Father Mine

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Acknowledgements

  Copyright Page

  Dedication

  ONE

  TWO

  THREE

  FOUR

  FIVE

  SIX

  SEVEN

  EIGHT

  NINE

  TEN

  ELEVEN

  Epilogue

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  WITH THANKS TO:

  Kara Cesare, without whom this whole BDB thing couldn't possibly

  have gone as far as it has. You are the champion and the cheerleader and

  the chess master of everything I do--and I'll stop the gushing there,

  otherwise this book will be longer than even Phury's.

  Everyone at New American Library, especially:

  Claire Zion, Kara Welsh, and Leslie Gelbman, Craig Burke and Jodi Rosoff,

  Lindsay Nouis, the great Anthony, and the wonderful Rachel Granfield,

  who deals so graciously with my twenty-pound manuscripts.

  Steve Axelrod, who's the captain of my ship.

  Monstrous thanks to The Incomparable Suzanne Brockmann

  (I'm getting her a sash with that on it and a sparkly crown), Christine Feehan

  (whose obelisk I'm building as we speak) and her amazing family

  (Domini, Manda, Denise, and Brian), Sue Grafton, aka Mother Sue,

  Linda Francis Lee, Lisa Gardner, and all my other writer friends.

  Once again a huge thank-you to the best dental teams in the world:

  Scott A. Norton, DMD, MSD, and Kelly Eichler, along with Kim and

  Rebecca and Crystal; and David B. Fox, DMD, and Vickie Stein.

  D.L.B., who's the best metal-studded, ass-kicking baby boy in the whole world. xxx mummy

  N.T.M., whose idea this whole Insider's Guide was and

  who did so much work on it--and whose kind nature is

  bested only by his patience and his sense of humor.

  Dr. Jessica Andersen--my CP and confidante and sparring partner.

  LeElla Scott--you have too many nicknames at this point to list.

  So I'll just go with the most important one: Bestie.

  And Kaylie's momma--who's still my Idol.

  As always to Mom, Boat, and the Boo.

  PRAISE FOR THE NOVELS OF THE BLACK DAGGER BROTHERHOOD

  Lover Unbound

  Winner of the Romantic Times 2007 Reviewers' Choice Award

  for Best Vampire Romance

  "The newest in Ward's ferociously popular Black Dagger Brotherhood series bears all the marks of a polished storyteller at home in her world. . . . This fix will give Brotherhood addicts a powerful rush."--Publishers Weekly

  "Loss, sacrifice, and darkness continue to be major themes as one of Ward's most damaged heroes gets his story. Sex and violence make this tale of emotional redemption unusually graphic and powerful. Ward pulls no punches and delivers an extraordinary paranormal drama."--Romantic Times (Top Pick, 41/2 stars)

  Lover Revealed

  "[T]hese erotic paranormals are well worth it, and frighteningly addictive. . . . It all works to great, page-turning effect. . . . In just two years, the . . . series [has] earned Ward an Anne Rice-style following, deservedly so."--Publishers Weekly "It's tough to keep raising the bar in a series, but the phenomenal Ward manages to do just that! . . . The world of the Black Dagger Brotherhood continues to grow and become more layered, ramping up the tension, risk and passion. . . . Awesome stuff."--Romantic Times (Top Pick, 41/2 stars) Lover Awakened

  Winner of the Romantic Times 2006 Reviewers' Choice Award

  for Best Vampire Romance

  "Best new series I've read in years! Tautly written, wickedly sexy, and just plain fun."--Lisa Gardner, New York Times bestselling author of Hide

  "Lover Awakened is utterly absorbing and deliciously erotic. I found myself turning pages faster and faster--and then I wished I hadn't, because there was no more to read! The Brotherhood is the hottest collection of studs in romance, and I can't wait for the next one!" --Angela Knight, USA Today bestselling author of Master of Dragons "Ward pulls no punches in this dark, dangerous, and at times tragic series. Waiting for successive installments is getting harder and harder." --Romantic Times (Top Pick, 41/2 stars)

  Lover Eternal

  "Ward wields a commanding voice perfect for the genre, and readers new to the world of the Black Dagger Brotherhood should hold on tight for an intriguing, adrenaline-pumping ride featuring a race of warrior vampires who fill enemies with terror and women with desire. Like any good thrill ride, the pace changes with a tender story of survival and hope and leaves readers begging for more. Fans of L. A. Banks, Laurell K. Hamilton, and Sherrilyn Kenyon will add Ward to their must-read list."--Booklist "[An] extremely intense and emotionally powerful tale. . . . Ward's paranormal world is, among other things, colorful, dangerous, and richly conceived. . . . Intricate plots and believable characters."--Romantic Times (Top Pick, 41/2 stars)

  Dark Lover

  "It's not easy to find a new twist on the vampire myth, but Ward succeeds beautifully. This dark and compelling world is filled with enticing romance as well as perilous adventure. With myriad possibilities to choose from, the Black Dagger Brotherhood series promises tons of thrills and chills." --Romantic Times (Top Pick, 41/2 stars) "A dynamite new vampire series--delicious, erotic, and thrilling! J. R. Ward has created a wonderful cast of characters, with a sexy, tormented, to-die-for hero. . . . A fabulous treat for romance readers!" --Nicole Jordan, New York Times bestselling author of Touch Me with Fire

  "J. R. Ward has a great style of writing, and she shines. . . . You will lose yourself in this world; it is different, creative, dark, violent, and flat-out amazing." --All About Romance "An awesome, instantly addictive debut novel. It's a midnight whirlwind of dangerous characters and mesmerizing erotic romance. The Black Dagger Brotherhood owns me now. Dark fantasy lovers, you just got served." --Lynn Viehl, author of Twilight Fall

  New American Library

  Published by New American Library, a division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.,

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  Rosebank, Johannesburg 2196, South Africa Penguin Books Ltd., Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

  First published by New American Library, a division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

  First Printing, October 2008

  Copyright (c) Jessica Bird, 2008

  Excerpts from Dark Lover copyright (c) Jessica Bird 2005; excerpts from Lover Eternal

  copyright (c) Jessica Bird 2006; excerpts from Lover Awakened copyright (c) Jessica Bird 2006;

  excerpts from Lover Revealed copyright (c) Jessica Bird 2007; excerpts from Lover Unbound

  copyright (c) Jessica Bird 2007; excerpts from Lover Enshrined copyright (c) Jessica Bird 2008.

  All rights reserved.

  REGISTERED TRADEMARK--MARCA REGISTRADA

  LIBRARY OF CONG
RESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA

  Ward, J. R. (Jessica Bird)

  The Black Dagger Brotherhood : an insider's guide / J. R. Ward.

  p. cm.

  eISBN: 9781101393543

  1. Ward, J. R. (Jessica Bird). Black dagger brotherhood. 2. Ward, J. R. (Jessica Bird)--

  Authorship. 3. Fantasy fiction--Authorship. I. Title.

  PS3623.A73227B55 2008

  813'.6--dc22 2008023931

  Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

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  To the Brothers

  ONE

  "So, Bella looks good."

  At the counter of the Brotherhood's kitchen, Zsadist picked up a knife, squeezed a head of romaine lettuce together, and started drawing the blade through at one-inch intervals. "Yeah, she does."

  He liked Doc Jane. Hell, he owed her. But he had to remind himself of his manners: It would be damn tacky to bite the head off a female who was not only your brother's shellan, but who had saved the love of your life from bleeding out on the birth table.

  "She's recovered beautifully in the last two months." Doc Jane watched him from the table across the way, her Marcus Welby, M.D., bag beside her ghostly hand. "And Nalla's thriving. Man, vampire young progress so much faster than human babies. Cognitively, it's like she's nine months old."

  "They're doing great." He kept slicing, moving his hand down and through, down and through. On the far side of the blade, the leaves sprang free in curly green ribbons like they were clapping at having been liberated.

  "And how are you doing with the whole dad thing--"

  "Fuck!"

  Dropping the knife, he cursed and brought up the hand that had been on the lettuce. The cut was deep, down to the bone, and his blood was red as it welled up and dripped off his skin.

  Doc Jane came over to him. "Okay, let's get you to the sink."

  To her credit, she didn't touch him on the arm or try to lead him with a push on his shoulder blade; she just loomed and pointed the way to Kohlerland.

  He still didn't like anyone but Bella putting their hands on his body, although he had made some progress. Now, if the contact was unexpected, his first move wasn't going for a concealed weapon and capping whoever had let their palms do the walking.

  When they were in front of the sink, Doc Jane cranked the thing's throttle over and fired it back so that there was a warm rush landing in the deep porcelain belly.

  "Under," she said.

  He extended his arm and put his thumb into the hot water. The slice burned like a bitch, but he didn't wince. "Let me guess. Bella asked you to come talk to me just now."

  "Nope." When he shot her a look, the good doctor shook her head. "I examined her and the baby. That was it."

  "Well, good. Because I'm fine."

  "Had a feeling you'd say that." Doc Jane crossed her arms over her chest and regarded him with a stare that made him want to build a brick wall between the two of them. Whether in a solid state or translucent as she was at the moment, it didn't matter. When you got eyeballed by the female like this, it was as if you'd been sandblasted. No wonder she and V got along.

  "She did mention you won't feed from her."

  Z shrugged. "Nalla needs what her body can provide more than I do."

  "It's not an either-or situation, though. Bella's young and healthy and she has great eating habits. And you've let her feed."

  "Of course. Anything for her. Her and her baby."

  There was a long silence. Then, "Maybe you want to talk to Mary?"

  "About what." He shut the water off and shook his palm out over the sink. "Just because I'm respectful of the demands on my shellan, you think I need a shrink? What the hell?"

  He snapped a paper towel free from the roll mounted under the cabinets and dried his hand.

  "Who's the salad for, Z?" the doctor asked.

  "What?"

  "The salad. Who's it for?"

  He pulled out the trash bin and pitched the towel inside. "Bella. It's for Bella. Look, no offense, but--"

  "And when's the last time you ate?"

  He put his hands up, all "Stop! In the Name of Love." "Enough. I know you mean well, but I'm a short fuse, and the last thing any of us needs is Vishous coming after me because I snapped at you. I get your point--"

  "Look at your hand."

  He glanced down. Blood was running from the pad of his thumb onto his wrist and his forearm. If he hadn't had a short-sleeved T-shirt on, the shit would have been pooling at his elbow. Instead, it was trickling onto the terra-cotta tile.

  Doc Jane's voice was annoyingly level, her logic offensively sound. "You are in a dangerous line of work where you rely on your body to do things that keep you from getting killed. You don't want to talk to Mary? Fine. But you need to make some concessions physically. That cut should have closed by now. It hasn't, and I'm willing to bet it bleeds for the next hour or so." She shook her head. "Here's my deal. Wrath's appointed me as the Brotherhood's personal physician. You screw around with eating and feeding and sleeping such that it impairs your performance, I will bench your ass."

  Z stared at the glossy red droplets seeping up from the wound. The river of them went straight over the inch-wide black slave band that had been tattooed on his wrist nearly two hundred years ago. He had one on his other arm and another around his neck.

  Reaching forward, he peeled off another section of paper towel. The blood wiped off just fine, but there was no getting rid of what his sick bitch Mistress had marked him with. The ink was imbedded in his tissue, put there to show that he was property to be used, not an individual to live.

  For no good reason, he thought of Nalla's infant skin, so incredibly smooth and completely unmarred. Everyone remarked on how soft it was. Bella. All his brothers. All the shellans of the house. It was one of the first things they commented on when they held her. That and how she was like a down pillow, she was so huggable.

  "Have you ever tried to get those removed?" Doc Jane said softly.

  "They can't be removed," he said briskly, dropping his hand. "The ink has salt in it. It's permanent."

  "But have you ever tried? There are lasers now that--"

  "I'd better go take care of this cut so I can finish here." He grabbed another paper towel. "I'll need some gauze and tape--"

  "I have that in my bag." She turned to go over to the table. "I have everything--"

  "No, thanks, I'll take care of it myself."

  Doc Jane stared up at him, her eyes clear. "I don't care if you're independent. But stupidity I won't stand for. We clear? That bench has your name on it."

  If she'd been one of his brothers, he would have bared his fangs and hissed at her. But he couldn't do that to Doc Jane, and not just because she was a female. Thing was, there was nothing to push back at with her. She was just objective medical opinion.

  "We clear?" she prompted, utterly unimpressed by how fierce he had to be looking.

  "Yeah. I hear you."

  "Good."

  "He has these nightmares. . . . God, the nightmares."

  Bella leaned down and stuffed the dirty diaper into the bin. On the way back up, she snagged another Huggies from under the dr
essing table and brought out the talc and the baby wipes. Palming Nalla's ankles, she hipped up her daughter's little butt, did a fast-and-dash sweep with the cloth, sprinkled some powder, then slid the fresh diaper into place.

  From across the nursery, Phury's voice was low. "Nightmares about being a blood slave?"

  "Has to be it." She put Nalla's clean bottom down and taped up the sides of the Huggies. "Because he won't talk to me about it."

  "Has he been eating? Feeding?"

  Bella shook her head as she did up the snaps on Nalla's onesie. The thing was pastel pink and had a white skull and crossbones appliqued on it. "Not much on the food and no on feeding. It's like . . . I don't know, the day she was born, he seemed so amazed and engaged and happy. But then some kind of switch was triggered and he just closed up. It's almost as bad as it was in the beginning." She stared down at Nalla, who was patting at the pattern on her little chest. "I'm sorry I asked you to come down here. . . . I just don't know what else to do."

  "I'm glad you did. I'm always there for you both, you know that."

  Cradling Nalla on her shoulder, she turned around. Phury was leaning against the creamy wall of the nursery, his huge body breaking up the pattern of hand-painted bunnies and squirrels and fawns.

  "I don't want to put you in an awkward position. Or take you away from Cormia unnecessarily."

  "You haven't." He shook his head, his multicolored hair gleaming. "If I'm quiet, it's because I'm trying to think of what the best thing to do is. Talking with him isn't always the solution."

  "True. But I'm running out of both ideas and patience." Bella went over and sat in the rocker, repositioning the young in her arms.

  Nalla's brilliant yellow eyes stared up out of her angelic little face, and recognition was in her stare. She knew exactly who was with her . . . and who wasn't. The awareness had come in the last week or so. And changed everything.

  "He won't hold her, Phury. He won't even pick her up."

  "Are you serious?"

  Bella's tears made her daughter's face wavy. "Damn it, when is this post-partum depression going to lift? I well up at almost nothing."

  "Wait, not even once? He hasn't gotten her out of the crib or--"