Fifty Shades of Grey, Page 38

  Kate gazes at me with pursed lips and narrowed eyes, rather like my subconscious – all she needs is the half-moon specs.

  “You two need to sit down and talk to each other.”

  “We haven’t been doing much talking lately.” I flush. Other stuff. Non-verbal communication and that’s okay. Well, much more than okay.

  She grins.

  “That’ll be the sexing! If that’s going well, then that’s half the battle Ana. I’ll grab some Chinese take-out. Are you ready to go?”

  “I will be – we don’t have to leave for a couple of hours or so.”

  “No – I’ll see you in twenty.” She grabs her jacket and leaves, forgetting to close the door. I shut it behind her and head off to my bedroom mulling over her words.

  Is Christian afraid of his feelings for me? Does he even have feelings for me? He seems very keen, says I’m his – but that’s just part of his I-must-own-and-have-everything-now – control-freak dominant self, surely. I realize that while I’m away, I will have to run through all our conversations again and see if I can pick out telltale signs.

  I’ll miss you too… more than you know...

  You’ve completely beguiled me…

  I shake my head. I don’t want to think about it now. I am charging the BlackBerry, so I haven’t had it with me all afternoon. I approach it with caution, and I’m disappointed that there are no messages. I switch on the mean machine, and there are no messages there either. Same email address Ana – my subconscious rolls her eyes at me, and for the first time, I understand why Christian wants to spank me when I do that.

  Okay. Well, I’ll write him an email.

  From: Anastasia Steele

  Subject: Interviews

  Date: May 30 2011 18:49

  To: Christian Grey

  Dear Sir

  My interviews went well today.

  Thought you might be interested.

  How was your day?

  Ana

  I sit and glare at the screen. Christian’s responses are usually instantaneous. I wait… and wait, and finally I hear the welcome ping from my inbox.

  From: Christian Grey

  Subject: My day

  Date: May 30 2011 19:03

  To: Anastasia Steele

  Dear Miss Steele

  Everything you do interests me, you are the most fascinating woman I know.

  I’m glad your interviews went well.

  My morning was beyond all expectations.

  My afternoon was very dull in comparison.

  Christian Grey

  CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

  From: Anastasia Steele

  Subject: Fine Morning

  Date: May 30 2011 19:05

  To: Christian Grey

  Dear Sir

  The morning was exemplary for me too, in spite of you weirding out on me after the impeccable desk sex. Don’t think I didn’t notice.

  Thank you for breakfast. Or thank Mrs. Jones.

  I’d like to ask you questions about her – without you weirding out on me again.

  Ana

  My finger hovers over the send button, and I am reassured that I’ll be on the other side of the continent this time tomorrow.

  From: Christian Grey

  Subject: Publishing and You?

  Date: May 30 2011 19:10

  To: Anastasia Steele

  Anastasia

  ‘Weirding’ is not a verb and should not be used by anyone who wants to go into publishing. Impeccable? Compared to what, pray tell? And what do you need to ask about Mrs.

  Jones? I’m intrigued.

  Christian Grey

  CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

  From: Anastasia Steele

  Subject: You and Mrs. Jones

  Date: May 30 2011 19:17

  To: Christian Grey

  Dear Sir

  Language evolves and moves on. It is an organic thing. It is not stuck in an ivory tower, hung with expensive works of art and overlooking most of Seattle with a helipad stuck on its roof.

  Impeccable – compared to the other times we have… what’s your word… oh yes…

  fucked. Actually the fucking has been pretty impeccable, period, in my humble opinion –

  but then as you know I have very limited experience.

  Is Mrs. Jones an ex-sub of yours?

  Ana

  My finger hovers once more over the send button, and I press it.

  From: Christian Grey

  Subject: Language. Watch Your Mouth!

  Date: May 30 2011 19:22

  To: Anastasia Steele

  Anastasia

  Mrs. Jones is a valued employee. I have never had any relationship with her beyond our professional one. I do not employ anyone I’ve had any sexual relations with. I am shocked that you would think so. The only person I would make an exception to this rule is you – because you are a bright young woman with remarkable negotiating skills.

  Though, if you continue to use such language, I may have to reconsider taking you on here. I am glad you have limited experience. Your experience will continue to be limited

  – just to me. I shall take impeccable as a compliment – though with you, I’m never sure if that’s what you mean, or if your sense of irony is getting the better of you – as usual.

  Christian Grey

  CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc. From His Ivory Tower

  From: Anastasia Steele

  Subject: Not for all the Tea in China

  Date: May 30 2011 19:27

  To: Christian Grey

  Dear Mr. Grey

  I think I have already expressed my reservations about working for your company. My views on this have not changed, are not changing, and will not change, ever. I must leave you now as Kate has returned with food. My sense of irony and I, bid you goodnight.

  I will contact you once I’m in Georgia.

  Ana

  From: Christian Grey

  Subject: Even Twinings English Breakfast Tea?

  Date: May 30 2011 19:29

  To: Anastasia Steele

  Goodnight Anastasia.

  I hope you and your sense of irony have a safe flight.

  Christian Grey

  CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

  Kate and I pull up outside the drop-off area at Sea-Tac Airport terminal. Leaning across, she hugs me.

  “Enjoy Barbados, Kate. Have a wonderful holiday.”

  “I’ll see you when I get back. Don’t let old moneybags grind you down.”

  “I won’t.”

  We hug again – and then I’m on my own. I head over to check-in and stand in line, waiting with my carry-on luggage. I haven’t bothered with a suitcase, just a smart rucksack that Ray gave me for my last birthday.

  “Ticket please?” The bored young man behind the desk holds up his hand without looking at me.

  Mirroring his boredom, I hand over my ticket and my driver’s license as ID. I am hoping for a window seat if at all possible.

  “Okay, Miss Steele. You’ve been upgraded to first class.”

  “What?”

  “Ma’am, if you’d like to go through to the first class lounge and await your flight there.” He seems to have woken up and is beaming at me like I’m the Christmas Fairy and the Easter Bunny rolled into one.

  “Surely there’s some mistake.”

  “No, no.” He checks his computer screen again. “Anastasia Steele – upgrade.” He simpers at me.

  Ugh. I narrow my eyes. He hands me my boarding pass, and I head towards the first class lounge muttering under my breath. Damn Christian Grey, interfering control freak –

  he just can’t leave well enough alone.

  I am manicured, massaged, and I’ve had two glasses of champagne. The First Class lounge has many redeeming features. With each sip of Moet, I feel slightly more inclined to forgive Christian and his intervention. I open up my MacBook, hoping to test the theory that it works anywhere on the planet.

  F
rom: Anastasia Steele

  Subject: Over-Extravagant Gestures

  Date: May 30 2011 21:53

  To: Christian Grey

  Dear Mr. Grey

  What really alarms me is how you knew which flight I was on.

  Your stalking knows no bounds. Let’s hope that Dr. Flynn is back from vacation.

  I have had a manicure, a back massage, and two glasses of champagne – a very nice start to my vacation.

  Thank you.

  Ana

  From: Christian Grey

  Subject: You’re Most Welcome

  Date: May 30 2011 21:59

  To: Anastasia Steele

  Dear Miss Steele

  Dr. Flynn is back, and I have an appointment this week.

  Who was massaging your back?

  Christian Grey

  CEO with friends in the right places, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

  Aha! Pay back time. Our flight has been called so I shall email him from the plane. It will be safer. I almost hug myself with mischievous glee.

  There is so much room in first class. Champagne cocktail in hand, I settle myself into the sumptuous leather window seat as the cabin slowly fills. I call Ray to tell him where I am

  – a mercifully brief call, as it’s so late for him.

  “Love you, Dad,” I murmur.

  “You too, Annie. Say hi to your mom. Goodnight.”

  “Goodnight.” I hang up.

  Ray is in good form. I stare at my Mac and with the same childish glee building.

  Opening my laptop, I log into the email program.

  From: Anastasia Steele

  Subject: Strong Able Hands

  Date: May 30 2011 22:22

  To: Christian Grey

  Dear Sir

  A very pleasant young man massaged my back. Yes. Very pleasant indeed. I wouldn’t have encountered Jean-Paul in the ordinary departure lounge – so thank you again for that treat. I’m not sure if I’ll be allowed to email once we take off, and I need my beauty sleep since I’ve not been sleeping so well recently.

  Pleasant dreams Mr. Grey… thinking of you.

  Ana

  Oh, he’s going to flip out – and I shall be airborne and out of reach. Serves him right.

  If I’d been in the ordinary departure lounge then Jean-Paul wouldn’t have gotten his hands on me. He was a very nice young man, in a blonde, perma-tanned way – honestly, who has a tan in Seattle? It’s just so wrong. I think he was gay – but I’ll just keep that detail to myself. I stare at my email. Kate is right. It is like shooting fish in a barrel with him. My subconscious stares at me with an ugly twist to her mouth – do you really want to wind him up? What he’s done is sweet, you know! He cares about you and wants you to travel in

  style. Yes, but he could have asked me or told me. Not made me look like a complete klutz at check-in. I press send and wait, feeling like a very naughty girl.

  “Miss Steele, you’ll need to stow your laptop for take-off,” the over-made-up flight attendant says politely. She makes me jump. My guilty conscience is at work.

  “Oh, sorry.”

  Crap. Now I’ll have to wait to know if he’s replied. She hands me a soft blanket and pillow, showing her perfect teeth. I drape the blanket over my knees. It’s nice to feel mol-lycoddled sometimes.

  The cabin has filled up, except for the seat beside me which is still unoccupied. Oh no… a disturbing thought crosses my mind. Perhaps the seat is Christian’s. Oh shit…

  no… he wouldn’t do that. Would he? I told him I didn’t want him to come with me. I glance anxiously at my watch and then the disembodied voice from the flight deck announces,

  “Cabin crew, doors to automatic and cross check.”

  What does that mean? Are they closing the doors? My scalp prickles as I sit in palpitating anticipation. The seat next to me is the only unoccupied one in the sixteen-seat cabin. The plane jolts as it pulls away from its stand, and I breathe a sigh of relief but feel a faint tingle of disappointment too… no Christian for four days. I take a sneak peek at my BlackBerry.

  From: Christian Grey

  Subject: Enjoy it While You Can

  Date: May 30 2011 22:25

  To: Anastasia Steele

  Dear Miss Steele

  I know what you’re trying to do – and trust me – you’ve succeeded. Next time you’ll be in the cargo hold, bound and gagged in a crate. Believe me when I say that attending to you in that state will give me so much more pleasure than merely upgrading your ticket.

  I look forward to your return.

  Christian Grey

  Palm-Twitching CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

  Holy crap. That’s the problem with Christian’s humor – I can be never be sure if he’s joking or if he’s seriously angry. I suspect on this occasion he’s seriously angry. Surreptitiously, so the flight attendant can’t see, I type a reply under the blanket.

  From: Anastasia Steele

  Subject: Joking?

  Date: May 30 2011 22:30

  To: Christian Grey

  You see – I have no idea if you’re joking – and if you’re not – then I think I’ll stay in Georgia. Crates are a hard limit for me. Sorry I made you mad. Tell me you forgive me.

  A

  From: Christian Grey

  Subject: Joking

  Date: May 30 2011 22:31

  To: Anastasia Steele

  How can you be emailing? Are you risking the life of everyone on board, including yourself, by using your BlackBerry? I think that contravenes one of the rules.

  Christian Grey

  Two Palms Twitching CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

  Two palms! I put my BlackBerry away, sit back while the plane taxis to the runway, and pull out my tattered copy of Tess – some light reading for the journey. Once we’re airborne, I tip my seat back, and soon I’m drifting off to sleep.

  The flight attendant wakes me as we start our descent into Atlanta. Local time is 5:45

  a.m., but I’ve only had four hours sleep or so… I feel groggy, but grateful for the glass of orange juice she hands me. I glance nervously at my BlackBerry. There are no further emails from Christian. Well, it’s nearly three in the morning in Seattle, and he probably wants to discourage me from screwing up the avionics system, or whatever prevents planes from flying if mobile phones are switched on.

  The wait in Atlanta is only an hour. And again I’m luxuriating in the confines of the first class lounge. I am tempted to curl up and go to sleep on one of the plush, inviting couches that sink softly under my weight. But it will just not be long enough. To keep myself awake, I start a long steam of consciousness to Christian on my laptop.

  From: Anastasia Steele

  Subject: Do you like to scare me?

  Date: May 31 2011 06:52 EST

  To: Christian Grey

  You know how much I dislike you spending money on me. Yes, you’re very rich, but still it makes me uncomfortable, like you’re paying me for sex. However, I like traveling first class, it’s so much more civilized than coach. So thank you. I mean it – and I did enjoy the massage from Jean Paul. He was very gay. I omitted that bit in my email to you to wind you up, because I was annoyed with you, and I’m sorry about that.

  But as usual you overreact. You can’t write things like that to me – bound and gagged in a crate – (Were you serious or was it a joke?) That scares me… you scare me… I am completely caught up in your spell, considering a lifestyle with you that I didn’t even know existed until last Saturday week, and then you write something like that and I want to run screaming into the hills. I won’t, of course, because I’d miss you. Really miss you. I want us to work, but I am terrified of the depth of feeling I have for you and the dark path you’re leading me down. What you are offering is erotic and sexy, and I’m curious, but I’m also scared you’ll hurt me – physically and emotionally. After three months you could say goodbye, and where will that leave me if you do? But then I suppose that risk is there in a
ny relationship. This just isn’t the sort of relationship I ever envisaged having, especially as my first. It’s a huge leap of faith for me.

  You were right when you said I didn’t have a submissive bone in my body… and I agree with you now. Having said that, I want to be with you, and if that’s what I have to do, I would like to try, but I think I’ll suck at it and end up black and blue – and I don’t relish that idea at all.

  I am so happy that you have said that you will try more. I just need to think about what

  ‘more’ means to me, and that’s one of the reasons why I wanted some distance. You dazzle me so much I find it very difficult to think clearly when we’re together.

  They are calling my flight. I have to go.

  More later

  Your Ana

  I press send and make my way sleepily to the departure gate to board a different plane.

  This one has only six seats in first class, and once we are in the air, I curl up under my soft blanket and fall asleep.

  All too soon, I’m woken by the flight attendant offering me more orange juice as we begin our approach to Savannah International. I sip slowly, beyond fatigued, and I allow myself to feel a modicum of excitement. I’m going to see my mother for the first time in six months. Sneaking another covert look at my BlackBerry, I remember vaguely that I sent a long rambling email to Christian – but there’s nothing in response. It’s five in the morning in Seattle – hopefully he’s still asleep and not up playing mournful laments on his piano.

  The beauty of carry-on rucksacks is that one can breeze out of the airport and not wait endlessly for baggage at the carousels. The beauty of traveling first class is that they let you off the plane first.

  My mom is waiting with Bob, and it is so good to see them. I don’t know if it’s because of exhaustion, the long journey, or the whole Christian situation, but as soon as I’m in my mother’s arms, I burst into tears.

  “Oh Ana, honey. You must be so tired.” She glances anxiously at Bob.

  “No Mom, it’s just – I’m so pleased to see you.” I hug her tightly.

  She feels so good and welcoming and home. Reluctantly, I relinquish her, and Bob gives me an awkward one-armed hug. He seems unsteady on his feet, and I remember that he’s hurt his leg.