Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul

  What People Are Saying About

  Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul . . .

  “Mark and Jack have done it again! One of the most difficult aspects of the experience we call ‘grief’ is the sense that we are alone, isolated, separate. . . . This wonderful collection of heartwarming, heart-opening stories will nurture you, inspire you and help you to heal. They will help you to know that you are not alone . . . that all of us—the entire human family—share in the experience of loss, sadness and disappointment. But we can NEVER lose the love in our hearts. Each experience of loss can be a doorway to deeper and deeper levels of love, peace, healing and— ultimately—joy! In the midst of inevitable change we can find that which is never lost and never changes . . . our true heart. Love never dies.”

  John E. Welshons

  author, Awakening from Grief: Finding the Road Back to Joy

  “What a celebration of love and life! Whether you are grieving the loss of a loved one, looking to comfort a grieving friend or searching for hope and inspiration, you’ll be able to find it in Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul. This book shows us that no life is without meaning and no story of grief written without caring, compassionate love. It is filled with heartwarming, inspirational and uplifting stories that will bring a tear to your eye and a smile to your lips while soothing the grieving soul.”

  Patricia Loder

  executive director, The Compassionate Friends, Inc.

  “Once again, Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen take us on a journey of the heart. Even if you are not presently dealing with grief, these stories will move you and remind you of what really matters in your life. It’s times like these that open our hearts and lead us back into loving arms.”

  Kenny Loggins

  musician/author

  “Very much like a meaningful funeral that honors the life of someone we love, Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen’s collection of stories reaffirms that every life has meaning and that by sharing one’s grief with others, it allows us to become stronger.”

  Joe Weigel

  director of communications, Batesville Casket Company

  “Like having a talk with wise, caring and compassionate friends, this invaluable resource both gently and powerfully guides the reader through the journey of mourning, healing and hope. I cannot recommend it highly enough.”

  Rabbi Earl A. Grollman, D.H.L., D.D.

  author, Living When a Loved One Has Died

  “Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul is a handbook of hope and healing that not only teaches friends and family members how to help loved ones during their time of loss, it also offers stories with such powerful take-away messages for the one in pain that it will change the way we grieve forever. This is one of those books that should be stockpiled in your home to place lovingly into the hands of everyone who experiences the death of a loved one. The tears you shed while reading this book will soothe your soul and, without a doubt, help you become a better person.”

  Patricia Lorenz

  one of America’s most prolific

  Chicken Soup for the Soul writers

  “Grieving can be a bridge to our experiencing a spiritual transformation. It can help us look at our own fears about death and separation and consider the possibility that we are eternal spiritual beings who are only temporary in bodies. There is no school for grieving and facing the loss of a loved one. Unfortunately, many of our cultures do not encourage us to face our feelings about death and loss, to be honest and open about honoring our human experience, and to use our grieving experiences as part of our spiritual growth. The stories in this book are medicine for healing the grieving heart and freeing the soul.”

  Gerald Jampolsky, M.D.

  Diane V. Cirincione, Ph.D.

  Center for Attitudinal Healing, Sausalito, California

  CHICKEN SOUP

  FOR THE

  GRIEVING SOUL

  Stories About Life, Death

  and Overcoming the Loss

  of a Loved One

  Jack Canfield

  Mark Victor Hansen

  Backlist, LLC, a unit of

  Chicken Soup for the Soul Publishing, LLC

  Cos Cob, CT

  www.chickensoup.com

  Contents

  Introduction

  1. FINAL GIFTS

  A Timeless Gift Gloria Givens

  A Rose for Mother Maria E. Sears

  Mom’s Last Laugh Robin Lee Shope

  I’m Okay, Mom and Dad Lark Whittemore Ricklefs

  Meant to Be Cindy Midgette

  A Surprise Gift for Mother Sarah A. Rivers

  A Gift of Faith Kelly E. Kyburz

  I’ll Make You a Rainbow Linda Bremner

  Seven White, Four Red, Two Blue Robert P. Curry

  Joseph’s Living Legacy Kathie Kroot as told to Heather Black

  To Remember Me Robert N. Test

  The Pencil Box Doris Sanford

  2. THE POWER OF SUPPORT

  When No Words Seem Appropriate Written by a Pediatric Nurse to Ann Landers

  What You Can Do for a Grieving Friend Jo Coudert

  Lot’s Wife Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D.

  One So Young Diane C. Nicholson

  Being There Debi L. Pettigrew

  A New Strength Kara L. Dutchover

  The Wisdom of a Child Kevin D. Catton

  A Light in the Darkness Nina A. Henry

  3. COPING AND HEALING

  Sorrow Abraham Lincoln

  Love and Water Emily Sue Harvey

  Garrit Molly Bruce Jacobs

  Ashley’s Garden Candy Chand

  Two Answers to One Prayer Allen Klein, M.A., C.S.P.

  My Grief Is Like a River Cynthia G. Kelley

  Legacy of Love Ed and Sandra Kervin

  Chris’s Funeral Scott Michael Mastley

  Grieving Time, a Time for Love Barbara Bergen

  The Letter Jim Schneegold

  A Firehouse Christmas Aaron Espy

  Grief Helps Others Heather Black

  Let the Body Grieve Itself Ken Druck

  4. THOSE WE WILL MISS

  Father’s Day Ruth Hancock

  The Nickel Story Hana Haatainen Caye

  Bubba’s Secret Life Natalie “Paige” Kelly-Lunceford

  My Son, a Gentle Giant, Dies Michael Gartner

  Going On Walker Meade

  Opening Day in Heaven Mike Bergen

  Never Good at Good-Bye Amanda Dodson

  5. SPECIAL MOMENTS

  Trailing Clouds of Glory Paul D. Wood

  The Beach Trip Dawn Holt

  I Still Choose “Mom” Connie Sturm Cameron

  Ballerina Ferne Kirshenbaum as told to Bill Holton

  Mom’s Stained-Glass Window Katherine Von Ahnen

  I Still See Him Everywhere Richard Morsilli with Jo Coudert

  I Don’t Want to Walk Without You Joyce A. Harvey

  I Wish You Enough Bob Perks

  The Quickening Monica Kiernan

  The Horizon Henry Scott Holland

  6. INSIGHTS AND LESSONS

  Chocolate-Covered Cherries Dawn Holt

  Remember with Courage Janelle M. Breese Biagioni

  My Father’s Voice Walker Meade

  Missing Pa Ann Hood

  What Death Has Taught Me Barb Kerr

  Keep Your Fork Dr. Roger William Thomas

  7. LIVING AGAIN

  Lilyfish Bill Heavey

  Hope Is Stronger Than Sorrow Duane Shearer as told to Janice Finnell

  The Miracle of Gary’s Gift Sandy Allinder as told to Dianne Gill

  Choosing to Live Chris Thiry

  The Mother Box Linda Webb Gustafson

  Evolution Stephanie Hesse

&n
bsp; Who Is Jack Canfield?

  Who Is Mark Victor Hansen?

  Contributors

  Permissions

  Introduction

  When we mourn the loss of someone we love, it feels like no one in the world can understand what we are going through—the pain, the agony, the overwhelming loss. Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul is our gift to those who are brokenhearted. Some of the greatest rewards for us in producing Chicken Soup books are the letters we receive from our readers telling us how our stories have impacted their lives. Literally thousands of people have reported finding comfort and healing during their toughest times. It was in response to these hearts and their requests that Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul was created.

  A miracle occurs when people bravely write their stories to share with the world. In the process of writing them, they are reconnected with that which they have lost. In the reading of their stories, others are connected to them. And in that connection, everyone feels less alone. Each gains a little more strength for living their life and navigating their way through the challenges and over the hurdles of this journey called grieving.

  We offer this collection of true stories as a “support group” of sorts—a place where those suffering a loss can find solace in reading how those in similar, or completely different, situations have handled their grief. These stories are so powerful, so poignant, that you may want to read just one at a sitting and then take time to absorb its message. You will discover that in each story, the thread of hope is woven. Hope for tomorrow. Hope for healing. Hope for once more embracing life and moving on.

  Please accept this gift from us and know that we are with you in spirit on this painful yet powerful part of your journey through life.

  [EDITORS’ NOTE: Due to our desire to ensure that this collection would include the most comforting stories possible, we have chosen to include a few stories that have appeared in previous volumes of Chicken Soup for the Soul.]

  1

  FINAL GIFTS

  The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched, but are felt in the heart.

  Helen Keller

  A Timeless Gift

  When a door closes . . . look for an open window . . . but it may take a while to feel the breeze.

  Anonymous

  Emerging from shock after my husband Ken died, I discovered strange things happening around me. Each morning I found doors unlocked, the television blaring and sprinklers spraying. Something shattered my life, and I felt utterly unprotected and vulnerable.

  Once I had been a mentally strong, independent woman—handy qualities for a young navy wife living in strange places and rearing four children alone. My husband’s ship cruised half a world away, often through hostile waters toward secret destinations. The possibility that he might not make it back was never far from my mind. After all that experience living apart in the early years of our marriage, I now wondered if I had what it took to live alone.

  A friend’s words helped me understand what I was feeling. “You lost someone you love, and nothing has prepared you for what happens next. You’re reacting to intense pain by closing down and buying time to heal. You still function,” she said, “but now you are operating on automatic. And don’t forget, nobody is doing your husband’s chores.”

  Ken had efficiently taken care of making my world safe by quietly fixing, renewing or replacing what needed to be done. In my current state of mind, if I remembered to turn anything on, I usually forgot to disconnect it, taking for granted that what needed to run, sprinkle or turn off would do so on its own.

  As friends and relatives gradually drifted back into their own routines, I stayed home, stared off into space and withdrew from life. It was obvious I needed help, but it was easier to do nothing, live in the past and feel sorry for myself.

  Moving forward was hard, and I looked for excuses not to try. Day after day I prayed for guidance. Finally, one Sunday about two months after Ken died, the church bulletin included an announcement for the beginning of a new grief-recovery workshop. One statement caught my attention: “Grief is real, powerful and has a devastating impact on our ability to function.” The class started in two days. This must be an answer to prayer, I thought, so I followed God’s direction and signed up. It felt right to be in his hands.

  My confidence wavered as I walked to the first session. It was more difficult than I ever imagined. I felt as though I wore a sign saying, “No spouse! All alone! Abandoned!”

  Beginning with that first night, the seven members in my group empathized with each other’s tragic loss as our bonding included advice from the heart, the hand of friendship and a sympathetic ear. Joining this group was the first step I had taken to help myself and one that would eventually make me feel better, stronger and less vulnerable.

  Our homework assignment? Do something pleasurable for ourselves. I splurged on new plum-colored sheets, transforming “our” bedroom into “my” room with a cheerful, feminine décor. Then, because I never owned one before, I bought a navy blue designer baseball cap. Checking out the hat, I glanced in the mirror and smiled. Being good to myself could easily become a habit.

  Facilitators cautioned us about letting painful reminders of the dead person stay in our lives. Guilt can lure us into making our homes a shrine to their memory. I called mine “the recliner shrine.” Grandchildren’s crayon drawings, an old newspaper and a mug inscribed “Dad’s Cup” remained where he left them on a small table beside the recliner.

  The chair’s emptiness served as a constant reminder that he was gone. My children looked for Dad in his favorite place each time they entered the room. It was just too painful, so they took action. They reorganized the house. Immobilized by his death and still too stunned to move, I sat in the rocker and watched them work. Couches and chairs, followed by end tables, lamps and pictures, all ended up in a new spot or a different room. I loved the way it looked. The recliner, hidden under a floral cover, was relocated to an inconspicuous corner of the house, still with us, but no longer a blatant reminder.

  Grief facilitators taught me how to face the finality of my partner’s death. I realized that grieving is not a place for me to stay, nor can I go back, for my old life is no longer there. Accepting that it’s all right for me to survive is a big part of healing.

  In addition, facilitators admonished each week, “Take care of yourself.” Since my husband was no longer here to make my world safe, I would do it myself. Using a twelve-point system, I secured the house, counting each job: (1) lock the door; (2) close the windows; (3) turn off the TV, etc. If I reached my bed with less than twelve, I knew I had missed a room and had to start over. Counting brought me security and peace of mind.

  I resolved to simplify and reorganize my life. Feeling easily distracted and maddeningly forgetful, I bought a monthly planner that I kept in full view on the kitchen counter. I made a do, buy or be list: Do call plumber, wash car, buy milk and bread, be at vet 4 P.M. (don’t forget the dog). This visual reminder lessened the stress of trying to remember everything.

  On the first-year anniversary of my husband’s death, I filled a basket with strawberries, pears, grapes, plums and other colorful fruits. Then I attached a note of appreciation and delivered it to the hospital intensive-care staff. I had been too devastated before to thank them for such compassionate care of both patient and family.

  My daughter asked, “You’re not doing a shrine thing again, are you?”

  “No,” I promised, “these gifts are to nourish the living, so they can continue helping others in need.”

  Later that day while emptying my husband’s desk, I found a torn piece of paper from an artist’s Morilla sketchbook. The unexpected note was not dated, but I recognized Ken’s handwriting immediately. “Dearest wife and children, Forgot to tell you how much I love you—I do.” My eyes filled with grateful tears.

  Ken always said things happened for a reason. This gift that arrived without a date on the anniversary of his de
ath was very special. It reminded me that I was loved deeply, I loved him in return, and our love became part of us forever— even when one left and the other moved toward a new life alone. Eventually, the pain of parting diminishes, but the love remains forever—like a timeless gift.

  Gloria Givens

  A Rose for Mother

  With garden resurrections every year, Life after death is not so queer.

  Agnes Ryan

  Sometimes, when sorrow is deep and the healing balm of time moves too slowly, a grieving heart may look for consolation in something more tangible. When I lost my mother, the comfort I sought depended on the survival of a single rose. Nothing could have prepared me for the answer I received.

  My husband and I are avid rose growers. When we joined a local rose society, we became involved in rose competitions where hundreds of blooms of every color and variety are judged for trophies. Growing show roses takes a great deal of time and energy, but the garden was our haven where we gladly retreated into a world of sunshine and beauty.

  My mother also loved our yard, and each time she came to our home, she would soon disappear into the garden. I often teased her about wanting to visit with the roses more than with us. She had been struggling with progressive kidney failure, and the garden was where she went to recover after her exhausting dialysis treatments. When she was strong enough, she would roam through the pathways inspecting and clipping her way around the bushes, since it was her self-appointed mission to fill the house with beautiful bouquets. Eventually, when she became too ill to walk through the garden, she was content to sit in the shade surrounded by the flowers and birds. By the end of summer she had grown very frail, and with a heavy heart I knew this would be her last summer in the garden.

  An unpredictable complication sent her into a coma, and she suddenly passed away two days before Christmas. After the funeral, I went into the garden hoping to find some comfort in the place she had loved so much. I was searching for a sense of her spirit among the roses, but the garden was in its dormant stage and the barrenness matched the emptiness I felt in my heart.