Larger Font   Reset Font Size   Smaller Font  

Pygmy

Chuck Palahniuk

Could be jawbone operative me chomp especial back molar this agent, liberate burst cyanide implanted hollow of bottom back tooth. Violate hollow. Expectorate cyanide into lip host sister.

  With cat sister teetering edge death, sister heart slowed so flirting with damage to brain, so heavy sedative, current now bodes safe this agent offer announcement. Lips operative me kissed red, leaving own black stain behind, this agent say, “If able attain love only sister…”

  Say, “Would this agent never all other love require…”

  Instead impregnate cat sister, instead cyanide assassinate, feet operative me make small parade to stance beside asleep host father. Fingers of this agent entwine among head hairs cow father, yank so lift host father skull from table. As obstacle, head hair peel free of scalp. Revealed strands as artificial. As solution, two fingers operative me hook nostrils, anchored so pull to make skull lifted. Father mouth trumpet snore at roof. With chest of father blouse exposed, this agent purloin security badge.

  Utilizing polish metal spoon, one hand operative me hooking nostrils so lift head, opposite hand operative me wedge spoon along bottom margin prosthetic eye. Edge spoon bowl sunken deep divide between eyeball and flesh socket of father skull. Wiggle wedging spoon more deep, this agent apply increase pressure handle of utensil, pressure causing eyeball bulge. Scooping spoon swell eyeball to escape, ready emerge out socket with increase of gentle push. Eye much realistic, cracked broken into countless tunnel for red blood. Iris crafted every shade green.

  “Pygmy?” voice say, female voice.

  Host father artificial eye ready about almost to pop free. Bulge before crucial moment eyeball rupture.

  Cat sister head slight lifted off table, squinting so focus host sister eyes, say black lips, “That’s his good eye…” Sister say, eye cover skins sliding closed, say, “Try the other one…” Say, “Dipshit.” Host sister skull resettle upon table surface, say muffled, “Steal me some printer cartridges, okay?” Lapsed next then, bewitched of sedative, fallen full submerged sleep.

  Possible could be cat sister perceived oral profession love of this agent.

  Could be host sister aware during confessed most worst secret operative me.

  Quote say, “The future belongs to those who prepare for it today.”

  Next then, new position spoon opposite eye of host father. Plunge to wedge between bottom edge eyeball and socket. Apply pressure spoon handle.

  Within head operative me, in secret recite, say, Strontium … plutonium… uranium…

  Same now, prosthetic glass eye erupt rattling ricochet side water glass, rebound skull asleep pig brother, splash amidst sodium chloride sauce pulverized potatoes, green eyeball gazing contempt at direction this agent.

  Dispatch

  Twenty-fifth

  Begins here twenty-fifth account of operative me, agent number 67, recalling covert training of past formative year . This today, acquire stealth battle philosophy espoused top esteemed field marshal . Explained secret espionage purpose of operative genitals, all agents, advancing world power of homeland .

  For official record, repeat recounting here early childhood history. For reinforce early important training of this agent, this former now aged eight years since birth.

  According famed field marshal, all entire member United State adults, all most savor sexual intercourse atop children. American citizen drooling pedophile famished for consume tender child genital.

  During revered distinguished field marshal present lecture, assuming stance at focus all student. Black-color boot rooted wide apart, uniform trouser tucked interior top collar laced boot per regulation. Field marshal clasp both own hand so folded behind back. Black uniform tunic plated many gold medals layering location above heart muscle. Plated thick metal. Medals bravery. Rewarded medals misery. Voice revered field marshal, trumpet lesson word. Eye cover skins no ever action blink.

  Attentive seated, operatives Magda, Tanek, Otto, all agent, Tibor, Bokara, Ling. Former now, during field marshal make small parade so penetrate chamber, all agent speaking single voice, say, “Greetings, esteemed most revered educator.”

  Unite wave of voice, all operative say, “Accept, please, our gratitude for the wisdom you impart.”

  Field marshal bow head.

  Operative all bow head.

  According explain field marshal, former past history, all American citizen hidden homosexual. All hungering clandestine masturbation within orifice fellow citizen identical gender. Best most enjoy so private mutual degradation. Thus for top method gain access government, attain power over individual, must operative merely engage enjoined sodomy within American. Next then, subsequent threaten expose said citizen as surreptitious pervert. Under past strategy must victim supply said operative government confidential information, supply currency. Fulfill all such requests from terror for being named public sodomite.

  During recite profound lecture, hands acclaimed field marshal manipulate own buckle of belt. Free belt. Extract belt leather strap out entire waistband trouser. Hand fingers clutch fabric of tunic where constrained within waistband. Draw tunic hem upward until free of trouser, tails tunic hang loose, marred many wrinkle.

  Distinguished field marshal recounting valuable lesson gleaned under countless painful violation. Mounted beneath degrading copulations committed vast number American senator, governor of state, chairman joint chiefs of staff.

  Heart muscle plated gold medals commending field marshal endurance so humiliation.

  Next now, kneel of field marshal flex, lower torso so hands able loosen laces one boot. Hands loosen laces second boot. Feet revered field marshal lift so step free, abandoning both empty boot.

  Since modern era, explain renowned field marshal, depraved United State nation embraces such degenerates. America boasts frequent vast public parade for flaunting sodomy. Generating no shame, no afraid, historical threaten exposure no longer effective means extortion.

  Hand fingers wise field marshal liberate waistband closure. Legs step free uniform trouser. Make careful folded crease of trouser, place atop boots. Place boot and trouser aside.

  “Important,” say acclaimed field marshal, appareled solely tunic, bikini inner pants. Bikini inner pants fashioned olive drab color. Revealing narrow leg limbs, luxuriant with dense hairs, say, “Subsequent to digital stimulation American anus, must always every operative launder hands…”

  Offer all operative latex hand coverings. Offer gelatin lubricant transparent of no color.

  Field marshal exclaim how American devils no squeamish of any possible genital acts. Forever tunneling rodents inserted rectums even top famous movie actors. Phallus and orifice United State vipers forever textured plentitude numerous nodules, knobby as sea creature, anemone or sea cucumber, so crowded dense carpeted with venereal wart.

  “Resulting such frequent abuse,” say field marshal, “American orifice perennial diseased.” Say, “Vector always infection.”

  Hands respected field marshal no yet remove own bikini.

  Tanek pass latex hand covers, pass gelatin, distributed Otto, distributed Sheena, Oleg, Vaky until all operative so equipped.

  In secret, interior thinking machine operative me, no voice, say, Carbon … cerium … cesium …

  “Most crucial,” say field marshal, “able instant fast locate prostate or urethral sponge for vigorous stimulate.” Bikini remain intact, masking genital, field marshal say, “American nation suffer culture of desire…”

  According lecture, entire effort United State to incite desire, inflict want, inspire demand. Every today American vermin offered too many objects for acquire. Offered too numerous formula for succeed. Too vast selection religion, vocation, lifestyle. No ever able make choice. Resulting outcome no happiness, forever striving pursuit next objective. Next possession or experience or reproductive mate.

  Finger engaging elastic waistband bikini, field marshal explain superior nature this homeland. Here, the state encourages no option exist. Limit each possible choice every citi
zen. Provide best simple selection of residence, education, career, partner. Wise, knowledgeable state officials permit no citizen confused by stress of opportunity, stress of surprise, or lofty aspiration. So inflict greater happiness, this homeland channel all citizen routed along single path correct life. Solely most noble purpose entire life energy. No clutter of wide variety. No turmoil generated by personal choice.

  “Future today,” say field marshal, “to demonstrate correct method harbor condom concealed within face cheek so able utilize during fellatio American president.” Say, “Thus containing explosion president seed.” Say, “Most effective preserving wardrobe.”

  Field marshal quote eminent military general, courageous visionary Idi Amin, say, “‘You cannot run faster than a bullet.’”

  This today, hands field marshal engage elastic of bikini. Extract one thigh out. Extract second thigh so reveal most illustrious genital dangling below tails of tunic, chest remain clad many gold medal. For succeed in America must operative become accomplished top sexual participant. In demon culture of despotic United States must agents attain status of object exciting most desire.

  Neck respected field marshal rotate. Shoulder rotate. Torso rotate to make entire body expose withered buttock at assembly operative in training.

  Breath this agent limited tiny inhale, tiny exhale, repeat rapid. Rapid ripple heart muscle. Hands operative me tremble tiny twitch. In secret terror, operative me recite, no voice, say, Cobalt … copper … curium …

  This today, study location prostate. Next today, clitoris. Second next today, nipples. Study stimulation lips. Stimulation scrotum. Craft best effective service of pervert penis and vagina. In vengeance against American predators must total operative graduate expert in pleasing all pedophile for extortion.

  All operative witness wrinkled pucker, horror shit eye leading field marshal, constrict small circumference. Squeeze tight knot. Next expand, relax so squirming red color muscle achieve full blossom. Repeat constrict, then relax, so pulse.

  Viscera operative me convulse, spasm. Esophagus flooded bitter taste much digestive acid. Apple of Adam jump with effort swallow such stomach bile.

  This homeland, total freedom of no options. Solely inevitable duty: doom.

  Could be legs operative me spring out desk seat, land killing Kangaroo Kick, thug-thump, so render field marshal into coma, allow this agent escape classroom. Flee state.

  Quote, “You cannot run faster than a bullet.”

  This agent fated forever enjoy comfort of such trap.

  All every student instant quick donning latex hand cover during field marshal squat so expose pink pleated tissue today lesson. Grant access. Same now, voice field marshal summon name initial agent to volunteer.

  Dispatch

  Twenty-sixth

  Begins here twenty-sixth account of operative me, agent number 67, attending alive living torture Junior Swing Choir. Have initiated construction weapon of mass destruction . Crafting success recent foray for obtain deadly neurotoxin . Effective dispersal method . For official record, current now, ape mimic joyous facial expression fellow student during bellow propaganda lyrics. All lauding agrarian United State deemed Oklahoma, primitive environment employing equine labor for drag wheeled conveyance despoiled with superfluous decorative fringe.

  This agent stance among ranked students, multiple row sorted tone of voice, segregated, this agent directed endure amidst shrill mouths female student. Voice operative me directed bellow solely most squeal-pitched portions each lyric. Describe glowing carriage desecrated with hang of fringe. Honey lambs. Stalk cereal corn grown height comparable eyeball of pachyderm. Insane garbage lyrics. Directed no scowl during bellow such lunatic word.

  For official record, most big words printed ink across American news broadsheet this today announce male parentage Trevor Stonefield arrested by state, charged sodomize abuse own son. Coarse newsprint image present Glen Stonefield eyes bleeding copious water during placed in bondage by law officers. Female Stonefield in addition bleeding eye water, flat palms female hands pressured both face cheeks male, female calf muscles contracted so balance atop toes, fisted lips reach until almost moment contact lips male parentage. Male Stonefield strain against bonds. Female hands securing final moment male face.

  During bellow attributes Oklahoma state, conceal newsprint folded said photograph within trouser operative me. Fingers this agent reading by touch, feel ink faces grieving parentage. In secret, lips operative me say, within head quote ruthless leader, merciless tyrant Adolf Hitler, say, “It is not truth that matters, but victory.”

  Drowned among wail of praise for waving wheat, cattle stance so mimic statues, voice whisper say, “Pygmy?”

  Female voice, host sister, stealth cat, say, “The other night?” Say, “On Thanksgiving …” Sister stance immediate behind this agent, crowded deep within squeal-pitched female voices. Sweet exhale of sister buffeting ear this agent.

  Sister voice camouflaged amid din, so many boasting glory city of Kansas. How such modern. Screaming all conceit. American arrogance. Much booming pride for skyscraping building consisting seven floor. How toilet contained interior residence, no mere outdoors pit excavated for collect feces. Merry American youth trumpet much egotism such recent progress.

  Drowned flurry such compulsory celebration propaganda, cat sister say, “I mean, did you swipe the printer cartridges I asked for?”

  No rotating neck so contact eyes of cat sister, this agent tilt skull forward, tilt back, repeat to make head meaning “yes.” Finger concealed within trouser, stroking photo moist faces Stonefield parentage. In addition, stroking turgid rise weapon this agent.

  Sweet exhale sister voice say, “I think you gave my brother brain damage from all those drugs…” Say, “But with him it’s hard to tell.”

  Surround this agent, bellowing skulls multiple viable reproductive female: former delegate Norway, former lady delegate Palau, delegate Zambia. Negroid. Mongoloid. Caucasoid. Madam Party Pillows. Madam Blouse Bunnies. Every vagina hoarding treasure trove precious cargo female eggs starved for male seed. Such army future soldier, doctor, political operative, civil engineer, suppressed in order females scream yodel touting vast cultural advancement city of Kansas. Boast over no clothed degenerate burlesque dance. Public telephone.

  So corrupt evil vile American liberal culture. Such United State pretension.

  Next then, other female voice, whisper say, “Attention, comrade.”

  Voice operative Magda, made stance to rear this agent. Ear opposite cat sister, Magda say, “Required must make test utilizing deadly neurotoxin, prior Operation Havoc…”

  Same now, cat sister say, “Did you kiss me?” Say, “I mean, while I was asleep?”

  Voice Magda, breath say, “Required expose test subject to gauge effects fatal toxin.”

  Scent cat sister breath, sweet of latex chew gum. Scent Magda breath, the odor of comrade stale teeth.

  Same now, cat sister say, “I mean, I woke up and my lips were black…”

  Amid youth crooning propaganda song, numerous male suffer fracture arm, limb hung sling, cast layers heavy fiberglass. All every male student requesting this agent inscribe message atop surface new fiberglass limb. Instruct operative me inscribe, “To my best bud…” Or, “To the number one member of my crew…” Crippled youth scampering so able provide elements science fair project this agent. Enamored youth provisioning bomb container, ingredient explosion, method ignition. Each sourcing different element, timing device, or brown packaging. No student able surmise total purpose every combined such innocuous articles: metal canister, clock radio, potassium nitrate, adhesive tape.

  “Another thing is…” say cat sister, “my mom found black fingerprints on her pussy, and she’s blaming me.”

  In secret, this agent reciting within head, no voice, say, Tin … titanium … tungsten …

  Host sister say, “If you swiped my mom’s batteries, you need to come clean.”

  Magda breath say, �
��Attention, comrade.” Say, “Mission directive communicate target for purpose testing neurotoxin…”

  Remain all fellow student warble evoking pride how grand state of Oklahoma. During prideful yodel, student keyboard tiny message. Different student thumb strategy electric competition contained colored lights of tiny box. Different student decipher text received on private screen. Witness broadcast narrative displayed tiny screen. Hunt images many professional actors engaged in reproductive acts, multiple variety couplings, coital position, teach breeding instruction. However in error, instructors always depositing seed upon mammary glands or face cheeks or anus female partner, idiot American males never successful to breeding offspring.

  Always attempting fertilize. Never succeed. Such poor role model.

  Always extract weapon total wrong moment.

  Fellow operative present attend Junior Swing Choir—Tibor, Mang, Chernok, Tanek, Otto, and Vaky—all cast eyeball so rest upon this agent. Almost total population male students this today appareled black tunic printed English letter words “Property of Jesus.” When event contact eye operative me, such student collapse half face to make wink eye. Remain croon lyrics propaganda.

  Cat sister breath, sweet breath perch upon shoulder operative me, billow into ear, say, “I’ll make you a deal, Pygmy.” Say, “Keep your paws out of my mom’s pussy, and I’ll show you my project for the science fair…”

  Reiterate breath operative Magda, whisper say no sufficient fellow operative mere execute top profound science fair project, brilliant inspired project, must in addition sabotage projects created competing students. Ensure victory operative projects local, preliminary regional competitions, Magda remind. Guarantee admission of deadly projects into national finals staged Washington, D.C., in capital of devil nation. Operation Havoc assured most worst impact, zing-pow-wham, create infinite damage dead.

  Vengeance upon American vipers.

  Within thinking machine this agent, picture parentage operative me, final mental narrative, reciting, Xenon … ytterbium … yttrium …