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Pygmy, Page 5

Chuck Palahniuk


  Cat sister gut innards of sliding compartment, tunnel excavate groin apparel until retrieve black fabric. Knit many knot head cover, crafted black fibers of sheep. Host sister stretch knit head cover so encase hair, rendering all own head black color. Torso, black. All sister black as night of today. Black as outdoors. Out cabinet among mammary binders, retrieve black apparel crafted shape of hands, tight to fit of fingers inside, render hands black.

  Host brother fashion own hand shape of revolver gun, aim finger to direction this agent, say, “Trust me, Pygmy, the Model United Nations is social suicide.” Fashion half own mouth so make smile, with eye rest on sister, pig dog say, “The only deal more lame than Model United Nitwits is the frigg’n science fair!”

  Cat sister make small parade to window of sleeping chamber. Black encased hands grip frame of healed window, slide to make open. Enter chilled oxygen, mating call cricket. Sister step black-shod foot exit window until straddle sill. Outdoors foot rested on tree limb, outdoors hand gripping tree foliage, half exited, cat sister revolve minstrel face to rest eye on this agent and pig dog brother. Say, “Did you steal it?”

  Pig dog say, “Catch.” Arm of host brother swing forward until hand blossom, fingers spread open to release object. Green object fly, wet shining object flash green, describe arc across sleep chamber, skirt inside roof, trajectory degrade until, smack-grab, snatched by blackened hand host sister.

  Host sister say, “Enjoy those bodacious titties, boys.”

  Inside head of operative me, quote villain emperor, accomplished huckster Adolf Hitler, quote, “Great liars are also great magicians.”

  Next then, sister slipped beyond window, black absorbed into night of today. Leaving cricket mate noise. Sister shadow poured among shadow, lost in no light. Next now, engine automobile usual operate by host mother, starter solenoid engage, fuel combust, drive train propel twin-beam headlight. Expel from curb. At traffic halt indicator, headlight veer to follow right-hand corner.

  Pig dog tilt own torso until head sprouted outdoors window, holler into black oxygen, say, “You shouldn’t be driving.” Say, “You ain’t even old enough to bleed!”

  Quote, “Great liars are also great magicians.”

  Green object tossed then caught, theft object shining bright with wet—green glass crafted artificial human prosthetic eyeball.

  In chilled black oxygen, twin shining red light of automobile tails gone.

  Dispatch

  Eighth

  Begins here eighth account of operative me, agent number 67, attending student mating ritual located darkened sports arena of education facility. Night of today . Ritual song perform . For official record, American family invent infinite plentitude absurd labels for christening female offspring.

  For official record, face skin this agent dosed liberal generous amounts fragrant Listerine.

  During mating ritual cloaked dim interior arena atop floor of basketball wood, against din of music encourage premature random sexual reproduction, pig dog brother make finger straight to indicate females ranked along opposite wall. Across distance, give introduce. Assembled females of middle school, could be rowed for execution firing squad, eye-balled by youth males. Host brother poke finger toward, say, “…hooters…knockers…balloon bombs…butter bags…” Say, “Rib cushions…party pillows…chesticles…”

  Hovering within proximity, operative Tibor, neck of that agent bruised chain of purple hematomas, select bruise wreathed with indents biting teeth. Operative Mang also sport necklace purple hematoma. Also neck operative Ling gnawed by phantom teeth.

  “You want to do science fair?” say pig dog. “You can start by inventing some super-megastrong Spanish fly and dosing the cheerleader squad.” Continue, make straight finger, say, “Blouse bunnies…fun bags…lactoids…speed bumps…”

  Rowed among opposite females, operative Magda present self for male inspection.

  Host brother say, “Milk makers…devil dumplings…floatation devices…” Pig dog abrade fingers together so generate slip quick, snap-pop, fast sound matched to rhythm of mating dance music.

  Occasional male student approach female, request mutual gyrate to demonstrate adequate reproductive partner, fast gyrate to display no cripple. No genetic defect to bequeath offspring. Demonstrate coordinated, plenty vital to provision impregnated female throughout gestation period. Provision subsequent offspring until matured. Females flaunt dermis and hair to depict viable vessel for impregnate, paint face so appear most symmetrical. Best likely produce frequent alive births.

  Around most-dark perimeter of arena interior pace Trevor Stonefield, clear-yellow bully nose remain folded sideways, asleep against own face cheek. Lurking.

  Pig dog brother slink plunge hand to depth of own trouser pocket, produce small cylinder. Hand bring cylinder to own face, where host brother mouth expand to display tongue muscle. Finger of hand compress top surface cylinder, release pressurized into own mouth orifice canister jet menthol stinking mist down length of tongue muscle. Host brother say, reek breathing menthol, “Okay, Pygmy, you be my wingman…” Say, “Who shall we cut from the herd?”

  Mouth of operative me say, “Whom.” Making finger of this agent straight, indicate across dim arena to location Magda. Agent 36 brown eye rested on pig dog. Magda remain require impregnate so fulfill phase first Operation Havoc.

  Trevor bitch linger, walk circle, stalk so remain predator eye rest forever upon operative me.

  Pig dog cast own eye to Magda, curl own lip, say, “No doing.” Say, “That one looks like a botched thirteen-year-old sex change.”

  Could be fist of operative me lash, bang-bam, Pummeling Kangaroo, to silence host brother. Instruct more humble.

  “Besides,” say pig dog, “I hear she bit the throat out of Reverend Tony.”

  Devil Tony.

  Trevor bitch menace more proximate. Curtain blond hair nearing enough bring reek cologne. Glaring electric bolt out blue eye.

  Next then, pig dog departed, swagger bisect arena, approach females for proposition.

  Next now, operative Metro venture proximity this agent, deliver mass thick quantity American dollar. Covert delivery. Followed operative Tanek, in secret bestow paper monies extracted out food plate at Sunday worship shrine.

  Hands this agent stash legal tender concealed own trouser. Feet of operative me make small parade to follow pig brother. For offer sacrifice this agent to reproductive partner. Eye cast on ranked females, inside head, quote this agent, quote honored rebel, steadfast revolutionary Che Guevara, say, “I know you are here to kill me.” Quote, “Shoot, coward. You are only going to kill a man.”

  Feet of operative me present best appearance before prospective partner, female Mongoloid featuring brachycephalic-shape skull, small nasal aperture, and projecting zygomas. This agent fashion pleasing mouth of smile, trumpet clear voice to compete music din, say, “Respected potential reproductive vessel, request engage preliminary foreplay ritual prior genital coitus…”

  Mongoloid female, absent brow ridges, backward tilt own face so display nostrils, nasal aperture to this agent. Female hand lift long tress own hair where lay down front of chest, hurtle hair backward over own shoulder. Nostrils flared, female say, “Shove off, freak.”

  Next then, this agent approach negroid female characterized by mesocephalic-shape skull, wide nasal aperture, and receded zygomas. Hand of operative me extend, open to female, this agent say, “Specimen female, permit perform mating dance prior generate human embryo?”

  Mouth of operative me assure equipped adequate chromosome so no burden society care for deformed monster progeny.

  Respected negroid female fashion mouth to display frown. Rotate face to one side, then other side, repeat rotate to make head meaning “no.”

  Next then, this agent venture near Caucasoid female featured with dolichocephalic-shape skull, large brow ridge, and receded zygomas. Feet of operative me rooted stance, breathing distance away female face, this agent own hands akimbo, fist planted
atop each own iliac crest, say, “Esteemed Madam Fun Bags…” Say, “Request demonstrate superior anatomy as condition to receive generous deposit of alive male seed.”

  Next now, swipe-pow, Caucasoid female slap hand impact face cheek of operative me, sufficient violent so generate blood glow, swell outline of female digits on face skin of this agent.

  Noise of slap hand impact reverberate repeat, reaching every corner dim arena. All female young casting eye so rest upon operative me. Madam Sweater Meat. Madam Jugs. Madam Party Pillows. All breathe whisper behind cupped hand. Make straight finger poked direction this agent. Madam Blouse Bunnies rest eye on this agent, open painted mouth and insert most long finger so to mimic produce vomit. Madam Chesticles say, “Fuck’n loser…”

  Eyes of operative me scrub arena to discover pig dog, only host brother engaged mating ritual dance. Abrading genital area against genital area of operative Magda.

  Next then, backbone of operative me detect pressure, feel muzzle stamp of Colt Detective Special DA snub-nose.38-caliber, alloy-frame version, two-inch barrel, poke this agent spine junction thoracic vertebra twelve and lumbar one. From behind, male voice breathe whisper into ear of operative me, say, “You and me, Pygmy, in the parking lot, right now…”

  Voice of Trevor bitch. Stench cologne.

  Snub nose squeezed between clear-yellow bully and this agent, make small parade perimeter dark arena, past Madam Butter Bags, past Madam Hooters, until door label “Exit.”

  Could be legs of operative me spring, spin, kick, zing-blam, Launching Leopard, scatter revolver out Trevor hand, shatter wristbone. This agent only patient until gain solitude outdoors, swing open door so access chilled oxygen, faint illuminate mercury vapor security lamp. Macadam storage field of idle automobile. Night of today. Pressure of snub nose remove off backbone so this agent able revolve self, face to rest eye upon attacker.

  Security lamp reflect silver-barrel double-action revolver. Trevor bitch say, “Don’t try anything funny…” Shake curtain of clear-yellow hair away sides own face. Bully hand turn revolver redirect until snub nose pressured to location own heart muscle, bracing.38 Special so shoot own chest, Trevor bitch say, “You tell anybody what I say, here, and I swear…” Trevor finger click trigger, hammer cocked.

  Trevor say, “You breathe a word, and I’ll kill myself.”

  For official record, happening absolute truth.

  Bullet aimed so destroy own self, Trevor say how enamored strongly of this agent. Since violated by force, men’s spa room of shopping mall. How never so experienced such passion. So used and taken beyond own person control…Own boundaries expanded…

  Clear-yellow bully spout many statement proclamations. Declare dedicate to dying adoration this agent. Say many such affections. Gush generous words of appeal. “You won’t have to say ‘hi’ at school or anything.” Say, “I’ll understand.”

  Trevor typical normal Caucasoid male… dolichocephalic skull, narrow nasal aperture, long nasal root height—prior folded flat against face cheek. Sagittal crest measure within normal variations. Digits of hand grip revolver to own rib cage, digits squeezed white of no blood. Bitch voice drone and drone. Cologne pollute night oxygen. Ritual music leak from interior sports arena. Bitch voice remain drone.

  For official record, ears of operative me no actual affording attention. Merely await pause, Trevor to breathe inhale.

  After time, mouth of Trevor Stonefield stop moving. Silent. Revolver barrel remain dimpling chest of own shirt, aimed to destroy own heart muscle. Blue eyes starving for reply.

  Mouth of operative me say, No love. Say how instead, bully suffer merely Stockholm syndrome. No able accept how possessed of no power, helpless, so reaction bonded alliance with aggressor. Form identity with oppressor. Typical victim psychology mechanism. No doubt Trevor own father brutalize so generated stronger bond father and son. Too threaten to risk hate. Cruel thrash become replace genuine gesture of familial affection. Violence synonymous love.

  Voice of operative me fashioned soothing, inform Trevor bitch merely exists as manufactured product cruel society, so entrenched no aware how motivated by personal history. Trevor Stonefield no responsible, merely animal pawn. Ignorant puppet. Victim Western system.

  New now, this agent fashion pleasing mouth of smile, trumpet clear belly laugh. Tell clear-yellow bully to rejoice. Many additional thug available to brutalize him into future. Multiple infinite opportunity seek damage from battering. World offer always strangers to enjoy sadism, exert dominant.

  Operative me say Trevor no actual love this agent. Instead, bitch merely thug bully for loving brutal power. Say how all tortured slave in secret romance with master.

  Illuminate of security lamp glisten alloy of revolver barrel. Glisten slow crawl shining water bleed out eye Trevor bitch, blue eye both bleed water. Face twisted, issue sob of breath while entire skeleton tremble. Twist of mouth burst open to say, “Couldn’t we just go steady?”

  For official record, the deity model only correct behavior. All must do unto fellow being what the deity does to all. Night of today, this agent further earn future own screaming cruel extinction.

  This agent say, much apologize, but cannot waste more seed within Trevor anus. Must retain so impregnate future offspring. Say, “Is no personal.”

  Next then, feet of operative me pivot. Legs step one ahead the other, the other ahead, the other a stride until walking departed Trevor and bullet. Own face pointed no look backward, throwing own voice over shoulder in parting, this agent quote honored rebel, steadfast revolutionary Che Guevara, say, ‘“Shoot, coward. You are only going to kill a man.’”

  Feet of operative me remain walking. Breath locked within lung of operative me, awaiting for impact of bullet.

  Dispatch

  Ninth

  Begins here ninth account of operative me, agent number 67, regaining host residence subsequent attending student mating ritual. Return via public transport bus route . Transfer route . Walk final segment to follow public byway . For official record, backbone of operative me no penetrated by revolver ammunition Trevor Stonefield.

  Along returning journey, encounter frequent memorial honoring American battle warrior, great officer similar Lenin. Many vast mural depicting most savvy United State war hero. Rotating statue. Looming visage noble American colonel. Courageous, renown of history, Colonel Sanders, image forever accompanied odor of sacrificial meat. Eternal flame offering wind savory perfume roasted flesh.

  Further official record, host domicile structure harbor own share increasing intrigue.

  During this agent pick primary door lock resident domicile host family, eye of operative me witness shadow having rapid motion. Silent shadow edge perimeter host family landscaped property. Shadow leap so grasp lower limb Castanea dentata, gain purchase until lift shadow self to next high limb. Hidden foliage, shadow slide more height along Castanea dentata main trunk. Next then, perched adjacent window of cat sister sleeping chamber.

  Shadow so stealth could be operative Chernok. Engage covert camouflage as operative Ling. Perhaps operative Tanek violent attempt to inflict seed.

  Could be twin leg of operative me spring to perform Flying Tree Squirrel, zoom-grab, arrest progress of shadow and prevent from imminent fertility attack upon asleep host sister.

  Only next now, shadow present self amid ribbon illumination from lunar satellite. Pale watery illumination. Revealed no malice entity. No housebreaker. Instead, arm and leg snaking within window revealed as cat sister, appareled black blouse and trouser, face smeared black paint.

  Inside head of operative me, quote ideology despot, fiery orator Leon Trotsky, quote, “Insurrection is an art, and like all arts has its own laws.”

  Burdened, slung to carry over shoulder, sister totes fabric sack weighed with mystery cargo. Initial sister disappear within window. Next now, sack of cargo conveyed into sleeping chamber. During all procedure no sound twig snap, no rustle foliage. No neighborhood canine cry out. No electric fixture
illuminate interior sleeping chamber.

  Quote, “Insurrection is an art, and like all arts has its own laws.”

  When calculation position lunar satellite, taking account season, place hour at 1:07 with twenty-four-second margins for error. For official record, host family domicile remain dark. Sister window slide until healed in wall. Remain outdoors this agent to accomplish pick lock, gain entry.

  Dispatch

  Tenth

  Begins here tenth account of operative me, agent number 67, recall former practice offensive attack exercise . Battle gallery . Headquarters . Combat rehearsal dated back many year. For official record, repeat recounting here formative history of operative me.

  For reinforce early lesson training of operative me.

  Depict here standard battle gallery, layered mirror to cover all one wall. No window. Cement floor sullied often with blemish ancient bloodstain. All operative present for the practice of Flying Hyena, lash-pow, single leg sweep thrust. Operative Tanek. Operative Bokara. Operative Pavel. Especial operative Pavel, agent 43. Battle gallery reverberate grunt of exertion during combat. Pack thud noise bone battering impact against opponent muscle. Gallery reek stenched operative perspire, stink chlorine bleach having ghosted ancient history floor bloodstain.

  Foot of operative me, sparring kick, sweep air to shatter skull of operative Magda. Sweep thrust during Magda evade, return own Flying Hyena to stomp ear of this agent. Leave this agent stunned, ear listening ring sound.

  Under no shadow of fluorescent illumination, electric hum, grunts, thud blows landed, operative Tang spar operative Chernok. Operative Sheena spar operative Ling. Operative Pavel battle operative Boban, agent 11.

  For official record, no two operative so opposite spectrum bell curve. Operative Pavel all attempt able foot splinter thick wood plank while kick. Chop hand of Pavel shatter solid brick concrete, single swing-bash, Elephant Stomp brick so become dust. Every sparring, operative Pavel manifest Whirling Wolverine: head butt, hip check, poke eye, spin until become blurred. No agent parallel.