Never Too Far

  After changing into a clean uniform from the supply room I made my way to the kitchen. Just before I reached the door Woods stepped out and leveled his gaze on me.

  “I was looking for you,” he said and nodded his head toward the hallway that led to his office. “We need to talk.”

  He more than likely knew about Nan. I was sure everyone in their circle did by now. Was he going to ask me about her? I really hoped he wasn’t. Admitting that I knew nothing made me sound like I didn’t care. Did Rush think I didn’t care? Was it my responsibility to call him? He was the one hurting. His reaction last night had scared me but if he needed me I had to get over that.

  “Did you sleep at all?” Woods asked looking back at me.

  I nodded. I hadn’t really slept well but I had gotten some sleep. The three-mile walk had helped exhaust me to the point that I couldn’t keep my eyes open once I lay down.

  Woods opened his door and held it so I could go inside. I went in and walked over to stand beside the chairs across from his desk. He stood in front of his desk and sat on the edge of it while crossing his arms over his chest.

  A frown wrinkled his forehead as he studied me. I was beginning to wonder if this was about something else. I’d thought it was about Nan but maybe it wasn’t. Had I done something wrong?

  “I got a call from Grant this morning. He’s at the hospital and he’s worried about you. He said Rush showed up in the middle of the night and was in a rage. Seeing as how for the first time in their life Nan and Rush aren’t on speaking terms and now she is in this condition, Rush isn’t taking it well. Grant was concerned as to how he left you and if you were okay.”

  My heart hurt. I hated to know Rush was in so much pain and there was nothing I could do. He wasn’t calling me and that only led me to believe he didn’t want to talk to me. I was the reason for his rift with Nan. I was the reason he hadn’t spoken to her in weeks. I was the reason he was going through this. Tears stung my eyes. As much as I didn’t want to admit this, I was the reason this was even harder on Rush. If I hadn’t caused their fight then he wouldn’t be living with the guilt I knew he was swimming in right now.

  This was why Rush and I would never work. Pretending the fairy tale was real had been amazing. But it hadn’t been real. We’d been biding our time until the fact I didn’t fit into his world sent it crumbling down. He needed his family right now. I wasn’t his family. I wasn’t even accepted by his family. How did I fit into this?

  “I… I don’t know what to do.” I choked out, hating that Woods was going to see me cry. I didn’t want him to see me cry. I didn’t want anyone to.

  “He loves you,” Woods said gently. I wasn’t even sure he believed those words. Not now. Maybe Rush had thought he loved me but how could he still love me? I’d caused him to turn on Nan and now he might lose her.

  “Does he?” It was a question I needed to ask myself, not Woods.

  “Yes. I’ve never seen him with anyone the way he is with you. Right now… the next few days or weeks however long this lasts it may not feel like it. But he does. I’m not telling you this because of Rush. He’s an ass and I owe him nothing. I’m telling you this for you. It’s the truth and I know you need to hear it right now.”

  I shook my head. I didn’t need to hear it. Thinking clearly and deciding what was best for me and my baby was what I needed to do. Could I bring a child into a family that might never accept it? If I never fit then how would my child?

  “I can’t tell you what to believe. But if you need anything, I’m here. I know Rush has a garage full of cars but if you don’t want to drive one then I can give you a ride to the doctor or the store. Just call me if you need me.”

  My next doctor’s appointment was in five days. How was I going to get into the house? And he’d never shown me where the keys to his cars were or given me permission to drive them.

  “I’m locked out of the house. He thought I had my key when he left,” I told him.

  “Where did you stay last night?” he asked dropping his hands from his chest and standing up. He looked angry. I hadn’t meant to make him mad. I was just stating a problem I had. All my clothes were in Rush’s house.

  “Bethy’s.”

  “How did you get there?”

  “I walked.”

  “Shit! Blaire, that is three and a half miles at least. It was dark last night when Rush left. You have a phone now, use it.” He was yelling.

  “I wanted to walk. I needed to walk. Don’t yell at me,” I raised my voice and glared at him.

  The tension in Woods’ shoulders left and he sighed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have talked to you like that. It’s just that you’re so damn determined to be independent. Let me make myself clear. Call me if you ever need a ride. I like to think we’re friends. I help my friends.”

  I needed friends. “I like to think we’re friends too,” I replied.

  He nodded. “Good. But as your boss I’m not letting you work today. I’ll have you in Rush’s house within the hour. I’ll drive you there.”

  Before I could ask him how he had his phone to his ear.

  “I’ve got her in my office. She’s locked out of the house.” He paused.

  “No shit. She walked to Bethy’s last night. I’m going to take her there if you can get Rush’s housecleaner to go unlock the place.” He paused again.

  “No problem. Happy to help. Keep me updated, I’m thinking about y’all.” He hung up and looked at me. “Grant’s having the housecleaner open the house. You go get something to eat from the kitchen and then we can head that way. He said to give her about twenty minutes.”

  I wasn’t hungry but I nodded. “Okay.” I started for the door then stopped and turned to look back at him. “Thank you.”

  Woods winked. “My pleasure.”

  Rush

  I hadn’t been able to close my eyes. I sat in the leather chair beside the hospital bed and stared at my little sister. She hadn’t opened her eyes. The monitors blinked and beeped telling me she was alive. Her still form on the bed with gauze wrapped around her head and needles in her arms made it feel as if she were gone. The last words I’d said to her had been hard. They seemed cruel now. I’d just wanted her to grow up. Now that might never happen.

  The rage I’d felt when I arrived had been knocked out of me when I laid eyes on her. Just seeing her so broken and helpless was killing me. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I just needed her to open her eyes. I needed to tell her I loved her and I was sorry. I’d promised her that she’d always have me. No matter what. Then I’d jerked that away from her. Because she couldn’t accept Blaire.

  My stomach knotted up thinking of how I’d left Blaire. Her eyes had been wide and terrified. I’d handled leaving her all wrong too but I’d been terrified myself. I couldn’t call her yet. Not while Nan was like this. I’d already put Blaire before Nan and look where that got me. This time Nan needed to come first. If she knew I was sitting here waiting on her she’d open her eyes. I knew she would.

  The door opened and Grant stepped in. His eyes went instantly to Nan. The pain that flashed in them didn’t surprise me. Even though he acted like he didn’t like her I knew he cared for Nan. She had been the needy little brat that was impossible not to love when we were growing up. Those kinds of bonds are impossible to break.

  “I just spoke with Woods. Blaire is okay. She was locked out of the house last night but she stayed at Bethy’s. I called Henrietta and she’s unlocking the house for her.” He spoke quietly as if he’d wake Nan or disturb her by talking about Blaire.

  I’d left her standing in the driveway late at night alone. Thank God she had a phone. The idea of her being stranded in the dark was more than I could handle right now. “Is she upset?” What I really wanted to ask was if she was upset with me. How could she not be upset with me? I’d run out on her after screaming for her to get out of my car. When mom had told me about Nan something in me had switched and I’d lost it.

  “He said he was going
to look after her…” Grant trailed off. I knew what he was thinking. Leaving Woods to look after Blaire was dangerous. He was rich, successful and his family didn’t hate her. What if she realized I was a waste of her time?

  “She’s pregnant,” I told him. I had to tell someone.

  “Oh hell,” he muttered and sank down onto the hard plastic chair that sat in the corner of the room. “When did you find out?”

  “She told me shortly after she came back.”

  Grant covered his mouth and shook his head. That hadn’t been something he’d expected to hear. But then he didn’t know we were engaged either. He’d left Rosemary already when I’d proposed. I hadn’t told him.

  “That’s why you proposed?” it wasn’t really a question. It was more of a statement.

  “How’d you know about that?”

  He shifted his eyes to Nan, “Nan told me.”

  Nan had needed to vent I was sure. The fact she had chosen Grant to vent to was interesting. Normally those two were at each other’s throats. Rarely did they spend quality time together.

  “She wasn’t happy about it,” I said.

  “No, she wasn’t,” he agreed.

  I looked over at her and wished to God I could trade places with her right now. I hated that she needed me and this was something I couldn’t fix for her. I’d been fixing her problems her entire life. And now when she needed me most all I could do was sit here and stare at her helplessly.

  “She thinks you’ve lost your mind. If she knew about the baby she’d think you asked Blaire just because of the baby.”

  “I didn’t ask her because of the baby. I asked her because I can’t live without her. I just need Nan to understand that. I’ve spent my life making Nan happy. Trying my damnedest to fix her problems. I was mother and father to her. And now that I have found what makes me happy she can’t accept it.” I felt my throat close up and I shook my head. I was not going to cry. “I just wanted her to accept that Blaire made me happy.”

  Grant let out a deep sigh. “I think in time she will. Nan wants you happy too. She just thinks she knows what is best for you. Just like you think you know what is best for her.” The tone in his voice as he said that last part was off. He’d meant something deeper than what he was saying. Or I was just exhausted and I needed to take a nap.

  “I hope so,” I replied, then laid my head back on the chair and closed my eyes. “I need a nap. I can’t keep this up. My head is getting fuzzy.”

  The chair he’d been sitting in scraped across the floor as he stood up. I listened as he walked across the room back toward the door. “Check in on Blaire for me. Please,” I asked, opening my eyes to make sure he was still there and heard me.

  “I will,” he assured me then walked out the door.

  Two days later and still no sign of improvement. Nan wasn’t waking up. I had gotten up to take a shower and change because my mother insisted. I couldn’t deal with her and worry about Nan. I just did as she asked to shut her up.

  Today Grant had sat in here with me most of the day. We hadn’t talked much but having someone else here helped. My mother said she couldn’t handle it and stayed at the hotel most of the time. Occasionally Abe would step in to check on her but I didn’t expect any more from him. He never checked on the daughter he’d raised either. The man was missing a vital organ, a heart.

  “I talked to Blaire today,” Grant said, breaking the silence. Just hearing her name made me ache. I missed her. I wanted her here but that would only upset everyone. I needed Nan better. When she woke up she didn’t need to know Blaire was here. It would only upset her.

  “What did she sound like?” Did she hate me?

  “Good. I guess. Maybe sad. She’s worried about you and Nan. She asks about Nan before she asks about you. She also… she also asked if her father was okay today. Not sure why she cares but she did.”

  Because Blaire cared more than she should about everyone. Me included. She was too good for me and I was only going to keep hurting her. My family wouldn’t accept her. The father that deserted her and her mother was now married to my mom. I’d started that whole ball rolling with the damn picture. All I would ever do is hurt her in the long run.

  “She has a doctor’s appointment today. Woods told me he’s taking her. She doesn’t know I know about the baby.”

  Another doctor’s appointment I was going to miss. How much longer was she going to put up with this? I’d told her she and our baby came first but this was the second time my family came before her doctor’s appointment. And why the hell was Woods taking her?

  “Why is Woods taking her? I have three vehicles in the garage.”

  Grant shot me an annoyed frown. “Yeah, you do. But you never gave her permission to drive one and never told her where she could find the keys so she won’t touch them. Woods has been her chauffer all damn week.”

  Fuck.

  “I know you’re hurting because of Nan. She’s like your child. You’re the only real parent she’s ever had. But if you don’t snap out of this and contact Blaire I’m not sure she and your baby are going to be around when you decide to go home. Sure don’t want my niece or nephew having the last name Kerrington,” he snapped and stalked out of the room.

  Blaire

  I sat in the waiting room and tried hard not to look at the other pregnant women also waiting. There were three of us. The woman across from me was snuggled up against her husband’s arm. He kept whispering into her ear making her smile. His hand never left her stomach. There was no possessiveness in his demeanor. Just protectiveness. It was if he was protecting his wife and child with that simple gesture.

  The other lady was much further along than either of us and her baby was moving. Her husband had both his hands on her stomach as he stared at her in awe. There was a sweet worshipful look on his face. They were sharing a moment and just glancing over in that direction made me feel as if I were intruding on it.

  Then there was me. With Woods. I had told him he didn’t need to come with me but he said he’d like to. He wasn’t going back in the exam room because I wasn’t about to let him see me almost naked in a thin cotton exam robe but he was going to sit in the waiting room.

  He had fixed himself a cup of the complimentary coffee and since he’d only taken one sip I assumed it tasted horrible. I missed coffee. It would probably be delicious to me. I needed to buy some decaffeinated coffee.

  “Blaire Wynn,” the nurse called out from the doorway leading back to the exam rooms.

  I stood up and smiled down at Woods. “I shouldn’t be too long.”

  He shrugged. “I’m not in a hurry.”

  “Your husband can come back with you,” the nurse said cheerily. My face was instantly warm. I knew without looking my cheeks were flushed.

  “He’s just a friend,” I quickly corrected her.

  This time she was the one turning pink. She obviously hadn’t read over my record to see that I was single. “I’m so sorry. Uh, well he can come back too if he wants to hear the heart beat.”

  I shook my head. That was too personal. Woods was a friend but I wasn’t ready to share something as important as my baby’s heartbeat with him. Rush hadn’t even heard the baby’s heartbeat yet. “No, that’s okay.”

  I didn’t glance back at Woods because I was embarrassed for both of us. He was just helping out. Being labeled as the baby daddy hadn’t been what he’d signed up for.

  The exam didn’t take long. This time I’d been able to hear the baby’s heartbeat without having a wand stuck inside me. It had been just as loud and sweet as before. The pregnancy was progressing well and I was cleared to go with an appointment for four weeks from now.

  Walking back out into the waiting room I found Woods reading a Parenting magazine. He looked up at me and smiled sheepishly. “The reading material here is limited,” he explained.

  I stifled a laugh.

  He stood up and we walked out of the door together.

  Once we were in the car he
looked over at me. “You hungry?”

  I was actually but the longer I spent with Woods the more uncomfortable I felt. I couldn’t shake the feeling that Rush wouldn’t like this. He had never liked me being around Woods much. Even though I had needed a ride I was starting to worry this was a bad idea. It was better if Woods just drove me back to Rush’s house.

  “I’m more tired than anything. Can you just take me back to Rush’s?” I asked

  “Of course,” he replied with a smile. Woods was really easy to deal with. I liked that. I wasn’t in the mood for difficult.

  “Have you talked to Rush yet?” he asked.

  That wasn’t a question I wanted to answer. So much for not being difficult. I just shook my head. He didn’t need an explanation and if he did too bad because I didn’t have one. I’d broken down and called Rush two nights ago and it had gone directly to voice mail. I’d left him a message but he hadn’t called back. I was beginning to wonder if he was hoping I’d just be gone when he returned. How long was I supposed to stay at his house?

  “He isn’t dealing with this well, I imagine. He’ll call you soon,” Woods said. I could tell by the tone of his voice that he didn’t even believe what he was saying. It was just to make me feel better. I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep so he wouldn’t say anymore. I didn’t want to talk about this. I didn’t want to talk about anything.

  Woods turned the radio on and we drove in silence the rest of the way back to Rosemary. When the car came to a stop I opened my eyes to see Rush’s house in front of me. I was back.

  “Thank you,” I said, looking over at Woods. His expression was serious. I could tell he was thinking about something that he didn’t want to share with me. I didn’t need to ask to know what it was. He thought I should leave too. Rush wasn’t going to call and there was a chance he might not come back. I couldn’t just live in his house.