My Crazmad Book of Poems



  My Crazmad Book of Poems

  Gerrard Wilson

  Copyright 2015 by Gerrard Wilson

  My Crazmad Book of Poems

  Giggle My Boots

  Conkers Bonkers

  Don’t be Like Sheep

  Bert’s Shirt

  The Three Faerie Sisters

  No Trespassing

  The Holly And The Ivy (well, almost)

  Paint The Roses, Quickly, Quickly!

  I Am a Cat, it said Smiling at Her

  At 50

  Moving On

  Ah!

  Why Wait For Christmas?

  Laughing Larry

  Fle’s Fertilizer Mine

  Christmastime Is Nowhere At All

  Summertime And The Living Is Easy...

  Red-hot Chilli Cola

  Mystical Cola

  Cola Blue

  Other People’s Dogs

  Sunshine Days

  The Lotto Show (What a Menagerie)

  The Twelve Days of Christmas

  Living in Wonderland, With Alice...

  Doctor Who and the Daleks

  Rath

  Graves

  Blessington Lake

  Mr Ed

  19th April 2012

  It’s Better Than...

  Wikipedia Doesn’t Know Me

  To Boldly Go

  The Brains of Branson

  Skulduggery’s Afoot

  Sarah Brightman

  Harry Potter's Ford Anglia,

  We Three Beetles

  Skytrain

  Pumpkin Heads

  Noddy and Big Ears, but Golliwog is Banned!

  Africa, Africa

  Lead a Good Life

  I Am a Stone Picker

  I Am a Stone Picker

  Angels Beside Me

  Aliens Landed in Ballykilduff

  Don’t Be A Gadabout!

  Dustbin Man

  Are You Normal?

  Eyes a Popping

  Originally Intended for Publication on April 1st.

  Elusive Dreams

  Luco’s Preferred Drink

  Old Friends Revisited

  How To?

  Smelly Dogs Or Smelly Hogs?

  Christmas Morn

  If You Ate Too Much Food This Christmas...

  Mice

  Searching

  Words Carved in Stone

  Cats

  Sparky Parents

  Cracked

  December 21st

  December 21st

  Father Christmas Where Have You Gone?

  Where is the Map?

  Summer Solstice: A Time to Think

  Holiday Home

  A Hard Life

  Tuesday

  Wednesday

  Like Lemmings

  Passing Through

  Sunday 17th April 2005

  The Blackbird’s Song

  The First Swallow

  I’m NOT Mad!!!

  They’re poems, Jim, but not as we know them!

  So, here we are just you and me and my Crazymad Book of Poems.

  Are you ready? Are you really and truly ready to begin reading it?

  You are! Okay, then, away with you. Be it on your head, though, if you end up as crazy and mad as I am!

  Now, on with the lunacy....

  Giggle My Boots

  Giggle my boots, gaggle my hat,

  Goggle my shirtsleeves and fraggle that cat.

  I am friggled with laughter, for I know that it’s true,

  That you really do love me and not Johnny Lazoo.

  You see, Johnny Lazoo, a man of some strength,

  Wanted to court you, wanted to bend,

  Your ear with his stories, your eye with his looks,

  But you never gave him as much as one look.

  The day that you said, Yes, I’ll marry you, I will,

  Was the happiest day of my life; it was brill,

  To think that you chose me over Johnny Lazoo,

  Makes me friggle with laughter knowing it’s true.

  Before I head off with my bride and my life,

  I will give you this piece of excellent advice.

  If you are planning to woo your beau, here’s the rub,

  Friggle her with laughter and griggle her with love.

  Conkers Bonkers

  Conkers is a pastime,

  That we remember every year,

  When September comes we search about,

  To find these gems so fair.

  And when we’ve collected bagfuls,

  Enough for you and me,

  We bring them home to sort and grade,

  Into classes one to three.

  The first for use immediately,

  To try our luck at play,

  The second, we treat, cure and bake,

  Into champions, I do say.

  The third we leave for a whole year long,

  Lodged in the chimney flue,

  Until their day of glory comes,

  I’ll enjoy grades one and two.

  Don’t be Like Sheep

  Don’t be like sheep that creep half asleep,

  Each and every day of their lives,

  Believing what is said, drummed into their heads,

  By those in control, selling lies.

  Instead, use your head and question what is said,

  By those who think they can guide,

  You with dreams, consumer items and things,

  To distract you from what is inside,

  Inside of us all, potential so tall,

  The power of the Universe; it’s true,

  So look deep inside and search for the light,

  Of Creation; waiting especially for you.

  Bert’s Shirt

  Bert refused to wear a clean shirt,

  He said his old one would do him okay.

  He wore it and wore it and then wore it some more,

  Until a girl that he liked said he was smelly, for sure

  Donning a new shirt, Bert asked her to go,

  To go out on a date with him and his new shirt,

  Answering sharply, she declined his kind offer,

  Saying it was he who was smelly and not the old shirt.

  The Three Faerie Sisters

  (Inspired by my story The Three Faerie Sisters)

  We three sisters, faeries are we,

  Lisa, Mildred and Greta, you see,

  Magical children, fairytale splendour;

  Adventure for all to see.

  Faeries by nature, faeries by right,

  Enchanting the earth, air and sky,

  Using our powers, making things better,

  In fairytale land, this night.

  We three sisters, faeries are we,

  Lisa, Mildred and Greta, you see,

  Magical children, fairytale splendour,

  Join us this night, so free.

  No Trespassing

  No trespassing, that’s what the words read,

  No trespassing, it’s what the sign said,

  As I approached the gate upon which it was on,

  The words, no trespassing, dared me to go on.

  A voice in my head told me to ignore it, the sign,

  It said there was something exciting to find,

  In the field behind them, gate and its sign,

  Are you afraid, it asked, or do you think I am lying?

  No, I am not afraid, I answered it back,

  My gut feeling, though, tells me to shy away from this tack,

  Are you man or a mouse? It said mocking me, so,

  I am a man, I answered, a man on the go!

  I climbed over the gate and stepped into the field,

  A green, luscious sward that was ever so still,
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  Seeing nothing at all other than grass,

  I wondered was that all there was.

  Suddenly, startlingly, I heard a snort and a wheeze,

  Then I saw it, a bull galloping towards me,

  I darted away from it as fast as I could,

  And clambered back over that gate made of wood.

  The moral of this venture, my story, is this,

  When out in the country give gates a miss,

  Don’t listen to voices inside your head,

  Stick to your gut feeling, it’s safer, instead.

  The Holly And The Ivy (well, almost)

  The holly and the ivy,

  Now that they are both full grown,

  Of all the trees that are in the woods,

  These enchanted trees stand alone.

  Oh, the shopping in the rain,

  And the running for the bus,

  The playing of the TV adverts,

  Imploring us, fuss, fuss.

  The holly tree bears a blossom,

  As white as a card,

  And with the stores staying open late,

  The going won’t be hard.

  Oh, the shopping in the rain,

  And the running for the bus,

  The playing of the TV adverts,

  Imploring us, fuss, fuss.

  The Holly tree bears a berry,

  As red as Santa’ suit,

  And he’ll bring you presents, yes he will,

  If you have been very good.

  Oh, the shopping in the rain,

  And the running for the bus,

  The playing of the TV adverts,

  Imploring us, fuss, fuss.

  The Holly tree bears a prickle,

  As sharp as any tongue,

  So remember that Christmastime,

  Is for each and everyone.

  Oh, the shopping in the rain,

  And the running for the bus,

  The playing of the TV adverts,

  Imploring us, fuss, fuss.

  The holly and the ivy,

  Now that they are both full grown,

  Of all the trees that are in the woods,

  These enchanted trees stand alone.

  Paint The Roses, Quickly, Quickly!

  Hurry – hurry!

  The Queen is coming!

  Paint the roses, quickly, quickly.

  Hurry – HURRY!

  I hear her creeping,

  As ever faster my heart is beating!

  Sorry – sorry!

  We’ve failed our duty,

  The Queen has seen us, sadly, badly!

  Hurry – HURRY!

  We must scamper,

  Lest our heads with them she tampers!

  HURRY – OH HURRY!

  There is no hurry,

  Our heads are targeted; we’re lost; they’ve parted.

  All is calm.

  I Am a Cat, it said Smiling at Her

  I am a Cat, it said smiling at her,

  A Cheshire Cat; you can tell by my