the police.

  BRENDA

  Are you serious?

  HELEN

  Brenda, I could barely walk.

  BRENDA

  What about him?

  HELEN

  He had something to do that day. I believe it was his turn to train new employees.

  BRENDA

  Helen, he’s a lifeguard. They train by swimming. Are you telling me you couldn’t walk, but he had enough strength to swim a whole day?

  JEANINE

  Well he is a walking, talking muscle. (to HELEN) Isn't that what you said?

  BRENDA

  You don’t know how lucky you are to have Keith.

  HELEN grabs HER tennis racket.

  HELEN

  How about another game, Brenda. I'm sure you can win at least one time today. Jeanine, help her with her wrists.

  HELEN puts on HER shoes. JEANINE gets up and moves over to BRENDA and massages HER wrists.

  Beat.

  BRENDA

  Is something wrong?

  HELEN

  Possibly.

  BRENDA

  What is it?

  Beat.

  HELEN

  I’m having...second thoughts.

  BRENDA

  You’re going to dump Keith?!

  HELEN

  Shhh!

  HELEN closes the doors.

  JEANINE

  Yes, don't want the boyfriend to find out, for sure.

  BRENDA

  Why do you always do this? You get a guy who could lift your house with one hand, have amazing sex, and then dump them. Why…just…why?

  HELEN

  Perhaps I’m wanting more than that.

  BRENDA

  What else is there? Keith’s not a jerk. He’s very, very sweet, and he loves you.

  HELEN

  Don’t be ridiculous. He doesn’t love me.

  BRENDA

  He cares about you a lot. What could you possibly find wrong with him?

  HELEN

  Brenda, we’ve been friends for a long time. We stayed together even after I married Richard. You’re the one person left I can trust. You do more for me than anyone else I know.

  JEANINE looks up and is at a loss for words.

  BRENDA

  Awe. You’re my best friend too.

  HELEN

  With Richard, I had someone to talk to. We could connect.

  BRENDA

  You talk to Keith about things, don’t you?

  HELEN

  We talk about tennis, we talk about the dogs, we talk about positions, but we don’t really talk. I’m bored Brenda.

  BRENDA

  If you’re bored, then stop dating muscle men.

  HELEN

  I can’t do that!

  JEANINE

  Oh, heavens, no!

  BRENDA

  I’ve seen you do it before.

  HELEN

  I won’t do it again! I loved Richard, but he was seventy. I was twenty!

  JEANINE

  Twenties...ish.

  BRENDA

  You told me you didn’t care.

  HELEN

  I didn’t care enough.

  Beat.

  HELEN (CONT.)

  He’s gone, and now it’s my time to enjoy someone else’s youth. You think I’ll get that with someone I can talk to about nothing else than high tides?

  BRENDA

  No.

  HELEN

  No.

  Beat.

  BRENDA

  Maybe….

  HELEN

  Maybe what?

  BRENDA

  A few months ago at The Canyon, we had a very famous star check in. So famous that we all had to sign contracts to keep us from telling the press about it.

  HELEN

  Who was it?

  BRENDA

  I can’t tell…but if he was a movie star, and if he was an FBI agent, I bet he would do all the impossible missions.

  Beat.

  HELEN

  Tom?

  BRENDA nods.

  BRENDA

  He was absolutely horrible! He fought the orderlies, made all us nurses cry, he even slapped one of the doctors. So when we were this close to giving up on him, they called in a specialist.

  JEANINE

  What kind of specialist?

  Beat.

  HELEN

  What kind of specialist?

  BRENDA

  She's a hypnotherapist called Dr. Devereau.

  HELEN

  Brenda, I don’t have a nicotine addiction or need help remembering my childhood. I need a new boyfriend.

  BRENDA

  That’s
just it! Instead of getting a new guy, why don’t you hire Dr. Devereau and make a new boyfriend out of the old?

  JEANINE

  Nice way to start getting into the habit of recycling, don't you think? It'd be easier than making sure your jewelry and your car isn't stolen by an ex-lover...again.

  HELEN

  How do I get in contact with this hypnotherapist?

  BRENDA

  I stole her phone number from company files. I could call you before I go out tonight and give you the number if you want.

  HELEN

  You stole from a hospital?

  BRENDA

  So? It’s a rehab clinic. It’s not like a real hospital.

  Beat.

  HELEN

  And Keith could be anyone I wanted? Smart, sophisticated, a little more obedient?

  JEANINE

  If wishes were horses...

  BRENDA

  I don’t know, but I can give you the number and you can ask. Do you want it?

  HELEN

  If you were to give me the number, I wouldn’t complain.

  BRENDA

  Okay. I’ll call you later.

  SFX: cell phone rings.