One Night: Promised, Page 37

  But I barely make it two paces before I’m skidding to a halt. My stomach twists and my skin turns stone cold, sending every fine hair on my body standing upright. He is here. And he’s with her. She’s just settling back in her seat at the table, her back to me, but I can see Miller’s face just fine, and it’s straight, as usual, yet I can see the boredom plain and clear. Cassie is animated, chucking hand gestures everywhere, throwing her head back on continuous laughs and also throwing champagne down her throat. Her hair’s coiled into a tight bun on her nape and she’s wearing black satin, not your average business meeting attire. There are oysters on the table. And she keeps reaching over and touching him.

  ‘Decided to stay for another?’ the barman asks, but I don’t answer. I keep my eyes on Miller and back up until my bum meets the stool. Then I lift myself slowly.

  ‘Yes, please,’ I murmur, placing my bag back on the bar. I’m not sure how I missed him. His table is directly below, in perfect sight. Maybe I was looking too hard. I think carefully, trying to figure out my next move. Good God, I’m beginning to feel the rage burning in my gut.

  I accept the Bellini that’s handed to me, then I find my phone, calling him and holding it calmly to my ear. It starts to ring. I watch as he shifts in his seat and holds his finger up to Cassie in a gesture to be excused, but when he glances down at his screen, he shows no emotion or shock at seeing my name. He slips it back in his pocket and shakes his head. It’s a motion to suggest that the caller is of no importance. His actions inflame the hurt, but worst of all, it inflames the anger.

  I drop my phone back in my bag and turn to the barman. ‘I’m just going to use the bathroom.’

  ‘Down the stairs. I’ll watch your drink.’

  ‘Thank you.’ I take in a long, confidence-boosting lungful of air and start towards the stairs, taking a firm hold of the gold handrail when I reach it while praying to the stair gods that I don’t make a complete fool of myself and stumble to my arse. I’m shaking like a leaf, but I need to remain composed and poised. How the heck did I find myself amidst this hideousness?

  Because I put myself here, that’s how.

  My steps are precise and accurate, my body swaying seductively. I find it too easy. I’m being watched by numerous men. Coming down these stairs is like the parting of the waves. I’m alone, and I’m purposely drawing attention to myself. I’m not looking anywhere, though, except right at my heart’s nemesis, willing him to glance up and see me. He’s listening to Cassie, nodding and saying the odd word, but he’s taking slow sips of his Scotch more often than anything else. The resentment cripples me – resentment that another woman is getting a close-up of his perfect lips latching onto the glass.

  I quickly divert my stare downward when he casts his eyes to the stairs. He’s seen me, I’m certain of it. I can feel glacial blues freezing my skin, but I refuse to stop, and as I reach the toilets, I glance over my shoulder. He’s coming after me. I said I’d make him choke, and I think I have. His face is cut with too many emotions – anger, shock . . . worry.

  I escape into the ladies’ and study myself in the mirror. There’s no getting away from it; I look ruffled and a little distressed, and the light brushing of my cheeks with my palms turns into light smacks as I try to slap some feeling back into me. I’m in unknown territory. I don’t know how to handle this situation, but instinct seems to be guiding me pretty well. He knows I’m here. He knows that I know he’s lied to me. What is he going to say?

  Deciding that I really want to know, I quickly wash my clammy hands, straighten my dress and brace myself to face him. I’m a nervous wreck when I open the door to exit, but seeing him standing with his back leaning against the wall, looking all pissed off, soon sucks up all of those nerves. Now I’m just mad.

  I meet his clear eyes with equal contempt. ‘How were the oysters?’ I ask evenly.

  ‘Salty,’ he replies, the hollows of his cheeks pulsing from his ticking jaw.

  ‘That’s a shame, but I wouldn’t be concerned. Your date’s probably too drunk to notice.’

  His eyes narrow as he steps forward. ‘She’s not my date.’

  ‘What is she, then?’

  ‘Business.’

  I laugh. It’s condescending and rude, but I couldn’t give a toss. Business meetings don’t happen on Monday night in Quaglino’s. And you don’t wear satin dresses. ‘You lied to me.’

  ‘You’ve been snooping.’

  I can’t deny, so I don’t. I’m feeling emotion take hold. It’s racing through me now, making up for Miller’s lack of it.

  ‘Just business.’ He takes another step towards me, closing the distance. I want to move back, distance myself, but my heels are cemented in place, my muscles refusing to work.

  ‘I don’t believe you.’

  ‘You should.’

  ‘You’ve given me no reason to, Miller.’ I fight against my useless limbs and pass him. ‘Enjoy your evening.’

  ‘I will once I can de-stress,’ he counters softly, taking hold of my neck to stop me escaping. The heat of his touch immediately rids my body of the goose pimples and heats me . . . everywhere. ‘Go home, Livy. I’ll pick you up soon. We’ll have a chat before we start with the de-stressing.’

  Disgusted and fighting my way from his hold, I swing around and stab at his impassive face with furious eyes. ‘You’ll get nothing more from me.’

  ‘I beg to differ.’

  I flinch at his arrogance and confidence. I’ve never slapped a man in my life. I’ve never slapped anyone.

  Until now.

  The power of my small palm across his face creates the most piercing sound, the smack echoing in the noisy air around us. My hand is on fire and judging by the instant red mark on Miller’s tanned skin, so is his cheek. I’m shocked by my actions, and my frozen body and stunned face are proof of it.

  He clasps his chin, seeming to click his jaw back into place. Miller Hart doesn’t give much away, but there’s no denying his surprise. ‘You have a vicious swipe, sweet girl.’

  ‘I’m not your sweet girl,’ I retort nastily, leaving Miller rubbing some life back into his cheek. Taking the stairs fast I don’t veer left for the exit, the enticement of my Bellini too much to resist. I land at the bar and knock it back quickly, gasping and slamming the empty down, drawing the attention of the barman.

  ‘Another?’ he asks, swinging straight into action when I nod.

  ‘Livy.’ Miller’s whisper in my ear makes me jump. ‘Please go home and wait for me there.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Livy, I’m asking you nicely.’ There’s an edge of desperation in his tone which makes me swivel on my stool to face him. His face is straight, but his eyes are pleading. ‘Let me fix this.’

  He is begging, but he’s just confirmed that there is, indeed, something to be fixed. ‘What needs fixing?’ I ask.

  ‘Us.’ His one-word answer is spoken quietly. ‘Because there’s no me or you any more, Livy. It’s us.’

  ‘Then why lie? If you’ve nothing to hide, why lie to me?’

  He closes his eyes, obviously trying to keep his cool, and then reopens them slowly. ‘Believe me. It’s simply business.’ His eyes and tone are full of sincerity as he leans down and kisses me gently on the lips. ‘Don’t make me go without you tonight. I need you in my arms.’

  ‘I’ll wait here for you.’

  ‘Business and pleasure, Olivia. You know my rules.’ He pulls me gently down from the stool.

  ‘So you’ve never mixed business and pleasure with Cassie?’

  He frowns. ‘No.’

  I’m frowning now, too. ‘Why the meal in a posh restaurant, then? And the oysters and touching across the table?’

  Our furrowed brows are matching, but before Miller has a chance to clear up the obvious confusion, we’re confronted with Cassie.

  At least who I thought was Cassie. This woman, while stunning and in possession of an amazing figure from behind, is older – by fifteen years, at least. She’s
obviously wealthy and very exuberant. ‘Miller, darling!’ she sings at him. She’s drunk, waving a champagne flute in my face.

  ‘Crystal.’ He starts twitching, pushing into my back. ‘Please excuse me for a moment.’

  ‘Of course!’ She dumps her backside on my recently vacated stool. ‘Shall I order more drinks?’

  ‘No,’ Miller replies, pushing me onward. C? Crystal? I’m confused, but my poor, overloaded mind won’t allow me to voice it or ask questions.

  ‘There’s no need for your friend to leave,’ she purrs, and I look back, seeing her smiling at me. No, she’s not smiling; she’s smirking. ‘The more the merrier.’

  I frown and look up at Miller, who looks like he’s gone into shock. He speaks up, but his jaw is tight, making his words seem threatening. ‘I told you this was just dinner.’

  ‘Yes, yes.’ She rolls her eyes dramatically and pours the rest of the champagne down her throat. ‘And would this sweet little thing be the reason for our change in etiquette?’

  ‘That’s none of your business.’ He tries to remove me from the bar, but I’m as stiff as him now, hindering his attempts.

  ‘What’s she talking about, Miller?’ I ask more calmly than I’m feeling.

  ‘Nothing. Let’s go.’

  ‘No!’ I twist out of his hold and face the woman.

  She seems oblivious of the tension bouncing between Miller and myself as she demands more champagne from the barman before handing me a card. ‘Here. Doesn’t look like I’ll need this any more. Keep it safe.’

  I take it without thought and glance down at the ivory embossed words, seeing only Miller’s name, telephone number, and e-mail. ‘What’s this?’

  Miller goes to snatch it, but my nimble hands move faster, pulling it from his reach. ‘It’s nothing, Livy. Please, give it to me.’

  The woman laughs. ‘Put it on speed dial, sweetheart.’

  ‘Crystal!’ Miller shouts, shutting her up in an instant. ‘It’s time for you to leave.’

  Her eyes widen and turn slowly to me. ‘Oh my,’ she breathes, dragging her smug stare down my frozen body. ‘Has London’s most notorious male escort gone and fallen in love?’

  Her words knock all of the air from my lungs and my knees give out a little, causing me to reach out and grab Miller’s jacket. Escort? I slowly turn the card over, seeing ‘Hart Services’ in an elegant scrolled font.

  ‘Shut up, Crystal,’ he snarls, clenching my hand.

  ‘She doesn’t know?’ She laughs some more, looking at me in pity. ‘And there’s me thinking she was paying like the rest of us.’ She downs her fresh champagne, while I’m fighting down the bile that’s rising in my throat. ‘Think yourself lucky, sweetheart. A night with Miller Hart will set you back thousands.’

  ‘Stop,’ I whisper, shaking my head. ‘Please stop.’ I want to run away, but my thumping heart won’t allow the instructions from my brain to pass through to my legs. It’s bouncing them straight back up to my head, making me dizzy and confused.

  ‘Livy.’ He appears in my downcast view, his face not the usual expressionless beauty that I’ve fast become used to. ‘She’s drunk. Please don’t listen to her.’

  ‘You accept money for sex.’ The words stab at me repeatedly. ‘You listened to me spill everything – about my mother, about me. You acted all shocked, when you’re just like she was. How I . . .’

  ‘No.’ He shakes his head adamantly.

  ‘Yes,’ I counter, my motionless body coming back to life and beginning to shake. ‘You sell yourself.’

  ‘No, Livy.’

  In my peripheral vision, I see Crystal lower from the stool. ‘I love drama, but I have a fat, balding bastard of a husband who’ll have to suffice for this evening.’

  Miller swings violently towards her. ‘You’ll keep this to yourself.’

  She smiles and rubs his arm. ‘I’m not a gossip, Miller.’

  He scoffs and she laughs as she sashays out of the bar, taking the fur coat that’s held out by the cloakroom attendant on her way.

  Miller yanks a wallet from his pocket and throws a pile of notes onto the bar, and then takes my neck. ‘We’re leaving.’

  I don’t fight him off. I’m in shock, I feel sick, and my head is ringing. I can’t even think clearly to comprehend what’s happening. I feel my legs moving beneath me, but I don’t seem to be going anywhere. I can feel my heart beating wildly, but I don’t seem to be able to breathe. My eyes are open, but all I can see is my mother.

  ‘Livy?’

  I look up at him blankly, finding sorrow, anguish and torment. ‘Tell me I’m dreaming this,’ I murmur quietly. It’ll be the worst dream ever, but as long as it’s not real, I don’t care. Please let me wake up.

  His face screws up in defeat as he stops walking, bringing me to a halt by the giant glass doors. He looks totally beaten. ‘Olivia, I wish I could say yes.’

  I’m pulled into his arms and compressed against his chest violently, but I don’t return his thing. I’m numb.

  ‘We’re going home.’ He tucks me into his side and leads me onto the street. We walk some distance, neither one of us saying anything, me because I physically can’t and Miller because I know he doesn’t know what to say. I might’ve been rendered useless by shock, but my brain is working better than ever before, and it’s making me relive memories that I’ve already spent too much time on recently. My mother. Me. And now Miller.

  I’m bundled into his car carefully, like he’s worried I might break. I might – if I’m not broken already. I want to rewind the evening, change so many things, but where would I be then, apart from unaware and completely in the dark?

  ‘Would you like me to take you home?’ he asks quietly, settling cautiously in his seat.

  I turn my blank face to his. The roles are reversed. It’s him showing all of the emotion now, not me. ‘Where else would I want to go?’ I ask.

  His eyes drop, he starts the engine, and I’m driven home with Snow Patrol reminding me to open my eyes.

  The journey is slow, like he’s dragging it out, making it last for the longest time, and when he slowly pulls up outside Nan’s house, I open the door to get out without delay.

  ‘Livy.’ He sounds desperate as he seizes my arm and stops me from getting any further, but he says no more. I’m not sure what he can say, and he clearly doesn’t either.

  ‘What?’ I ask, hoping I’m going to wake at any moment and find myself wrapped in his thing, safe in his bed away from the cold harshness of the reality that I’ve found myself in – a reality that is all too familiar.

  The silence is disturbed by Miller’s phone, and he stabs at the reject button on a curse, but it soon rings again. ‘Fuck!’ he yells, tossing it onto the dashboard. It stops and chimes again.

  ‘You’d better get that.’ I pull my arm from his grip. ‘I expect they are all prepared to hand over their thousands for a night with London’s most notorious male escort. You may as well make some extra cash while you fuck a woman. I must owe you thousands.’

  I ignore his wince and leave him in the car with a face full of hurt, set on throwing all my energy into getting over the second prostitute I’ve been landed with in my short life. Except this one accepted and comforted me. This one will be harder to get over. No, this one will be impossible to get over. I can feel a darker solitude awaiting me.

  Chapter 24

  When dawn breaks, I’m still staring blankly up at the ceiling of my bedroom. It was a catch-22 situation – fall asleep and have nightmares, or stay awake and live them. My decision was made for me. I couldn’t sleep. My poor mind isn’t being given any respite and my eyes are being bombarded with flashbacks of his face. I’m in no fit state to face the world. Just as I feared, I’m further in solitary than I ever was before I met Miller Hart.

  My mobile chimes from my bedside table and I reach over, knowing it could be only one of two people, but going by the defeated look on Miller’s face last night, I’m opting for Gregory. He’ll want
the lowdown from the rest of my weekend with the coffee-hater. I’m right. I feel no guilt as I reject his call and let the voicemail pick it up. I can’t speak to anyone. I fire him a quick text.

  Late 4 work. Call u later. Hope u r ok xx

  I might be late, I’m not sure, but it doesn’t matter because I’m not going anywhere, except further under my covers where it’s dark and silent. I hear the creaking of floorboards, and then the chirpy singing of Nan. It makes my eyes swell with tears again, but I brush them determinedly away when she barrels into my room and hits me with delighted navy eyes.

  ‘Morning!’ she chirps, making her way to my curtains and flinging them open. The morning light attacks my eyes.

  ‘Nan! Shut the curtains!’ I burrow under my covers, escaping the brightness but mostly escaping the look of her cheerful face. It’s eating me up inside.

  ‘But you’ll be late.’

  ‘I don’t have to work today.’ I’m on autopilot as I blurt an excuse to keep me in bed and hopefully Nan away. ‘I’m working Friday night so Del gave me today off. I’m going to catch up on some sleep.’ I keep my face hidden under the covers and even though I can’t see her, I know she’s smiling.

  ‘Didn’t get much sleep at Miller’s over the weekend, then?’ The delight in her tone cripples me.

  ‘No.’ This is a ridiculously inappropriate conversation to be having with my grandmother, but I know it’ll pacify her and give me some peace . . . for now. I have no room to accept any guilt for lying to her.

  ‘Wonderful!’ she cries. ‘I’m going shopping with George.’ I feel her hand rub my back over the bedcovers briefly before her footsteps get quieter and the door to my room closes.

  Finding the strength to break my split with Miller to Nan will have to wait until I can think of a plausible reason. She won’t settle for anything less than a full explanation. She doesn’t love Miller Hart; she loves the idea of me being happy and in a stable relationship. But if I’m mistaken and she does love Miller, then I can soon remedy that . . . but I won’t. My recent revelation will only stir ghosts for Nan, too. She might be spunky, but she’s still an old lady. I’ll suffer this darkness alone.