Endurance

  “You’re sure? I can call her back after we’re done.”

  “Aye. Just a couple more stitches and we’re finished.” I’m wasting no time getting this done so I can get this bastard out the door. I’m ready to have my girl.

  “I won’t be long.”

  Logan flinches and grips the mattress when I introduce the needle into his skin for the next suture. “Motherfucker. That hurts.”

  I’m enjoying this far more than I should. “Almost done.”

  “I hope the fuck so.”

  “Don’t rush me. You want to look pretty on your wedding day, don’t you?” I shouldn’t bring it up. It’s inevitable that he’s going to say something to piss me off even more. But the part of me who considers Ellison all mine can’t keep his mouth shut.

  “I don’t like it that my future wife is living in the same house as you.” His future wife?

  He’s known her all of three fucking minutes. He isn’t allowed to have an opinion about any part of her life, especially where I’m concerned.

  “I didn’t know you had made a formal declaration.”

  “I made a public announcement and intent last night.”

  Not the same thing, you arsehole, so stop acting like she’s yours. “I was there and heard what you said. I also heard Sin say he wouldn’t accept an official claim until after the takeover.”

  “It’s just a matter of time.”

  And just a matter of her accepting. And Sin approving. And me not killing this fucker. “Have you discussed a match with Ellison?”

  “I told her I intended on claiming her.”

  “She supports your claim?”

  “She didn’t oppose it so you’d better be looking for a new nurse. When we marry, she’s done here. She’ll be at home with me raising our children.”

  “Raising your children? Is Ellison aware of this plan at all?”

  “Very aware. She wants a baby so I told her I’d give her one as soon as we’re married. She said I would make a wonderful father.”

  What. The. Fuck? I don’t believe for one second that Ellison agreed to any of this.

  “You sure as hell made a lot of life decisions during a three-minute dance.”

  “She needs a Fellowship husband. I’m ready to take another wife. There wasn’t a lot to decide. Makes sense for us to be together.”

  Logan isn’t the man for my girl, and I think it’s time he realizes it. “Ellison is the sister-in-law of a Fellowship leader. Her safety is at risk but the danger will be even greater when Sin takes Thane’s place. She needs a husband who can keep her safe.”

  “I’m prepared to do that.”

  I’m prepared to. Not good enough for Ellison. She deserves more. A man who will worship her, not add her protection to his list of jobs.

  Fuck that.

  I hate bringing up Emilia but Logan needs to see this for what it is. “Saying it and demonstrating it are two different things.”

  “I won’t lose another wife to those bastards. She will always be safe with me. I’ll never let her or our children out of my sight.”

  I respect Logan’s intention but he needs to find a different wife. This one isn’t for him.

  Ellison returns from taking Bleu’s call and stands behind me, looking over my shoulder. “Almost done?”

  “Last one.”

  “Good because that was Sin. He needs us to come over as soon as possible to keep the babies. I think we’ll be spending the night there so I went ahead and packed an overnight bag for us.”

  “Did you get my charger off the bedside table?”

  “Yup. But I forgot mine. Be right back.”

  “Hey, grab my laptop and its charger while you’re up there. I need to review some obstetric stuff before my next clinical.”

  I finish the last stitch and clip the end. “All done. Sit up and let me have a look at you straight-on.”

  Logan sits up on the side of the stretcher. “Looks pretty damn good if I do say so myself. You should have minimal scarring.”

  “What the hell is going on at this infirmary?”

  “What do you mean?” I know exactly what he means.

  “The conversation I just heard between the two of you doesn’t sound anything like a doctor-nurse relationship.”

  I think about the exchange of words Logan just witnessed between Ellison and me, and he’s one hundred percent correct. Our intimacy in the bedroom just blatantly carried over into the way we interacted with one another. For him to hear.

  “I’ve known Ellison almost a year. Not three minutes. We live in the same house. We work together as partners. You aren’t the first patient we’ve treated together. We know each other well so we have a rapport.”

  “Are you fucking her, Jamie?” He knows. I see it in his eyes.

  “Do you think I’m fucking her, Logan?” I can’t hide my smirk. And I don’t want to. I’m happy for him to suspect I’m pounding my cock into her every night. That would put an end to this marriage nonsense.

  We’re in full-on stare down mode when Ellison comes back into the exam room. “Bags packed. I think we’re all set to go if you’re finished.”

  Logan gets up from the bed and gets in my face. “This conversation is ending because our leader summoned you, but it’s not over by a long shot.”

  “Back the fuck off me, Logan.”

  Ellison pushes her way between us, her back turned to Logan and her hands on my chest. “What is going on here?”

  “I think it’s pretty clear what’s going on here.” Logan steps away and moves toward the door to leave. “Enjoy fucking each other.”

  The front door slams and Ellison stares at me, mouth agape, before she grins and bursts into laughter. “Think that means the wedding is off?”

  “I definitely think the wedding is off. And the baby.”

  Ellison covers her mouth with her hand. “Oh, shit, Jamie. He’s going to tell the brothers. Should we go after him? Convince him he’s wrong?”

  “Is that what you want? To convince him he’s wrong? ’Cause if you do, I’ll go after him right now. I’ll make him believe there’s nothing between us.”

  “No.” She shakes her head. “I know it’s crazy and stupid and careless but I don’t want that.”

  I pull my girl close and press my forehead to hers. “Aye. It is crazy and stupid and careless. But I don’t want that either.”

  If I were smart, I’d go after Logan. But I’m not smart.

  I’m in love.

  Bleu is lying in the fetal position on the couch. Sobbing. That’s not at all like my tough, badass sister. Physical pain doesn’t make her cry. She grits her teeth and bears the discomfort. Been that way since we were kids. Even when she was eight and had a compound fracture of her arm, she didn’t shed a single tear. She’s never allowed herself to display weakness or vulnerability.

  I sit beside her on the couch and rub her shoulder. “What’s going on, Kung Fu?” I gave Bleu that nickname when she started Muay Thai lessons. It’s always brought a smile to her face, but not now.

  “I’m having a lot of pain in my lower stomach. It feels like it did when I lost my ovary.” Oh hell.

  I still remember Bleu’s misery. It went on for days before she’d finally had enough and agreed to let the doctor remove her cystic ovary. “How long have you been in pain?”

  She doesn’t reply—because she knows I’ll give her hell for sitting on this—so I look to Sin for the answer. “It started about the time we went to bed but she’s been in a lot more pain today. It’s gotten much worse the last hour or so.”

  I’ve spoken to her twice today and texted multiple times. She didn’t mention a word about being in pain. That’s so Bleu.

  “What did her doctor say?” Sin better have called her doctor or I’m going to kick his ass.

  “He’s going to meet us at the hospital.”

  Bleu moans as she turns onto her other side. “I don’t want them to take my ovary.”

  I understand my sis
ter’s desire to hang on to her last ovary a little longer. She isn’t ready to give up on having another egg retrieval in case they want more children after Lourdes and the boys are older. I get it. But that ovary is no good to her if it’s filled with cysts. If that’s the case, there’s no point in her suffering.

  “You have eight embryos in cryo.”

  “Half of those will be viable for transfer if we’re lucky.”

  “Then you have more four more chances at another baby if you lose this ovary. Plus, the frozen eggs you have banked. I know they aren’t as successful but you still have them. It isn’t hopeless.”

  “I know.”

  “Bonny, we have three beautiful, healthy children. This isn’t the dire situation we were in a year ago. If your ovary needs to come out then I want it out. I can’t stand seeing you in this kind of pain.”

  I’m happy to hear Sin tell her he wants the ovary out if it’s causing her pain. She doesn’t need the added stress of feeling like he wants her to keep it so they can continue trying for more babies.

  “A ruptured cyst can become serious if left untreated. You can’t sit on this any longer. You need to go now.”

  “Which ovary do you still have?” Jamie asks.

  “Left.”

  “You’re guarding your right side. Show me where you’re hurting.”

  Bleu’s hand hovers over the middle of her stomach and moves downward to the lower right. “This whole area but it starts in the center and radiates down here.”

  Jamie’s been standing back. Silent. Watching. Observing.

  I know where he’s going with these questions and feeling stupid for not considering the same possibility. I think I let my relationship with Bleu blur my nurse’s brain.

  He comes to kneel beside my sister. “Will you let me feel of your abdomen?”

  “Yeah.” Bleu rolls to her back and brings her bent knees with her.

  Jamie touches her forehead first. “You have a fever. Have you kept anything down today?”

  Sin answers for her. “She had a little bit of food at the party. And wine.”

  “But not much. I started feeling nauseous right after Ellison left.”

  Jamie palpates her abdomen and slowly moves to the right lower side. It isn’t until he releases the pressure that she screams. Rebound tenderness.

  “I don’t think this is a rupturing ovarian cyst. Your symptoms are classic for an appendicitis.” Which could rupture at any minute based on how long she’s been hurting.

  I look at Sin and give him my get-my-sister-to-the-fucking-hospital-now eyes. “She needs to be seen. Now.”

  “I have to see my babies before we go.”

  I bring Lourdes to her and Sin brings Liam and Harrison since he’s mastered holding two at once. “Quick hug and kiss for Mummy because Mummy has to go.”

  Bleu kisses the babies one by one and tells each how much she loves and will miss them. Makes me want to burst out bawling, but I keep it together because I don’t want to put any added stress on my sister.

  “Don’t worry about the babies, Kung Fu. I’m a nurse. Jamie’s a doctor. It isn’t possible for you to leave these kiddos in more capable hands. Plus, you know how much they love Auntie Elli.”

  “I know. It’s just that we’ve never left them overnight before. They’re going to be so out of sorts when I’m not here for their bedtime feeding.”

  Bleu is still breastfeeding so I’m certain bedtime will be a hot mess. But it is what it is, and we’ll do what we gotta do. “They will survive missing one bedtime nursing. Now get your ass up off that couch and go to the hospital.”

  Bleu reaches out for Sin’s hands as she strains to get up from the couch. “Help me, baby. I need to get Harrison’s antibiotic and show Ellison how to give it to him.”

  “She’s a nurse. She’ll figure it out.” Sin scoops Bleu up and lifts her from the couch as though she weighs no more than one of their children. “We’ve fucked around with this long enough. We’re leaving now.”

  Bleu holds Sin around the neck and winces in pain as he carries her to the car. “Call me as soon as you talk to the doctor. You know I’m going to be a wreck until I know what’s going on.”

  I run ahead of Sin and Bleu and open the door exiting to the garage. Sterling is already there and waiting. “I’ll give you a call the minute I know what’s going on.”

  “There’s breastmilk in the freezer,” Bleu calls out as Sin is putting her in the backseat.

  “I know.” She forgets I’m the one who helped her pump ahead and prepare it for the freezer in case anything like this ever happened.

  “Kiss my babies at bedtime for me.”

  “I will. Now go.”

  Jamie puts his arm around me as we watch the car drive away with my sick sister. The dam holding my tears bursts when the wheels leave the drive and pull on to the road.

  He squeezes my arm and I put my head on his shoulder. “She’s going to be fine. They’ll do a laparoscopic appendectomy and she’ll be home in no time. Maybe even by bedtime tomorrow night.”

  I don’t think Jamie understands what my sister means to me. “She’s the only family I have left. Literally. She’s it for me.”

  “Not true. You have these two feisty little boys and then there’s this adorable little princess who’s counting on you to show her how much shite you can cram into one bathroom.”

  I giggle—a little—through my sobs. “This is true. I certainly can’t depend on Bleu to show her.”

  Jamie takes his arm away and turns me so we’re face to face. “You’re gaining an entire Fellowship family at the end of the month. No matter which way it goes, you’ll always have me. I am your family.”

  You’ll always have me. I am your family. I don’t think any man has ever said anything more powerful to me in my entire life.

  I want Jamie so badly. I don’t mean sexually. I just want him to put his arms around me and hold on until the end of time.

  I love you.

  Please don’t let another man take me.

  I know we can make this work.

  The words play tug of war on the tip of my tongue, threatening to jump from the safety of my mouth at any moment.

  Until I remember this morning when the alcohol had worn off.

  Jamie’s whisky-drenched I love yous and declarations from last night were nothing more than empty promises. Worthless pledges. Meaningless vows.

  I spent the day replaying last night over and over in my head.

  I love you, Ellison.

  I’ll die before I let another man have you.

  I’m going to find a way to make us work.

  Don’t give up on me. I just need time to figure things out.

  I’ll give up being doctor if it’s the only way for us to be together.

  I don’t want to think about the things he said last night and no longer meant this morning. It hurts too much.

  He asked me for the month. I’m giving it to him. Hot sex. That’s all this is. No love. No commitment. No regrets.

  A wail from the living room interrupts the moment we’re having. I’m glad. I don’t want to think about this anymore. I just wish his words would match his actions, as I’m as confused as hell.

  We go into the living room and Jamie stands with his hands on his hips looking over the trio of babies lined up on the folded quilt in the floor. “That’s a lot of bairns.”

  “Just like triplets. You sound a little worried.”

  “I’ve never been around bairns.”

  How’s that possible? “You have younger sisters.”

  “I was six when Westlyn was born and eight when Evanna arrived. My father had already taken me from my mother at that point. I was being raised to lead The Fellowship. An alternate in the event Sin or Mitch died. Not encouraged to play with my baby sisters and help change their nappies.”

  Jamie visits Sin here at the house on a regular basis so it seems odd he’s looking at the babies like they’re unfamiliar territory. “Do
you not play with them while you’re here?”

  Jamie shakes his head. “I’ve never even held one of them.”

  “Jamie. They’re your best friend’s children. Your cousins. Your family. You should be bonding with them.” I squat and pluck Liam from the floor since he’s typically the happiest of the bunch. “We’re going to remedy that right now. Here. Hold him.”

  Jamie smiles and reaches out to take Liam without complaint as though he’s excited to get his hands on him. I expected some kind of excuse as to why he couldn’t or shouldn’t hold him. I got that one wrong.

  Jamie sits on the couch and places the baby on his lap, studying everything about him. “Which one is this?”

  “Liam.”

  “He looks like Sin. Well, I guess I should say they look like Sin since they’re identical.”

  “Those two are definitely Sin’s children.” My sister’s sons look like they were dug out of their father’s ass. There was definitely no mix up at the fertility clinic.

  I lower myself to the quilt on the floor and lie on my stomach between Harrison and Lourdes. “I know Lourdes isn’t blood relation but I think she looks like Bleu.”

  “I’m not sure how it happens but adopted children sometimes look similar to their adopted family.”

  I play with the top of Harrison’s hair spiking it upward. “I’m giving the boys faux hawks after their baths tonight.”

  I tickle Harry’s little fat neck. “You want Auntie Elli to make you look cool, don’t you, little dude?”

  Jamie chuckles as he watches me. “What is it?”

  “You’re really good with them.”

  This time I tickle Lourdes, making her laugh aloud. “Because I’m the cool aunt. Isn’t that right, little princess?”

  “I delivered a baby today.”

  “Oh, Jamie. That’s amazing.” I crawl from the pallet to sit Indian style at his feet. “Tell me everything beginning to end.”

  “I went in thinking I’d observe since that’s what always happens the first day of rotation. I was the only one sent to labor and delivery. The other doctors in my group were split between gynecology and surgery.”