PS, I Love You, Page 9

  “That’s very late,” said her father, pouring gravy all over his plate. He always ended up with more gravy than food on his plate.

  “Yeah, but it was the only time I could get to book the editing suite.”

  “Is there only one editing suite, Declan?” piped up Richard.

  “Yeah.” Ever the conversationalist.

  “And how many students are there?”

  “It’s only a small class, there are just twelve of us.”

  “Don’t they have the funds for any more?”

  “For what, students?” Declan teased.

  “No, for another editing suite.”

  “No, it’s only a small college, Richard.”

  “I suppose the bigger universities would be better equipped for things like that, they’re better all-round.”

  And there was the dig they were all waiting for.

  “No, I wouldn’t say that, the facilities are top of the range, there’s just fewer people so therefore less equipment. And the lecturers aren’t inferior to university lecturers, they’re a bonus because they work in the industry as well as lecturing. In other words, they practice what they preach. It’s not just textbook stuff.”

  Good for you, Declan, Holly thought, and winked across the table at him.

  “I wouldn’t imagine they get paid well doing that, so they probably have no choice but to lecture as well.”

  “Richard, working in film is a very good job; you’re talking about people who have spent years in college studying for degrees and master’s …”

  “Oh, you get a degree for that, do you?” Richard was amazed. “I thought it was just a little course you were doing.”

  Declan stopped eating and looked at Holly in shock. Funny how Richard’s ignorance still amazed everyone.

  “Who do you think makes all those gardening programs you watch, Richard?” Holly interjected. “They’re not just a crowd of people who are doing a little course.”

  The thought had clearly never crossed his mind that there was a skill involved.

  “Great little programs they are,” he agreed.

  “What’s your project on, Declan?” Frank asked.

  Declan finished chewing his food before he spoke. “Oh, it’s kind of too messy to go into, but basically it’s on club life in Dublin.”

  “Ooh, will we be in it?” Ciara broke her unusual silence and asked excitedly.

  “Yeah, I might just show the back of your head or something,” he joked.

  “Well, I can’t wait to see it,” Holly said encouragingly.

  “Thanks.” Declan put his knife and fork down and started laughing. “Hey, what’s this I hear about you singing in a karaoke competition next week?”

  “What?” Ciara yelled, her eyes nearly popping out of her head.

  Holly pretended not to know what he was talking about.

  “Ah come on, Holly!” he persisted. “Danny told me!” He turned to the rest of the table and explained, “Danny is the owner of the place where I did the gig the other night and he told me Holly has entered a karaoke competition in the club upstairs.”

  Everyone oohed and aahed and talked about how great it was. Holly refused to give in. “Declan, Daniel’s just playing games with you. Sure everyone knows I can’t sing! Now come on,” she addressed the rest of the table. “Honestly, if I was singing in a karaoke competition I think I would tell you all.” She laughed as if the thought were so ridiculous. In fact, the thought was so ridiculous.

  “Holly!” he laughed. “I saw your name on the list! Don’t lie!”

  Holly put her knife and fork down, she suddenly wasn’t hungry anymore.

  “Holly, why didn’t you tell us you’re going to sing in a competition?” her mother asked.

  “Because I can’t sing!”

  “Then why are you doing it?” Ciara burst out laughing.

  She might as well tell them, she figured; otherwise Declan would beat it out of her and she didn’t like lying to her parents. It’s just a shame Richard would have to hear it too.

  “OK, it’s a really complicated story, but basically Gerry entered my name in months ago because he really wanted me to do it, and as much as I don’t want to do it, I feel I have to go through with it. It’s stupid, I know.”

  Ciara stopped laughing abruptly.

  Holly felt paranoid with her family staring at her, and she nervously tucked her hair behind her ears.

  “Well, I think that’s a wonderful idea,” her dad suddenly announced.

  “Yes,” added her mum, “and we’ll all be there to support you.”

  “No, Mum, you really don’t have to, it’s no big deal.”

  “There’s no way my sister is singing in a competition without me being there,” declared Ciara.

  “Here, here,” said Richard. “We’ll all go so. I’ve never been to a karaoke before, it should be …,” he searched his brain for the right word, “… fun.”

  Holly groaned and closed her eyes, wishing she had gone straight home from town. Declan was laughing hysterically. “Yes, Holly, it’ll be … hmmm …,” he said, scratching his chin, “… fun!”

  “When is it on?” Richard said, taking out his diary.

  “Eh … Saturday,” Holly lied, and Richard began writing it down.

  “It is not!” Declan burst out. “It’s next Tuesday, you liar!”

  “Shit!” cursed Richard, much to everyone’s surprise. “Has anyone got any Tipp-Ex?”

  Holly could not stop going to the toilet. She was nervous and had gotten practically no sleep the night before. And she looked just the way she felt. There were huge bags under her bloodshot eyes, and her lips were bitten.

  The big day had arrived, her worst nightmare, singing in public.

  Holly wasn’t the kind of person who even sang in the shower, for fear of cracking all the mirrors. But man, was she spending time in the toilet today. There was no better laxative than fear, and Holly felt like she had lost a stone in just one day. Her friends and family had been as supportive as ever, sending her good luck cards. Sharon and John had even sent her a bouquet of flowers, which she placed on the draft-free, heat-vent-free coffee table beside her half-dead orchid. Denise had “hilariously” sent her a sympathy card.

  Holly dressed in the outfit Gerry had told her to buy in April and cursed him all throughout. There were far more important things to worry about right now than irrelevant little details like how she looked. She left her hair down so it could cover her face as much as possible and piled on the waterproof mascara as though it could prevent her from crying. She could foresee the night ending in tears. She tended to have psychic powers when it came to facing the shittiest days of her life.

  John and Sharon collected Holly in the taxi and she refused to talk to them, cursing everyone for forcing her to do this. She felt physically sick and couldn’t sit still. Every time the taxi stopped at a red light she contemplated jumping out and running for dear life, but by the time she built up the courage the lights would go green again. Her hands fidgeted nervously and she kept opening and closing her bag, pretending to Sharon she was searching for something just to keep herself occupied.

  “Relax, Holly,” Sharon said soothingly, “everything will be fine.”

  “Fuck off,” she snapped.

  They continued on in silence for the rest of the journey, even the taxi driver didn’t speak. They finally reached Hogan’s, and John and Sharon had a hell of a time trying to stop her ranting (something about preferring to jump in the River Liffey) and persuading her to go inside. Much to Holly’s horror, the club was absolutely jammed, and she had to squeeze by everyone to make her way to her family, who had saved a table (right beside the toilet as requested).

  Richard was sitting awkwardly on a stool looking out of place in a suit. “So tell me about these rules, Father, what will Holly have to do?” Holly’s dad explained the “rules” of karaoke to Richard and her nerves began to build even more.

  “Gosh, that’s terri
fic, isn’t it?” Richard said, staring around the club in awe. Holly didn’t think he had ever been in a nightclub before.

  The sight of the stage terrified Holly; it was much bigger than she had expected and there was a huge screen on the wall for the crowd to see the words of the songs. Jack was sitting with his arm draped around Abbey’s shoulders; they both gave her a supportive smile. Holly scowled at them and looked away.

  “Holly, the funniest thing just happened earlier on,” Jack said, laughing. “Remember that guy Daniel we met last week?”

  Holly just stared at him, watching his lips moving but not giving a damn about what he said. “Well, me and Abbey got here first to keep the table and we were having a kiss and your man came over and whispered in my ear that you were gonna be here tonight. He thought we were going out and that I was doing the dirt!” Jack and Abbey laughed hysterically.

  “Well, I think that’s disgusting,” Holly said and turned away.

  “No,” Jack tried to explain, “he didn’t know that we were brother and sister. I had to explain …” Jack trailed off as Sharon shot him a warning look and silenced him.

  “Hi, Holly,” Daniel said, approaching her with a clipboard in his hand, “OK, the order of tonight is the following: First up is a girl called Margaret, then a guy called Keith and then you’re up after him. Is that OK?”

  “So I’m third.”

  “Yeah, after …”

  “That’s all I need to know,” Holly snapped rudely. She just wanted to get out of this stupid club and wished that everyone would just stop annoying her and leave her alone to wish evil thoughts on them all. She wished the ground would open and swallow her up, that a natural disaster would occur and everyone would have to evacuate the building. In fact, that was a good idea; she searched around frantically for a button to raise the fire alarm, but Daniel was still talking away to her.

  “Look, Holly, I’m really sorry to disturb you again, but could you tell me which of your friends is Sharon?” He looked like he was afraid she was going to bite his head off. So he should be, she thought, squinting her eyes.

  “Her over there.” Holly pointed to Sharon. “Hold on, why?”

  “Oh, I just wanted to apologize for the last time we spoke.” He started to walk toward Sharon.

  “Why?” Holly said with panic in her voice, making him turn around again.

  “Oh, we just had a minor disagreement on the phone last week.” He looked at her confused as to why he had to explain himself to her.

  “You know, you really don’t need to do that, she’s probably forgotten about it completely by now,” she stammered. This was the last thing she needed.

  “Yeah, but I would still like to apologize,” and he headed over to her. Holly leapt from her stool.

  “Sharon, hi, I’m Daniel, I just wanted to apologize about the confusion on the phone last week.”

  Sharon looked at him as though he had ten heads. “Confusion?”

  “You know, on the phone?”

  John placed his arm protectively around her waist.

  “On the phone?”

  “Eh … yes, on the phone.” He nodded.

  “What’s your name again?”

  “Em, it’s Daniel.”

  “And we spoke on the phone?” Sharon said with a smile appearing on her face.

  Holly gestured wildly to her behind Daniel’s back. Daniel cleared his throat nervously. “Yes, you called the club last week and I answered, does that ring a bell?”

  “No, sweetie, you’ve got the wrong girl,” Sharon said politely.

  John threw Sharon a dirty look for calling him sweetie; if it had been up to him he would have told Daniel where to go. Daniel brushed his hand through his hair and appeared to be more confused than anyone else and began to turn around to face Holly.

  Holly nodded her head frantically to Sharon.

  “Oh …,” Sharon said, looking like she finally remembered. “Oh Daniel!” she yelled, a bit overenthusiastically. “God, I am so sorry, my brain cells seem to be going a bit dead.” She laughed like a madwoman. “Must be too much of this,” she laughed, picking up her drink.

  Relief washed over Daniel’s face. “Good, I thought it was me going mad there for a minute! OK, so you remember us having that conversation on the phone?”

  “Oh, that conversation we had on the phone. Listen, don’t worry about it,” she said, waving her hand dismissively.

  “It’s just that I only took over the place a few weeks ago and I wasn’t too sure of the exact arrangements for tonight.”

  “Oh, don’t worry … we all need our time … to adjust … to things … you know?” Sharon looked at Holly to see if she had said the right thing or not.

  “OK then, well, it’s nice to finally meet you in person,” Daniel laughed. “Can I get you a stool or anything?” he said, trying to be funny.

  Sharon and John sat on their stools and stared back at him in silence, not knowing what to say to this strange man.

  John watched with suspicion as Daniel walked away.

  “What was that all about?” Sharon asked Holly as soon as he was out of earshot.

  “Oh, I’ll explain it to you later,” said Holly as she turned to face the stage. Their karaoke host for the evening was just stepping up onstage.

  “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!” he announced.

  “Good evening!” shouted Richard, looking excited. Holly rolled her eyes up to heaven.

  “We have an exciting night ahead of us …” He went on and on and on in his DJ voice while Holly danced nervously from foot to foot. She desperately needed the toilet again.

  “So first up tonight we have Margaret from Tallaght, who is going to sing the theme to Titanic, ‘My Heart Will Go On,’ by Celine Dion. Please put your hands together for the wonderful Margaret!” The crowd went wild. Holly’s heart raced. The hardest song in the world to sing, typical.

  When Margaret began to sing, the room became so quiet you could almost hear a pin drop. Holly looked around the room and watched everyone’s faces. They were all staring at Margaret in amazement, including Holly’s family, the traitors. Margaret’s eyes were closed and she sang with such passion it seemed she had lived every line of the song. Holly hated her and contemplated tripping her up on her way back to her seat.

  “Wasn’t that incredible?” the DJ announced. The crowd cheered again, and Holly prepared herself not to hear that sound after her own song. “Next up we have Keith, you may remember him as last year’s winner, and he’s singing ‘America,’ by Neil Diamond. Give it up for Keith!” Holly didn’t need to hear any more and rushed into the toilet.

  She paced up and down the toilet and tried to calm herself, her knees were knocking, her stomach was twisted in knots and she felt the beginnings of vomit rising to her mouth. She looked at herself in the mirror and tried to take big deep breaths. It didn’t work, as it only made her feel dizzy. The crowd applauded outside and Holly froze. She was next.

  “Wasn’t Keith terrific, ladies and gentlemen?”

  Lots of cheers again.

  “Perhaps Keith is going for the record of winning two years in a row, well, it doesn’t get any better than that!”

  It was about to get a lot worse.

  “Next we have a newcomer to the competition. Her name is Holly and she’s singing …”

  Holly ran to the cubicle and locked herself in. There was no way in this world they were getting her out of there.

  “So ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for Holly!”

  There was a huge applause.

  Fourteen

  IT WAS THREE YEARS AGO when Holly had taken to the stage for her debut karaoke performance. Coincidentally it had been three years since Holly had taken to the stage to do karaoke.

  A huge crowd of her friends had gone to their local pub in Swords to celebrate the thirtieth birthday of one of the lads. Holly had been extremely tired, as she had been working overtime for the previous two weeks. She really
wasn’t in the mood to go out partying. All she wanted was to go home, have a nice long bath, put on the most unsexy pair of pajamas she owned, eats lots of chocolate and snuggle up on the couch in front of the TV with Gerry.

  After standing on an overcrowded DART all the way from Blackrock to Sutton Station, Holly was definitely not in the mood to go through the whole ordeal again in an overcrowded, stuffy pub. On the train, half her face had been squashed up against the window and the other half lodged underneath the sweaty armpit of a very unhygienic man. Right behind her a man was breathing alcoholic fumes rather loudly down her neck. It didn’t help matters that every time the train swayed he “accidentally” pressed his big beer belly up against her back. She had suffered through this indignity every day going to work and coming home for two weeks and she could take it no longer. She wanted her pajamas.

  Finally she arrived at Sutton Station and the very clever people there thought it was a great idea to all get on the train while people tried to get off. It took her so long to fight her way through the crowd to get off the train that by the time she reached the platform she saw her feeder bus drive off, packed with happy little people smiling out the window at her. And because it was after six o’clock, the coffee shop had closed and she was left standing in the freezing cold waiting for another half an hour till the next bus arrived. This experience only strengthened her desire to cuddle up in front of the TV.

  But a good evening at home was not to be. Her beloved husband had other plans. She arrived home tired and extremely pissed off to a crowded house and thumping music. People she didn’t even know were wandering around her living room with cans of beer in their hands and slumping themselves on the couch she had intended to live on for the next few hours. Gerry stood at the CD player acting DJ and trying to look cool. At that moment in time she had never seen him look so uncool in her life.

  “What is wrong with you?” Gerry asked her after seeing her storming upstairs to the bedroom.

  “Gerry, I am tired, I am pissed off, I am not in the mood to go out tonight, and you didn’t even ask me if it was all right to invite all these people over. And by the way, who are they?” she yelled.