Boys South of the Mason Dixon

  Telling him all this would not be easy. I knew that no matter how prepared I got, he was going to try and stop me. Convince me not to do this. I had to be strong or I’d continue hurting him forever. He’d hate me, all the Suttons would, especially now on the heels of what happened with Bray and Scarlet, but I couldn’t just keep finding reasons to wait. I had to do this now. I had to end it so that he could move on.

  Three long gulps and I finished the cup. I didn’t even taste it. I’d drank it for the caffeine and the mental focus I needed for the task ahead. What I had to do wouldn’t change anything with Asher. After yesterday, I knew that. He had decided that he could never be with me, and knowing he didn’t love me the way I loved him would always sting deeply.

  “You’re up early. You don’t have to be at work for another two hours,” Mom said, yawning. She searched my face. It was six in the morning, and I’d been drinking coffee since five.

  “I couldn’t sleep,” I replied, though I knew she knew that.

  She came up behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist and resting her chin on my shoulder. “It isn’t easy to do what’s right. But you know that already.”

  Without me even telling her, she knew. Saw it all and read my heart. Tears stung my eyes because my mother expected me to do the right thing. To let Steel go, be truthful about it all, and she’d been waiting all along for me to do that.

  “One day, there will be another man. Asher Sutton will become a memory. You won’t ever forget him, but you will heal and move on. It’s how the world works, honey. Though I know it’s hard to see that now.”

  The idea of loving anyone else more than Asher seemed as heartbreaking as it was impossible to accept right now. “I don’t know about that,” I replied sullenly.

  Again, Mom squeezed me tight. “You’re young, life is rarely decided at eighteen years of age. We don’t give our hearts away at fifteen, never to love again.”

  That was where she was wrong. I replied, “Thirteen. I gave it away at thirteen.”

  With a sigh, she kissed my temple, “Oh, Dixie, there’s a big ol’ world out there. One you’ve yet to explore. There’s so many beautiful experiences that yet lie ahead of you. Trust me, sweetheart, if Asher Sutton was meant to be your only love, then it would’ve happened that way.”

  I closed my eyes. Fought back the tears. “I don’t want to think it’s over.”

  “The future is a funny thing. It may lead you around the world and bring you right back where you started.”

  I wiped away a single tear that had escaped. “Steel isn’t going to be easy. He’ll fight this. Try to stop me.”

  Mom ran her hand over my hair brushing it out of my face. “That’s because you’re beautiful and smart, loving and kind. No man will ever want to let that go, not without a fight.”

  Asher did. He let me go without a fight.

  I didn’t say the words aloud. Though they were there, always would be. It would be hard for me to truly trust enough to love again, the way I’d loved Asher. If that were even possible. If mom was right and someone else came along one day, would my heart be whole by then? I didn’t think it could ever happen.

  “Let me feed you before you go,” she said, patting my arm and releasing her hold of me.

  I couldn’t eat. My stomach was in knots. “No, I’m not hungry. I have to do this now . . . before I back out. It has to be stopped.”

  “You’ve got to work all day. You need something in your stomach,” she argued.

  “I’ll get something during my lunch break.”

  She didn’t look convinced. “I’ll bring you a late breakfast when I run to Harrods to get my vitamins.”

  Arguing with her was pointless. I nodded and considered another cup of coffee, but the queasiness in my stomach stopped me. I sat the cup down and gave Mom a hug. “Thanks. I love you,” I said.

  She rubbed my back, “I love you more. Never forget that.” I knew she was someone who would stay, make my dad happy, from the first time she said those words to me as a child. She made us a family again. She made us whole.

  I grabbed my purse and headed for the door. “Here, at least take this protein bar,” Mom said, following behind me and holding a peanut butter Cliff Bar in her hand.

  I took it and thanked her, hoping to have an appetite later. She kissed my cheek one more time. I could see the love and worry for me on her face. The concern shining in her eyes.

  When outside, I took a deep breath. This was going to be hard, but I could do it. Steel would be up and in the barn with his first cup of coffee by now. I wasn’t sure when Asher went to work, though that might complicate things. But I knew he would avoid me at all costs, and today, I needed that.

  The drive down to their house was short, but I used it to prepare myself for every argument Steel would throw my way. Hurting him was the last thing I wanted to do, but continuing to make Steel believe we had a chance was wrong and selfish of me. I didn’t like being the villain, but I’d made my bed. Now I just needed to lie in it.

  I parked at the barn. Didn’t walk past their house. This was stressful enough without the other Sutton boys getting involved in our talk. I closed my door gently, in case anyone was still sleeping, the short distance from my car to the barn covered in a matter of seconds. It still felt like the longest walk of my life.

  Steel was there like I knew he would be. He was good at what he did, dependable, hard-working, staying as long as it was needed, and often remaining after everyone else had left for the day. He deserved so much more than I was ever capable of giving him. I stepped inside and he turned immediately, the heavy barn door creaking with my entrance. The cup of coffee in his hand was a familiar sight. He was just as I had pictured him there—dressed for hard work, knowing what he had to do, his hair roughed slightly from sleep.

  “Well, good morning,” he said, with a slow lazy smile. He wasn’t fully awake yet. Not enough caffeine.

  “Hey,” I replied, hating every word before I even said them.

  Straightaway, he sensed my mood. He was smart, observant like that. I had to act fast, “Steel, let me talk first. Please? I want to say my peace. I didn’t come here to argue.”

  He thought about it. Wanted to say more. It was all there in the way he was looking at me, but Steel remained silent because I’d asked. Another reason to love him. Another reason to let him go. I spoke again, “I can’t continue doing this. It’s unfair to you. I’ll love him until the day I die. I accept that. You’re a wonderful man. Someone who should have a girl on his arm who loves you as deeply as you love her . . . but I’ll never be that girl . . . I’m damaged . . . I need you to understand that . . . Steel, you have to let me go.”

  I’d planned on saying more, my ramblings making me lose my train of thought and forget what I wanted to say. But I spoke the truth. I said the facts, and now I had to give Steel time to respond. His eyes held the disappointment and hurt I knew would come from this. I expected that, but seeing it was difficult to witness. Knowing he was happy when I first walked in, and that only I was responsible for taking that away from him.

  He sat his cup down on a shelf. Made a study of the ground at his feet. I waited some more, wondering what he was thinking. Would he fight this? Should I have said more? I kept questioning everything I had said, thinking I could have said it better.

  He suddenly replied, “That’s it, then. I tried. I gave it my best, but never got the same from you. Knew that. Forgave you for it time and time again. But I held out hope that things would change. If I was there for you, loved you hard enough, became what you needed . . . that it would be enough. That I would be enough. But you’re spoiled, want what you can’t have. What I offered would have never been good enough . . . and that makes you not good enough for me. I want more, I want a woman who knows her own mind, can find her own damn happiness without a man’s help . . . and that will never be you. So go on, Dixie, leave and don’t come back. You want Asher, but he will never want you in return. He’s moved on w
ith his life. Now go waste the rest of yours on a pointless, empty dream.”

  Although I saw Steel Sutton standing before me and heard the words coming from his mouth, I was having a hard time believing he was saying such cruel, hurtful things to me, no matter how much I deserved them.

  “Don’t stand there and look all hurt and offended. What did you expect from me? Tears? Hell no, Dixie! I’m done trying to make you love me. If this is what you want, then that’s what you can have. I just ask one final thing of you. Leave the diamond ring I gave you. It was meant for a woman who is worth it and deserves to wear it. That isn’t you.”

  I had the ring in my pocket. That was what I’d planned to do, anyway. But I didn’t imagine it happening this way. I pulled it out just as Steel took a step toward me and extended his hand between us, his palm up and his fingers twitching with impatience. The glare in his eyes was so foreign to me. The Steel I knew was gone and a cruel, heartless man had taken his place. And that man was reaching for his ring. I placed it in his hand, his fingers closing on it quickly as if I would take it back and run. He then said, “You can go now.”

  Thosee four words were filled with so much hate and disdain, that my legs almost gave out on me. I stumbled, but forced myself to draw strength from within, turning away, and sprinting from the barn and the monsters I had created.

  Asher Sutton

  JOE GREEN MADE wooden lawn furniture. It was a popular item in Malroy and the only place you could buy it was Denver’s. Today, I’d been going back and forth to Joe’s to get the chairs, tables, and front porch swings that he’d made for the summer season. Hannah waited on me out front to deliver every load. She was showing me where to display them. That was her job, other than answering the phone and working the entrance of the business. She handled the design of the store, the placement of the items they sold, and stuff like that.

  I was on my last load when Dallas’s truck pulled in. Hannah noticed him first. She was moving a table around, to put a pot with some fancy ass flowers inside it, hoping to draw customers’ attention. Dallas wouldn’t be coming to see me unless there was a problem. He’d have me bring something home if we needed it at the house. No reason to come pick it up. I wiped the sweat from my forehead with my towel, tucking it back in my pocket, and hopping down from the bed of the truck just as he was headed my way.

  “That your youngest brother?” Hannah asked, squinting against the sun.

  I replied, “Yeah, give me a minute,” walking toward him. My first thoughts, of course, went to Momma. I was the worrier in the bunch.

  “Take your time,” Hannah called after me, though I was too focused on Dallas to even care. The frown on his face meant this was about an annoyance rather than a problem. It couldn’t be Momma. I sighed with relief. “You seen Steel?” he asked.

  “No, why, should I?”

  Dallas shook his head and said, “Naw, just thought maybe he’d come looking for you. He’s been gone since Dixie came by this morning. She drove off and he left shortly after, slamming his door, then spinning his wheels so hard, gravel went flying all over the place. I was headed out to hit the bag some before work when I saw it all. Momma said to give him some time, then go looking for him. I figure he’s a big boy and can handle his shit, but fuck if I’m gonna tell Momma that. A world of hurt would rain down on me.”

  I knew this was coming after Dixie had talked to me yesterday. She did the right thing and I was glad, though I knew Steel was crushed. She didn’t love him the way she should. He needed to move on, all three of us did. I was tougher than Steel. I’d handled this thing far longer. “I have two more hours here. Then I’ll go looking for him,” I promised.

  Dallas scowled like that was stupid. “He needs to go get laid.”

  “Tell Momma I’ll find him. Don’t worry about it. He doesn’t need your sarcastic comments. Not right now, anyway.”

  “He’s sure as fuck not gonna want to see you, either. We all know she broke up with him because she’s still hung up on you.”

  No point in saying that wasn’t true, “I might be exactly who he needs to see right now.”

  “Whatever. I’m heading to Jack’s. I need a beer. This is too much fucking drama. It’s like I got a bunch of goddamned sisters.”

  “Jack won’t give you a beer. You’re seventeen. But call me if he shows up there.” He was already going back to his truck, “Yeah,” beings his lengthy response.

  When I turned around, Hannah was arranging furniture nearby, and I could tell she’d been trying to listen. There was that nosey look about her. I walked back to the truck to get the rest of the swings, hoping to avoid her questions. I got three unloaded and placed where she wanted them before she cleared her throat.

  “I overheard some. I couldn’t help it. He was talking loudly. Do you, uh, need help finding Steel?” Overheard my ass. She’d been straining her neck to hear us talk. I replied brusquely, “No, I need to do that alone.”

  She busied herself with the Adirondack chairs, fucking around with the all-weather pillows, before looking back again. “I thought they were engaged.”

  This town talked too damn much. “She never said yes, Hannah.”

  “Oh,” her voice was soft. Like she was disappointed. “I can’t imagine a girl turning Steel down. He’s such a good guy and all.”

  The need to defend Dixie was strong. But I fought it. Had to let it go. “Love is a fickle bitch. Can’t pick and choose where your heart will lock in. If we could, life would run a helluva lot smoother. We’d all be goofy happy.”

  That made her silent for a while. I was done unloading and about to ask if she needed me to rearrange anything else that was too heavy for her. Instead, she put her hands on her hips, and got that look that meant she was going to offer her opinion whether I wanted it or not.

  “Some people want what they can’t have. Has nothing to do with love. It’s more of a way to protect themselves from really feeling something deep. You were Dixie’s first love. She’s built that fantasy in her head and needs to move on from it.”

  Yeah. She should’ve kept that to herself. I counted backwards from ten before meeting her gaze, “Or maybe some things aren’t your business and sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong speaks volumes about you.”

  Her cheeks immediately flushed. I’d driven my point home and I knew I had been harsh. I wasn’t a mean guy, I controlled my temper most of the time, but I couldn’t stop myself on this occasion. Bray would’ve lit her ass on fire and left her in scalding tears. His temper could burn down a whole damn forest. But I had gone too far.

  “This isn’t easy. We’re dealing with it the best we can. Having others who don’t know the whole story give their opinions is, well, it’s unkind, Hannah. There’s so much shit you don’t know.” I was trying to ease the sting of my words and realized that I might have only made it worse.

  She nodded. “Of course. You’re right. I shouldn’t have said anything. I don’t have a filter on my mouth. My momma has always said that.” She looked forlorn and I hated myself for making her feel that way.

  The fact she owned up to her actions made me respect her a little more. Hannah wasn’t a bad person. “We all say shit we wish we could take back, Hannah,” I replied, offering her a small smile.

  She smiled back. “Thanks,” she returned, her cheeks still pink.

  “I can appreciate it when someone knows they’ve messed up and owns up to it. I don’t always do that myself. Not many people do.”

  Her soft laughter was attractive and genuine. “I have a very blunt mother. She takes no shit, and I guess it’s helped me in my life, without me even knowing it.”

  “I figure you’d be the same either way. My momma shuts us down fast, no punches held, but not all my brothers have learned much from that. Some did, others didn’t.”

  Hannah smirked, “I’d say you and Bray, for one, are nothing alike. I remember him from high school.”

  I gave her a nod and said, “None of us are like Bray,
he’s different from us all. Dallas, however, is running a close second on the smartass scale the older he gets.”

  “Bray looks hot while he’s being nasty. I’m sure that helps with all the girls he goes out with.”

  “Like a charm,” I assured her while smiling.

  She laughed again. It was pleasantly appealing. Not annoying or grating for once. Hannah would make it just fine in this world. Getting to know her was nice. I could admit she was attractive and I liked more than just her looks. But my heart was not in it. When I left here today, I wouldn’t think of her again until I returned to work tomorrow. Her face wouldn’t stay in my mind, her smile would fade ever so quickly. Only one face always stayed with me, even when I prayed to God for some reprieve.

  Dixie Monroe

  WORK WENT ON and on. All day I’d thought about this morning’s encounter with Steel. With relief also came sadness. He’d looked at me with such hate. That was hard to accept because I didn’t want him to hate me. Steel was special to me, but I understood his reaction. I didn’t want him to regret the moments we’d spent together, but wanting Steel to remember me fondly was selfish of me. If he needed to hate me, then I had to accept it. I would hate me, too.

  I finished cleaning up the salon and wiping down the tanning beds, which was the part of my job that I hated the most. When it was ready for reopening tomorrow, I locked up and stepped outside, coming face to face with a very drunk Steel leaning against my Jeep.

  “You’re either stupid or just a bitch. I can’t figure it out.” Steel slurred as I slowly approached him. I stated the obvious, “You’re drunk.” He cackled loudly, responding as if it were a mystery, “Oh, she’s a sharp one, folks. Guess she’s not stupid after all. Just a bitch. A mean ol’ bitch.”

  It stung hearing Steel call me a bitch, but he was drunk and hurting, so I couldn’t let it get to me. Instead, I tried to be sensible, “Get in the Jeep. I’ll drive you home.”

  He gave me an incredulous look. “You think I’d get in that Jeep with you? Shit, girl, maybe you are stupid. I want nothing to do with you. Nothing! You hear that, Dixie Monroe? N-O-T-H-I-N-G!”

  I could have pointed out that he was here to see me. That I hadn’t gone after him. But I was dealing with a drunk man. I saw no point in arguing with him. “You can’t drive like this.”

  He pushed off from my Jeep, held his arms wide, then revolved in a dizzying circle, spinning while flapping his arms a little. “Do you see my motherfucking truck? Do you? No, you don’t. How you reckon I’m gonna drive it if it aint’t here?”

  Steel was right. No evidence of a truck. “So you’re just walking around drunk?”

  “Ain’tyourproblemwhatthefuckIdo,” he snarled, but the way his words ran together, it didn’t sound as angry as he hoped.

  “Steel, you’re here at my Jeep. I must wonder why? If I’m a stupid bitch . . .” I was not going to reason with a drunk man. I should text Brent and have him come get Steel. Bray wasn’t around lately and wouldn’t care if he remained on foot. And Asher . . . well, Asher was no longer