Like a Memory

  “Bliss,” he said my name against my skin as his mouth moved from mine to trailed kisses down my neck. I arched against him and his hand slid under my dress and moved further up my body caressing my stomach before covering my breast. Nate had touched me here before. But then I’d been young and we had experimented mostly. Not really known what to do. I still didn’t.

  My legs fell open so that he could fit inside them closer. And I could feel more. Instead he moved back away from me and I started to protest just before he took the hem of my dress and jerked it up my body. I lifted my arms so he could take it off me without needing to be told.

  His shirt followed then he began unfastening his pants. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to look but I was fascinated with watching him. I’d never seen a man naked. This would be my first. Just like everything he did Nate had his jeans off with a smooth ease that wasn’t awkward at all. It should have been but it wasn’t.

  Then he was back over me. His boxer briefs still in place. My panties and bra still there as barriers. I didn’t want a barrier. I wanted to feel it all. But the thrill of the skin on skin contact I did get had me forgetting everything else.

  Nate kissed my stomach and the curves of my breasts before reaching around and unhooking the offending object to discard it. Now I felt naked. Bared. He stared at me a moment and during that time I wanted to cover myself. What if I wasn’t enough? What if I didn’t meet his expectations?

  “This . . . is better than I imagined. And I imagined it a lot. A whole fucking lot.”

  I smiled then. It was as if he knew what I needed to hear. The sweet reassurance made me love him more.

  “I don’t have a condom,” he said as he reached for my panties and began to move them down my legs. “So I’ll be leaving my boxers on.”

  I could tell him that I’d never get pregnant. I couldn’t. I had survived cancer but it had taken so much from me. The one thing that hurt the most was that I’d never be able to carry a child inside me. Reminding him of my sickness at this moment. I didn’t want to do that.

  My thoughts had started to go dark with that reminder when he moved my legs over his shoulders. This I knew . . . I’d read about it in books. I was aware of what he was doing but I was suddenly terrified.

  He didn’t give me long to think it through before his tongue touched my center and my hips bucked off the lounger and a cry of pleasure came from my mouth. All the reasons this scared me were gone. I grabbed the back of his head with my hands and held him there. Not caring if that was wrong or if I was doing something I shouldn’t. I would do whatever he wanted if he’d just keep kissing me there. Tasting me. I knew what an orgasm was. I’d given myself plenty. So I recognized what my body was climbing toward. However, it had never felt like this. My fingers never brought my body to this trembling ball of explosives that were threatening to ignite at any time. I wanted it and then I also wanted this to go on forever. I was torn between what it would bring me and wanting to keep feeling this.

  He ran a hand up my inner thigh and pushed my legs open further exposing me completely to him. Watching his head buried there was all I could take. The release that came was like nothing I’d ever known. I cried his name over and over as my body went from trembling to shaking.

  His mouth thankfully released me or I was sure I’d die from the sensitive pressure it left behind. He kissed his way back up my body and then he tucked his face in my neck.

  “Jesus, you taste good.”

  “And you . . . uh,” I had to pause to catch my breath. “You’re really good at that.”

  He chuckled again my skin. “Thanks.”

  I could still feel his erection against my hip.

  “I can . . . um . . . do the same.” How did one ask to give a guy a blow job? And was I even going to know what I was doing? Did I lick it? Or did you really suck it like a lollypop? I wished I knew more. Wasn’t so damn clueless.

  “Bliss,” he said lifting his head to look at me. “Are you offering to suck my dick?”

  That was one way to put it. I nodded.

  He didn’t move for a moment. I was torn between hoping he said no thanks because I wasn’t sure how this worked to being worried he didn’t want me to because I had done something to turn him off.

  “If I was a gentleman I’d say no that’s okay. You don’t have to but fuck that,” he said moving back and pulling off his boxers. His erection stood straight and it was huge. I mean I had never actually seen a penis but I didn’t realize they were so large. How was I supposed to get that all in my mouth?

  “There is nothing more I’d rather see in this life than your head over my lap with your mouth full of my cock.”

  The area between my legs came back to life after already having its turn at fun. Why was Nate talking dirty exciting me?

  Nate Finlay

  I STILL HAD the taste of her orgasm in my mouth as Bliss lowered her head over my dick. If I’d had a fucking condom I would have her sweet ass bent over and I’d be buried inside that wet pussy right now. But I didn’t.

  Her tongue slid over the head and I shook. I sure as hell couldn’t take her teasing me. It was taking all my willpower not to grab her head and shove that sexy little mouth down over my cock. I didn’t want to choke her . . . well, now that was a lie. The idea of chocking her with my dick was exciting. Hearing her gag with it in her throat was hot as hell. But she seemed nervous. I didn’t want to scare her. Because she might stop and Jesus, I didn’t want her to stop.

  Her tongue trailed down each side and my hands were literally trembling. I balled them into fists. I’d had my dick sucked a lot and by some pros but none of them compared to it being Bliss. Even if she hadn’t actually sucked it yet. Her prep work was about to kill me.

  After she had thoroughly licked it and I was on the verge of begging her to stick it in her mouth she tilted her head back and looked up at me. “I’ve . . . do I . . . is this right? Or do I actually suck on it?” her cheeks were flushed and her words slowly sank in. She’d never done this before.

  The image of Bliss’s mouth being on some other guy’s dick wasn’t appealing and now knowing it never had been thrilled me. It shouldn’t. She wasn’t mine but damn I liked this.

  I touched her head gently. “Slowly put it in your mouth. Get as much in it as you can take then suck it.”

  Explaining this to her was a fucking turn on. As if I needed anything more to make me want her. She put both her hands on it and then finally my dick sank into her mouth. The wet warmth and the way her tongue flicked it as it moved deeper felt incredible.

  “Yeah, that’s it.” Fuck! That was it. I touched her head but I didn’t let myself shove down on it like I wanted to.

  She continued to do as I told her and with each groan and word of praise out of my mouth she got more sure of herself. Soon she was taking me deeper in her throat and I knew I couldn’t shoot my load in her mouth. Not if this was her first time. But damn the image of it made my cock throb.

  “Fuck, Bliss, yeah baby,” I was lost in a level of heaven I didn’t want to leave. Ever. What would happen tomorrow and the future didn’t seem to matter anymore. Not when Bliss was sucking on the head and jacking me off with her hand.

  Squeezing my eyes shut I tried to hold off. I didn’t want to end this but the end was there and I grab my dick and move her head back. “I’m coming,” I managed to get out just as my load erupted all over her bare chest. She watched me coat her tits with such wide-eyed innocence I came just little harder at the sight of it.

  “Fuuuck,” I groaned and my release began to roll down over a nipple. I’d never forget the way she looked right now.

  She lifted her eyes to meet mine then she smiled. It was the happy pleased kind that made me laugh.

  “Wow,” she said and I laughed some more.

  “I didn’t mean to coat you with it,” I told her.

  She beamed at me. “I like that you did. It felt good.”

  I was getting hard again. Jesus, she needed to shut
up. We couldn’t have sex.

  “Stay right there,” I said standing up and going over to the table to get one of the linen napkins and a glass of water. She needed to be cleaned up.

  When I knelt in front of her to clean her up she arched her back to let me. And my thickening dick got even harder. “I might need to let you do this,” I told her. “Because this . . . you doing that . . . I want to fuck you. .”

  Her cheeks were flushed. I wasn’t sure if it was all the sucking or my words causing it but I liked it.

  “Then do.”

  No, no, no, no. I shook my head and handed her the napkin before moving away. “Not happening.”

  I didn’t watch her clean herself. I couldn’t. Or we would be fucking.

  “You don’t have to come inside me.”

  She wanted me to pull out. Motherfucker I wanted to. I knew I was clean and after that blow job experience I knew her experience was limited so she was clean. But damn . . . what if? That was a chance I wasn’t sure we should take.

  “Not a good idea,” I told her and reached for my boxers to get myself covered back up before the temptation was too great.

  “Okay,” she finally said and I turned to look back at her. She was still naked and she hadn’t got all my come off her chest yet.

  “Bliss,” my tone was warning.

  “Yes.”

  “Cover up. Get dressed. You don’t want to play this game with me.”

  She didn’t move. “Yes I do.”

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

  I started to just leave. Walk away and send a car to get her. That was what I should do. But as I moved I was moving toward her. I jerked her up and pulled her against my chest before kissing her with all the desire and frustration she had built up in me. It was hard and too rough but she kissed back just as fiercely and I couldn’t make the right decision. I couldn’t walk away.

  I broke the kiss and shoved her back on the lounger. Taking both her legs I held them open and looked at her there like that. Her eyes wide with excitement. I was doing this. When I knew, I shouldn’t. I was doing it.

  The boxers I had just put on I was out of immediately and with one thrust of my hips I was buried inside her. The cry of pain and thin barrier told me something I should have figured out. I should have known. But damn she was a woman now. I didn’t expect that.

  A blow job being her first was one thing but sex? The caveman took over. I wanted to beat on my chest and say “mine” but that wasn’t possible. I had to leave. She couldn’t be mine. She deserved her prince.

  I ran my hand over her head and looked down at her. Tears pooled in her eyes and I knew it was from the pain. If I’d known I could have been easier. But then if I’d known would I have done this?

  “Take a deep breath. I won’t move until it eases.”

  She inhaled deeply and kept her eyes on me. “It’s just a little sting now.”

  I moved so that the pleasure would increase and take the pain away sooner.

  Her breathing became panting and I moved faster. The tightness of her virgin entrance squeezing me so hard that I wanted to blow again too soon. When she began to tremble in my arms and her eyes closed I knew her orgasm was there. I bit my tongue to keep from going off with her.

  “AH! Ohgod!” she cried and I held her as she broke apart in my arms. When she was still lost in her euphoria I had to jerk my hips out before it was too late. Holding my dick, I yelled out my release as my come shot all over her thighs.

  The traces of blood were there on my skin and the inside of her thighs. Mixed with my semen. Making her mine when I knew she never would be.

  Bliss York

  I DIDN’T LOOK different. Did I? Standing in my bathroom I studied myself. Would Eli know? Surely not. I didn’t want to talk to him about this. I touched my bare stomach and smiled. Nate Finlay had kissed me there. I had been kissed all over by him. When he’d brought me back last night he had kissed me so gently as if I might break.

  Then he had said he’d call me today. What had started as a mistake or what I thought was a mistake had ended wonderfully. I had got my date with Nate and somehow I’d got Nate too. After all these years, we were together again. My heart felt full as if it could burst with all the joy pumping through it right now. I was happy. Truly happier than I’d ever been. Last night had been everything I hoped for. Had dreamed about. Yes, it hurt but the pain had eased and it felt amazing.

  Even the tenderness down there this morning was nice. It reminded me of Nate and what we had shared. I didn’t really have anyone I could tell about this. But I didn’t want to. I wanted it to be our private moment. Telling a friend all about it would take away from how special it had been.

  Maybe I did look different. I sure felt different. More complete. As if my body knew it had just changed dramatically. That it would never be the same.

  “Got coffee made. You want eggs?” Eli called through the door.

  No. Yes. I was hungry but facing Eli wasn’t something I was ready for. He would ask about last night and I’d have a goofy smile on my face. He’d know something. What if he guessed? I looked at my reflection in horror. That was not going to happen. I’d be ready to talk to him in a day or two.

  But not now.

  “Thanks but I’m going to see mom,” I called back. Which I hadn’t been planning on that but now it seemed like it was the only thing I wanted to do. I couldn’t tell her but just seeing her and maybe asking some sex questions and relationship questions might help. She was the only one I had to ask. That I trusted what she had to say.

  “Oh. Okay. Do you work tonight?”

  I did. I didn’t want to. I wanted to see Nate. But I had a job and I had to be there. “Yeah. Seven to close.”

  “I’ll see you tonight then. I’ve got to work all day.”

  Eli had a job working at his grandfather’s car lot. He did computer filing and handled their social media. It was an easy gig but I wasn’t jealous. He had offered me a job there too. I just wouldn’t take it. I knew they didn’t need me. I didn’t want them making a job up for me.

  “Okay. I’m getting in the shower. If you’re gone when I get out I’ll see you tonight.”

  I turned on the water needing to end this conversation. It was awkward because I knew he was wanting to ask me about last night but wouldn’t. He wanted me to just tell him.

  This time Eli didn’t get to know everything.

  Pulling into my parents’ driveway always made me feel safe. I hadn’t been moved out long but I knew this would always be my home. The boys’ community truck was gone so they had already left for school. I had timed it just right. Dad would be working and the boys were gone.

  I liked to see my brothers and father but I wanted mom to myself. I wasn’t even to the door when it opened and she stepped out onto the wide wrap around porch. The smile on her face was big and beautiful just like her. I had always thought I had the prettiest mother.

  “I have company I wasn’t expecting. Good thing I made extra biscuits.” Momma always made extra biscuits. She grew up on this farm feeding her grandfather and the workers. It was what she did. Having a husband and three boys to feed made her happy.

  “What about tomato gravy? Got any of that?” I asked.

  She nodded. “Of course I do.”

  “Then I’m starving.”

  She wrapped her arms around me when I stepped up onto the porch. “I miss seeing this face every day. Takes all my willpower not to ride into Sea Breeze just to see you. But you look good. You look happy.

  “I am happy,” I assured her. Now if she’d asked me this time yesterday I wouldn’t have been able to say the same thing. At least not honestly.

  “Come inside and let me feed you while you tell me what or who has that smile on your face,” she said opening the door for us to go inside.

  “I had a date last night,” I decided against telling her that I forced that date.

  “Oh, with who?”

  “Nate Finlay,” I replied.
r />   She paused. “What about his fiancé?”

  “They broke it off. After I quit my job. It all kind of snowballed.”

  We stepped inside and mom wasn’t saying much. I knew she was thinking this through. Like Eli she didn’t want me hurt. But unlike Eli she was more careful how she handled it. I waited for her to decide what she was going to say next.

  Walking over to get a cup out of the cabinet for my coffee, I was holding my breath. I wanted her to be happy for me. But I wasn’t sure she would be. This wasn’t an ideal situation. But it was what I wanted.

  “Did he break it off, or did she?” mom finally asked.

  “He did.”

  “For you”

  “No.” I replied watching her face for any hint of what she was thinking.

  “Then why?”

  “Because he wanted more. They were weird together. No connection. No attachment. She didn’t even seemed to care when he broke things off. It was similar to the way she acted when I quit.”

  Mom didn’t fix my plate. She sat down letting me help myself. Which was normal in this house. Momma raised us to take care of ourselves. “Are you happy with him”

  That was an easy question. “Very.”