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Pygmy, Page 8

Chuck Palahniuk


  Dispatch

  Fourteenth

  Begins here fourteenth account of operative me, agent number 67, recalling former marched parade event in celebration . Reviewed by supreme high commandant . Assembled military force combined infantry and artillery home nation . Occurrence parade dated back many year. For official record, repeat recounting here formative history of operative me.

  For reinforce early best important training of this agent.

  Depicted here vast apparatus for national defense, stretch length central boulevard, filled one curb to opposite, ranked solid many battle tanks thunder rolling steel treads. Battle tank Leopard 1A5 sourced Belgium. Tank Type 99, 96, 59 sourced People’s Republic of China. Infinite row, tread clanking stone pavement. Tank Zulfiqar MBT sourced Iran. M48 Patton sourced Lebanon. K2 Black Panther tank sourced Republic of Korea.

  Boulevard great capital city, lined citizens cheering behind cordon rope. Lavish paved sideline central boulevard, press solid many mouth shouting tilted backward, throwing cheer so display only teeth. Many hand froth sky, whip blue sky countless number proud national banners.

  Blue sky, no cloud mask against admiration of sun.

  For official record, all generation operative drilled participate. Operative Tanek. Operative Magda. Operative Mang. Follow strict squad leader signal utilizing baton. Leader command forward march, standard eight-to-five stride, cover five yard each eight step. Standard stride 22.5 inch. Matched speed battle tank, artillery rockets.

  Ranked between infinite battle tank, parade 90-millimeter caliber Kanonenjagdpanzer antitank artillery, sourced Germany. Impressive barrel 152-millimeter antitank gun type ISU-152 sourced former Soviet Union. Also Soviet 2S4 Tyulpan self-propelled mortar measure 240 millimeter of caliber.

  March along imposing majestic field grenade launcher. Momentous vast acreage self-propelled assault gun Rooikat 76 sourced South Africa, field gleaming weapons, extensive rolling plantation thrilling steel metal and ammunitions pass in review.

  Planted row after row such total power aspiration, operatives march forth as proud harvest. Prepared for reap.

  Citizen crowd clutching behind rope, witness assortment antiaircraft Oerlikon thirty-five-millimeter twin cannon sourced Switzerland, prompt citizen swoon. Chest balloon much inhaled pride. All faces flash cheering teeth. All hand brandish whipping flag.

  Out of horizon roll black river foot soldier, many ten thousand so form black flicker of infinite left trouser legs stride forward. Black pulse as infinite black right leg trouser take stride. Horde soldier dense so assume single black column. Row beyond number. Soldier beyond able count. Black pulse and pulse and pulse while so dense leg together stride, so infinite arm shoulder rifle. Great harvest shining ripe soldiers, vast marching acreage flash as division leader order face grandstand for review.

  Helmets without end, inspired howitzer, field guns, siege cannon, and noble battle tank stretched out one horizon until the opposite, always progressing, no able enemy this state resist.

  Approaching review grandstand, venue hosting boundless brilliant leaders this state, unlimited great wisdom national statesmen, approaching march operative Oleg, operative Chernok, operative Vaky. All stride exact 22.5 inch. Operative heel immediate before clanking tread battle tanks. Boot of operative forever shadowed looming at back, tower above operative, FV101 Scorpion tank sourced Botswana.

  Amid din so numerous proud cheering citizen, hollering, pressed behind cordon rope as runners after marathon race so many million miles now no able break finish line. Panting citizen strain against cordon, hand grip rope, tilted forward until faces within parade. Citizen teeth and hair press among passing light autocannon. Faces dodge progress self-propelled mortars.

  Within din cheering, voices say, “Oleg.” Say, “Oleg, look here!”

  Before short distant, female citizen clinging cordon rope screaming mouth exact same mouth of operative Oleg. Citizen female, blue eye mirror eye of Oleg. Female say, “Darling, my Oleg!”

  Flanking female, citizen male also strain behind cordon, fanning hands for attention. Male brandish stuffed bag, sewed of artificial animal fur, bag stitched with pair black button eye, stitched with nose and mouth to fashion miniature fake bear. Citizen male flailing small bear, say, “Oleg.” Scream say, “You’re alive!”

  Rank and file marching operative Tibor, operative Ling, operative me steady approach deranged male and female citizen. Parade dress uniform. Issued sidearm Beretta nine-millimeter, semiautomatic, double-action, recoil-operated. Polished black boot. All stomp unite. All stride as single stride.

  Lunatic female duck own head beneath cordon, violate rope, crawling along road pavement stones by hand and bent kneecap, say, “Wait.” Lunatic male follow below rope clutching imitation stuffed bear. Male citizen display hair duplicate to operative Oleg. Duplicate same Caucasoid nasal bridge, prominent zygomatic arch above each cheek. Same pallid Oleg complexion. Deranged male throw self into street, say, “We’ve found you.”

  Eyes all operatives cast at baton of squad leader, mimic tempo signal. All stride 22.5 inch. Thunder clank battle tank treads immediate behind operative heel. In front, judging gaze unbounded state superiors to witness from grandstand.

  Lunatic male and female grovel pavement stones, scramble hands to bridge gutter, stumble to walk upright. Keening wail. Wielding stuffed bear. Deranged male and female dodge moving steel mountains, Challenger 2 battle tanks sourced Oman, skitter between chewing treads Ml Abrams sourced Somaliland. Demented citizen overcoats flapping open. Citizen hands reaching. Outrunning battle tank T-84 Oplot sourced the Ukraine.

  Next then, deluded male and female apprehend operative Oleg, panting oxygen, gripping black dress uniform. Lunatic female, eye bleeding water flooding own face blind until water sheet own cheeks to chin, say, “They took you for testing.” Clutch Oleg, stamping lunatic pursed lips so contact many locations operative Oleg face, say, “They took you, and said you were dead.”

  Deranged female clutching Oleg. Deranged male clutch female, tugging to remove out rank and file state operatives. Extract from entire parade.

  For official record, operative Oleg produce great resistance. Launch counterattack, sweeping leg to make zing-blam Leaping Hyena, foot battering lunatic female. Fist smiting deranged male. Agent 68 make elbow bam-cram Punching Panda. Fashion head-butt bam-wham Ramming Ram, additional while continue march, covering five yards with every eight stride.

  Next now, lunatic male flaunt fake bear. Expose black eye crafted button. Stitch mouth. Citizen male exhibit sewed artificial fur bear, say, “We brought Wolfy.” Say, “You remember Wolfy…”

  Lunatic female straining so contain battling limbs of Oleg. Leaping Lizard. Hitting Hound. No body able advance until body Oleg advance. All operative frozen. All cannon and battle tank grind until total halt.

  Vast muscular might entire enormous state approaching official annual review. Eminent top statesmen await.

  Same now, pallid blue eye of operative Oleg land frozen on fake bear. Oleg feet no stride. All limb no fashion Punching Panda.

  Male and female deluded citizen envelop operative, encase black dress uniform within layers lunatic arms circling around.

  Oleg halted, squad halted. Squad halted, battle tanks halted. AMX-30 sourced Venezuela halted. Model 1877 siege gun sourced Italy, halted. Steel clank out treads, rumble, looming progress shadows along pavement, halted. Silent. Vast apparatus of state power and might clogged from lunacy single male and female. Brutal steel metal armored plated tanks, treads stop roll, cease rumble for reason two demented citizen silly embrace single youth on path.

  Crowd citizen roped aside, halt cheer. Hand halt whipping flags. Blue sky left silent so only witness foolish mouth of aberrant female clutching inhales while grinding self so fused to idiotic male and victim Oleg. That operative, agent 68, much assaulted with affectionate gesture, heavy violated utilizing caresses.

  Vast mighty display military machine power, straight driving phalanx, total
interrupted.

  At present location between two distant horizon, all halted. Spread acreage infinite soldiers shouldered with bazookas, with loins girded pistols and ammunition, remain merely witness. Crowd silent citizen witness.

  Next then, prudent stride squad leader among rank and file frozen operative. Adroit squad leader arrive so to grip nape of citizen male neck, pinch-squeeze until male collapse. Repeat same effect on lunatic female. Both deranged citizen fallen crumple heaped to pavement, squad leader command Oleg, say, “Atten-hut.

  “Operative,” say squad leader, trumpet for all parade so register, say, “Behold two diseased cellular units of the state.” Say, “Witness two infectious bodies.”

  Lunatic individual threat as cancer, contagion to the state, spread dangerous illness so destroy all. Must excise. Heal state. Purge infection.

  Eye of operative Oleg, blue eye merely remain rest upon fake stuffed fur. Black button eyes and stitch mouth, fallen among pavement stones at beside deranged female.

  Sage squad leader say, “Present arms.”

  Obsession lunatic man and woman, restraining entire yearning streaming phalanx state military machine. Misguided affection-deranged citizens, choking righteous purpose whole vast device state power.

  Squad leader face filled blood glow, repeat say, “Present arms.”

  Operative Oleg release holster strap, withdraw Beretta loaded fifteen-round reversible magazine, muzzle velocity 2130.3 feet per second. Oleg blue eye empty as blue sky. Chilled blue of no cloud.

  “Reject damaged dangerous organism,” say squad leader.

  Lunatic female lift own shoulder, propped own elbows so rest eye on Operative Oleg. Entire whole structure of female pushing deranged face so more close. Same mouth. Same eye. Irrational mouth open, say, “My sweetness…”

  Idiot words.

  Same current now, muzzle flash. Loud retort. Stink gunpowder smoke.

  Face demolished. Dangerous words eliminated. Contagion all vented out exit wound from behind of skull where foolish blood saturate artificial stuffed bear. Imitation fur sponging escaped blood. Sodden. Fur bag of button eye, stitch mouth, filling red with blood glow.

  Eyeball astute squad leader observe corpse lunatic female, leader squat so clasp ankle cadaver, drag until corpse reside lengthwise along gutter of boulevard. Boot squad leader, kicking cadaver to gutter, shrewd leader say, quote grand ruler, magnificent chieftain Benito Mussolini, say, ‘“War is to man what maternity is to a woman.’”

  Next then, lunatic male stumble backward, spring so upright feet, flee. Mental ill male tunnel path digging with elbows, driving with own knees so escape, possible able spread insanity infection.

  Operative Oleg drop to assume sniper crouch, stretch one own arm as brace, steady hand of nonglare Beretta, matteblack finish so able sight diseased target in distant. Receding target clamber among audience crowd. Muzzle sight steady. Tracking target.

  Next now, muzzle flash. Loud retort. Smoke. Impaired brain lunatic male, hair so mirror hair Oleg, yellow hair explode, cascade hot gray meatloaf surrounding citizens.

  Crowd explode splitting ear cheer. Acclaimed squad leader signal, wielding baton so indicate new march pace. Step size of thirty inches. More fast six-to-five speed, cover five yards with six strides. Making more fast toward eventual victory. More speed abandon failure misery of past history. Improved progress each thirty inch, thirty inch, thirty inch into new shining bright future.

  During march, eye of operative me cast on passing stranger woman nose same as nose this agent. Behind cordon rope, stranger mouth mirror mouth of operative me. Name of operative me choked back within throat strange female. Rest on eye identical. Inside head, voice of operative me say, in secret say, Please… Say, Must no attempt rescue.

  Eye of operative me warn stranger woman yearning forward, display same ears. Caution stranger male fanning hand for snag awareness this agent. Stranger man offering same face as operative me, same nose and eye, same exact mouth and color hair. For protect possible reproductive source, this agent turn away. Fashion scowl with brow, cast eye opposite direction.

  Next now, next now, next now many ten thousand boot striding. Tread stomp face stuffed bear. Row after row operative stomping boot down atop face stitched black button eyes, saturated blood of dead lunatic. Each stomp wring blood out stuffing, press fur more flat. Each row, bear squeezed more dry. Chewed below tread of battle tank, grinded on pavement stone until vomit stuffing, repeat so bled dry, stomped empty. More small, more small particles until small bear never exist. Erased.

  Soaring so control sky, Rafale C fighter jet sourced France. Parallel stripe many JAS-39 Gripen fighter jet sourced Sweden. Pregnant of glorious AIM-9 Sidewinder missile.

  Boots marching print tread, track printed blood down boulevard.

  Proud boots treading gray matter, stomp stuffing, until history neither distant nor recent past no longer exist.

  Quote, “War is to man what maternity is to a woman.”

  Boot of operative me, entire whole generation this agent stride to direction far horizon, march step, march step, marching five yard every six stride toward distant vanishing point.

  Dispatch

  Fifteenth

  Begins here fifteenth account of operative me, agent number 67, seated subterranean chamber designated purpose family Cedar observe television viewing appliance. Subdivided community residences border major metropolitan area . Date . Recumbent aboard large upholstered bench crowded many cushions, accompanied host pig dog brother so analyze documentary video recorded during resolution Model United Nations. Evade numerous telephone contacts American television network program .

  For official record, drooling jackals of American news media pacing outer perimeter this residence. Outdoors swarm many journalist hyenas, equipped camera, capable ruthless satellite broadcast. Hovering parasitic vultures. Patience relentless pack buzzard.

  Pig dog brother review variety news images current distributed. Scrolling different evil network affiliate, all display weeping citizen subsequent Model United Nations. Show corpse dead delegate Brazil, covered white fabric, fabric stained red. Revealed as Brazil merely reason towering headdress rainbow parrot feather sprout beyond one edge white shroud.

  Within head of operative me, quote enlightened prophet, regal martyr Richard Nixon, say, “When news is concerned, nobody in the press is a friend—they are all enemies.”

  For official record, additional reside aboard bench cushions vast breathing cow, host father. Twitching chicken, host mother. Dual host parent unconscious splayed wide limbs spread, neck muscles lolling heads loose until rest own shoulders, lips loose, trickling long ropes translucent saliva. Unconscious, breathing prolonged liquid inhales, loud sputtering exhales.

  Host brother hard elbow sleeping father, cram aside so cushions able accommodate brother and this agent. Pig dog brother keyboarding buttons layer surface small silver-color box. Point small end of box direction television appliance, continue keyboarding. Nothing occur. Glass face television viewing appliance become dark, no issue image. Continue dark.

  Host brother invert silver box, finger open tiny latch so expose small gold-color cylinders. Pry cylinders free, say, “Thanks Mom …” Small cylinders pinched between thumb with index finger, brother shake near touching shut eyes of host mother. Shaking cylinder in chicken mother asleep face, host brother say, “Thanks for leaving us your dead batteries.”

  Then now, make small parade to arrive sleeping chamber, where, normal today, host father sleep atop mother. Pig dog brother bend knee so able reach arms below mattress host parents. During kneel, penetrate both arm deep below mattress, extract wide, flat box. Plastic box molded of vivid color blue, stenciled images vivid red, vivid yellow, and color orange. Image striped tiger animals so leap to fly through ring-shaped inferno. Other image, male appareled decadent Western formal wear, coat of tails and tall hat, flogging whip at nothing. Other images classic comic figure featuring white paint on face, comic red nose,
ludicrous oversize apparel. Comic figures tossing spheres in circle so all suspended.

  Host brother fashion face of half smile, tap box with index finger, say, “This used to be my toy box”

  Hands of brother manipulate latch, lift so top cover open on hinges, reveal interior cluttered numerous small missile, plethora diminutive bomb. By smooth appearance, colors pink, yellow, white, probable cast plastic or latex rubber. Some missile ribbed many flutes. Missile chased with bands many bumps. Some bomb short mortar shell, boasting wide girth. Other bomb stretched long, carbine slender. Hands host brother select long missile, artillery shell, gripping by both end, nose and tail, twist same missile two opposite direction. Pig dog twist until seam hidden at midpoint missile, seam appear, widen to reveal threads. Two mated halves of missile twist until come separate. Brother shake one half so cylinders battery emerge out missile.

  For official record, hands of operative me select missile, polish so pink plastic slippery to touch. Adhesive in small way to contact fingertips, in slight way surface of missile tacky of history dried moisture. Examining missile, this agent manipulate rotating dial at base. That same now, missile leap with life. Much animated so generate infinite tiny shivering so sudden hand of operative me release, drop quivering missile toward collection weapons, munitions. Feet of this agent lunge to flee before collected total all missile able detonate.

  “Good job, Pygmy,” say host brother. “You found a live battery.” Brother lift shivering missile, twist until seam break, spill out battery. Quivering stop. Remaining hold missile, brother say, “This here’s my last year’s Christmas present to Mom.” With missile, indicate other antitank warhead in box, say, “My sister got her that one.” Indicate other missile, huge missile, same size vzor 99 Antos light mortar sourced the Czech Republic, say, “We both chipped in on that one the Mother’s Day before.”

  All munitions mortar and cartridge issue strong odor female pudendum.