Eat, Pray, Love, Page 30

  On September 11, Yudhi watched the towers fall from his rooftop in Brooklyn. Like everyone else he was paralyzed with grief at what had happened—how could somebody inflict such an appalling atrocity on the city that is the most full of love of anywhere in the world? I don’t know how much attention Yudhi was paying when the U.S. Congress subsequently passed the Patriot Act in response to the terrorist threat—legislation which included draconian new immigration laws, many of which were directed against Islamic nations such as Indonesia. One of these provisions demanded that all Indonesian citizens living in America register with the Department of Homeland Security. The telephones started ringing as Yudhi and his young Indonesian immigrant friends tried to figure out what to do—many of them had overstayed their visas and were afraid that registering would get them deported. On the other hand, they were afraid to not register, thereby behaving like criminals. Presumably the fundamentalist Islamic terrorists roaming around America ignored this registration law, but Yudhi decided that he did want to register. He was married to an American and he wanted to update his immigration status and become a legal citizen. He didn’t want to live in hiding.

  He and Ann consulted all kinds of lawyers, but nobody knew how to advise them. Before 9/11 there would have been no problems—Yudhi, now married, could just go to the immigration office, update his visa situation and begin the process of gaining citizenship. But now? Who knew? “The laws haven’t been tested yet,” said the immigration lawyers. “The laws will be tested on you.” So Yudhi and his wife had a meeting with a nice immigration official and shared their story. The couple were told that Yudhi was to come back later that same afternoon, for “a second interview.” They should have been wary then; Yudhi was strictly instructed to return without his wife, without a lawyer, and carrying nothing in his pockets. Hoping for the best, he did return alone and empty-handed to the second interview—and that’s when they arrested him.

  They took him to a detention center in Elizabeth, New Jersey, where he stayed for weeks amongst a vast crowd of immigrants, all of whom had recently been arrested under the Homeland Security Act, many of whom had been living and working in America for years, most of whom didn’t speak English. Some had been unable to contact their families upon their arrests. They were invisible in the detention center; nobody knew they existed anymore. It took a near-hysterical Ann days to find out where her husband had been taken. What Yudhi remembers most about the detention center was the dozen coal-black, thin and terrified Nigerian men who had been found on a freight ship inside a steel shipping crate; they had been hiding in that container at the bottom of that ship for almost a month before they were discovered, trying to get to America—or anywhere. They had no idea now where they were. Their eyes were so wide, Yudhi said, it looked like they were still being blinded with spotlights.

  After a period of detention, the U.S. government sent my Christian friend Yudhi—now an Islamic terrorist suspect, apparently—back to Indonesia. This was last year. I don’t know if he’s ever going to be allowed anywhere near America again. He and his wife are still trying to figure out what to do with their lives now; their dreams hadn’t called for living out their lives in Indonesia.

  Unable to cope with Jakarta’s slums after having lived in the first world, Yudhi came to Bali to see if he could make a living here, though he’s having trouble being accepted into this society because he isn’t Balinese—he’s from Java. And the Balinese don’t like the Javanese one bit, thinking of them all as thieves and beggars. So Yudhi encounters more prejudice here—in his own nation of Indonesia—than he ever did back in New York. He doesn’t know what to do next. Maybe his wife, Ann, will come and join him here. Then again—maybe not. What’s here for her? Their young marriage, conducted now entirely by e-mail, is on the rocks. He’s so out of place here, so disoriented. He’s more of an American than he is anything else; Yudhi and I use the same slang, we talk about our favorite restaurants in New York and we like all the same movies. He comes over to my house in the evenings and I get him beers and he plays me the most amazing songs on his guitar. I wish he were famous. If there was any fairness, he would be so famous by now.

  He says, “Dude—why is life all crazy like this?”

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  “ketut, why is life all crazy like this?” I asked my medicine man the next day.

  He replied, “Bhuta ia, dewa ia.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Man is a demon, man is a god. Both true.”

  This was a familiar idea to me. It’s very Indian, very Yogic. The notion is that human beings are born, as my Guru has explained many times, with the equivalent potential for both contraction and expansion. The ingredients of both darkness and light are equally present in all of us, and then it’s up to the individual (or the family, or the society) to decide what will be brought forth—the virtues or the malevolence. The madness of this planet is largely a result of the human being’s difficulty in coming into virtuous balance with himself. Lunacy (both collective and individual) results.

  “So what can we do about the craziness of the world?”

  “Nothing.” Ketut laughed, but with a dose of kindness. “This is nature of world. This is destiny. Worry about your craziness only—make you in peace.”

  “But how should we find peace within ourselves?” I asked Ketut.

  “Meditation,” he said. “Purpose of meditation is only happiness and peace—very easy. Today I will teach a new meditation, make you even better person. Is called Four Brothers Meditation.”

  Ketut went on to explain that the Balinese believe we are each accompanied at birth by four invisible brothers, who come into the world with us and protect us throughout our lives. When the child is in the womb, her four siblings are even there with her—they are represented by the placenta, the amniotic fluid, the umbilical cord and the yellow waxy substance that protects an unborn baby’s skin. When the baby is born, the parents collect as much of these extraneous birthing materials as possible, placing them in a coconut shell and burying it by the front door of the family’s house. According to the Balinese, this buried coconut is the holy resting place of the four unborn brothers, and that spot is tended to forever, like a shrine.

  The child is taught from earliest consciousness that she has these four brothers with her in the world wherever she goes, and that they will always look after her. The brothers inhabit the four virtues a person needs in order to be safe and happy in life: intelligence, friendship, strength and (I love this one) poetry. The brothers can be called upon in any critical situation for rescue and assistance. When you die, your four spirit brothers collect your soul and bring you to heaven.

  Today Ketut told me that he’s never taught any Westerner the Four Brothers Meditation yet, but he thinks I am ready for it. First, he taught me the names of my invisible siblings—Ango Patih, Maragio Patih, Banus Patih and Banus Patih Ragio. He instructed me to memorize these names and to ask for the help of my brothers throughout my life, whenever I need them. He says I don’t have to be formal when I speak to them, the way we are formal when we pray to God. I’m allowed to speak to my brothers with familiar affection, because “It just your family!” He tells me to say their names as I’m washing myself in the morning, and they will join me. Say their names again every time before I eat, and I will include my brothers in the enjoyment of the meal. Call on them before I go to sleep, saying, “I am sleeping now, so you must stay awake and protect me,” and my brothers will shield me through the night, stop demons and nightmares.

  “That’s good,” I told him, “because I have a problem sometimes with nightmares.”

  “What nightmares?”

  I explained to the medicine man that I’ve been having the same horrible nightmare since childhood, namely that there is a man with a knife standing next to my bed. This nightmare is so vivid, the man is so real, that it sometimes makes me scream out in fear. It leaves my heart pounding every time (and has never been fun for those who share my bed, eith
er). I’ve been having this nightmare every few weeks for as long as I can remember.

  I told this to Ketut, and he told me I had been misunderstanding the vision for years. The man with the knife in my bedroom is not an enemy; he’s just one of my four brothers. He’s the spirit brother who represents strength. He’s not there to attack me, but to guard me while I sleep. I’m probably waking up because I’m sensing the commotion of my spirit brother fighting away some demon who might be trying to hurt me. It is not a knife my brother is carrying, but a kris—a small, powerful dagger. I don’t have to be afraid. I can go back to sleep, knowing I am protected.

  “You lucky,” Ketut said. “Lucky you can see him. Sometimes I see my brothers in meditation, but very rare for regular person to see like this. I think you have big spiritual power. I hope maybe someday you become medicine woman.”

  “OK,” I said, laughing, “but only if I can have my own TV series.”

  He laughed with me, not getting the joke, of course, but loving the idea that people make jokes. Ketut then instructed me that whenever I speak to my four spirit brothers, I must tell them who I am, so they can recognize me. I must use the secret nickname they have for me. I must say, “I am Lagoh Prano.”

  Lagoh Prano means “Happy Body.”

  I rode my bicycle back home, pushing my happy body up the hills toward my house in the late afternoon sun. On my way through the forest, a big male monkey dropped out of a tree right in front of me and bared his fangs at me. I didn’t even flinch. I said, “Back off, Jack—I got four brothers protecting my ass,” and I just rode right on by him.

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  Although the next day (protective brothers notwithstanding) I did get hit by a bus. It was sort of a smallish bus, but nevertheless it did knock me off my bicycle as I was cruising down the shoulderless road. I got tossed into a cement irrigation ditch. About thirty Balinese people on motorcycles stopped to help me, having witnessed the accident (the bus was long gone), and everyone invited me to their house for tea or offered to drive me to the hospital, they all felt so bad about the whole incident. It wasn’t that serious a wreck, though, considering what it might have been. My bicycle was fine, although the basket was bent and my helmet was cracked. (Better the helmet than the head in such cases.) The worst of the damage was a deep cut on my knee, full of bits of pebbles and dirt, that proceeded—over the next few days in the moist tropical air—to become nastily infected.

  I didn’t want to worry him, but a few days later I finally rolled up my pants leg on Ketut Liyer’s porch, peeled off the yellowing bandage, and showed my wound to the old medicine man. He peered at it, concerned.

  “Infect,” he diagnosed. “Painful.”

  “Yes,” I said.

  “You should go see doctor.”

  This was a little surprising. Wasn’t he the doctor? But for some reason he didn’t volunteer to help and I didn’t push it. Maybe he doesn’t administer medication to Westerners. Or maybe Ketut just had a secret hidden master plan, because it was my banged-up knee that allowed me, in the end, to meet Wayan. And from that meeting, everything that was meant to happen . . . happened.

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  Wayan Nuriyasih is, like Ketut Liyer, a Balinese healer. There are some differences between them, though. He’s elderly and male; she’s a woman in her late thirties. He’s more of a priestly figure, somewhat more mystical, while Wayan is a hands-on doctor, mixing herbs and medications in her own shop and taking care of patients right there on the premises.

  Wayan has a little storefront shop in the center of Ubud called “Traditional Balinese Healing Center.” I’d ridden my bike past it many times on my way down to Ketut’s, noticing it because of all the potted plants outside the place, and because of the blackboard with the curious handwritten advertisement for the “Multivitamin Lunch Special.” But I’d never gone into the place before my knee got messed up. After Ketut sent me to find a doctor, though, I remembered the shop and came by on my bicycle, hoping somebody there might be able to help me deal with the infection.

  Wayan’s place is a very small medical clinic and home and restaurant all at the same time. Downstairs there’s a tiny kitchen and a modest public eating area with three tables and few chairs. Upstairs there’s a private area where Wayan gives massages and treatments. There’s one dark bedroom in the back.

  I limped into the shop with my sore knee and introduced myself to Wayan the healer—a strikingly attractive Balinese woman with a wide smile and shiny black hair down to her waist. There were two shy young girls hiding behind her in the kitchen who smiled when I waved to them, then ducked away again. I showed Wayan my infected wound and asked if she could help. Soon Wayan had water and herbs boiling up on the stove, and was making me drink jamu—traditional Indonesian homemade medicinal concoctions. She placed hot green leaves on my knee and it started to feel better immediately.

  We got to talking. Her English was excellent. Because she is Balinese, she immediately asked me the three standard introductory questions—Where are you going today? Where are you coming from? Are you married?

  When I told her I wasn’t married (“Not yet!”) she looked taken aback.

  “Never been married?” she asked.

  “No,” I lied. I don’t like lying, but I generally have found it’s easier not to mention divorce to the Balinese because they get so upset about it.

  “Really never been married?” she asked again, and she was looking at me with great curiosity now.

  “Honestly,” I lied. “I’ve never been married.”

  “You sure?” This was getting weird.

  “I’m totally sure!”

  “Not even once?” she asked.

  OK, so she can see through me.

  “Well,” I confessed, “there was that one time . . .”

  And her face cleared like: Yes, I thought as much. She asked, “Divorced?”

  “Yes,” I said, ashamed now. “Divorced.”

  “I could tell you are divorced.”

  “It’s not very common here, is it?”

  “But me, too,” said Wayan, entirely to my surprise. “Me too, divorced.”

  “You?”

  “I did everything I could,” she said. “I try everything before I got a divorce, praying every day. But I had to go away from him.”

  Her eyes filled up with tears, and next thing you knew, I was holding Wayan’s hand, having just met my first Balinese divorcée, and I was saying, “I’m sure you did the best you could, sweetie. I’m sure you tried everything.”

  “Divorce is too sad,” she said.

  I agreed.

  I stayed there in Wayan’s shop for the next five hours, talking with my new best friend about her troubles. She cleaned up the infection in my knee as I listened to her story. Wayan’s Balinese husband, she told me, was a man who “drink all the time, always gamble, lose all our money, then beat me when I don’t give him more money for to gamble and to drink.” She said, “He beat me into the hospital many times.” She parted her hair, showed me scars on her head and said, “This is from when he hit me with motorcycle helmet. Always, he was hitting me with this motorcycle helmet when he is drinking, when I don’t make money. He hit me so much, I go unconscious, dizzy, can’t see. I think it is lucky I am healer, my family are healers, because I know how to heal myself after he beats me. I think if I was not healer, I would lose my ears, you know, not be able to hear things anymore. Or maybe lose my eye, not be able to see.” She left him, she told me, after he beat her so severely “that I lose my baby, my second child, the one in my belly.” After which incident their firstborn child, a bright little girl with the nickname of Tutti, said, “I think you should get a divorce, Mommy. Every time you go to the hospital you leave too much work around the house for Tutti.”

  Tutti was four years old when she said this.

  To exit a marriage in Bali leaves a person alone and unprotected in ways that are almost impossible for a Westerner to imagine. The Balinese family unit, enclosed within
the walls of a family compound, is merely everything—four generations of siblings, cousins, parents, grandparents and children all living together in a series of small bungalows surrounding the family temple, taking care of each other from birth to death. The family compound is the source of strength, financial security, health care, day care, education and—most important to the Balinese—spiritual connection.

  The family compound is so vital that the Balinese think of it as a single, living person. The population of a Balinese village is traditionally counted not by the number of individuals, but by the number of compounds. The compound is a self-sustaining universe. So you don’t leave it. (Unless, of course, you are a woman, in which case you move only once—out of your father’s family compound and into your husband’s.) When this system works—which it does in this healthy society almost all the time—it produces the most sane, protected, calm, happy and balanced human beings in the world. But when it doesn’t work? As with my new friend Wayan? The outcasts are lost in airless orbit. Her choice was either to stay in the family compound safety net with a husband who kept putting her in the hospital, or to save her own life and leave, which left her with nothing.