All About You (Love & Hate series #1), Page 5
Joanna Mazurkiewicz
Chapter five
Challenge
Past
Christian and Oliver showed up at my school when I was around ten.
Their mother went to talk to the headmaster and she asked them to wait for her on one of the benches outside my class. On the break between classes Oliver kept looking at me, but it was Christian who came up to me first and introduced himself. I wanted to be friends with them, because they were older and not from Gargle.
We became best friends shortly after that. Christian was loud, confident and he obviously liked me. Oliver was just the boy that was easy to talk to. He was quiet, lost in his own thoughts and liked to keep away from others.
They didn’t have an easy life. Their mother had bipolar disorder. She shouted and threw things all over the house during her low times. It was always when she had too much to drink or when she fought with her husband. And being alone so much didn’t help. Mr. Morgan always worked long and unsociable hours, traveling around the world with his business. He didn’t seem to care about his family; for him the business was the most important.
When I was fifteen, Christian kissed me and told me that he wanted to me to be his girlfriend. Everyone always knew that we would end up together, but it took me a year to realize that I didn’t love him. I preferred his younger brother. My heart raced every time I saw Oliver. But I was a coward. I didn’t want to say no to Christian. He was an athlete and he was popular. Everyone in school was afraid of him. I was confused, but I hid my emotions well, so no one knew.
I carried on going out with Christian, afraid that I would lose all my friends if we broke up. Oliver was always a loner and people didn’t like him. He lived in the shadow of Christian. No one would understand that I wasn’t happy, so I just continued as Christian’s girlfriend.
If Oliver knew the truth about his brother, he could understand my behavior from a few years ago. He could understand why I treated him that way.
Present
Next day, it’s just after six when I emerge from our apartment, glancing around, wondering if anyone is watching me. Today is my first rowing session and I’m excited. Dora hasn’t even come home since Tuesday, so I assume that she is spending another day with Jacob. I shake my head, telling myself that Oliver has better things to do than watch me. He is part of my toxic past and I have to forget him.
I hate his new look. I hate that he is that hot handsome guy that everyone admires. He has everything that Christian had in high school. Girls are all over him. It’s my fault that we can’t even talk to each other now. After what happened with his brother, I told him that he failed me and I treated him like I didn’t have a heart. He didn’t fight back. He accepted the monster that grew inside me. Now I regret that I lost my soul; I should have told him the truth. When I first got here, seeing him pulled me right back to my old insecurities and nightmares. I accept what he is doing; after all it’s nothing new. I was like him two years ago; I was the one in control.
I reach the gym feeling slightly nervous. I have been looking forward to this the whole week. I sign in at reception and change quickly, wondering if I will be the only one from the first-year students.
“Hey, I was told that this is the practice for the rowing team?” I ask, approaching the group of girls.
“Yes, great that you could make it. Let me introduce you to everyone,” says a tall girl with a bright smile. “This is Piper, Jenna, Olivia, Mackenzie, and I’m Joanna.”
I nod to everyone, and we start chatting about my experience. I notice that Mackenzie stares at me a bit longer than everyone else. Then I realize that she is the girl from the party, the same girl that Oliver was kissing in front of me. She stares, checking me out from head to toe. She is pretty, with long blonde hair and a perfect waist. I’m used to being fit, but this girl looks like she works out at least five times a week. She has a full glow tan and large round lips. Oliver never had a girlfriend before, but obviously he has one now. I had spread rumors in high school that he was gay and had an STD. That was why all the girls stayed away from him. Now he is not only popular, but it looks like all the girls are ready to jump into his bed.
After the short chitchat, we all take our places, each in a rowing machine for a short warm up. When Oliver had left Gargle, I ditched the cheerleader squad and started training in rowing. I felt like I needed to push out the pain and frustration, so I killed myself on the rowing machine. Oliver was gone and the memories from that night at the party kept hunting me down. After a few months apart I wanted to write to him and apologize, but I never sent the letters.
When he was no longer around I kept going to talk to his mother, feeling in that way I could ask for his forgiveness. Oliver’s mother was always alone in the house, one son dead, the other on the other side of the country, and the husband who was never at home. Our conversations went on for hours, but I never revealed that terrible secret that has haunted me since her son’s death. I helped her to make friends to feel better about herself, because it felt like I had Oliver back and I was somehow paying back for being so cruel. During the two years that he was gone, he never visited his mother, but I kept going there, ready to apologize to him if he showed up. She never told me that he changed his mind about Scotland.
At the time, the pain shattered through me, punching me back every time I opened my eyes in the morning. I slowly began to withdraw from all the parties and from my cruel self until I became a new India, the one that I am now.
Mackenzie’s voice brings me back to the present. We all have to do five miles so she can figure out what kind of level we’re all on. That’s only half of the team. The rest of the girls have a session after us. Our coach is a middle-aged Eastern European guy in his forties. He seems cool enough.
I feel great after the session. All my muscles are pleasantly numb. I change quickly, as I need to do some grocery shopping before I get home. Dora never bothers to think about supper. I need to remember to check if she is actually coming home this evening.
“Hey, India, right?” a melodic voice says, as I’m just about to walk out of the changing room. I turn around to see Mackenzie who is watching me again. I don’t get this girl. Why does she need to check me out all the time?
“Yeah, hey, what’s up? Did you enjoy the training?” I ask, feeling a little insecure standing in front of her with no makeup at all.
She raises her left eyebrow and smiles. It’s not a nice smile but one of those means ones. I’ve only seen her twice, but my intuition tells me that she always gets what she wants.
“I’m not here to chitchat with you about the rowing competition that I’m going to win,” she says, smiling again.
I hate that smile. “I don’t get it,” I say, shrugging my shoulders.
She smirks, tossing her perfect blonde hair behind her. “I just wanted to find out what was so special about you.”
“I’m sorry, but you’re losing me.”
“From what I heard, Oliver is adamant about making your life a living hell.”
I try not to show that her words affect me, but it’s not easy. I feel like the world is spinning too fast and I cannot do anything to stop this.
“Listen, Mackenzie, I don’t really care about Oliver. If he wants to play games, then that’s fine,” I tell her, getting angry. “I worked my ass off to get here, and I’m not planning to leave just because of some silly bet.” I might be pushed to a point, but after that I’ll fight back. “What’s that to you, anyway?”
She doesn’t smile anymore but looks at me like I don’t deserve having Oliver’s attention. “I’m interested in him. And I would be careful if I were you. Oliver is going to win no matter what, so I would pack today and get the hell out of here. I’m telling you this as a friend.”
“You aren’t my friend, and I’m not planning to leave, so you can tell him to bring it on, whatever he wants to do.” I don’t wait for her to tell me what she thinks about what I just said. I turn around and leave the changing room.
I stop in the supermarket and do basic grocery shopping. Then I head home, feeling completely deflated. The apartment is empty. Dora just texted me saying that she isn’t coming home tonight, that she is in the south part of Braxton with Jacob. I never thought that I could be sitting alone with no one to talk to, regretting that I hurt Oliver so much in the past. After Christian’s death my coping mechanism stopped working when the pain was tearing me apart.
After doing some reading for a few of my classes, I dial Mum’s number. I have spoken to her only once this week. Mum finished work a few hours ago, so right now she is probably watching soaps with my sister.
She picks up straightaway. “Hey, Indi.”
“Hey, Mum,” I reply, feeling a little homesick. I hear the TV in the background, so I know that she is still watching something.
“So, are you going to tell us all about Braxton? You have been very secretive lately,” she says with her usual high-pitched tone.
“Classes started, so I got my timetable sorted, and I went to my first rowing session today,” I announce proudly.
“That’s great, sweetie. So how is Dora settling in? Do you like the campus?”
I don’t respond immediately, wondering if I should mention anything about Dora finding a new boyfriend already. Mum knows Dora, but I don’t think she realizes that my best friend doesn’t settle in well in strange places without the company of men. “She is dating someone. A guy from the rugby team.”
“Dora isn’t wasting her time, I see. So how did she meet him?”
“By accident. Oliver threw the ball and it hit me and—”
“Hold on. Oliver? Do you mean Oliver Morgan? Christian’s brother?” she asks, making that terrible assumption. Mum can tell that I’m talking about “my” Oliver because of my tone of voice. She always used to ask me why I went out with a guy like Christian. I want to bite my tongue and just forget about what I said, but I know that Mum won’t let me.
“Yeah, it turns out that he is here in Braxton,” I say quietly as the heat blazes over my spine. Even talking about him brings that unexpected twist in my stomach, the warmth that I can’t get away from.
“Indi, what is he doing in Braxton? I heard from his mother that he was in Scotland.”
“That’s what I thought,” I mutter. “But now he is here and he’s changed, Mum. He cut his hair, started working out and he plays rugby.”
“I sense that you aren’t very happy about that, Indi. From what I remember, you guys kind of drifted apart.” Mum always knows what is going on in my life, even if I don’t. She knew that I stopped talking to him right after Christian’s death.
“He is nothing like in high school. Here he is the captain of the rugby team and the girls are all over him. Dora thinks that he is amazing, but I’m annoyed that he ended up in Braxton. He knew that I always planned to end up here.”
“Maybe that’s why he is there, because of you. I haven’t seen his mother in a while, but he had a scholarship in Scotland. He was doing really well, so I don’t understand.”
She is right. Oliver’s decisions are confusing. He was always interested in politics and he was adamant about moving far away from his family. That’s why he ended up in Scotland. He achieved that, but I don’t get why he decided to throw all that hard work away. Dora mentioned that he is studying Sports and Management. I’ve known him all my life and he was never interested in sports. He couldn’t even kick a ball. This doesn’t make any sense. Maybe Mum is right: maybe Oliver moved here because of me, because he wants revenge.
But even if I agree with her, I don’t intend to drag her into the subject of Oliver. “I don’t think that I have anything to do with his decision. We don’t talk. He made it clear that he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me.”
Mum and I talk about my classes, about Braxton and my plans. Mum has been out with a few guys, but she isn’t dating anyone seriously. It’s been almost five years since Dad died and she is finally starting to come back to her normal self. Then I chat with Josephine a little. My sister is currently studying for A-levels. She wants to be a doctor and is planning to come to Braxton in a few years.
Later I curl up in bed with my books and text Dora, trying to find out if she’ll be at home tomorrow. She assures me that she needs a little time for herself, so I should expect her at home.
Then I fall asleep thinking about Oliver, wondering if deep down he really wants a payback. It’s been two years. Maybe it’s time to let go. We’ve both changed, but he still doesn’t know what happened to me at that party. If he had been there, maybe things would be different now.
Chapter six
Going forward
Present
