Feelings

FEELINGS

  By Aisha Saqib

  Copyright 2014 Aisha Saqib

  ISBN 9781311772558

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  To,

  My family and friends who made me who I am today.

  She walked into the elevator that already had a few people and stood at the corner, her expressions and demeanor screamed that she be left alone, no one dared even say a simple hello to her as it was apparent that any attempt at communication might be unwelcome. Her sharp black suit told a story of professionalism but her expressions told a story that she had not left her issues at home before coming to work. When the elevator dinged and doors pushed aside she slid out to make her way to her cubical where she worked a normal nine to five job in data managing and classification. Rather relieved that the intensity had considerably lessened after the ever somber Felicity Parker had gotten out, the others continued their chat that had been hushed down earlier.

  Back in the cubicle, Felicity sat down and before reaching the ever increasing pile of folders and paperwork, took a few deeps breaths. The ride to the office had been a horror on its own. She had seen the rash driving taxis, yelling and fighting people before but today it had affected her more than usual. To top it all off she had received a call from the office last night that required her to attend a meeting with the company head later that day. She had stayed up all night thinking what could possibly be the reason for the sudden summoning. Was she being sacked? Did she do something wrong and now she would be penalized? Possibilities all worse than the last had went through her mind all night and when she finally dozed off to sleep. It was so late that she did not hear the alarm ringing when it was time to get up; she woke up late and it was time to face the worst. She had to get ready in such a hurry that she did not take her usual morning shower which was a ritual she never gave a careless attitude toward. It was now three days since she had showered; she was feeling the consequences of that in her veins and every breath that she took. She had never considered herself gifted or special, actually far from it; she had always considered herself cursed. Since the day she had been conscious enough to realize what was different about her she had deemed herself and her life as a self proclaimed ostracism; she never socialized or made friends, she had kept to herself all her life and due to her lack of social skills or unwillingness to let people close everyone tended to steer clear as well, even though not a single soul in her life knew what was different about her.

  She was feeling everything; from the slight annoyance of the hushing conversation mixed with the loud ride to the office and added the nervousness of the meeting, she felt on edge and frustrated. She hated it; she hated the feelings and this part of her life. She wasn’t used to feeling anything so even the slightest of stimulus made her ten times more exasperated than a normal person. She got up and went to the ladies room. She knew she had to take care of her problem before she lashed out or did something completely wrong in the office. She stood before the mirror and took a long look at the big brown almond shaped eyes; she felt a twinge of pride and vain, she smiled at herself and wisped a hand through her hair; she had pretty hair as well; she liked how the subtle curls fell over her shoulders. She was smiling at herself when the sound of flush brought her back and she quickly removed her coat, pulled up her shirt’s arms and turned on the tap. The visitor in the cubicle got out washed her hands and left, she waited until she was alone and then finally put her hand in the running water, she felt the smoothness and loved how the cold water felt against her skin. she splashed her face and kept splashing until she could feel the change coming very slightly; With every water droplet that hit her face it seemed to take away a part of her along with it and as it rolled down her face, fell and drained away into the sink; that part of her was lost forever. She felt her emotions draining out of her face and seeping away with the water. Little by little all the frustrations, emotions and everything she felt drained out and only then did Felicity get up and looked at herself again; She was drenched in water, front of her shirt was completely soaked. She reached for some paper towels and dabbed the excess water. Finally done she looked at her face again but only this time it was different, she couldn’t even remember what she had felt when she looked only moments ago. She only knew that whatever she had felt had been so scary that it was necessary that it was gotten rid of. She looked and calmly wondered what it must feel like to not be scared of emotions and know that no matter how many times you wash up no emotions would be lost. She wondered how scary living with emotions all the time must be; perhaps her curse was a blessing that had saved her from hurt all her life. When she stayed away from water she felt everything and it scared her so much that she always ran to water and cleaned herself raw until she couldn’t feel a thing. That was the only way she knew how to live; without any feelings, like an empty shell. Water washed away emotions and for her that was the simple life fact she had to live with.

  Later that day at the time of the meeting, her cell phone gave her a notification which she saw and customarily picked up her notebook and pen then made her way to meet the boss. She wondered why the boss had called her but only this time she was not feeling any dread or even excitement; she was empty of emotions. She entered the office after knocking and took a seat. There was another man beside her boss in the room; He was about her age, maybe a few years older.

  The boss started talking while she nodded along, her boss eventually pointed to the man in the room and said that he was his Son’s best friend and had come in for some important matters, hearing the introduction Michael spoke up “oh yes, important matters!” he threw his hands in air in exasperation, Her boss gave him a stern look and then turned back to her and continued talking. It turned out he wanted her to work on a project and lead the team as her work history told about how she was a focused employee and did not get distracted from the goal even for a minute.

  After agreeing and taking the project she headed back to her cubicle in order to grab her purse and then head out as it was five already and she wanted to beat the rush. She was about to reach the exit when someone called her name. She turned around to find Michael walking toward her, she stopped walking. She noticed that Michael was tall, not very tall that it gave a towering effect over people but tall that it suited him.

  “Hey, I know this might sound weird but could you show me where I can find really good coffee here? I don’t know anyone else to ask I just came and I really don’t know and I REALLY need a shot of caffeine, let me tell you THAT man upstairs is not a piece of cake. I’m Michael by the way” He extended his hand for a shake, Felicity shook his hand and smiled. He grinned at her; she noticed how his eyes sparkled a little when he smiled like that.

  “I’m Felicity” she said and then told him about the best coffee shop she knew, it was a block away.

  “Only a block away huh? That is the best news I have gotten all week” he laughed, Felicity smiled back.

  “So you wanna join me?, before Felicity could open her mouth to refuse politely and make her way back to the safety of her apartment where everything didn’t demand an appropriate social response, he continued,

  “Oh come on please? I just told you this sad story about how I don’t know anyone and you’re just gonna let me have coffee alone?” He started walking towards the exit and then turned around and said “Come on, I know I’ve melted you!” he grinned and stepped out.

  She had no choice but to follow him.

  They walked to the coffee shop while Michael Reynolds tol
d her about himself, he seemed awfully chatty to her. He told her about how he had to convince his friend’s dad, who was Felicity’s boss to let them start a project of their own alongside the company. He was just like a son to his friend’s family so he was here to convince Richard. It was kind of weird to hear her bosses name as to everyone in the company he was simply the Boss; no one really bothered to call Mr. Richard by anything other than that.

  They had coffee and chatted some more, she told him about herself a little as well,

  “My life is mundane I know”, Felicity said after telling him about her normal job and that she lived alone in an apartment nearby, He smiled; she saw that his eyes always sparkled when he smiled.

  “Anyone as pretty as you can never be mundane Felicity Parker” he was staring into her eyes as if he was seeing through her, as if nothing was hidden from him. She felt a shudder go through her and looked down.

  Her mind was racing, she had felt something; she knew she had just washed her face and she needed to