Never Too Far

  I stood up and took a step toward him. The unshed tears in his eyes slowly began to trickle down his face. He was a shell of the man he once was but he was my dad. A sob tore from my chest and I threw myself into his arms. When they wrapped around me and held me tightly I let all the pain free. I cried for the life we’d lost. I cried for him because he wasn’t strong enough and I cried for me because it was time.

  Rush

  The house was dark and silent when I unlocked the door and stepped inside. Would Blaire have turned out all the lights if she were here alone? I’d been so focused on getting home to her after talking with Nan that I hadn’t let myself consider she could have left me. Would she have left me?

  I turned and took the stairs two at a time. Once I hit the top step I started running. My heart was pounding in my chest. She couldn’t be gone. I’d told her I loved her. I’d told her I was coming home. She had to be here. I had to tell her everything. I had to tell her things would be different. I had to tell her I remembered her mom. I remembered those Mickey Mouse pancakes. I had to tell her I was going to be the man she needed. I was going to be the best damn father the world had ever known.

  I jerked the door open leading up to my room and darted up the steps needing to see her. God, let her be there. Please let her be there.

  The bed was empty. No. NO! I scanned the room for her things. Something to tell me she hadn’t left me. She couldn’t have left me. I’d chase her down. I’d get on my knees and grovel. I’d be her damn shadow until she gave in and forgave me.

  “Rush?” Her voice broke the silence and the pounding in my head and I spun around to see her sitting up on the sofa. Her hair was a tangled mess and her sleepy face was perfect.

  “You’re here.” I fell down on my knees before her and dropped my head in her lap. She was here. She hadn’t left me.

  Her hands touched my head as she ran her hands through my hair. “Yes, I’m here,” she replied in an unsure voice. I was scaring her but I just needed a minute to reassure myself she hadn’t left me. I hadn’t completely messed this up. I didn’t want to be like her dad. The lost and empty man I’d seen yesterday wasn’t someone I ever wanted to become. And I knew without Blaire I’d be just like that.

  “Are you okay?” she asked.

  I nodded but kept my head in her lap. She continued to try and soothe me by gently stroking my head. When I was sure I could talk to her without completely breaking down I lifted my head to look up at her.

  “I love you.” The way I said it was so fierce it almost sounded like I was swearing.

  A small sad smile tugged at her lips. “I know and it’s okay. I understand. I’m not going to make you choose. I just want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it and I’m going to be fine. You don’t have to worry about me. I’m strong. I can do this on my own.”

  I wasn’t following what she was saying. What was she doing on her own? “What?” I asked, replaying her words back in my head.

  “I talked to my dad today. I know everything. It’s hard to comprehend but it all makes more sense now.”

  Abe had come here? He’d come and told her everything. She knew… but what she was saying still made no sense.

  “Baby, maybe it’s because I haven’t slept much in the past eight days or because I’m so fucking relieved that you’re here but I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me.”

  A tear glistened in her eye and I jumped up and pulled her into my lap. I didn’t want to make her cry. I thought this was a happy thing. She knew the truth that she’d always known, her mom was as pure and honest as she believed. I was home and I was ready to be everything she deserved in life. I’d die making her happy.

  “I love you and because I love you I am letting you go. I want you to get out of life what you want. I don’t want to be a chain around your leg.”

  “What did you just say?” I asked as the words ‘letting me go’ sank in. Like hell she was letting me go.

  “You heard me, Rush. Don’t make this harder than it is,” she whispered.

  I stared at her in disbelief. She really meant what she was saying. I’d left her here to think all kinds of things while I’d sat in the hospital with Nan. I should have called but I hadn’t. Of course she was confused.

  “Listen to me, Blaire. If you try to go anywhere I will chase you down. I will become your shadow. I won’t let you out of my sight because I can’t live without you. I made so many damn mistakes with you I don’t even want to try and count them but I am going to start making things right from here on out. I swear to you that this won’t happen again. I know now that this is where I’m supposed to be. No more lies. Just us.”

  She sniffled and buried her head in my shoulder. I pulled her tighter up against me. “I mean it. I need you. You can’t leave me.”

  “But I don’t fit. Your family hates me. I make your life difficult.”

  That’s where she was wrong. “No. You’re my family. My mother has never been my family. She has never even tried to be. My sister may not have completely come around but she did tell me to ask you if she was going to be able to be apart of her niece or nephews life. So she’s getting there. And as for making my life difficult, you, Blaire Wynn, make my life complete.”

  Blaire’s mouth covered mine as she grabbed fistfuls of my shirt. Her tongue slid into my mouth and I savored the taste of her. I’d missed her so much. How I could have thought for a minute I’d survive without this… without her, I don’t know.

  Blaire

  “I need to be inside you,” Rush whispered in my ear as he kissed along my jawline and slid his hands up under my tank top.

  “Good,” I replied, reaching for his shirt and pulling it over his head. He chuckled and lifted his hands to make it easier then pulled my top off too.

  “Damn, they’ve grown since I’ve been gone,” he murmured, cupping each of my breasts in his hands. “Is there… like milk in them already?” he asked.

  “No,” I giggled.

  “I’m trying real hard not to be a man about this but I can’t help it. I’m real fucking excited about these,” he admitted before looking up at me through his eyelashes as he pulled a nipple into his mouth.

  “Oh,” I moaned and grabbed his head to hold him there. Somehow, they’d grown even more sensitive. With each tug of his mouth my clit throbbed. It was like there was a direct line between the two.

  “Get these panties off,” Rush said with his mouth full as he tugged at my panties. I eased up and slid them down with his help. He only let go of one nipple to suck on the other.

  “Fuck,” he groaned, sliding a finger inside me. “It’s wet. Always so wet and ready.”

  I reached for his buckle and started unfastening his jeans. I wanted him naked too.

  “Not yet,” he said, moving me off his lap to lay me back on the sofa. “I need a taste.”

  I watched as he pushed my legs apart and lowered his head to lick right through the center of my folds.

  “Oh God! Rush!” I cried out,lifting my hips to get closer to his mouth. The barbell slid over my clit as he flicked it against my swollen bud over and over. Driving me crazy.

  “I love it when you squirm,” he said with a wicked grin. I loved it when he made me squirm.

  His finger slid into my heat as he continued to torture my clit with his tongue piercing. This wild sexy man was mine. It was hard to comprehend at times but I was so glad I’d showed up at his door four months ago.

  He stood up and pushed his jeans and boxer briefs down stepping out of them. I stared up at him. He was beautiful. I let my eyes roam over his body. Nothing could make him any more perfect. Except… “Rush?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Could you get your nipples pierced?” I asked, surprising myself at the request.

  Rush laughed as he came back over me. “You want my nipples pierced, now do you?”

  I nodded and slid my hands up his chest and ran my thumbs over his nippl
es. “I like your other piercings.”

  He kissed my neck and ran his hand down my leg until he hooked his arm under my knee and pulled my leg up. “Will you kiss it and make it better? ‘Cause I’m thinking that’s gonna hurt like a motherfucker.”

  “I promise to make it feel very good.” I smiled up at him.

  “Anything you want baby. Just don’t ask me to pierce anything south of my waist.

  I raised my eyebrows. I hadn’t thought of that. Before I could say anything else Rush was pushing inside me and all other thoughts left me. He was filling me and stretching me and everything was perfect in the world again.

  “Fuck! How did you get you tighter?” Rush panted over me as his arms trembled from holding back.

  I threw my head back and lifted my hips. It was better. I hadn’t thought this could get better. “It’s more sensitive,” I managed to say with a strangled cry.

  “Does it hurt?” he asked, pulling back. I grabbed his ass and held him in me.

  “NO! It’s good. It’s really good. Harder, Rush. Please. It feels incredible.”

  Rush groaned and plunged the rest of the way inside me. “I’m not gonna last long. It’s too tight. I’m gonna come.” He stopped moving and slowly eased back. I was so close. I didn’t want him to slow down. The sensation each thrust sent through me was amazing. I needed more of it. I pushed him back with all the strength I had. He sat back watching me while I quickly climbed on him and sank down on him hard and fast.

  “Holy SHIT!” he yelled grabbing fistfuls of my hair.

  I pumped up and down on him as my body climbed closer to that ecstasy it was promising me was close.

  “Baby, I’m gonna come, ARRRRGGGGHHHH!” Rush called out then grabbed my face and kissed me with a fierceness that sent me over the edge with him. Crying out in his mouth I shook with release as he held me tightly, tasting me and sucking my tongue into his mouth.

  I collapsed on him and he held me close to him. We sat there breathing hard in silence. My vagina kept contracting as if my body was experiencing aftershocks. Each time it did Rush groaned.

  When I was sure I could talk again I tilted my head back and looked up at him. “What just happened?” I asked him.

  He laughed and shook his head. “I don’t know. You just fucked the hell out of me. I swear, that one is going down in the books baby. I didn’t think it could get any better and you just proved me wrong. Holy hell you were wild.”

  I buried my face in his chest and laughed with him. I had been a little out of control.

  “This better not be a pregnant thing or your hot little ass is gonna live knocked up for the next thirty years.”

  Rush

  I held Blaire’s hand in mine and looked over her shoulder as she flipped through a parenting magazine. All the pictures of diapers and other baby items were scary as shit. I wouldn’t admit that to her but the reality of a baby was starting to terrify me. The big boobs, the middle of the night sex and the sweet swell of Blaire’s hips were all major pluses and it was easy to forget exactly why all this was happening.

  “Blaire Wynn.” The nurse called out her name and I looked down at the diamond on her finger. In two weeks that last name would change. I was ready for it. I didn’t like her being called Wynn. She was Blaire Finlay to me already.

  “That’s us,” she said, smiling up at me before standing. She was barely showing now. How they expected to see more than an even bigger pea I wasn’t sure but she was promising me we could actually see the baby. It had arms and legs, as crazy as that sounded.

  I didn’t let go of her hand as she led us back to the exam room. The nurse glanced back at me several times. She had better not be about to tell me I couldn’t go back there because I was going. It was time I saw my baby.

  “In here,” the nurse said, stepping back and waving us into a room. “Go ahead and take everything off and put on the gown. Doctor Nelson will want to do a vaginal exam today too. But we’ll get to the ultrasound first.”

  Blaire seemed to not think it was a big deal she was about to have to get naked. The nurse looked back at me. “Is this one okay to be back here?”

  This one? What the hell did that mean?

  Blaire grinned and looked back at me. “Yes, this one is the father.

  The nurse straightened up and gave me a big relieved smile. “That’s wonderful. I hated the idea of someone as young as you doing this all alone.”

  Blair blushed and went into a small room with a curtain in front of it. Once the nurse left I went over and stepped into what looked like a small dressing room.

  “What did she mean by ‘this one’?” I asked.

  Blaire bit her bottom lip and closed her eyes tightly. “Do I have to answer this?”

  “Uh, yeah. Especially after that comment.” I was preparing myself not to like the answer.

  “Woods drove me to my last appointment. They told him he could come back and I told them no he couldn’t, he was just a friend.”

  I’d almost forgotten about that. I understood why she had gotten a ride from him. I hadn’t been here. But knowing some other man was here with her when she needed me was hard to swallow. I realized her face had gone pale and I bent down and kissed her lips. “It’s okay. I should’ve been here. I wasn’t.”

  She nodded. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

  The door to the exam room opened back up and I stuck my head out of the dressing room.

  The nurse was grinning at me and pulling in a machine with a little screen on it. “Is she about ready?” The amused smirk on the nurse’s face was funny.

  “Just about,” I told her then looked back at Blaire who was bright red. I couldn’t help but laugh. “Get changed, sexy. I’ll go back out there.”

  Blaire nodded and I stepped out from behind the curtain.

  I walked over to the table and looked at the machine. “So this is how we see the baby?” I asked wondering how they did this exactly.

  “Yep. Because Blaire’s on Medicaid we have to use this one. This is all Medicaid will cover. We have a newer 3D one that most mommas use and I wish Medicaid would cover it because you can see the baby so clearly. But it doesn’t.”

  I paused and looked from the machine to the nurse. Blaire was on Medicaid? What the hell? I hadn’t even thought about the fact she needed insurance. I’d always had the best money could buy; it wasn’t something I thought about.

  “I want the 3D machine. I’ll pay whatever it costs right now but I want the very best this office can supply.”

  The nurse glanced from my earrings to t-shirt that had seen its better days. It was one my dad had given me after one of his tours about five years ago. I liked it because it fit tight and Blaire seemed to like tight shirts on me. “I… uh… I don’t think you understand exactly how much an ultrasound like that costs. While it is very sweet that you want to give that experience to Blaire it is very—”

  “I can afford any procedure available. I told you I’d pay for it now. I want the best ultrasound for Blaire and my baby.”

  The nurse started to open her mouth when Blaire walked out of the room wearing a thin cotton robe. “Please don’t argue with him. He’ll cause you problems if you do. Just get me the 3D ultrasound.”

  The nurse shrugged, “Okay, if you’re sure, but he’ll need to prepay.”

  I opened my wallet and handed her my American Express black card. Her eyes shot up and she nodded then hurried from the room.

  “I should tell you now that I was perfectly okay with a regular ultrasound but that would be a lie. I’ve seen pictures of 3D ultrasounds in those parenting magazines and I really want one.”

  Blaire was grinning like a kidwho was about to go to Disney World for the first time. Hell, to get her to smile like that I’d go buy the fucking 3D machine.

  “My girl and my kid get the best. Always.”

  The door opened back up and the nurse walked in staring at me now like she was trying to fi
gure something out. She handed me my card. I took it and slipped it back in my wallet.

  “Are you Dean Finlay’s son?” the woman finally asked.

  “Yeah. Now let’s go see my baby,” I replied.

  The woman nodded eagerly and turned to look at Blaire. “The 3D machine is in a special room. Are you comfortable walking through the hall in that?”

  “Will someone see her?” I asked stepping in front of her because I sure as hell wasn’t comfortable with it.

  The nurse opened a cabinet and pulled out a blanket. “Here wrap this around her.”

  I wrapped her up in it until she was completely covered. Blaire was pressing her lips together trying not to laugh. I winked at her and pressed a kiss to her nose.

  We walked down a long hallway where we passed two nurses another couple and Blaire’s doctor who asked why we were moving. The nurse quickly told him that I’d just paid for the 3D and the doctor look very pleased as he followed us into the room.

  Blaire lay down on a table and they began prepping her as I sat patiently waiting. Once they had her stomach bare the nurse put some clear gel on her stomach then looked back at me. “Are you two wanting to know the sex of the baby?”

  “Ask the momma,” I replied, annoyed that she’d asked me instead of Blaire.

  “I’d like to know,” Blaire said, glancing back at me for reassurance.

  “Me too,” I agreed.

  Then the doctor began moving something over Blaire’s stomach and a small beating noise filled the air. It was faster than normal. “Is that my baby’s heartbeat?” I asked standing up because sitting was no longer possible. My heart was beating as fast as the one I heard on the screen.

  “Yes it is,” the doctor replied. “And there… and there he is,” he said.