The Adventures of Ferdinand Count Fathom — Volume 02, Page 2

  CHAPTER FORTY

  HE CONTEMPLATES MAJESTY AND ITS SATELLITES IN ECLIPSE.

  This expedition being happily finished, General Macleaver put the wholearmy, navy, transports, and scene of action into a canvas bag, the princeunsaddled his nose, and Captain Minikin being admitted, our hero wasintroduced in form. Very gracious was the reception he met with from hismajesty, who, with a most princely demeanour, welcomed him to court, andeven seated him on his right hand, in token of particular regard. Trueit is, this presence-chamber was not so superb, nor the appearance of theking so magnificent, as to render such an honour intoxicating to anyperson of our hero's coolness and discretion. In lieu of tapestry, theapartment was hung with halfpenny ballads, a truckle-bed without curtainssupplied the place of a canopy, and instead of a crown his majesty wore awoollen night-cap. Yet, in spite of these disadvantages, there was anair of dignity in his deportment, and a nice physiognomist would haveperceived something majestic in the features of his countenance.

  He was certainly a personage of very prepossessing mien; his manners wereengaging, his conversation agreeable, and any man whose heart was subjectto the meltings of humanity would have deplored his distress, and lookedupon him as a most pathetic instance of that miserable reverse to whichall human grandeur is exposed. His fall was even greater than that ofBelisarius, who, after having obtained many glorious victories over theenemies of his country, is said to have been reduced to such extremity ofindigence, that, in his old age, when he was deprived of his eyesight, hesat upon the highway like a common mendicant, imploring the charity ofpassengers in the piteous exclamation of Date obolum Belisario; that is,"Spare a farthing to your poor old soldier Belisarius." I say, thisgeneral's disgrace was not so remarkable as that of Theodore, because hewas the servant of Justinian, consequently his fortune depended upon thenod of that emperor; whereas the other actually possessed the throne ofsovereignty by the best of all titles, namely, the unanimous election ofthe people over whom he reigned; and attracted the eyes of all Europe, bythe efforts he made in breaking the bands of oppression, and vindicatingthat liberty which is the birthright of man.

  The English of former days, alike renowned for generosity and valour,treated those hostile princes, whose fate it was to wear their chains,with such delicacy of benevolence, as even dispelled the horrors ofcaptivity; but their posterity of this refined age feel no compunction atseeing an unfortunate monarch, their former friend, ally, and partisan,languish amidst the miseries of a loathsome jail, for a paltry debtcontracted in their own service. But, moralising apart, our hero had notlong conversed with this extraordinary debtor, who in his presentcondition assumed no other title than that of Baron, than he perceived inhim a spirit of Quixotism, which all his experience, together with thevicissitudes of his fortune, had not been able to overcome. Not that hisideas soared to such a pitch of extravagant hope as that which tookpossession of his messmates, who frequently quarrelled one with anotherabout the degrees of favour to which they should be entitled after theking's restoration; but he firmly believed that affairs would speedilytake such a turn in Italy, as would point out to the English court theexpediency of employing him again; and his persuasion seemed to supporthim against every species of poverty and mortification.

  While they were busy in trimming the balance of power on the other sideof the Alps, their deliberations were interrupted by the arrival of ascullion, who came to receive their orders touching the bill of fare fordinner, and his majesty found much more difficulty in settling thisimportant concern, than in compromising all the differences between theEmperor and the Queen of Spain. At length, however, General Macleaverundertook the office of purveyor for his prince; Captain Minikin insistedupon treating the Count; and in a little time the table was covered witha cloth, which, for the sake of my delicate readers, I will not attemptto describe.

  At this period they were joined by Sir Mungo Barebones, who, having foundmeans to purchase a couple of mutton chops, had cooked a mess of broth,which he now brought in a saucepan to the general rendezvous. This wasthe most remarkable object which had hitherto presented itself to theeyes of Fathom. Being naturally of a meagre habit, he was, by indigenceand hard study, wore almost to the bone, and so bended towards the earth,that in walking his body described at least 150 degrees of a circle. Thewant of stockings and shoes he supplied with a jockey straight boot andan half jack. His thighs and middle were cased in a monstrous pair ofbrown trunk breeches, which the keeper bought for his use from theexecutor of a Dutch seaman who had lately died in the jail. His shirtretained no signs of its original colour, his body was shrouded in an oldgreasy tattered plaid nightgown; a blue and white handkerchief surroundedhis head, and his looks betokened that immense load of care which he hadvoluntarily incurred for the eternal salvation of sinners. Yet thisfigure, uncouth as it was, made his compliments to our adventurer interms of the most elegant address, and, in the course of conversation,disclosed a great fund of valuable knowledge. He had appeared in thegreat world, and borne divers offices of dignity and trust with universalapplause. His courage was undoubted, his morals were unimpeached, andhis person held in great veneration and esteem; when his evil geniusengaged him in the study of Hebrew, and the mysteries of the Jewishreligion, which fairly disordered his brain, and rendered him incapableof managing his temporal affairs. When he ought to have been employed inthe functions of his post, he was always wrapt in visionary conferenceswith Moses on the Mount; rather than regulate the economy of hishousehold, he chose to exert his endeavours in settling the precisemeaning of the word Elohim; and having discovered that now the period wascome, when the Jews and Gentiles would be converted, he postponed everyother consideration, in order to facilitate that great and gloriousevent.

  By this time Ferdinand had seen every member of the club, except theFrench chevalier, who seemed to be quite neglected by the society; forhis name was not once mentioned during this communication, and they satdown to dinner, without asking whether he was dead or alive. The kingregaled himself with a plate of ox-cheek; the major, who complained thathis appetite had forsaken him, amused himself with some forty hard eggs,malaxed with salt butter; the knight indulged upon his soup and bouilli,and the captain entertained our adventurer with a neck of veal roastedwith potatoes; but before Fathom could make use of his knife and fork, hewas summoned to the door, where he found the chevalier in greatagitation, his eyes sparkling like coals of fire.

  Our hero was not a little surprised at this apparition, who, having askedpardon for the freedom he had used, observed, that, understanding theCount was a foreigner, he could not dispense with appealing to himconcerning an outrage he had suffered from the keeper, who, without anyregard to his rank or misfortunes, had been base enough to refuse himcredit for a few necessaries, until he could have a remittance from hissteward in France; he therefore conjured Count Fathom, as a stranger andnobleman like himself, to be the messenger of defiance, which he resolvedto send to that brutal jailor, that, for the future, he might learn tomake proper distinctions in the exercise of his function.

  Fathom, who had no inclination to offend this choleric Frenchman, assuredhim that he might depend upon his friendship; and, in the meantime,prevailed upon him to accept of a small supply, in consequence of whichhe procured a pound of sausages, and joined the rest of the companywithout delay; making a very suitable addition to such an assemblage ofrarities. Though his age did not exceed thirty years, his beard, whichwas of a brindled hue, flowed down, like Aaron's, to his middle. Uponhis legs he wore red stockings rolled up over the joint of the knee, hisbreeches were of blue drab, with vellum button-holes, and garters of goldlace, his waistcoat of scarlet, his coat of rusty black cloth, his hair,twisted into a ramilie, hung down to his rump, of the colour of jet, andhis hat was adorned with a white feather.

  This original had formed many ingenious schemes to increase the glory andgrandeur of France, but was discouraged by Cardinal Fleury, who, in allappearance, jealous of his great talents, not only
rejected his projects,but even sent him to prison, on pretence of being offended at hisimpertinence. Perceiving that, like the prophet, he had no honour in hisown country, he no sooner obtained his release, than he retired toEngland, where he was prompted by his philanthropy to propose anexpedient to our ministry, which would have saved a vast effusion ofblood and treasure; this was an agreement between the Queen of Hungaryand the late Emperor, to decide their pretensions by a single combat; inwhich case he offered himself as the Bavarian champion; but in thisendeavour he also proved unsuccessful. Then turning his attention to thedelights of poetry, he became so enamoured of the muse, that he neglectedevery other consideration, and she as usual gradually conducted him tothe author's never-failing goal--a place of rest appointed for all thosesinners whom the profane love of poesy hath led astray.