Out of the Fire



  Out of the Fire

  By

  H. Holmquist

  Copyright © 2016 by H. Holmquist

  All Rights Reserved.

  For my husband who encouraged me to write and to start somewhere and for my two babies, this is for you.

  Chapter 1

  I was enjoying the fresh night air as the soft breeze blew through my loose blue sweater, the breeze whispering over my shoulders causing goose bumps to go down my arms as I wrap my arms around myself for warmth. My jeans hugged my hips just right that make my body look casual and sexual at the same moment. My boots were stained and worn from the years of traveling as they would tell my life story as they protected my feet from the splinters as I stood on my old wood porch. Taking a deep breath in, letting the night air fill my lungs and being washed with content on finally settling down in a place of my own.

  It was almost a sick dream to think I would be able to be here after wondering for two years of trying to escape and run from my past. To finally feel the freedom that I didn’t realize was taken from me until that day two years ago.

  I stared out into the night looking at the tree line bending from the breeze, seeing if anything was there that would catch my eye as my eyes darted side to side letting my mind wonder to the past events that have taken place these past few years. Seeing Gabe’s face over and over again seemed to be my new ritual. He would haunt my dreams at night and in the day he would still come and infest my mind. I allowed myself to stay in that abusive relationship thinking that things would get better. I closed my eyes and gave a scoff laugh as I lightly shook my head and lifted my hand and rubbed my throat remembering that bastards fingers clenching down.

  The fear that took over quickly turned into anger as I fought for my life that night when things took a frightening turn. I was able to fight him off and get away. I didn’t say goodbye to anyone, and I didn’t see if he was alright, I just ran. A strong desire had built and I finally broke my pattern of abuse and found my way here, a clean wash.

  I traveled place to place for two years. At first it was to get some distance between Gabe and I since I had a strong fear that he would come after me. But as time went on, heard and saw nothing and when my heart would stop trying to pound out of my chest when I would startle awake to any noise. When I was able to take a deep breath, look at my surroundings and realized everything was going to be alright, that I’ve survived that hell house I was able to relax.

  I first arrived here about three weeks ago. I was just going to pass through, but I hadn’t decided on where to travel next so I ended up checking into the local motel and stayed for a couple of days. I would eat at the Lions Bar that was on the main road of town, which was pretty much the only road in and out. I gathered my maps and I went inside the bar to contemplate what I should do and where to go next.

  As I walked into the bar soft country music playing over the speakers, dust was settling and the smell of beer and musk was in the air. I walked in and sat down at my favorite wooden table in the far corner where you could see all the windows peering out into the country side. I loved sitting there during the sunset; it was like fire was dancing as the yellow grass swayed back and forth, turning orange and yellow from the sun and whooshing from the wind caused the movement to dance. I would peer out those windows and something inside me just settled and almost purred with a longing that I didn’t know I had.

  My waitress, Tiffany, would come over to take my order and sit down and talk with me before the rush. Her ocean blue eyes sparkled with curiosity. Her deep red almost brown hair that curled to her middle back that I’m sure the men here loved to watch as it swooshed side to side along with her curved hips and full bust. Her red shirt uniform that hugged and complimented her curvy waist with her black shorts that went to mid-thigh revealing her toned legs. She has been so friendly to me when I arrived. I didn’t know it at the time but I longed for a friend and I think she sensed that in me.

  She would sit down and chit-chat with me as I would eat my meal. She openly told me about the history of the town and how much she enjoys the different places and people. How her and her boyfriend met and how long they’ve been dating and how exciting she is about the remodel of their place. And about her boyfriend’s friend that was single and was really cute. I would smile at her subtle hints and change the subject and tell her the different places I've been and her eyes seemed to sparkle like the sun skimming across water, excitement just almost seemed to bubble from her as if she has been caged and hearing of what the outside world it was like a child looking at a stick of cotton candy three times their size.

  During the last evening I was planning on staying our conversation turned as she got quiet and looked over at my maps that sat in a loose pile on the edge of the table and then back at me and gave me a smile. “You should go look at a house that’s a little further down the road. You turn right on the first dirt path. I think that would be something that might interest you.”

  “What makes you say that?” curiosity perking my ears up. A house huh, I never saw myself settling down again but a place of my own does sound nice, and being located here. As my mind was contemplating, I didn’t have to give her an answer since it was shown on my face as she gave me her big smile. A group of men walked in and she got up to help them. I finished my meal and walked out in the cooling air to my Chevy pickup. Turned over the engine and headed down the dirt road to this mystery house.

  It didn’t take long to get to the house from the main part of town. The house was a decent sized two level Plantation Victorian. The exterior clapboard siding was chipped with stripping mustard colored paint from the neglect in the weather, the deck needed to be redone and the roof that covered the wrap around deck was caved in or in some spots missing. Some of the windows were broken the rest were filthy. But as I gazed at this house from my truck I did see why Tiffany told me about this place. Everything about it seemed to scream ME, as if this is what I've been looking for and needed all these years. I parked on the side of the road and climbed over the “Keep Out” fence and jogged my way up to the house. It did look spooky with the sun going down and the yard that surrounded it was highly over grown from neglect. I took some caution as I climbed the deck and I rubbed a window to peer inside.

  The walls were peeling with paint, some had graffiti on it but I saw how charming it could be and a burning desire to have this project, to make it my own. I knew that I have found something I was looking for without even realizing it.

  I had an uncle pass away about a year ago, and after his lawyer found me and told me that he left me some inheritance, which wondering for a year with nothing to spend it on I now had a perfect place to make my investment and a town that I felt like I could call home with the settling feeling I have about this place.

  I closed my eyes with remembering all the events as I moved my head to one of my bare shoulders and breathed out a long breath through my nose. Owning this house with my plan to get a dog to curve my loneliness as we would both be on this deck as I came to the conclusion a year ago to die alone, to never be in the position again. I took another fresh breath of air as I opened my eyes I turned to stare towards town. When I stood on the front part of the deck at night I could see the twinkling lights of the town a couple miles down the road, unlike tonight where a strong fog was coming in.

  A cold breeze broke me from my thoughts as the leaves from the trees started to sway with the wind whispering through the leaves as my long hair blew all around me. The breeze went right through my sweater, even with my arms wrapped around myself to ward off the cold and I wished I had more on underneath my sweater besides just a bra.

  The wind blew with the smell of rain in the air and I knew a storm was approaching, I turned and looked t
owards the direction of the wind and over the hills that was further down the road I saw the storm clouds darkening the already night sky.

  I sighed and went inside. I closed the deal on this house about a week ago and I’ve been busy opening up all the walls, replacing the windows and exposing everything to be able to see exactly what I was dealing with I didn’t have time to fix the hole in the roof yet. For temporary and sanity purposes I placed a tarp over the hole to give me a peace of mind as I was working to get new plumbing and electricity throughout the house and it just got pushed out of my mind.

  I closed the back door behind me, as I walked around the cluttered floor of wood and debris hurrying around the main and second floor to gather as many work buckets as I could find and emptied them of tools and garbage to catch any water that might come in. The storm arrived as I heard the rain start to make music when it began to hit the pebble ground outside before I heard the pitter patter as it hit the roof and tarp. I stood there on the main level waiting to hear any type of water running but it was hard with how fat the rain drops and how hard and loud they were falling. A part of me wished that everything was done so I could sit outside on my covered deck and watch and listen to the rain fall but I shrugged off the peaceful moment, it will come soon enough.

  I walked around checking the main level checking all the spots. I started at the back door and to my left into the mud room that will have my laundry appliances in, and I walked in further and looked around my gutted kitchen, everything so far so good. I walked into my dining room and turned left and walked through the glass French doors into the main room and entry way and hurried and checked the small spaces such as the bathroom and closets. I than made my way up the stairs and I could hear the tarp being pelted by the rain.

  I started to climb the un-railing stairs as my boots clomping on the stairs and my weight did the old house creak. I didn’t go all the way up to the top as I peered over the landing to the open area on top of the stairs and saw the reflection of water on the floor that was underneath the hole in the roof being covered by the tarp. Damn! I hurried back down the stairs with my boots echoing on the walls of the empty house and grabbed buckets and towels and hurried back upstairs. I placed the orange buckets down where I saw the water dripping down as I placed towels on the floor to sop up the water when I heard my phone.

  I reached around and grabbed my phone from my back pocket and flipped it open.

  It’s dreary out

  You should come to the Lion tonight.

  It was from Tiffany. Even though we had a brief encounter we became fast friends when I stayed around and purchased this house. She was really excited about it, which I got the feeling it wasn’t more of the house but me staying and the thought of her having a new girlfriend around to talk to and about me meeting her boyfriend’s friend seemed to be her new mission in life.

  I look at the text, it would be nice to get out for a while, take a break, I sighed as the droplets of water collecting in the buckets was echoing in my ears, but my choice was made for me.

  Can’t, roof isn’t fixed and trying to keep the inside dry, next time

  I than closed my phone and put it back in my back pocket and went back to my task and looked over my floor to see if there were any more wet spots.

  I heard my phone go off again, I assumed it was Tiffany sending me a frowny face so I just ignored it and finished placing the remainder of the towels down on the floor to finish sopping up the water. I heard the wind pick up as it pushed against the house making it creek and moan. I could hear the tarp flapping and rebelling and then wind and rain hit me in my face as one of the tarp ties has come loose. “Shit!” I looked up at the hole and I could see the stormy sky as rain was falling into my house and the tarp was flinging small droplets everywhere. I hurried to the master room where I had all my belonging hurried and went through my bag and got some strong nylon string and ran back out of the room and down the hallway to the window that was on the left at the top of the stairs.

  I looked out in the rain streaked window my adrenaline kicking into gear as I stared out into the dark night with a saddening punch in the gut wishing that it was anybody but me right now having to go outside in the rain, two stories up to maneuver over to the other side of the roof to tie down the tarp and if I wasn't so stupid I should have purchase a ladder by now. I let out a heavy sigh. This is really going to suck, as I shook my head and I undid the latch on the window.

  The window squeaked as I lifted it and rain started dripping in as I lifted the sash high enough to fit my body through and slowly climbed out one leg at a time. Once my feet where on the roof I was clenching the window seal, my fingers and knuckles turning white from the tight grip. The rain hitting my back and my hair was sticking to my neck and face. “You have to do this” I said out loud to myself as I was looking into the interior of my house, seeing the rain come in and the dim light coming from down the stairs from my little light in the kitchen, wishing a fire was going right now and I was in my sleeping bag falling asleep right beside it… I shook my head to clear it and I began to slowly do a foot to foot scoot along the roof as I made my way to the other side of the house.

  I’m sure there was a smarter way of doing this but I had limited options since I didn't buy the proper tools or equipment. I didn't look around me, I just stayed focused at my hands running and gripping along the edge of the siding. I knew if I looked down game over, hell be damned because I would crawl back in without fixing the tarp and a lot more damage and work to get this place up and running. Not to mention I was afraid of looking down at the mud soaked ground that seemed far from where I was.

  I turned as saw the rain coming down from the sky in sheets as I looked over at my roof that looked slick like ice with the waters reflection. The ground looked like a green, wet jungle underneath me and the mud puddles that were building along my driveway. I moved my forehead to rest on the back of my hands that were holding steadily onto the siding to take some settling breaths before looking again at the roof and being able to see inside my house from the hole. The tarp was completely gone from the hole. Despair filled me since I didn't have another tarp or anything to cover the hole with but movement on the outer reaches of the roof caught my eye when I saw that the tarp was still there but only being held on by two out of the four sides and the two sides that were attached were on the far edge of the house against the gutter line just flapping in the wind of the storm.

  Thank you! When I saw the tarp was still connected but it was short lived when I saw how far I needed to travel to get to it. I slowly moved over to where I couldn't lean against the house, water dripping and streaming down my body as I hunched into a cat crawl taking special care as I slowly crawled around the hole in the roof towards the edge. My sweater felt heavy and cold against my skin and my jeans clinging to my legs as my hair was trying to wrap around my face like a mummy.

  The old roof shingles we're biting my bare hands and I felt stinging sensations from being cut. I made it to the edge and as I kept hunched down and kept my weight on my heels when I leaned forward and stretched out my arm and hand so I could grab the tarp. It took me a few tries to grab it from the wind making it dance. The rain was bouncing hard off the roof sending small streams of water around my boots and hands. The fat rain drops landing on my head with the constant noise against the siding of the house made it defending and the cold droplets on my head was causing me to get a headache and I began to get flustered with the want to just be inside and have this be over with.

  My body started to shiver as a chill was threatening to go up my spin as I was getting ready to head back. It felt like twenty minutes which in reality it was only about five as I was towing the tarp back towards the inner of the roof to cover the hole. Once I got back to where the tie down was for the tarp I pulled out the fresh string with my trembling hands I did a triple knot on each end and took a breath and brought my hands to my face and did a pyramid over my nose and mouth with my fingers coming together
between my eyes as I took a deep breath.

  My hair clinging to my face, rain felt like it was pouring buckets over me as I tried to catch my breath, my heart was pounding and I swore I could feel the pounding throughout my body.

  Ok…. Back inside.

  I took a deep shaky breath before lifting my head and I started to stand up to lean against the house to make my way back when a bolt of lightning lit up the sky and took me by surprise. I was startled and I subconsciously leaned back from the light and I immediately knew my mistake but it was too late. I took a startling breath in as the thunder boomed in my ears and I heard a startled cry, not yet registering that it was my own. My arms went to autopilot to try to grab onto anything making cartoon gestures as I was grabbing the air hoping somehow it would become solid. My stomach started to do the roller-coaster as the ground was becoming closer.

  I was expecting to hit the hard ground and to be covered in mud, to have pain shooting threw out my body, but instead I felt something strong wrap around my waist and swing me around onto my uncovered porch. I was clenching my eyes closed and holding my breath with both my hands in fists with my sleeves crinkled in the middle of my palms pressed against my cheeks, waiting for the impact.

  It took me a moment to realize that I didn’t hit the ground, and not only did I not hit the ground but I was standing up completely unharmed and I was touching and being embraced by something warm. I felt strong arms around my waist steadying me. I took a shaky breath in and felt like I haven’t breathed in minutes as I took another startled breath and I slowly cracked open my eyes and unclenched my hands and placed them in front of me on something soft, wet and strong.

  I stared at my hands not yet able to gather my thoughts from the adrenaline rush. Reality was able to hit when I realized the strong object was moving as the man’s chest was moving up and down from his breathing. I moved my hands off his chest like I just touched a hot pan on a stove only to place them back on his chest and fan out my fingers as I blinked away my disbelief and took a few more settling breaths. I looked up at the rain soaked figure that saved me.

  He didn’t move from his position of holding me steady. He was a clear head taller than I was, I could tell he was strong by the feel of his chest flexing underneath my palms even from the fabric that layered in between us. His arms wrapped around me felt like a cocoon of power and comfort. His hood was draped and droopy over his face from the rain. I could only see a shadow of an outline of his jaw and his neck in the dim light. I took in a shuttered breath and I closed my eyes and bowed my head moving it against the back of my hands against his chest. I just wanted my heartbeat to slow down, to get ahold of myself as I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to settle myself as wave of apple spice filled my nose. I did a quick retake of the scent. It seemed out of place, I've never smelled it around here before, it was so appetizing. I felt my mouth water and took in another breath of the scent to have it suddenly hit me. It was him. And warmness spread between my legs. I want him.

  “Are you ok?” his voice was smooth and masculine and I felt it vibrate beneath my fingers on his chest. His voice should have broken me from my trance but instead it enticed it. I tilted my head back up to look at him, a wanting desire to see his face, to see who is having this effect on me. I wanted to reach up to place my hand on his cheek, to feel more of his connection or to move my hand down the front of his pants to feel if I give him the same effect he has on me, but a shiver went throughout my body as he held me tighter. I felt his body warmth through our soaked clothes. Gabe seemed like a drunken past, so blurry and only bits and pieces that seem too irrelevant to this moment to give me any cause and effect of the world. I felt my body getting warm and something was building in my stomach from wanting the unknown as I filled my lungs with another inhale of his scent.

  “Let’s get you inside.” His voice was like forbidden chocolate that melted so slowly on your tongue. I felt dumb founded by this stranger as I looked back at my hands on his chest. Not only did he save me from my own gracefulness but I have never wanted to see, touch or hear someone's voice more than this man in front of me. I shook my head to try to clear it. It’s just from the fall; it's just from the fall. I tried to tell myself. But my mind wasn’t convinced. This was something more and something that I wanted. He released his hold around my body which finally broke my trance as we lost our connection. I had to focus on not having my knees buckle underneath me and I immediately missed his warmth as the wind broke through my soaked sweater again. I wrapped my arms around myself and I took a step back, and looked up at him briefly before turning and hurrying walking past him toward the back door.

  I had to go to the back door; it was the only functional door. The front door was only a piece of plywood from vandals destroying the original door. I heard my footsteps echoing and I knew that the rain should be thundering in my ears, but all I heard was my own heartbeat and his footsteps behind me.

  As I came around the corner “YOU FOUND HER!” I jumped at Tiffany’s gleeful cry.

  I looked over in the dark and barely saw Tiffany’s black silhouette and next to her was a large one. I didn’t stop as I made my way for the door and fumbled for the key to unlock it. “I didn’t think you would be coming over tonight” I told her, grateful my voice wasn't shaking as I focused on putting the key in the lock. The wind started blowing as my damp hair tried to free itself by whipping my face and neck as another chill wracked my body.

  I heard materials rub together as I’d imagine that she just gave me a shrug to my question. “We decided to leave and to come and see you.” I turned and looked at her as I placed my side against the door and used some of my weight to push the door open as it rebelled and squeaked. I walked into the dimly lit kitchen, stepping aside for my guests to enter.

  Tiffany entered and then the large man that was standing next to her came. He made Tiffany look so delicate next to him, since his stature was like a protective bull next to her tiny frame. The final figure entered the one I wanted to see. I couldn't see much as his hood was still covering his face but a small smile appears across his lips. I was about to smile back but fear filled me as Gabe’s face flashed in my mind. Being so trusting with a man is the reason I wondered around for the past two years. I can’t trust my judgment. I looked away and I closed the door behind them and didn’t look up at the man again, but I could feel his eyes on me.

  The kitchen was dimly lit from only having one light source that was connected to an orange power cord. Which before Tiffany could speak I hurried and grabbed the last stack of dry towels and headed up the stairs. I didn’t trust myself to say anything yet. I knew it was rude, but I needed that brief moment alone to get my head together. As I climbed the stairs and went to the middle of the open space I started scooping up the soaked towels to place them in an empty bucket to take downstairs. I heard three sets of footsteps stomping on the stairs and three silhouetted appeared at the top of the stairs.

  “This is what you meant” Tiffany stated as I’m sure she was referring to my text of trying to keep the inside dry. I was placing towels on the floor sopping up all the water that poured in during the time the hole was uncovered. Tiffany didn’t say anything as she wondered over to the buckets and turned and looked at the two men. “Chuck, Steven can you help me empty these?”

  The two men went to the various buckets and picked them up and went to the open window that I didn’t even realize was still letting in water and they emptied the buckets onto the roof to stream down to the ground as Tiffany came up to me and extended her arms “give me some”. I looked at her and then the two large men at the window and back at her. Her eyes were a silver color in the dim lit. She was wearing a hoodie that was too big for her and I assumed it was her boyfriends. I handed her some towels as I looked back at the two men that were having a conversation before closing the window and heading back to place the buckets back down. I hurried and looked away into the room to only find Tiffany stomping on a towel and smiling as she quic
kly looked at me and then back at the towel. I felt my cheeks get warm and I hurried and place the rest of the towels down.

  When I felt comfortable enough that the second story was as dry as it could be I gathered the soaked towels in the buckets and made my way back to the stairs. My steps echoed as I made my way to the mud room next to the back door and placed the bucket down next to a pile of laundry that needed to get done.

  I heard the same three sets of footsteps follow me downstairs and congregate in the kitchen. I stepped out of the mud room and I looked at the two men and briefly made eye contact with them as they re-entered my kitchen with Tiffany behind them. Tiffany looked at me and smiled “Thought you could use the help” she stated.

  I made a small smile at her “thank you” and then looked around my kitchen and dining room, the smell of wet wood filled my nose and looking around it was a disaster right now. I can imagine the looks on the two guy’s faces right now. I knew they were thinking it was hopeless but I pictured the kitchen I dreamed about for this place. The freshness it's going to feel with the cherry cabinets, the white and silver swirl marble counter top with matching marble flooring and the nice cream color that is going to cover the walls. It was a far cry of what it looks like now with the gutted walls and empty floor plan.

  I gave a small smile as my mind pictured what was going to take place in the next couple of weeks and I turned toward Tiffany “It’s going to look amazing when it’s finished” I told her. She looked back and nodded with a smile, seeing what I see. She turned her head towards the large man next to her and grabbed his hand. He was the larger of the two men. He was wearing an outdoor coat that was a deep earth color from the rain, which I’m sure if it was dry, would be a light tan color. He wore a green Chevy baseball cap, his hair from what wasn’t covered by his hat and in the dim light was a sandy color. He had a light scruff of facial hair. I could tell from underneath his jacket that he had strong shoulders, chest and back. And to some he might seem intimidating but with Tiffany here being so small next to him, he oddly seemed more like a teddy bear to me. And I couldn’t help but give him a smile and giggle inside.

  “This is Chuck” as Tiffany started to give introductions. Chuck gave me a warm smile “it’s a pleasure” his voice was deep with a little rough edge to it. I smiled and gave him a brief nod. “And this” she said as she leaned forward and pointed around Chucks body to the other man in the room. The one that I could feel his presence tingling my skin “That’s Steven” I was still looking at Tiffany when she said his name and I slowly turned and faced the man that made my body react to him in such a profound way.

  Our eyes met and a force hit me like a wall. “This is Kit, the girl I told you guys about, the one who travels from place to place.” Her voice sounded muffled like I was under water as I could feel my lungs getting tight and my stomach warming again. I was focused on Steven and I was remembering his apple spice scent that made my mouth water. I wonder what he tastes like. As my mind sending my body signals as we were both peering into another? Turn away! My mind was screaming at my eyes, but my eyes were a part of my body and my body was reacting to him, wanting him.

  He pulled the hood off of his head revealing his dark brown almost black hair from the rain; I had to restrain myself from walking over to him and raising my hand and swooshing his hair to dry it out. His face was chiseled with straight lines. He has a 5 o’clock shadow along his jaw. His eyes were like a green emerald pool of water, just shimmering that seemed to have deep depth to them as they reached out and peered into me with questions and curiosity etched into them with a little bit of mischievous gleam. I could see his muscle from his neck go down and disappeared underneath his hoodie.

  A wave of frustration hit me when I wanted to see how his neck connected to the rest of his body, and I realized I wanted to see all of him. To see him, to feel him, to taste him… I closed my eyes and shook my head trying to rid the thoughts that were swimming as I opened my eyes and looked back at Tiffany.

  She gave me a smile as Chuck started talking.

  “How are you going to repair that hole in the roof?” he asked.

  I turned and looked at him “I’m heading over to the home improvement store tomorrow to pick up the supplies to get it done with. I’m planning on tearing up the entire roof to make sure nothing else is damaged that I can’t see and just give it a clean redone”. He nodded and stroked his chin. “You’re going to do that by yourself?” He sounded skeptical which I don't blame him. It was a huge undertaking but I knew the steps that I had to do to get it done but his skepticism washed a blanket of irritation over me.

  “I know the basics and I can handle myself” I stated, as I pushed my shoulders back and lifted my chin as independence flushed through my veins. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Steven smile and felt his amusement rise.

  Chuck still had his hand on his chin and started nodding.

  “We can help you if you would like?” Steven interjected. His smooth voice seemed to make my blood get warmer, Calm down! You don’t even know the man! Even though my mind was trying to calm me and the deep breath system wasn't working my mouth was watering again, yet my throat seemed dry.

  “That’s ok” I croaked out, I could tell all three of their faces that they were amused by my reaction as Tiffany’s smile grew, Chuck had a brief smile appear but hurried and hid it away as he brought his hand that was stroking his chin up to cover his mouth and Steven had a twinge at the corner of his mouth and his eyes were dancing.

  I swallowed to wet my dry throat “I got it.” I told him as we stared at one another, he just looked at me and studied me and I saw the disappointment in his eyes as he looked away over at Chuck and Chuck turned toward him. They spoke in silence as they both turned and looked at Tiffany, and as if that was a cue she turned and looked at me. Setup

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” Tiffany started “They had to the redo the roof at our house and it took four guys a little bit to do. I have the next few days off we'll come over to help you.” She said as she gave a quick side head bob towards the boys and gave me challenge-me-if-you-dare look. I sighed in defeat “Alright”.

  Tiffany’s smile grew wider “Good” she looked at Chuck and he smiled and I could see a smile out of the corner of my eye on Steven's face but I refused to look at him again. I was afraid to make eye contact with him with the effect he has on my body and with him coming over soon, I needed to have a clear head.

  They stood in my kitchen and we talked briefly about all the projects that needed to get done with the house until the rain had slowed down.

  “Do you need any more help?” Tiffany asked. I shook my head.

  “I just need to keep an eye on the upstairs,” as I stuck my hands in pockets and shrugged with a sudden weariness coming over me. Tiffany seemed to know my sudden mood change and declared it was time to leave. We briefly finished up and scheduled a time for tomorrow and what the plan was.

  Steven opened the door for Tiffany and Chuck as they went outside. Before stepping out behind them Steven turned and looked at me and gave me a small smile “It was nice meeting you” as I fought to not close my eyes to his voice. He turned and left, closing the back door behind him as he slipped out into the darkness. I could hear their footsteps go around the house on my old deck and then the crunching of the pebble driveway underneath their feet.

  I went to the door and placed my hands along the edge of the door. My body still felt warm and the desire to touch Steven was almost overwhelming. I wanted to cry from this new burst of emotions that I thought I didn’t carry anymore. After Gabe, I convinced myself I was going to get a dog to curve my loneliness and then I was going to die alone, never placing myself in that situation again. I can’t trust my judgment. But at the thought of Steven's eyes and how his body flexed underneath my touch, how hard it was to fight to touch him.

  I turned my back to the door and leaned against it as I slowly slid down to the floor. I banged the back of my head on the door. A wa
ve of emotions was hitting the surface. Emotions that I wanted to keep buried. You have to face the past. Meet new people. Try again. I banged my head again on the door and let out a sigh as I closed my eyes with Gabe’s face flashing in my mind. Against all efforts a tear slide down my cheek.

  Chapter 2