Martian Invaders Meet Mom



  Martian Invaders Meet Mom

  Alan L Lickiss

  Rebecca Lickiss

  Copyright 2010 Alan L Lickiss & Rebecca Lickiss

  Acknowledgements

  Martian Invaders Meet Mom

  First published in The Leading Edge, issue 33 October 1996

  Martian Invaders Meet Mom!

  Preeminent Intelligence Master (PIM) Gleebzort grimaced condescendingly, then ruffled his breathing fringes in a conciliatory manner. Briefing Destructive Invasion Masters (DIMs) always brought out the worst in him. His students could be counted on to have consumed at least part of the preparatory material that he had scrupulously regurgitated. However, DIMs thought they knew just about everything, and what they didn't know they could find out in a ten minute briefing.

  DIM Spacklewit continued his fragrant diatribe. "I still don't understand why we need more data. We could just invade now."

  To the DIMs in the room his recommendation smelled pleasant. To Gleebzort and his professorial colleagues it stank. The Immense Deeply Inspired Omnipotent Tzar (IDIOT) Mumblefarg was, as always, unreadable. His breathing fringes floated freely about him, revealing nothing about what he was thinking. He was the one Gleebzort had to convince.

  Gleebzort patiently repeated his arguments. "They possess only a primitive form of long distance communications. They have not yet developed the technology to transmit smells and tastes. It is only recently that they have developed the technology to transmit sounds and sights. Due to that, all intelligence gathered on the earthlings is subject to varying interpretations. Therefore, sending Advanced Robotic Scouts to reconnoiter could save Martian lives."

  The last was a not-so-subtle reminder of the debacle incurred during the Battle of Saturnian Rings with the Uranians.

  "I do not think sending robots to scout out earth will make any difference in the outcome." DIM Spacklewit declared authoritatively. "They think they are the only intelligent beings in the universe. Therefore we have the element of surprise."

  IDIOT Mumblefarg put on his contemplative look. "The element of surprise is important. But I wish to hear more about these robots, since they will not negate our surprise advantage."

  Gleebzort focused his thoughts so that his breathing fringes would not stand out with triumph. He motioned for his colleague, Blunthorn, to bring in the robots. "We have created two robots. They look exactly like humans. We made them to pass for tall males of their species. We did this in order to take advantage of their ridiculous prejudice which favors taller individuals and males over females."

  Blunthorn returned leading two human looking androids. All eyes turned to look up at them.

  Gleebzort's feet visibly swelled with pride. "We have even programmed them to respond to simple earth names, Ricky and Fred. The robots are programmed to infiltrate their institutions of higher learning, known as Universities, Colleges and Trade Schools. There, information is given freely to all." Gleebzort couldn't prevent his breathing fringes from shuddering over that absurdity. "Once they have information on the defensive and offensive capabilities they will return. Then we can properly plan a foolproof strategy for taking over earth."

  Gleebzort again motioned to his colleague. This time however, Blunthorn grasped each of the androids at the base of their necks with his upper appendages.

  "Return to the lab and shut down," he said as he applied pressure with his phalanges. The androids turned and left.

  Gleebzort waited a moment to be sure he had everyone's attention. "You have just seen an example of the manual reset on the robots. They are also equipped with an automatic reset that would be triggered in the event of their discovery or in case of severe damage." He paused dramatically. "We are superior to humans in every way. We will subjugate them. However, the information these robots will obtain for us will make our victory quicker and easier. My colleagues and I recommend that more information be obtained before we launch against earth."

  IDIOT Mumblefarg closed in on himself for a few moments. The rest in the room remained in respectful silence. Finally the great IDIOT Mumblefarg made his inspired decision. "We will send the robots to gather information. After we have stripped them of the information we need, we will invade Earth."