Junie B., First Grader: One-Man Band

  Hurray for Barbara Park

  and the Junie B. Jones® books!

  “Park, one of the funniest writers around … brings her refreshing humor to the beginning chapter-book set.”

  —Booklist

  “Park convinces beginning readers that Junie B.— and reading—are lots of fun.”

  —Publishers Weekly

  “Park is simply hilarious.”

  —America Online's The Book Report

  “Junie B. is a darling of the young-reader set.”

  —USA Today

  “Children's book star Junie B. Jones is a feisty six-year-old with an endearing penchant for honesty.”

  —Time

  “First grade offers a whole year of exciting possibilities for Junie B. … As always, Park is in touch with what kids know and how they feel.”

  —School Library Journal

  “Sassy, hilarious, and insightful. Park obviously understands the passions and fears of first-graders.”

  —Booklist

  Laugh out loud with Junie B. Jones!

  #1 Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus

  #2 Junie B. Jones and a Little Monkey Business

  #3 Junie B. Jones and Her Big Fat Mouth

  #4 Junie B. Jones and Some Sneaky Peeky Spying

  #5 Junie B. Jones and the Yucky Blucky Fruitcake

  #6 Junie B. Jones and That Meanie Jim's Birthday

  #7 Junie B. Jones Loves Handsome Warren

  #8 Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed

  #9 Junie B. Jones Is Not a Crook

  #10 Junie B. Jones Is a Party Animal

  #11 Junie B. Jones Is a Beauty Shop Guy

  #12 Junie B. Jones Smells Something Fishy

  #13 Junie B. Jones Is (almost) a Flower Girl

  #14 Junie B. Jones and the Mushy Gushy Valentime

  #15 Junie B. Jones Has a Peep in Her Pocket

  #16 Junie B. Jones Is Captain Field Day

  #17 Junie B. Jones Is a Graduation Girl

  #18 Junie B., First Grader (at last!)

  #19 Junie B., First Grader: Boss of Lunch

  #20 Junie B., First Grader: Toothless Wonder

  #21 Junie B., First Grader: Cheater Pants

  #22 Junie B., First Grader: One-Man Band

  #23 Junie B., First Grader: Shipwrecked

  #24 Junie B., First Grader: BOO … and I MEAN It!

  #25 Junie B., First Grader: Jingle Bells, Batman Smells! (P.S. So Does May.)

  #26 Junie B., First Grader: Aloha-ha-ha!

  #27 Junie B., First Grader: Dumb Bunny

  Top-Secret Personal Beeswax: A Journal by Junie B. (and me!)

  Check out Barbara Park's other great books, listed at the end of this book!

  To the talented Denise Brunkus …

  who draws Junie B. with a sense of style,

  a sense of spirit, and—best of all—a sense of humor.

  What a wonderful gift.

  1. Kicking the Cow

  2. More Piggy Problems

  3. More Bad News

  4. Choices

  5. Lemonade

  6. Practicing

  7. Fun with Me and Sheldon

  8. Halftime

  9. Plops

  I smiled at that nice thought.

  Then I peeked over the side of my desk. And I tried to wiggle my piggy toe.

  It still felt sore.

  That's because yesterday a little trouble happened when I was practicing in my backyard. And it's called, I accidentally kicked my ball over the fence. And I didn't want to go get it. So I had to find something else to kick.

  And then ha!

  I spied Mother's brand-new watering can!

  It was the one with the funny cow painted on it.

  And it was sitting right out in the middle of the yard!

  I laughed out loud at that perfect target!

  “I bet I can kick that silly cow right over the moon!” I said.

  Then I rubbed my hands together very excited.

  And I backed all the way up to the fence.

  Then VA-ROOM!

  I took off running!

  And ZOOM!

  I ran faster and faster!

  And KA-BOOM!

  I kicked that can as hard as I could!

  And OWIE OW OW!

  That dumb-bunny can was filled full of water! And nobody even told me about that problem!

  I fell down in the grass very painful.

  Then I rolled around and around. And I hollered real loud.

  “MY TOE! MY TOE! MY TOE!” I hollered. “MY TOE! MY TOE! MY TOE!”

  Mother hurried to the back door.

  “Junie B.! Oh my goodness! What's wrong?” she called.

  “MY TOE IS WRONG! MY TOE IS WRONG! 911! 911!” I yelled.

  Mother hurried outside and took off my shoe and sock. She looked at my toe.

  “OW OW OW!” I yelled again.

  Mother hugged me. “What in the world did you do to hurt it so badly?” she asked. “Did you trip over a rock or something?”

  I did a gulp.

  ’Cause maybe I shouldn't mention that I kicked her can, possibly.

  Mother waited for me to answer.

  Then, very slow, her eyes glanced over to her cow.

  He had a giant dent in his head.

  Also, his nose did not look normal.

  Mother did a frown. “Junie B.?” she said very suspicious. “What's the story here?”

  I looked back at her real impressed.

  That woman is sharp as a tack, I tell you.

  Finally, I did a sigh. And I told her the story here.

  “Yeah, only this wasn't even my fault, Mother,” I said. “It really, really wasn't. On account of at first I was practicing my kicking. And then my ball went over the fence. And so what was I supposed to do? Kick air?”

  I did a thumbs-up.

  “But good news!” I said. “’Cause just then I saw your cow can! And so I ran at him with all my might! And then I kicked him as hard as I could!

  “Only too bad for me. ’Cause that stupid thing was filled with water! And now I have a smashed piggy toe.”

  I thought for a minute.

  Then I folded my hands in my lap very quiet.

  “The end,” I said.

  Mother did not look happy with me. “Gee, imagine that. A watering can actually had water in it. How unusual,” she said.

  That is called sarcastic, I believe.

  After that, Mother carried me inside. And she called the doctor. And he told her to raise it up on a pillow and use ice.

  And so guess what?

  At first, it felt a little better.

  Only this morning when I got dressed, it hurt to put on my shoe. And so—even though it was chilly outside—Mother said I could wear sandals to school.

  And so that's how come I keep checking on it this morning. To see if it's feeling any better.

  I closed my journal real quiet. Then I bent over in my chair. And I patted my toe very gentle.

  Next to me, May made a face.

  “You shouldn't play with your feet, Junie Jones,” she whispered. “Playing with feet is what stinky people do.”

  I stuck out my tongue at that girl.

  I still get a kick out of that behavior.

  After that, I sat back up again. And I stacked my first-grade dictionary on top of my journal.

  Then I laid my head on my desk. And I daydreamed about the kickball tournament some more.

  In my dream, I was the only person in Room One who could kick the ball.

  That's because all of the other children in Room One had broken legs. On account of accidents happen sometimes.

  And so I played in the
tournament all by myself.

  And I won the whole darned thing without any help!

  I was the star of Room One!

  All of my friends shouted and cheered.

  Then they hugged me very happy. And they threw confetti on my head.

  Only not May. May threw a small potato.

  That was uncalled for, I believe.

  I stayed in my daydream a real long time. Also, I think I snored a little bit.

  Then—all of a sudden—SMACK!

  Mr. Scary clapped his loud hands together!

  And that noise scared the daylights out of me, I tell you!

  I jumped straight up in my seat. And my arms flinged out very crazy!

  Then my hand knocked into my dictionary!

  And oh no! Oh no!

  That heavy book went over the edge of my desk! And it landed on my sore toe!

  “OW!” I shouted real loud. “OW OW OW OW OW!!”

  I reached for my foot. And I started to cry.

  Mr. Scary came running back to me.

  Then he quick sent Herbert to the school nurse to get some ice.

  And hurray for Herbert! ’Cause he brought that woman back with him!

  Her name is Mrs. Weller.

  I know her from previous accidents.

  Mrs. Weller gave me some tissues. And she put an ice bag on my piggy toe.

  It felt heavy and soggy on that sore guy.

  I pulled my foot away. But she put it right back again.

  “Please, Junie B.,” said Mrs. Weller. “If you just keep this ice on your toe, it will start to feel better. I promise.”

  I shook my head real fast.

  “No, it won't, Mrs. Weller,” I said. “I know it won't. ’Cause Mother already put ice on that same toe yesterday. But today it still hurt. And that's how come I had to wear sandals to school.”

  “Oh, dear,” she said. “You mean this poor toe was already injured before you came to school today?”

  I did a sniffle.

  “Yes,” I said. “It was injured a real lot, Mrs. Weller. On account of yesterday I kicked a cow. And that thing was solid as a rock, I tell you.”

  Mrs. Weller's face went funny.

  “You … you kicked a cow?” she said real soft.

  “Yes,” I said. “And the cow was full of water. And a cow full of water doesn't even budge.”

  After that, Mrs. Weller got very speechless. And she didn't ask any more questions. She just kept holding the ice bag on my foot. Plus also, she mumbled to herself.

  Room One stretched their necks to see my foot.

  Then Shirley stood up. And she said that she knows just how I feel. ’Cause one time she accidentally kicked a brick. And that did not feel good, either.

  And then Roger said he hurt his toe before, too. ’Cause last year he accidentally kicked a refrigerator-repair truck.

  Plus a boy named Sheldon said that last summer, he accidentally kicked a giant tree stump. On account of his cousin told him it was made out of rubber.

  “Only it wasn't,” said Sheldon very upset. “It was made out of tree. And so all of my toes got their heads bashed in.”

  After that, Sheldon put his foot up on his desk. And he started taking off his shoe to show us.

  Mr. Scary held up his hand. “No, Sheldon. Please. That's really not necessary,” he said.

  But Sheldon quick yanked off his shoe and sock. And he raised his piggies way high in the air.

  “See, everybody? See the baby one? The baby one still has a little red knob on the side of it,” he said. “See?”

  Just then, Sheldon tipped his chair back on two legs so he could raise his foot even higher.

  Only too bad for him. Because, quick as a blink, his chair legs slided out from underneath him.

  And BOOM!

  He went crashing into the aisle! And his forehead got a knob on it! Just like his baby toe!

  Mrs. Weller quick grabbed the ice bag from my foot. And she put it on Sheldon's head.

  She said he needed to come to the office with her right away.

  Only wait till you hear this!

  Sheldon didn't even cry!

  Instead, he left the ice bag on his head. And he put his shoe and sock back on very calm. And he walked to the door with Mrs. Weller.

  All of us clapped and clapped for that brave boy.

  Sheldon smiled when he heard that.

  Then he turned around.

  And he did a bow.

  And the ice bag fell off his head.

  Mother came to get me from school that day. She said she would drive me and Sheldon home so we wouldn't have to take the bus.

  I walked to the parking lot very limping.

  Sheldon was still wearing the ice bag on top of his head.

  “My. It must have been quite a day in Room One,” said Mother.

  Sheldon did a sigh. “I've had better,” he said.

  After that, both of us got in the back-seat. And we buckled our seat belts.

  Sheldon quick put his window down.

  Mother turned around. “Gee, I don't know, Sheldon,” she said. “That's going to be a lot of wind on you, don't you think?”

  “I like wind,” said Sheldon. “Wind makes my cheeks flap.”

  Mother stared at him a second. “Okey-doke,” she said kind of quiet.

  Then she turned back around. And she started the car. And we drove out of the parking lot.

  Sheldon leaned his head close to the window. And he tilted his head into the rushy air.

  He opened his mouth so the wind flapped his cheeks.

  Both of us started to laugh.

  Only just then, a little bit of trouble happened. ’Cause Mother went around a corner kind of whizzy.

  And Sheldon's head got tilted even further.

  And WHOOSH!

  The ice bag blew right out the window!

  Sheldon sat very still after that.

  Finally, he closed the window. And he drummed his fingers on the seat.

  “Today isn't really going that good for me,” he said.

  I nodded.

  Then I patted his arm.

  ’Cause sometimes I understand that boy perfectly well.

  That night, I tossed and turned in my bed. ’Cause my toe did not like things touching it, that's why. Not even the sheet.

  Only here is the worstest part of all.

  Because the next morning—when I took off my covers—MY WHOLE ENTIRE TOENAIL WAS BLACK!

  I did a scream at that terrible sight!

  Mother and Daddy came running.

  “Junie B.! What on earth is the matter?” said Mother.

  “MY TOE IS THE MATTER! MY TOE IS THE MATTER!” I hollered back. “LOOK! LOOK! LOOK!”

  I held up my foot for Mother to see.

  “Oh, my,” she said. “The doctor said this might happen. Your toenail has a bad bruise on it.”

  I wrinkled my eyebrows at her.

  “A bruise?” I said. “That's all it is? It's just a bruise?”

  Mother nodded. “Yes. It's just a bruise, Junie B.,” she said. “But I'm afraid it's going to be a little painful to wear shoes for a while.”

  Daddy sat down next to me.

  “Don't worry, though, honey,” he said. “As soon as it grows out, it will look normal again.”

  He pointed to his bare foot. “Look at mine. I've bruised my big toenail many times over the years. But it's always grown out as good as new. See?”

  I looked at it and made a face.

  Daddy's big toe is not attractive.

  Just then, tears came in my eyes.

  I touched my toe very gentle.

  “Ow! Ow! Ow! It hurts even worser than yesterday,” I said. “And so now what am I supposed to do? ’Cause I don't even want to wear sandals to school again. On account of sandals don't protect toes from getting hurt.”

  Mother thought for a minute.

  Then she went to my closet. And she got out my old red sneakers. And she cut a hole in the top of one
of them with my scissors.

  She held it up for me to see.

  “Ta-daaaaa,” she said real singy.

  And ha! What do you know? The hole was right where my sore piggy toe would be!

  Mother helped me put on my red socks. Then she slid the holey sneaker on my foot very careful.

  And surprise, surprise!

  It didn't even hurt, hardly!

  After breakfast, Mother drove me to school again.

  Only at first, when I went to my room, I felt kind of shy about my sneaker hole. And so I snuck to my seat and I showed it to my friend Herb in private.

  And guess what?

  Herbert's whole face lighted up.

  “A window,” he said. “You've got a window in your shoe.”

  I did a giggle at that idea.

  “Hey, yeah,” I said. “A piggy toe window.”

  Just then, Sheldon came hurrying into Room One.

  He had a shiny red Band-Aid on his forehead.

  He stood in the front of the room. And he pointed to it with his finger.

  “No one touch this, please!” he said real loud.

  He turned to Mr. Scary.

  “Even though I came back to school today, I'm still not totally right up here,” he said.

  Mr. Scary nodded. “Oh yes, Sheldon. I'm very aware of that,” he said.

  Sheldon kept on talking. “I probably shouldn't play in the kickball tournament on Friday, either,” he said. “’Cause what if I'm standing at home plate … and a ball starts rolling at me … and then it hits a rock … and it bounces up and smacks me in the Band-Aid … and I get a bump on top of my bump?”

  He did a little shiver. “Double bumps would not be good,” he said.

  Mr. Scary looked at him.

  “No, Sheldon. Double bumps would not be good,” he said. “But don't worry. Between now and then I'm sure we can come up with something else you can do in the tournament.”

  After that, Mr. Scary glanced over at me. “And don't you worry, either, Junie B.,” he said. “We'll think of something else you can do, too. Okay?”

  I raised my eyebrows at that guy.

  “Yeah, but I don't want to do something else, Mr. Scary,” I said. “I want to play in the kickball game. I've been practicing really hard.”

  Mr. Scary smiled kind of sad.

  “Yes. I'm sure you have, Junie B.,” he said. “But your toe is already sore. And I doubt if you'll feel like kicking a ball with it by Friday.”