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Tell Me Why

Jason Wallace Poetry

Tell Me Why

  By Jason Wallace Poetry

  ******

  Published by:

  Tell Me Why

  Copyright © 2014 by Jason Wallace Poetry

  I tried to stop your leaving.

  Tell me why.

  So what if I kicked you out?

  Tell me why.

  I knew that you didn’t need me.

  Tell me why.

  The words wouldn’t come from my mouth.

  Tell me why.

  After all this time,

  You’re always

  On my mind.

  Tell me why.

  I don’t miss you anymore,

  But I don’t miss you any less.

  You know I’m no good at lying.

  Tell me why.

  I paint this pain

  With my fingertips.

  Tell me why.

  I’m reaching out

  For your sweetened lips.

  Tell me why.

  Maybe you are

  The only one I will ever miss.

  Tell me why.

  You meant more to me

  Than the ones before.

  Tell me why.

  You were no better than them,

  But I loved you more.

  Tell me why.

  I die day by day.

  Tell me why.

  I don’t mind

  That you’re now away.

  Tell me why.

  I almost want to love to hate

  That you’ve been gone for forever,

  And an eternity longer, I will have to wait.

  Tell me why.

  I had to end the fights

  That we had so many lonely nights.

  Tell me why.

  I know it’s why I’ve been alone

  And why the queen of my world

  Has never reclaimed her throne.

  Tell me why.

  Though I understand,

  I still need some words.

  Tell me why.

  It’s been so long that

  It still hurts.

  Tell me why.

  If it makes no sense,

  It still won’t matter,

  And there’s been no one since

  That morning when you slammed my door.

  Tell me why.

  I don’t know what I go on for.

  I know why.

  I almost hold out hope

  That you might come back home,

  Though home is no longer home…

  And I’ve been a year on my own.

  I don’t know why.

  I loved you so much

  That my heart would break

  Every moment when I saw you take

  Another piece of me away,

  Knowing that I was your toy

  When you’d come to play.

  Tell me why.

  Really, just tell me why.

  You admitted, in the end

  That you’d used me, had taken me for granted,

  And could only pretend

  That I was more than just a mat on the floor.

  You walked in and walked on me.

  Tell me why.

  I still can’t see how I let that be

  How you made it, how you lost all

  That you felt before.

  Tell me why

  That was such fun

  To chew up and spit out

  The very one

  That gave you his whole world,

  That forgave the mistakes that

  You swore you would

  Never ever make again.

  I was a fool, less than a friend.

  Tell me why.

  Tell me why, oh why, why you did that to me.

  I don’t deny that I should’ve seen sooner

  And forced you to flee, but

  I couldn’t give up until you pushed

  Me over the edge.

  I grew too tired to evermore beg.

  I hope you’re happy.

  I really do.

  After all of this, I’m always thinking of you.

  Tell me why.

  Please, tell me why.

  You forgot about me so long ago.

  Tell me why.

  I wish that I could let myself let you go.

  But I can’t.

  Tell me why.

  Tell me.

  Tell me why.

  Bonus Material

  Somewhat My Heart

  In the place of our love,

  You filled in with hurt,

  Colored unimaginable ,

  Unfulfilled first,

  And I wasn't enough,

  And I knew that so much

  I tried so hard to make it all work

  But you went away worrying and wasted,

  Wasting my time

  With all those lies,

  You always despised, delicate, forgetting the worth

 

  Is it a shame

  That the one not to blame

  Is the one missing the one

  That was there only in name

 

  I made mistakes,

  But everything I gave,

  You would find some way to take

  For granted and never grant me

  Anything but nothingness,

  An unpainted pain until the day that it came

  That you left me so alone and so, you walked away

  The door that slammed in my face

  Left an imprint on all of me to date

 

  And I just can't wait until it will wash away

  And leave something sweet in place of the taste

  Of bitterness of soul,

  Of emptiness so whole,

  Shattered but put back together by

  The only semblance of simplicity,

  Which is always my hate

  Though I know I don't

  Really feel that way

  I never forgot you, and I would have caught you

  If you would have let me know that you were falling...

  Away

 

  You moved on so easily

  Like I was only a filler of time

  But all that you would ever be to me

  Was more than you minded, what I wanted,

  Mine, all mine

  And I can't rewind,

  But I can't go forward

  I don't want anyone...

  Like I wanted you

 

  I don't need a thing

  That won't need me back

  And maybe just lie

  And tell me that I

  Am everything and anything

  When I am nothing and emptying

  All of my heart... and falling apart,

  And giving into misery, missing any bit of memory

  Of something better than

  Both of us divided, than all of us untied

  Meant to be together, but that was just some lie

  Twisted, unfailing, but really failing

  Because we believed that we could somehow be

  Unified, united, so very delighted... in a kind of wonderful

  When it was denied

 

  The only person that I've ever been

  Has been a lingerer, a longer,

  But never strong enough to begin

  To let go of so much of you,

  Knowing that my only

  Happiness, too

  Was wrapped up in wrong

  And stolen by the words of a woman

  So selfish, untrue,

  Melodic, apathetic,

  Angelic, and new,

  Turned into torment, burned by the bliss,

  Beleaguered by all of the bullshit I no longer miss

 

  Bu
t I do sometimes still miss you

  I do once in a while wish that I didn't lose

  The unbridled, never requiting, uncaring one

  Who gave me these scars

  For some kind of fun

  And then took her heart back

  Like it was never for me,

  A joke that she played because we couldn't be

  The things that we stated,

  You loved not, only hated

  To try them with me

 

  And now that you've been gone for so long,

  I wish you well and hope that he

  Can make you as happy

  As I tried to bring

  You up from your silent, unspoken, broken hole

  I didn't have strength, and you would not go,

  But for someone other than

  This man that I am,

  You'll give your all

  I will leave it alone

  I will probably keep missing you

  Oddly, keep wishing you

  Weren't the way I know that you are

  Partly pathetic, and somewhat my heart

  Let You In

  I don't wanna be around

  If you don't want me

  I can't fight for this

  If it's fake

  I can't escape how I feel

  Wanting to know

  And hoping it's so....

  Real

  Sometimes, I....

  Can't let myself trust

  No one's ever been true

  So I know that I must

  Believe in it all

  Believing in you

  Or nothing makes any sense

  So can I let go

  And let you in

  I've said so much

  That now I want to take back

  I promised I'd love you

  But do I know how to act

  Now that I thought

  About how much doesn't add up

  Can you be so honest with me

  And give me truly my needs

  Will I ever be enough

  Sometimes, I....

  Can't let myself trust

  No one's ever been true

  So I know that I must

  Believe in it all

  Believing in you

  Or nothing makes any sense

  So can I let go

  And let you in

  I fell so fast

  That I didn't think

  Wanting it to be right

  But now not sure if it's really you

  If it's honestly

  Anything to keep

  Sometimes, I....

  Can't let myself trust

  No one's ever been true

  So I know that I must

  Believe in it all

  Believing in you

  Or nothing makes any sense

  So can I let go

  And let you in

  I know that right now

  I can't help but hide

  How I feel tonight

  A total change from it all

  Can't let you know

  That I have my doubts

  That it wasn't worth the fall

  Sometimes, I....

  Can't let myself trust

  No one's ever been true

  So I know that I must

  Believe in it all

  Believing in you

  Or nothing makes any sense

  So can I let go

  And let you in

  Please tell me the truth

  Do I have you

  Or is there someone else

  Have you lied to me

  And let me act so blind

  And make a fool of myself

  Can I take the pain

  That you might put me through

  What if it's a lie

  And I've given into you

  Sometimes, I....

  Can't let myself trust

  No one's ever been true

  So I know that I must

  Believe in it all

  Believing in you

  Or nothing makes any sense

  So can I let go

  And let you in

  Sometimes, I know that I

  Can't trust like you'd want

  But if you saw my life

  You'd understand

  How messed up

  Everything really is

  And how I can't feel

  That I've done the smart thing

  But maybe still...?

  Sometimes, I....

  Can't let myself trust

  No one's ever been true

  So I know that I must

  Believe in it all

  Believing in you

  Or nothing makes any sense

  So can I let go

  And let you in

  If I let you go

  Maybe that's ok

  So should I let you in

  Should I be afraid

 

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