Like a Memory

  Well ain’t he thoughtful. Worried about Bliss seeing me drunk. Why? Had she never seen a drunk man before? I figured she had seeing as she was working at a damn club. I doubted she would be too shocked by what I was doing.

  “She would be,” he replied angrily.

  “Huh?” Had he just read my thoughts?

  Eli shook his head. “Move over. I’m driving you home.”

  The hell he was. I managed a laugh then. A loud one. Eli Hardy thought he was going to save me? I laughed harder.

  “She will be out here any minute. You’re drunk and being a complete dick. She doesn’t need to see this. You’ve hurt her enough.”

  Wait . . . what? I hadn’t hurt her. I was gentle with her. Explained myself. I had fucking destroyed me apparently but I’d been good to her. I didn’t want to hurt her.

  Eli was staring at me. What was his problem?

  “She needs to move on,” he once again replied as if he knew what I was thinking. Weird shit.

  “I’m sleeping here. She won’t see me,” I argued.

  “Your truck is parked right here. How will she miss it?”

  Good point. “Well she won’t know I’m in it. You can’t see me in the dark.”

  “I saw you,” he shot back. “Now move over. I’m taking you home.”

  I wasn’t going to Octavia’s. I was pretty damn sure I’d just broken it off with her or had I dreamed that? Maybe I should text her again to be sure.

  “What is your problem? Do you not care that you’re hurting her?”

  There he was with the hurting again. I hadn’t hurt her. “I’m not hurting her.”

  He was the one to laugh this time but he didn’t laugh like he meant it. Instead he sounded hard and cold. Like he was the one annoyed. Hell what did he have to be annoyed with. This was my fucking truck he was invading.

  “Eli? Nate?” there was her voice. I’d dreamed about that voice.

  “Bliss,” I said wanting Eli to move so I could see her. I missed her.

  “I got this. You go on home,” Eli said not moving.

  “You got what?” she asked and I started to say something when she moved in front of him moving him back away from the door with her small body.

  “Oh God. You stink of whisky. Are you okay?”

  I was now. If she’d climb up in this truck I’d be more than okay. “Just drunk sweetheart. Not anything serious.”

  She looked concerned. “I’m driving you home. Eli you follow us so you can give me a ride home.”

  “No, I’ll drive him,” Eli offered.

  “He doesn’t want you to. I’ll drive him.”

  “No, Bliss.”

  “Eli, stop. You don’t get to make decisions for me.”

  I wanted to agree with that but I had a hard time keeping my eyes open.

  “Do you even know where he is staying? He’s wasted. He can’t remember shit.”

  “I know Octavia’s house. I worked for her remember.”

  That was when I needed to find my words and open my damn eyes. I couldn’t go there. Not now.

  “I think, no, I’m positive, I think I’m positive. Fuck if I can remember but I am pretty damn sure that I broke up with her. Can’t go to her house.”

  “What?” That was Bliss and I wanted to focus on her face. She was blurry though. It wasn’t easy. I’d missed that face. That smile. Those eyes. And when it is put right in front of me I can’t even focus on it. Fucking shame.

  “What? Oh, yeah, I don’t want to be married.”

  There as silence then.

  “He can go to his grandfather’s.” That was Eli.

  “No. Not like this. We will take him to our place.”

  “What?” Eli’s tone almost made me laugh.

  “Don’t be difficult. He’s almost passed out. Just let me take him to our place. He can sleep it off on the sofa and figure things out in the morning. He’s obviously upset.”

  I kept my eyes closed because this was sounding better and better.

  “He hurt you, Bliss.”

  She didn’t reply right away and I wanted to ask her about that. See if he was right. I didn’t mean to hurt her. I’d never want that.

  “I know. But he needs me. That’s all that matters right now.”

  My chest felt warm and tight. If I could I’d find a way to make this all right. But at the moment the darkness clawing at me won out and the world went quiet. There were no more voices to hear.

  Bliss York

  ELI WAS FURIOUS. Okay maybe that was an exaggeration. Eli was mad at me. That was the truth. I’d driven Nate back to our place last night and managed to get him to walk from the truck to the sofa in our living room. He’d said a lot of things I knew were drunken ramblings but they’d been nice. They’d been so nice I had stayed up most of the night thinking about them.

  Should I have brought him back here? Probably not. Eli was right. I was asking to get hurt some more. But I wasn’t able to leave him or take him to his grandfather’s place, which would have made sense. I wanted him here, where I could watch him sleep. I was now venturing on creepy. Great.

  The things Nate Finlay made me do. If he had any idea how I felt about him this would be humiliating. But I felt like I had kept my real feelings disguised enough. Being in love with a boy from seven years ago was embarrassing. He had moved on. I hadn’t. My life had been paused. But I hadn’t forgotten him.

  Last night Eli was upset. He had gone in his room and slammed the door. I fought the urge to go talk to him. Ask him to understand and not be mad. That was what I would normally do. At least I think that was what I’d normally do. Eli had never been angry with me before. This was all very new.

  Now I had a guy passed out drunk on my sofa and my best friend was angry with me. These were normal occurrences for a girl my age. It was time I lived a little. Felt the pains of growing up. Finding my way in this world.

  That sounded extremely dramatic. I definitely didn’t sound easy. And Nate wanted easy. Except last night he’d said he had broken up with Octavia. I wasn’t sure I believed him since he was so hammered he had passed out. But then he had drank almost a fifth of whisky.

  I curled my feet under me and took a sip of the coffee I had made. He’d be waking up soon. At least I hoped he would. It might be best if he was gone before Eli woke up. I had brought him here but what had I wished to accomplish. It wasn’t like this would be different. He had said he didn’t want me less than a week ago. I doubted that had changed.

  Just because he had called me “beautiful” and “the most perfect girl” he’d ever seen didn’t mean much. He’d also said he missed watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Alcohol made him very sappy.

  I think last night he was just missing the past. All of it. I was just a part of his past. But the past was just that. The simplicity of childhood was gone. I missed it too. I missed him. But that boy was gone. Replaced with a man I didn’t know. Not really.

  A groan came from the sofa and I watched as he stretched. At least he was going to wake up before Eli got out of bed. My thoughts halted then and I was distracted by the way his tanned muscular arms flexed as he moved them and yawned. I watched a wince touch his face and I figured that was the morning after alcohol pain.

  Nate really was incredibly sexy. His body, his face, the way he moved. Even last night when he had been staggering drunk I’d wanted him. He had that appeal that was impossible to ignore.

  “Fuck,” he groaned covering his face with his hand and rubbing hard as if trying to wash away his memories of last night. Or the pounding headache he was sure to have. I had never been drunk but I had seen plenty people drink too much then pay for it the next day.

  “I have an aspirin and some water when you’re ready for it. Then a cup of black coffee might help.” I told him and he froze.

  I smiled into my cup. He had forgotten where he was. This was kind of fun. Even if I wouldn’t see him again it was fun having Nate here.

  Slowly he turned his head unt
il he was looking at me. His half lidded eyes were bloodshot. He couldn’t quite get them open. I watched as he winced again, the sunlight streaming through the window finding his face and neck.

  “That wasn’t a dream. Shit,” he mumbled then threw his arm over his eyes. “Why did you bring me here?”

  His voice was raspy and deep. I wondered if he always sounded that way when he woke up in the mornings. I liked it. Who wouldn’t like it? That was the kind of thing that made your mind think of other things it shouldn’t.

  “You said you couldn’t go to Octavia’s.” I told him. Had to say something. His grandfather was technically in this building, but I didn’t point that out.

  “You should have left me there in my truck. It’s what I deserved.”

  “Security at Live Bay would have called the cops and you’d have ended up going to jail for the night to sleep it off.”

  He lifted his arm some to peek at me. “So you brought me here. To your place. When my grandfather is in the same building.”

  I shrugged. “Wasn’t sure which condo and you weren’t really up for talking or directions last night.”

  He let out a moan and moved to sit up. The covers fell from his chest and it was bare. When had he taken off his shirt? I hadn’t done that but I wasn’t complaining. His chest was magazine cover ready. What woman wouldn’t want to see that?

  “Give it to me straight. What did I say?” he was concerned and I figured he remembered enough to be concerned. I’d leave the part out where he said if he married it would “be to me.” Or that he thought about me “every damn minute of the day” so much “it crowded his thoughts.” These were drunken outbursts I didn’t believe and he’d want to make sure I didn’t. That would be too painful. I would hold onto that forever.

  “You broke up with Octavia or at least you think you did.” That needed some clarification.

  “Shit. I mean, I’m glad, but shit. I have to call her and talk this out. No telling what my text said. I’m scared to even look.” He patted his pockets. “Where’s my phone?”

  “You dropped it in your truck. I left it in there.”

  He nodded then rubbed his face roughly. “Where’s Eli?”

  Eli was probably in his room listening and pissed off still. “Asleep.”

  Nate stood up. “I should go.”

  That was it? He wasn’t going to talk about anything? Nothing he said? Nothing? He wasn’t engaged anymore. But he didn’t seem very interested in me either. Instead he looked like he wanted to bolt and couldn’t get out of here quick enough.

  “Okay. Your keys are on the bar,” I told him and didn’t move to get up and give them to him. I was still reeling over the fact he was just going to leave. We weren’t going to talk. Nothing.

  When had I missed the fact Nate Finlay had become an asshole?

  He paused and I waited sipping my coffee and staring straight ahead out the window. I didn’t know what to say or how to deal with this. It was like an awkward walk of shame but there had been no sex. No one night stand.

  “Thanks for bringing me here. Making sure I didn’t end up sleeping it off behind bars. My parents would freak the hell out if I ended up in jail.”

  Was this the equivalent of “It was good. Thanks for the hot fuck.”? Because it felt like it.

  “Like I said, I couldn’t leave you there.”

  He didn’t move and I didn’t look at him. I refused to let him see what I really felt at this moment. I guess he’d go find another “easy” to replace Octavia. Even though last night he had told me he didn’t want easy anymore. He wanted more. That had been drunken crap too. Yet I’d thought about it all night long.

  “Bliss, did I say something I need to answer for this morning?”

  He didn’t remember anything.

  “No, nothing. Good luck,” I replied sparing him one glance as I stood up.

  He didn’t move at first and I thought maybe he was going to push for more. But before I knew it he was walking to the door.

  When it opened, I let myself look. To mark this in my memory. Nate Finlay walking away from me. I needed to get him out of my heart and my head.

  Our eyes locked and neither of us said a word. I wondered if he could read my eyes because in his I saw things that couldn’t be correct. The regret I saw was wishful thinking. He didn’t regret this. He was walking away with ease. No concern. No questions. But I was the one hurting. I was always the one hurting.

  “Thanks again,” he said and all I could do was nod.

  When the door closed behind him I let out a sigh and my shoulders fell. Eli stepped from his room and I couldn’t look at him. He’d listened to it all. He knew I had brought Nate here hoping for something . . . something I couldn’t even put a name to.

  Eli’s strong arms wrapped around me and I curled into him. But I didn’t cry. I wasn’t that weak. I never would be again.

  Nate Finlay

  I SAT ON my Grandpop’s sofa for three hours staring. At nothing really. My thoughts were on Bliss and this morning. They were also on my sudden single status. I’d decided to finally get serious with Octavia because I was tired of my relationships just being about sex. There was supposed to be more than sex and I knew that. But what I’d had with Octavia wasn’t enough.

  The simple text I had gotten from her said more than enough:

  Glad you figured that out sooner rather than later.

  That was it. Nothing else. No phone call or dramatic outburst. Just one text. So fucking easy. Or was it so fucking empty. Maybe empty meant easy.

  I could sit here and wonder if I had just screwed up a good thing. But that was wasting my time. Because I was free and all I could think about was Bliss. I should go right back to her apartment and tell her I wanted her. I wanted us. I wanted a chance.

  For some reason though I couldn’t manage to do it. Maybe it was waking up in her apartment hung over and unsure exactly what I’d said to her the night before. Or hell I might be the world’s dumbest asshole. Who the fuck knew. All I knew was sitting here was just all I could get myself to do.

  Last night I’d wanted nothing more than to be free to have Bliss. Today I was free and I was scared. The urge to call my mom was strong but I fought it. I was a man and I didn’t need my mother’s advice. Besides she’d be so happy I’d broken it off with Octavia she’d have a hard time focusing on the Bliss problem.

  A hard knock on the door tore me from my inner battle and I looked toward the door confused. Who the hell would be knocking? Grandpop was at work and anyone who knew him knew that’s where they’d find him. I waited and another aggressive knock had my curiosity peaked.

  I went to the door and opened it expecting to see someone there for Grandpop and finding Bliss instead.

  “I have something to say,” she announced and walked into the apartment brushing past me.

  “Okay,” I managed to reply watching her. She spun around with her hands on her hips as she glared at me angrily. She was pissed and she was hot as hell. She also knew where my grandpop’s apartment was. She’d lied about that.

  “I’m done. Don’t come around me. Don’t show up drunk where I work. Go back to Rosemary Beach and your country club friends and stay there. I will not let myself get hurt again by you. I’ve overcome too much to let some guy ruin my happy. Last night,” she said then let out a laugh that didn’t sound as if she thought it was funny at all. Her eyes were shinning with unshed tears. “I was so desperate for anything from you that I clung to the ramblings of a drunk man. I believed the nonsense that came out of your mouth and I thought maybe there was a chance. But I was wrong. Those were the silly hopes of the girl who once loved you. We’re grown and we’ve both changed. I get it. But I want you gone. “

  I didn’t have time to respond before she stalked past me and out the door.

  “Bliss, wait! What . . . what did I miss here?” I had just left her apartment this morning and she hadn’t been so damn angry at me then.

  She paused and I watc
hed as her shoulders lifted then fell with an exaggerated sigh. Nothing was said for several moments. I was about to say something else when finally she turned back to me. “I’m that girl,” she said. “The girl who clings to the hopes a guy will notice her. A guy who she thinks about and daydreams about but he is just out of her reach. But I don’t want to be that girl. Not anymore. I want to be the girl a guy will throw it all away for. A girl he fights for. I want to be worth it.”

  I was speechless as she then walked away. I watched her go until she turned the corner and was gone from sight. That wasn’t easy. Not by a fucking long shot. I wasn’t ready for her. To be the guy she wanted. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be that guy for anyone.

  She was right. I should go. Leave this place. Let her live her life and find that guy who deserved her. Me, I wasn’t that guy. I wanted to be. But then I was terrified of it.

  The hollow place in my chest ached at the thought of leaving here. It became a sharp pain when I thought of the guy who would end up loving her. The one she was looking for. Before I got in so deep I couldn’t get out, I headed for my truck. I was going home. Back to Rosemary Beach. Bliss York wanted to find her fairytale and I wasn’t going to stand in her way.