How to Drive a Dragon Crazy
G. A. Aiken
“IZZY! STOP!”
She ignored the command and swung the blade again. A big gloved hand reached out and shoved her back.
“Gods-dammit, Izzy! It’s me!” He yanked the hood of his cape back, revealing his handsome face and dark blue hair. Some of it in braids with leather strips, feathers, and small animal bones tied throughout. “It’s Éibhear.”
“Yeah,” Izzy answered honestly. “I know.”
Then she pulled back her arm and threw the sword she held directly at his head.
More from G. A. Aiken
DRAGON ACTUALLY
ABOUT A DRAGON
WHAT A DRAGON SHOULD KNOW
LAST DRAGON STANDING
THE DRAGON WHO LOVED ME
And find her stories in this anthology
SUPERNATURAL
Published by Kensington Publishing Corporation
HOW TO DRIVE A DRAGON CRAZY
G.A.AIKEN
ZEBRA BOOKS
KENSINGTON PUBLISHING CORP.
http://www.kensingtonbooks.com
All copyrighted material within is Attributor Protected.
Table of Contents
“IZZY! STOP!”
More from G. A. Aiken
Title Page
PLACES AND INHABITANTS OF THE DRAGON KIN WORLD
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Epilogue
Copyright Page
PLACES AND INHABITANTS OF THE DRAGON KIN WORLD
A
Addolgar: Bercelak the Great’s older brother.
Aidan the Divine: A gold dragon and a Mì-runach warrior.
Ailean the Wicked: (aka Ailean the Whore) Father to Bercelak the Great.
Alppi: Eldest son of Eymund Reinholdt. Dagmar’s nephew.
Angor: Mì-runach legion commander.
Annwyl the Bloody: Human Queen of the Southlands, mate to Fearghus the Destroyer. Lives on Garbhán Isle. Nicknames: Mad Queen of Garbhán Isle, Blood Queen of Garbhán Isle, the Blood Queen.
Aoibhell: Teacher/philosopher when she lived, did not follow any god. Dagmar follows her teachings.
Arzhela: Goddess of light, love, and fertility.
Austell the Red: Éibhear’s friend when he was still a recruit in the Dragon Queen’s army.
Ásta: Kyvich legion commander.
B
Bercelak the Great: Mate and consort to Queen Rhiannon, father to the Queen’s royal offspring.
Borderlands: Territory between the Southlands and the Desert Lands, houses the salt mines.
Bram the Merciful: Branwen and Celyn’s father. Mate to Ghleanna the Decimator.
Branwen the Awful: (aka Brannie or Bran) Izzy’s cousin and captain in the Dragon Queen’s army.
Brastias: Morfyd’s human mate. General Commander of Annwyl’s armies.
Briec the Mighty: Adoptive father to Iseabail the Dangerous and birth father to Princess Rhianwen; mated to Talaith, Daughter of Haldane; second born son and offspring to the Dragon Queen.
Bryndís: Second in command in the Kyvich legion.
C
Cadwaladr Clan: The royals’ “poor” relatives, the Cadwaladr Clan are warrior dragons used by the Dragon Queen to protect her territories.
Caswyn the Butcher: Mì-runach and a black dragon.
Celyn: Cousin to the Dragon Queen’s royal offspring, Branwen’s brother, and one of the Queen’s Personal Guards.
Centaurs: Half-human/half-horse, able to shift to fully human, and are revered and, in some instances, feared by the dragons.
Chramnesind: God of earth and pain. Also known as The Sightless One.
Claiming: The ritualistic branding performed between dragon couples upon mating for life.
D
Dagmar Reinholdt: (aka The Beast) Gwenvael’s mate, daughter to Northland warlord The Reinholdt, Steward to Annwyl the Bloody, and Battle Lord of Garbhán Isle.
Dai: Horse to Iseabail the Dangerous.
Dark Plains: The home of Garbhán Isle and the human Southland Queen.
Desert Lands: The southernmost territory inhabited by the Sand dragons and the warrior race of humans.
Devenallt Mountain: The home and royal court of the Dragon Queen and her consort.
Dragon Queen’s Personal Guard: Handpicked warriors whose calling in life is to protect the queen with their lives.
Dragonwarrior Trials: The trials performed by soldiers from the Dragon Queen’s army to move into the upper echelons of the Dragonwarriors. In order to become an officer in Her Majesty’s army, one must be a Dragonwarrior.
E
Ebba: Centaur and royal nanny to the twins and Princess Rhianwen.
Éibhear the Contemptible: Fourth-born son, youngest offspring to the Dragon Queen and Mì-runach Squad Leader.
Eirianwen: Human goddess of war and death. Mate to Rhydderch Hael.
Elisa: Nolwenn Elder and Izzy’s great grandmother.
Eymund: Dagmar Reinholdt’s eldest brother.
F
Fal: Brannie and Celyn’s older brother.
Fearghus the Destroyer: First-born son and eldest offspring to the Dragon Queen, first in line to the royal throne, mated to human Southland Queen, Annwyl the Bloody.
Fire Dragons: Southland dragons ruled by one queen, the ability to breathe flame is their natural weapon.
Frederik Reinholdt: Eighth-born son of Fridmar Reinholdt. Dagmar’s nephew.
Fridmar Reinholdt: Dagmar’s brother.
G
Gaius Lucius Domitus: Iron dragon and the Rebel King from the west.
Garbhán Isle: Seat of power of Annwyl the Bloody.
Ghleanna the Decimator: Branwen’s mother. Bercelak’s sister. Bram’s mate.
Gwalchmai fab Gwyar, House of: The Dragon kin’s royal name.
Gwenvael the Handsome: (aka Gwenvael the Slag) Mate to Dagmar Reinholdt, third-born son and fourth-born offspring to the Dragon Queen.
H
Haldane: Talaith’s mother.
I
Ice Lands: The ice-covered lands far north of the Northlands.
Imperial Guards: Sefu city guards.
Iron Dragons: Silver fire breathers that separated from the Southland dragons centuries ago and moved to the Quintilian Provinces and Western Territories to rule over the human Sovereigns.
Iseabail the Dangerous: (aka Izzy) Daughter of Talaith and adoptive daughter of Briec. General in Annwyl’s army. Chosen champion to Rhydderch Hael.
J, K
Keita the Viper: Second-born daughter, fifth-born offspring to the Dragon Queen. Bound to Ragnar and a Pr
otector of The Throne.
Kyvich: Powerful witches of the Ice Lands, sworn enemies of the Nolwenns.
L
Layla: Captain in Sefu’s Imperial Guard.
Lightning dragons: Northland dragons, one-time enemies of the Southland dragons, they are broken up into Hordes run by Dragonlords.
M
Macsen: Izzy’s dog.
Meinhard the Savage: Northland dragon and Ragnar the Cunning’s cousin.
Mì-runach: Beserker warriors who only take direct orders from the Dragon Queen. Only the most difficult and deadly warriors are sent to the Mì-runach.
Morfyd the White: First-born daughter, third-born offspring to the Dragon Queen, a powerful white witch, and vassal to the human Southland Queen.
N
Nolwenn: Powerful witches of the Desert Lands, sworn enemies of the Kyvich.
Northlands: Snow-covered, barren territory run by dragon Hordes and human warlords.
O
Olgeir the Wastrel: Deceased father of Ragnar the Cunning, former enemy of Queen Rhiannon.
Outer Plains: Small territory between the Southlands and Northlands.
P
Pombray: Visiting royal.
Q
Quintilian Provinces: Main city of the Western Territories run by the Iron dragons and human Sovereigns.
R
Ragnar the Cunning: Dragonlord Chief of the Olgeirsson Horde, bound to Keita the Viper.
Rhiannon the White: Dragon Queen of the Southlands.
Rhianwen: (aka Rhi) Human-dragon daughter of Talaith and Briec, younger sister to Izzy.
Rhona the Fearless: Lead blacksmith in the Northlands, mated to Vigholf.
Rhydderch Hael: God and father dragon to all. Mated to the human goddess Eirianwen.
S
Samuel: Izzy’s squire.
Sand Dragons: Dragons of the Desert Lands with sand as their natural weapon.
Sefu: Major Desert Land city.
Sethos: Iseabail the Dangerous’s birth father, deceased before her birth.
Shalin the Innocent: Mate to Ailean the Wicked, grandmother to Bercelak and Rhiannon’s royal offspring. Name eventually changed to Shalin, Tamer of Ailean the Wicked.
Snow Dragons: Ice Land dragons broken into tribes, the ability to breathe snow is their natural weapon.
Southlands: Main territory of Rhiannon the White, Dragon Queen, and Annwyl the Bloody, human queen.
Sovereigns: Human inhabitants of the Quintilian Provinces and Western Territories beyond the Western Mountains.
Spikes: Nickname for the Ice Land white dragons.
T
Talan: Annwyl and Fearghus’s dragon-human son. Twin of Talwyn.
Talwyn: Annwyl and Fearghus’s dragon-human daughter. Twin of Talan.
U
Uther the Despicable: Mì-runach and a brown dragon.
V
Varro: Gaius’s human general and friend.
Vateria Flominia: Iron She-dragon and the daughter of the late Overlord Thracius.
Vigholf the Abhorrent: Lightning dragon, brother to Ragnar, mated to Rhona the Fearless.
Volcano Dragons: Dragons born and raised deep in the Black Mountains near the southern Borderlands, they spew lava as their natural weapon.
W
Western Horseman Tribes: Nomadic slavers who live on the Western Plains, outside the Southlands, and near the Western Mountains. They are the sworn enemies of Annwyl the Bloody.
X, Y, Z
Zachariah: Izzy’s grandfather on her birth father’s side.
Zarah: Izzy’s great grandmother on her birth father’s side. Former commander general of Sefu’s Imperial Guard.
Chapter 1
The orders from their queen had been direct and to the point: Stop the Ice Land dragons from regrouping and attacking the Northland dragons on their coast.
The Northlanders had been holding their own for years, pushing the Ice Land dragons, called the Spikes, back to their territorial lines and holding them there. Yet the Mì-runach were the ones who stopped the Spikes from ever really gathering enough forces in one place, at one time, to push their way back into the Northlands and putting the dragon warlords’ territories at risk.
It had not been easy, though. Not for them. For they were the Mì-runach and they were all Fire Breathers trapped in one of the harshest lands known to dragon or gods. The Ice Lands with their hard winters and their even harder people. But that’s why the Mì-runach had been sent here. Because among their own, the Mì-runach were considered hard and harsh. They didn’t belong. They were the outcasts, the troublemakers, the pit fighters. They were the ones you didn’t want setting up camp near your cave, but if you’d run out of options . . . then they were the ones you called.
They were the ones who killed. For their honor. For their queen. And because they were all really bloody good at it.
Mì-runach Legion Commander Angor landed on the mountaintop and watched his troops move in. As he’d trained them, they moved quick and quiet. Dragons they might be, one of the largest beings in the world, but that didn’t mean they had to stomp everywhere. Not like the Spikes who let their snow-and-ice storms hide their presence. But the Mì-runach didn’t let storms or being outsiders or anything else get in the way of their queen’s orders.
Angor smiled a bit when he saw a flash of blade and then, as if from nowhere, a blue claw caught the Spike leader’s head by the hair and yanked it back. A broadsword rammed through the neck, cutting off the Spike’s chance to do anything but look stunned.
The Spikes, who had been rallying around their leader to begin their flight into enemy territory, froze, blood splattering their white and silver scales. Then the Mì-runach attacked, coming up from under the ground where some of them had been hiding for days.
He watched and waited while his troops decimated the Spikes. It didn’t take long. They’d been trained not for battle but for massacres. That’s what they did best. They struck with no warning, no negotiations, no prisoners. There were only sixty-six of them total, but they could do—and had done—the work of a full-size legion. They were the Dragon Queen’s deadliest weapon and were hated and feared amongst the dragon world—and for very good reason.
Angor sat back on his haunches as his squad leaders landed in front of him.
“We’re done,” one of them reported. “And I sent out my team to strike down any stragglers.”
“Good. We’ll be heading back to the south in a few days.”
“Really?” another asked, but he wasn’t the only one thinking it. The queen had kept her Mì-runach in the Ice Lands off and on for years, but it wasn’t for him or the rest of the Mì-runach to ask. Merely did as they’d been ordered by their queen.
“Really.” He jerked his head to the side. “You lot. Get ready to move out for the night. Wait,” he said to the one who’d killed the Spike leader. “Not you. Not yet.”
Angor waited until the others had gone back down the mountain before turning to the dragon he’d trained himself.
To be honest, he’d had no hope for this one when he’d been forced on Angor nearly a decade ago. He’d been uselessly angry and astoundingly bitter. He’d refused to do even the simplest of tasks and put himself and his brethren at risk more than once during important assignments. But Angor had been able to see past all that rage and he’d kept the young dragon close to him and trained him hard from day one. Beat him when necessary, praised him when deserved. And now . . . ?
And now he was the most heartless, vile, and murdering bastard many of them had ever had the displeasure of knowing, and the most loathed dragon in all the Ice Lands.
For he was Éibhear the Contemptible, a Southland prince, and one of the dreaded Mì-runach Squad Leaders. He was also blindingly loyal, incredibly smart, and as close to a son as Angor ever had since he and his mate had never wanted offspring of their own.
The only problem with the royal? He read a lot, which Angor thought added to a lot of his problems. Who needed all thos
e bloody books anyway?
“What do you need?” the blue dragon asked.
“We’ve stopped these Spikes from moving into Northland territories and meeting up with that young leader from the Ice Land tribe. But I want you and yours to go in, strike that leader down, so that them Spikes will understand this ox shit is over.”
“Right.”
“Just your squad. The others will come with me.”
“Got it.”
“You’ll find them near that territorial line by them Mountains of Depression or whatever.”
The Blue chuckled. “I think you mean the Mountains of Pain and Suffering.”
“Yeah. Whatever. You go. You kill the leader, end this. That way we can head home without worrying about it.”
“Consider it done.”
“Then you can go back to your kin, Éibhear the Contemptible. You go back and see your mum.”
The dragon stopped, blinked. “What?”
“Go home. See your mum.”
“Um . . . why? Is something wrong?”
“Other than you being an ungrateful son? No.”
“Ungrateful? I’ve destroyed dragon after dragon in her name.”
“You enjoyed it.”
He shrugged. “That’s true.”
“It’s been ten years. Your mum should see you.”
“I see you’re still drawn to my mother.”
“I am loyal to my queen. Do you know why?”
“Please not this story again,” the Blue begged.
“Because when that bastard father of yours wanted to have me executed for insubordination—”
“That was probably because you’d come after him with an axe when he gave you an order.”
