The Soul Reader



  The Soul Reader

  Copyright 2011 Bonnie Hatley-Oesch

  Prologue

 

  Dexter's world was pain.

  There was no end; there was no light; there was no hope. There was nothing but the searing, empty misery.

  The despair enveloped him, caressing his body with its evil killing strokes. And yet, death would have been a sweet relief. A victory. But it never came… because there was no end. He was dying constantly, painfully, endlessly, without ever becoming dead.

  He was screaming but he couldn't hear himself, couldn't even take satisfaction in the joy of expressing his anguish.

  There was only blackness and pain… neverending and fully hopeless.

  Chapter One

  Heidi Grace hadn’t learned the word “nomad” until she was seven, but she could have given you a complete description for it by the time she could speak full sentences because that is what she was. She couldn’t remember a time in her life where she wasn’t moving. She read stories about people who settled in one place and lived there with their families until they were old and death took them, but she understood these things the way most people understood the concept of space travel. They knew it happened and they had an idea about it, but it was never a reality in their lives. Heidi was a little sprite of a thing by the time she had her first tooth, her blue eyes always sparkled when she was deep in thought and her fire-red curly hair could be spotted from a mile away.

  Aunt Reboa said that the constant moving was necessary, but Heidi didn't fully understand why. As she got older she became more attuned to the fact that it had to do with the constant political strife in the world. More than that, it had something to do with Emperor Ezar and avoiding him. But most of all, it had to do with her gift. This she knew from the beginning. She knew she was different. Special. Gifted, her aunt called it. And yet, Heidi knew she was woefully inadequate at using her gift. After all, she had only ever used it on Aunt Reboa, and had never developed it beyond reading memories. Her mother, she knew, had been much more adept and her gift was much more far-reaching. But Heidi never dreamed she could ever reach her mother’s level, and truth be told, she wasn’t sure she wanted to. Her gift was what kept them moving. It kept her from fully understanding those stories about people who made a home in one place. Those people who made friends and built a community. She wished for that and often she would pray that her gift would be taken away so that she and her aunt could have a real home. But her gift persisted and her aunt was her only home.

  As she grew into adulthood she starting reading more on her own. She devoured books about families, community and friendship. These things she longed for and as she came to understand better, she knew her aunt longed for them as well. And since some combination of her gift and Emperor Ezar was what kept her from having these things, and because there was no literature on her particular impairment (as she truly thought of it), she read about the Emperor. Everything written about him was glowing and wonderful. He was a kind, powerful leader who looked out for his people and kept them safe and happy. She couldn’t understand, therefore, why they avoided him at all costs.

  One day when she was about sixteen she was walking home—or to the dwelling she and Aunt Reboa were currently staying in—from the local library. She passed a man on the street. He looked haggard and worn. His clothes were covered in dirt and torn in many places. He looked like he hadn’t eaten or slept for days. His hair was dirty and unkempt. He was only wearing one shoe and was growing a full, scraggly beard. As she passed him, she couldn’t help staring. He sat on the ground, breathing heavily, his arm was wrapped around his midsection. His stomach growled so loudly that she realized he must be holding his stomach because of hunger.

  She stopped and fished into her satchel. She hadn’t finished her entire lunch today, so why shouldn’t he have it? She approached him slowly, holding out her half-eaten sandwich. He regarded her and looked skeptically at the sandwich.

  “Are you hungry?” she asked. “I didn't finish my lunch today.”

  He didn’t answer her for a long time, just stared hungrily—and yet warily—at the sandwich. Finally he snatched it from her hand and began devouring it. He ate noisily but didn’t say a word to her.

  Heidi bit her lower lip, unsure of what else to say or do. “I... could get you some more food... if you need it...”

  He looked up at her, as if just remembering that she was there. He swallowed the last bite of her sandwich and stared at her silently for a long time.

  “Are you a spy?” he asked finally.

  She shook her head, confused. “A spy for whom?”

  “Ezar,” he mumbled.

  “No, I... I'm Heidi.”

  “Why are you helping me?”

  “I... you just... looked hungry...”

  He still looked skeptical but finally pursed his lips and nodded, appearing to be satisfied by her answer. “Thank you,” he said. “I’m sorry about my rude behavior. It’s just so rare to meet anyone outside of the rebellion who isn’t too afraid to help someone like me.”

  “Afraid?” Heidi asked. “Afraid of what?”

  “Ezar!” he snapped. “Have you been living under a rock?”

  Heidi shook her head and held out a history book she had checked out from the library. “The books say Emperor Ezar is kind and takes care of people.”

  Furiously he leapt to his feet and slammed his hand down on the book, knocking it to the ground and causing Heidi to jump back and cry out.

  “That book is garbage,” he growled. “Full of lies. I was a respectable man once. I had a home and a family and a life and Ezar has taken all of that away. You can’t learn anything from Imperial-run libraries. They fill it with lies to keep people loyal to the empire or too scared to stand up to him.”

  “I... I’m sorry...” Heidi said. Her eyes filled with tears of fright and she backed away slowly.

  The man reached out suddenly and grabbed her arms. She cried out again as he pulled her towards him, his face inches from hers. He smelled as if he hadn’t bathed for days but Heidi forced herself not to gag. She was afraid she would offend him and he might hurt her. He stared at her for a long time. His eyes were wild at first but finally they softened and even looked remorseful.

  “I’ve frightened you,” he said without letting go of her. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t like this before Ezar ruined me.” He dropped his hands from her arms.

  Heidi felt in the back of her mind that she should have run from him, but instead she stayed rooted to the spot.

  “You’re a kind soul,” he continued. “You shouldn’t have to be a part of this insanity. And yet you can’t escape it if you live in this world. There’s nowhere to run from it. You have to pick a side. Either live under Ezar’s tyrannical rule or join the rebellion.” He shook his head at himself, his eyes watering. “I have tried to stay out of it, tried not to join the rebellion but there is no way to live outside of the conflict. If you don't consciously choose a side, a side will be chosen for you.”

  Heidi breathed and began speaking again nervously. “If the history books are wrong... about the Emperor...” she mumbled. “Then where can I find out the truth?”

  He regarded her again. “That’s a good question, kid,” he said, smiling sadly. “I wish I knew the answer.” He jumped and turned suddenly. Two imperial police were walking down the street about three yards away.

  “Thanks for the sandwich,” the man said and dashed away.

  Heidi stood completely stunned on the sidewalk long enough that the police reached her. She jumped when they reached her. One bent down and picked up her history book.

  “Did you drop this?”
/>
  Heidi nodded and took it from his hand. “Thank you,” she said. “I, um... there was a spider on it and I panicked and dropped it.”

  “Are you all right now?”

  “Yes,” Heidi nodded and smiled. “Just a silly girl afraid of spiders.”

  The policeman seemed to accept this explanation and nodded. “Curfew is in an hour,” he reminded her.

  “Yes,” she said. “I was heading home right now. Thank you.”

  She didn't wait to hear anything else they said, just hurried away.

  “Heidi, have you completely lost your senses?!” Aunt Reboa shouted. “Now we have to find someplace else to stay, someplace far away from here!”

  She had been ranting since Heidi got home. First the ranting was about where Heidi was so late, after all, she barely made it in before curfew and the last thing they needed was for Heidi to spend the night in jail. Then all the moving and hiding they’d been doing would be for nothing because they’d find out about her gift and the Emperor would have her! It got even worse once Heidi explained why she was late. Reboa ran from window to window slamming the shutters closed and locking them tightly.

  “How is this my fault?” Heidi asked.

  “What were you even doing talking to some strange man on the street?”

  “He was hungry, Aunt Reboa,” she argued. “I just wanted to give him the rest of my sandwich. You’re angry at me for being kind to a hungry stranger?!”

  Reboa sighed wearily, shaking her head sadly. “Heidi, I know you are a kind soul and I love that about you, but you know we have to be careful. If they find us...”

  “What?” Heidi demanded. “What happens if they find us? I’m so sick of moving around, Aunt Reboa! If the Emperor really is who these books say he is…” She held up the history book. “…why are we constantly running from him?”

  “Heidi...”

  “No,” Heidi threw the book down, her eyes filling with angry tears. “That man on the street must have been right. These books are full of lies. Either that or my gift is really a curse.”

  Reboa's eyes shifted around uncomfortably, avoiding Heidi’s eyes. She finally responded, so quietly that Heidi could barely hear her. “Your gift is not a curse.”

  “Then the books are full of lies,” Heidi said. “So why haven’t we joined the rebellion?”

  Reboa's eyes went wide with terror. “Heidi!!! Don't ever say that again!!!”

  “Why not?!” Heidi demanded. “That man said we have to pick a side.”

  “You're going to listen to the ravings of a hunger-crazed lunatic?”

  “He may have been looney, Aunt Reboa, but isn't he right?” Heidi asked. “Don't we have to pick a side?”

  “We're picking OUR side,” Reboa responded firmly. “The side where we both stay alive. If we did join the....” She swallowed, too afraid to even say the word. “…we would end up dead or worse. That’s what happens to them.”

  “Then maybe we should just turn me into the Emperor.”

  “Heidi!!!” Reboa grew furious. “I did not watch my sister die and spend sixteen years hiding you to give up now.”

  “All you've done is give up!” Heidi screamed. She turned and threw herself down on her cot, sobbing miserably.

  That was four years ago. And they did leave the next morning, but something in Heidi had changed that day and not for the better. She was even quieter now and hardly ever read anymore. She did her chores and her arithmetic lessons obediently, but all mirth had gone out of her. This was why Reboa tried for the first time when Heidi was nineteen to make them a permanent home. She only admonished Heidi never to let anyone know about her gift.

  But Heidi was nineteen. And having been kept from almost all interaction with boys her age up until then, certain things were inevitable.

  Heidi met Brewer at the local market. He and his father sold produce. He was tall with dark hair and grey eyes. His face was better than handsome, it was interesting, and his crooked smile melted Heidi’s knees into water.

  “My dad thinks we’re going to get into trouble,” Brewer said. They were sitting under an old tree in the Imperial Park near the market one afternoon. It was the first time they’d managed to be alone together since they’d met. Both Brewer’s dad and Aunt Reboa had made every effort to keep the two apart.

  “My aunt just thinks everyone is out to get us,” Heidi sighed. “It’s nothing against you personally. She’s just always afraid the Emperor is going to come and get me.”

  He chuckled. “For what? Are you a criminal or something?”

  Heidi shook her head and pressed her lips together. She knew she shouldn’t tell him about her gift, and yet his eyes seemed to make her mouth run away with her.

  He lifted the bowl of grapes he had in his lap and offered her one, saving her from speaking more than she intended. She didn’t respond with words, she merely nodded. Brewer plucked a grape from the bunch and brought it to her mouth. She parted her lips and he slid the grape in between them. She could have bitten it in half, but instead she allowed him to push the entire grape into her mouth and brought her lips together around it, moistening his fingertip.

  She chewed and smiled at him. His finger still lingered at her lips for a moment and then it slid down to her chin. He cupped his hand beneath her chin and brought her face towards his. As she swallowed the grape, his lips came into contact with hers. She surrounded his lower lip with hers the way she had the grape. She could feel his crooked smile at the edge of his mouth turning up slightly and she kissed the corner of his mouth. His lips wound themselves around hers and she dropped her inhibitions without thinking. Before she knew what she was doing, an image appeared in her mind. It was an intensely sexual image of her... she was naked... this was not her own thought...

  She yanked herself away suddenly.

  He looked utterly astonished.

  “What was that?” he asked. “What did you just do?”

  “Me?!” she exclaimed. “You’re the one picturing me naked.”

  “How did you know that?!” he asked. He pushed himself away from her and got to his feet quickly. She stood up as well. “You... you read minds?”

  “No...” she fumbled. Her mind was racing. How had she done this? She'd always had control over her gift. More than that, she’d always had to touch the top of Aunt Reboa’s head with her hands to read her memories. And she’d never seen an image that Reboa hadn’t willingly shown to her. Moreover, she’d never seen a thought that Reboa was currently having, she’d only seen memories.

  “Heidi!”

  Brewer shouting her name brought her back to the present. She realized then that she was so surprised about how differently her gift had manifested itself—albeit inadvertently—that she had forgotten that he was there. More importantly, she’d forgotten that she had revealed to him her secret. This was bad. Aunt Reboa was going to be furious.

  “I’m sorry,” she fumbled. “I... I have to go!”

  She gathered her things and dashed away as quickly as her legs would take her.

  A few months later she sat in the kitchen of her dwelling with her eyes closed.

  “Okay, you can open them,” Reboa said.

  Heidi opened her eyes and looked at the item in front of her. It looked somewhat like a pastry, but bigger than any she’d ever seen. It was at least the size of a small hat, but it was circular with a flattened top. She could smell the sweetness of it.

  “What is this?” she asked.

  “It’s a birthday cake,” Reboa answered and sat down at the table across from her.

  “A what?”

  “A cake,” she explained. “It’s a sweet. A treat for your 20th birthday. When I was a child my mother made them for Kuma and me all the time. Nowadays it’s hard to find enough of all the ingredients to make them, but you only turn twenty once.” Reboa held out a fork to Heidi. “Try a bite.”

  Heidi bit her l
ip but took the fork from Reboa and slid it down the side of the cake. She put the fork in her mouth and pulled the bite off with her lips. She smiled as she chewed and the sweetness filled her mouth.

  “Wow, that’s really good, Aunt Reboa,” she said. “This must have so much sugar in it, how did you afford it?” Sugar was hard to come by and Reboa was exceedingly tight-fisted with their money. She kept it for moving expenses and because she changed jobs so often.

  Reboa waved her hand. “Don't worry about that,” she said. “It’s a special occasion.”

  Heidi used the fork to pull off another bite. “Well, you eat some, too.”

  Reboa smiled and got another fork. Together she and Heidi sat and ate the cake silently for a few moments. Reboa suddenly put her fork down and leaned forward.

  “I was also thinking…” she began. “I agreed to stop moving around and try to build a life because I wanted you to really live, not just exist like you were doing before.”

  Heidi continued to eat the cake, wondering where this was going.

  “So I’m sorry if I told you not to see that boy at the produce stand,” Reboa continued. “You should be able to live and experience things like falling in love and kissing boys and… well, that’s as far as I want it to go for now, but…” She smirked and shrugged her shoulders.

  Heidi shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She hadn’t seen or spoken to Brewer since…

  “That’s okay,” Heidi said finally. “I think you were right before. I don’t need to get involved with anyone.”

  Reboa's face turned somber. “Heidi...” she began with a warning note in her voice. “What happened?”

  “Nothing,” Heidi answered, but refused to meet Reboa’s eyes.

  “Heidi!” Reboa exclaimed. “Did that boy take advantage of you?”

  “No!”

  “You tell me the truth!” Reboa stood up suddenly. “I will talk to his father about this... he should know better. I won't have some boy taking advantage of my niece without…”

  “He didn’t do anything, it was me!” The words were out of Heidi’s mouth before she could think. She clamped her mouth shut and looked away.

  Reboa’s expression changed slightly from anger to confusion. “What do you mean?”

  Heidi worried her lip and continued to avoid Reboa’s eyes.

  “Heidi…”

  “Okay, but please don’t be angry,” Heidi sighed. “It was an accident. I don't even know how I did it.”

  “Did what?”

  “We were just… kissing,” Heidi explained. “That’s all… And I’ve only ever seen memories and only when I tried to look and only when I was touching the top of your head and…” She stopped suddenly when she saw the terrified expression on Reboa’s face.

  “You read his thoughts…” Reboa breathed. It wasn’t a question.

  “I didn’t mean to.”

  “When, Heidi? When did this happen?”

  Heidi sat with a guilty expression and her mouth agape.

  “Heidi!!”

  “Three months ago,” Heidi mumbled.

  “THREE MONTHS!!” Reboa’s hands flew to her mouth. “Why didn’t you TELL me?!”

  “Because I knew you’d be angry with me…”

  “But if you’d told me we could have left,” Reboa cried, panicking. “We could have run. We could have gotten away. Now it’s too late, they’ll be coming for you!”

  “Maybe not…” Heidi’s voice was so tiny.

  “Heidi, he’ll have told someone and they’ll be here!” Reboa dashed from the room and into the only other room in the dwelling.

  Heidi stood up from the table; the half-eaten birthday cake looked remarkably funny now. Reboa came rushing back into the room carrying a bag.

  “Pack your things, NOW!”

  “No!” Heidi whined. “I like it here!”

  “Heidi, I don’t want to hear it!” Reboa thundered. “We have to get out of here now! Pack only what you absolutely can't live without!”

  Heidi burst into tears. “This isn’t fair!! You just said I should get to have a real life and I didn’t read his mind on purpose!”

  “This isn’t a punishment, Heidi,” Reboa exclaimed. “I’m trying to protect you! I made a promise to Kuma!!! I promised to keep her daughter safe!”

  “I’m tired of being safe! I want to stay! I want…”

  She didn’t get to finish what she was saying. Both of them jumped at the sound of a harsh knock at the door. All life left Reboa's face. Her already fair skin turned an even paler shade of white. She dropped the bag silently to the ground and walked robotically towards the door. She opened the door mechanically and didn’t look the least bit surprised when three Imperial guards stood before her.

  “Heidi Grace?”

  Reboa’s arm lifted. She didn’t turn her face, she merely pointed to Heidi.

  The guard held up a piece of paper and read from it. “By Imperial order, I am to take you into custody to be brought before his Highness the Emperor Ezar immediately.”

  “Why?” Heidi asked, tears filling her eyes. “What did I do?”

  “I’m not at liberty to answer any questions,” the guard said. “Please come with me.”

  Heidi looked frantically to her aunt. “Aunt Reboa…”

  But Reboa could do nothing. Her face conveyed her total and utter defeat. In that one look, Heidi could see how Reboa felt she had wasted twenty years of moving from place to place and never having a real life for nothing, how she’d failed her sister and broken her promise. In that one look, Heidi was more punished than she ever had been before or ever would be again. She didn’t say anything else. She didn’t even ask if she could bring anything with her. What would she bring, after all? She merely turned to the guard somberly and nodded.

  The three guards led the way out to an Imperial transport vehicle. One of the guards took Heidi by the arm, even though she showed absolutely no resistance. Heidi didn’t even have the energy to argue that pulling her along wasn’t necessary. She climbed in the transport vehicle without a word. Somewhere deep in her mind she knew she shouldn’t look back, that what she would see would devastate her. And yet, she couldn’t help it. She turned to look and through the back window, through the fog of her own tears, she saw her aunt crumpled on the ground outside the entrance to their dwelling, her head in her hands, sobbing bitterly.

  And all she’d done was kiss a boy.