KathalikkiReen

ovely to see you Rishi

  And you Sofie, as always

  Okay so here we are at this amazing event in celebration of the 4th anniversary for The ReBeL Charity. Just how are you feeling?

  I’m feeling a lot right now. I’m feeling proud first and foremost, I’m proud I was able to facilitate this thing that we have here. I’m proud of everyone involved with the charity- I mean, people are truly amazing and I get to see that everyday now. We’ve helped so many people, and more importantly we’ve helped people to help people and that’s just a real privilege. All of this wouldn’t be possible without the tremendous luck I’ve been afforded by God, you know, I feel truly blessed to be a part of all this.

  Well I wouldn’t say you’re just a part- you started all this. Talk us through just why you made the charity, when did you first have the idea and see the need?

  I started it but so many people carry it today. It’s no secret that I’m bipolar, and it all starts there really. Mental illness can make you feel so isolated and cut off from the world, from reality. I think I was 12 or 13 when I was really down, I mean literally I was on my bedroom floor, but also in my head and heart, I was down. I just said then and there that I would do my best to never let anyone else feel this scared, alone and helpless. That’s where the idea came from I guess. And I think many people have had that same point in their lives so were more than happy to help and allow the charity to grow to where it is currently.

  Really, when you were that young?

  Well it isn’t really young. Ask people that age now and they tell you all about their dreams, the state of the world as they see it and other things we see as ‘adult issues’. I just wanted to create a home for people like me. A place where people didn’t have to feel alone or different; a place where they could talk to someone and just feel okay. The charity is about creating a community, where mental illness doesn’t have a stigma attached to it, where we can talk freely about how we are really feeling. The amazing thing is that once people came and got help from us, they wanted to help back, they wanted to be a part of what we were doing. We’ve made so many friends and created so many beautiful real life stories, and that’s why we’re releasing this book just four years into our project.

  What your charity has done for young people is truly amazing. And Talking of books- I wanted to take you back

  Oh no

  [Laughter fills The Royal Opera House]

  Way way back, to your first works that were publicly available

  Oh gosh, okay here we go

  [The laughing echoes beautifully, surrounding us on stage]

  I think it would be beneficial to talk about the young you; it only seems right on this anniversary. I just wanted to know how you feel you are now as a writer compared to then 

  Well I hope I'm better, The Colour Collection was shocking. I mean don't get me wrong I had good moments in them and I learned a lot and I wouldn't be here without them but I'm mean that's a long time ago from now. It was my experimental stage you know. I was distracting myself from stuff and thought I was this new wave genius, which didn’t help I think. But like I said I had my metamorphosis at 21 and it was just nice to have all these ideas and actually put them down on virtual paper in a complete sort of form.

  Well something made you write back then and kept you writing. What was that? What's your inspiration?

  [With a quick look over to his left, offstage, and then back to me, which felt of note then and now]

  Love. 

  [Admittedly there was a long pause here as I left room for the writer to elaborate]

  Haha okay so that's then, and now?

  Love. 

  [A shorter pause than the previous]

  Specifically?

  I don't know I've been very lucky and blessed in my life to become the artist I am, you know. I guess I saw the beauty in small moments and that’s where I think my writing style and inspiration came from. And I never feel like I’m writing for writing’s sake, I want to inspire people into making their own collection of small moments for people they love. I want people to be free and loving and just weird like me I guess.

  Can you give an example of a beautiful small moment from your days with The Colour Collection?

  I can give you many, how long have we got

  [Laughing cascades once again]

  We’ve got all night

  Okay we better get some more champagne circulating

  [It’s easy to see how he manages humour in his works]

  I think I want to start with a letter [pulling out his phone] I wrote this when I was 19 or 20…bear with me:

  Dear me,

  You are a special type of pathetic. You got the one thing you craved and acted like a fool till it ran away. You will die alone, sad and lonely. You will be forgotten. There's nothing you can say or do. You are not special, no matter how many times your mums says and no matter how many times you lie to yourself. You are nothing more than a happy mistake. No one likes you and everyone leaves- remember this, as it will serve you well in the future. If you had no money, you wouldn't even have short term friends. You feel empty, because you were born empty. You were not blessed with a soul and all the interest that comes from that. No one thinks about you in the middle of the night. No one is struggling to remember your name right now, because they do not care. You are nothing. Nothing can never become anything. God loves you, this is true. But you'll never make him proud. Words are hollow. Actions are the only truth.

  Now I know you’re thinking this isn’t beautiful at all, in fact it’s the opposite, but see it’s what comes after. People always think the end is sooner than it actually is. Let me give you a quick back story- I wrote than on my phone and basically someone went through my phone and saw it. I was looking through my notes a few months after and I came across that very letter, but now at the bottom it said:

  I love you though buba 

  Never x

  That’s a small beauty right there. I wrote something really depressing and horrible. But it was turned into one of the greatest things I’ve ever experienced from just six words and a letter.

  That is beautiful- are you going to tell us who wrote that lovely message?

  [Pretending not to hear with his trademark cheeky grin] See there’s beauty everywhere, or at least everything can be made beautiful you know? I remember I had to read this book for university for the next day and I was halfway through, and it was just a horrible book- it was the kind of book that could put you off reading for life- kind of like my books I suppose! But anyway I remember reading this book, holding it with one hand up to my face- I was lying down in bed. It was a Sunday morning and the sun was peaking through just about. And she was in the crook of my neck, sleeping. Breathing so slowly and gently. A now I love the book! Because of that moment you know. Fragile Sunday breaths on a cold neck.

  Who was breathing on your neck?

  [Still ignoring- bigger grin] You know love has to be my inspiration because it opened my eyes and changed my perspective. I will always be thankful to God for giving me a pure muse, you know. I remember when I was younger I would try to be like Hemingway- who said ‘sit at your typewrite and bleed’- and you know he was always drunk. So yeah I would drink and look through painful memories like I was going through drawers at the morgue. But one day, after I turned 21, I realised that I didn’t have painful memories. Everything was beautiful because I was still here to think about them and make new ones. I think I’m rambling.

  Lets see if you hear this one. Your first love, or girlfriend at the time, does she feature in The Colour Collection?

  [Laughing] I hear you all the time Sofie. But honestly my first ever teacher features in my work, and so does the guy who served me a drink one time at that one bar, a
nd that girl who said she liked my bookshelf. Everyone I meet affects me. It’s a blessing and curse, but I care about everyone who has been in my life, no matter how long or short. So everyone features. I wouldn’t be who I am without all my experiences.

  You’re being evasive as always. Tell me, and everybody here, about love please

  We can never understand love, and that’s why so much art is about love, it’s the closest we can get to articulate ourselves about such a strange field. I’m not the master of love or anything; don’t get me wrong, I’m still learning about love. But I try to share what I have learnt in my works. Love is different for everybody. Love is how she would use way too much toothpaste and I would use just enough. Love is being clingy in summer and looking at each other funny when you realise you both smell funky. Love is eating at restaurants or at home and smiling the same way if the food is amazing or really shit. Love is spending the whole day in bed watching movies and calling it a productive day. Love is jogging and working out together, and eating the vegetarian option in an attempt to be healthy. Love is arguing about stupid minuscule things because you care more than anything and love is a magnifying glass. Love is embarrassing yourself. Love is doing something, and not being sure why. Love is buying too many presents because you just want them to smile. Love is asking the awkward questions. Love is persistence. Love is brutal sometimes, but only because love is getting up and being stronger. Love is trains. Love is full notebooks, notepads and going to capacity on your phone. Love is hair playing. Love is hair pulling. Love is inter-dimensional. Love is flat and round and pinchy. Love is stupid. Love is long. Love is scary. Love is giving up and then giving in. Love is second chances and third and millionth chances. Love is life poker. I have actually said love so much that love is starting to sound like a fake word. Love. I’m sorry, please stop me.

  No, you talk like you write, how could I stop you

  Love is something that I do not understand, but I am very thankful for

  We all want to know about your first time experiencing it; I can’t count just how many times I’ve asked you in eight years. You just wont tell us will you?

  To be honest, its personal obviously, but its special to me, I don’t think it would be special to everyone else. I don’t want to disappoint everyone with an anti-climax of a tale. And maybe I have told everyone; maybe it’s in my writings, you’ll never know. I love my love story but it isn’t mine to tell

  Then whose is it to tell?

  The person who wrote it

  Another quote for the books

  Damn straight! I’m the quote master

  [The biggest laugh of the night so far from the lovely eclectic audience]

  No but seriously, tell us about your love life Miss. Lansson

  And on that note, lets get on with tonight’s proceedings!

  [I have to say it was a lovely atmosphere and I was proud to get a laugh almost as big]

  Can I just say something?

  Of course, this is your night

  I just wanted to thank everyone who supported the charity and myself. I know I’m a little crazy and weird at times, and I know I’m not great at interviews, but someone kind of told me something once. Well it was written on this thing she gave me, anyway here’s what I want to say, I saw this message everyday and think its why I am who I am now, or at least partly so:

  “Believe.

  Live the moment as if today is all we truly have.

  Let a little sunshine out as well as in to create your own rainbows.

  Believe in your heart…something wonderful is about to happen”