Bound by Duty

  Chapter 10

  I got home and found Bethany sitting on the couch, surrounded by notes and textbooks. “How’s your new boooooyfriend?” she drawled out with a laugh, like we were in fifth grade and going to start talking about people kissing in trees.

  I shook my head and dropped down beside her in the one place she hadn’t covered in paper. “I don’t know, B.”

  “Um, hello, girl? What do you mean you don’t know? I saw you two love birds yesterday. You were almost drooling all over each other. What’s not to know?” She looked completely baffled and I hated that I couldn’t just be out with it.

  “It just might be too much, too fast. He’s just…intense, and I think it’s moving more quickly than I’m ready for.” I couldn’t even look at her as I said the words. They weren’t the truth and she’d know it.

  “Ohhhh. I see exactly what’s happening here.” Bethany shoved her books and notebook to the floor and shifted so we faced each other. “You’re scared. Honey, that’s normal. Be scared. Enjoy being scared. He’s new and scrumptious and scary. That’s how it’s supposed to be!”

  “It’s not that simple. He’s been through a lot. What if I disappoint him like everyone else has? People did that to me. I can’t do that to him.” I felt so guilty already, just knowing that I would more than likely have to follow through with the betrothal. That there may very well be nothing I could do about any of it in the end.

  “Is that your plan? Are you planning to string him along and then just drop him?” I looked up, surprised and shocked that she would even ask that. “Just what I thought,” she said with a smirk. “Of course you aren’t.”

  “Amelia, you’ve got to trust yourself a little more,” she said, patting my knee. “Relax. Chill the heck out. It’s not all life and death. What you feel right now could last forever or it could last three freaking days. Maybe you’ll find out that he chews his food with his mouth open and you can’t stand the sight of him anymore. Just let it be what it is.” With that, she tapped my hand with her own and picked up her books again.

  I spent the rest of the night stewing over that and finally decided she was right. I wasn’t in love. This was all new. I needed to cut myself a break and just chill out. I grabbed my phone and sent Aidan a quick text.

  Double date this weekend?

  His response came minutes later.

  I suppose Richie Rich isn’t optional?

  I laughed out loud as I responded.

  They are a package deal, but he isn’t that bad.

  If it means I get to sit next to you, then I can handle him. ;)

  I kept trying to think of clever responses but eventually gave up and just grinned as I stared at the screen.

   

   

  We hadn’t been able to have our double date over the weekend like I’d wanted, but the free time had given Aidan and I more one-on-one time and I wasn’t complaining. We were in an easy rhythm that felt safe. Meeting for lunch, texting relentlessly, and finding out as many random factoids about each other as possible. His favorite color was blue. He loved alternative and hated country. He hated cold pizza. The one thing we didn’t do was kiss. He had made a few attempts since our conversation in the car and I was able to circumvent each one. Not always gracefully, but it worked and he seemed to get the message because he backed off. I wanted to kiss him, but knowing deep down that I might have to leave him made me continue to pull back. Kissing meant commitment. I couldn’t do commitment.

  We finally managed to sync up schedules, so Aidan, Micah, Bethany, and I were sitting on an outdoor patio, eating appetizers, and chatting as the sun went down. People were everywhere along the boardwalk, enjoying what was left of the seventy-degree day. We were all laughing at a joke Micah had made — and a little at him. He never seemed to realize just how prudish he could come across.

  “But, really,” he said as he tried to contain his long hair in the leather tie he miraculously always seemed to have, “don’t you think the women of this country have something better to do than watch some ridiculous television show that proves exactly how impossible it is to fall in love in a matter of weeks?” Bethany instantly bristled. No one bashed reality TV in her presence and lived to tell the tale.

  I rolled my eyes at Aidan and laughed as he shook his head. Listening to the deep rumble of his laugh had become one of my new favorite pastimes. I couldn’t even pay attention to Bethany’s lecture or Micah’s continued skeptical questions because I didn’t know how to stop staring at Aidan.

  He sat there, watching me watch him, with a fire in his eyes I didn’t want to acknowledge. I could see that he hadn’t had a haircut since we met and the ends had started to curl. He had that barely-there five o’clock shadow I couldn’t resist and I had to stop myself from reaching over to run my hand along his jaw. My eyes roamed to his broad chest, stretching his bright blue button-down. He had the sleeves rolled to his forearms and the muscles bulged as I noticed him flexing his fist. I finally raised my eyes back to his to find myself locked in his gaze. The bright blue flecks in his eyes stood out against the slate gray depths that were pulling me in and making promises again. Though I successfully managed to avoid any scenarios up to this point where he had another chance to kiss me, that didn’t mean I didn’t want it just as much as I was terrified by it.

  I had laid in bed this morning, for the fourth morning in a row after another long, sleepless night, plagued by worse than normal nightmares, scolding myself for continuing this with Aidan. I warred with myself between Bethany and Rynna’s words of encouragement and the realities of what I had learned from Cole about Julia. Would I be strong enough to just walk away? Was it fair to drag Aidan into this without him even being able to understand what was at stake? No matter what I felt for him, I couldn’t justify hurting him. But, every time I convinced myself today would be the day I’d tell him it was over — whatever this was — he would give me that smile and look at me like I was the only person that mattered in the world. It was the thing I ached for; to be wanted for who I was. Aidan had no idea of what was happening to me and he never would. He had no idea what my actions would mean for our people in the future. He just knew a girl. A regular, normal girl.

  “Hey. Hey, Ame, what’s wrong?” Aidan leaned into me, whispering in my ear as he tucked me into his shoulder. “What’s going on in that head of yours, doll? I just watched you run away without making a move.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead that sent me into overload. I hadn’t cried in a long time. My emotions and my power had been really level for a while now, but the fact that he saw me — that he read me and knew me enough already to know something was wrong — made it obvious that this was more real than I had ever allowed myself to acknowledge.

  I tore myself from him, muttering about having to go to the bathroom. Through my lowered lashes and the dark curtain of hair I’d let fall into my face, I saw the look in his eyes and knew he had seen the well of tears in mine. His jaw tensed and his eyes asked questions I couldn’t answer without the tears falling, so I walked away without a word. This was real. We were real. What was I doing?

  I walked past the bathrooms and out the back door. I wasn’t ready to face Bethany either and she would be sent after me. A sob built in my chest that I swallowed down. It always seemed to work this way; I would think I had it all under control and then one thing would snap me to pieces. What didn’t make sense was that the farther I got from Aidan, the more my power rebelled. It had laid dormant while the realizations mounted, but it wasn’t until I walked away that it pushed back. It pulled and shoved and pounded on me with every step I took until finally I stopped and leaned back against the wall, sliding down to the ground.

  Aidan was everything I wanted and wasn’t supposed to have. I sat there silently crying with my knees pulled to my chest and my head down on my arms. I heard someone running toward me, though it sounded as if the footsteps were in a cave. I could feel the emotion rolling off of them and before I could react, they reached d
own and grabbed me. I was instantly pissed, on top of being scared. When I looked up, I saw Micah get thrown back against the door I had just come out of, his whole body smashing against it with a force I’d never seen, actually leaving a dent in the old metal.

  As he slid down and his feet finally touched the ground he whisper-yelled, “What the hell was that, Amelia? I’ve been calling your name and we’ve been searching for you for the last ten minutes. Aidan’s losing his mind. You need to rein yourself in! I was able to follow your signature back here, which means other Mages could have, too.”

  Micah was dusting his perfectly-pressed khakis and polo off, shaking his limbs out. He closed his eyes and I watched him stand taller as he clearly used his power to ease the aches in his body from smashing against the door. He looked around, his expression oddly relieved.

  I, on other hand, couldn’t move. I sat there, stunned, with my mouth open, my open palms still held out in front of me and my rogue power humming through my system after being set free. It was that same feeling of being on the cliffs that night.

  “Oh my,” Micah said as he stooped down in front of me and took in my response to what had just happened. “You’ve never used force on someone before, have you? How far behind are you exactly, Amelia?” He cocked his head to the side and let out an audible sigh. “I’ve let you be, but I think it’s time we have a conversation.”

  Before I could react or even laugh to myself over the fact that it was supposed to be me pushing Micah to help me, Aidan came running down the alley with Bethany struggling to keep up with his long strides. I didn’t even have a chance to stand before he scooped me up as if I were a child and, without saying a word, stalked back out of the alley and to his car. I locked my arms around his neck and tucked myself deep into him as he walked, hiding my swollen eyes and the eyeliner that was running down my face. He marginally relaxed; his steps slowing. After he deposited me in the passenger seat and buckled me in, he touched his forehead to mine before slowly inhaling. He looked into my eyes and, in the most simultaneously controlled and violent tone I had ever heard, said, “You can’t keep running from me, Amelia. You’re scared, I can see that. But, next time, you will talk to me. Okay?” With wide eyes, the only thing I could do was nod.

   

   

  It was time. Cole had been blowing up my cell for days because I had canceled our last two dinners and hadn’t come down to the gym. We both knew I hadn’t pushed the issue with Micah, but I didn’t want to have to admit it — or why. And, I really didn’t want to have to lie to anyone. So, instead, I called Micah and set up a time to meet to talk.

  I was waiting on a bench near the beach, staring out at the water and trying not to think too hard about the complications of my life right now when he finally sat down beside me. We sat in silence for a few moments, as if daring the other to go first. I finally decided I had called this meeting so it was my show.

  “You’ve already figured out I don’t really know what I’m doing and I need help.” Simple. Direct.

  Micah snorted a little. “Well, that’s an understatement, Amelia. Do you even know what you are? How did this happen?”

  My blood pressure rose a little at his tone. I took a few deep breaths to keep myself calm. “I’m a Mage, Micah, just like you. And, my story doesn’t matter. What matters is that I need to understand how to handle this. Can you help me or not?”

  Instead of answering me, he stood and gestured out toward the water. “Let’s walk a little,” he said. I was annoyed that he wouldn’t just answer me, but followed anyway. We walked out toward the rising tide, stopping far enough away that the water wouldn’t reach us. He slid off his shoes and sat down in the sand, so I did the same. I looked at Micah sitting comfortably, albeit stiffly, on the beach next to me. He’d pulled his hair back but pieces of sun-bleached blond were floating in the breeze off the water. A Viking surfer, that’s what he looked like. He was digging his toes farther and farther into the sand and I watched as he stared out at the ocean with the same intensity that I did.

  “Does it touch you, too? Do you feel it?” I asked.

  He looked at me a little shocked, but finally answered. “It does. I expect it’s just the natural pull of the moon. Our power is strongest at night, making the moon more important to us than the sun, and the moon controls the tides. So, by proxy, the water is at the beck and call of our most powerful source of magic. And yes, I’ve always felt pulled to it.”

  I had never thought of it that way, or really even questioned my affinity for the ocean. As the sun was setting, I could feel a rise in Micah’s magic. It wondered if it was a pep talk he was giving himself to start the conversation we both knew was coming. I laughed a little on the inside to think about the self-confident Micah being nervous around me.

  Finally, still without looking away from the sea, he said, “You know, Amelia, it’s so simple to see that you are capable of more than you realize. I’m not entirely sure how it is that you are so naive to the magic inside of you, or how anyone allowed you to be raised without proper precautions and then let you loose in a human area, but I believe that yes, I can help.” He finally turned to me, all of the sincerity I had ever seen sitting in his eyes, and simply stated, “I wasn’t raised with anyone like you — who didn’t know how to control every ounce of their magic — but I believe that you should know how to use it. Your power is an extension of the woman you will become and, at the very least, I can teach you to control it and defend yourself, if that’s what you want.”

  I sat staring into his bright blue eyes, seeing the hope hiding behind the doubt. I finally swallowed the lump of worry lodged in my throat and said, “I haven’t had a lot of people in my life be up front about how to be what I am. I appreciate what you’re offering and would like for you to help me. Obviously, Bethany doesn’t know what we are, but she’s the only person who has ever really been interested in being my friend. I hope we can be friends, too.”

  He nodded and gave me a small smile in return. “She is a beautifully positive creature, isn’t she?” That made me laugh out loud. “Oh, Micah, you save that one for some night you’re in trouble. That is sure to smooth a few things out.” The grin I saw in return was priceless. Maybe he wasn’t going to be so bad for her after all.

  We got up, brushing the sand away, and I stood in front of Micah. “Alright, so we’re doing this. When do we start?” I asked. I was a little leery about this part. I was ready to be pushed, but I still wasn’t sure which abilities I should show Micah. I wasn’t entirely sure of the abilities I even had lurking around inside me. So many things had only happened to me once and random things seemed to only happen when I completely lost control and my power reigned free. I was going to have to find a source that understood which powers belonged to Elders and which were only in Mages. Maybe Cole’s people would be able to help.

  I stood expectantly, nervously crossing my arms over my chest, trying to find peace in the waves crashing as the tide came in. I was very anxious all of a sudden and I could feel a similar nervous energy coming from Micah. I couldn’t hear his thoughts directly, but his emotions hit me like the tides, flowing in and out as he also tried to contain himself.

  “First things first. Time to give you a little test.” With that, he threw me a wicked grin and took off running around a rock formation on the beach. I couldn’t help but laugh and follow. Just as I rounded the corner, I saw a bolt of red magic coming at me. I dodged it and shot back with a purple dart of my own. We weren’t truly aiming for each other, but I could tell that Micah wanted a gauge on what my magical defense looked like. It was liberating to use my power in a playful way and I was thankful human eyes couldn’t detect the darts of color shooting in both directions.

  This went on for a few minutes, him shooting larger bolts and me running behind him, face scrunched, willing something just half the size to come from my palms. I tried to channel the power I’d let loose on the cliffs, to really show him what I knew was inside me, b
ut it was being stubborn today. The more I pushed, the less it reacted. What should have been thick bolts of power laced with violet and streaks of white were tiny streams that looked as if they were shot from a kid’s water gun.

  “Stop. Stop, Amelia.” Micah jogged over to me. “Do you understand how to truly source your power? I feel like you’re concentrating far harder on this than you should be. Your power is an extension of you. It is intermingled in your mind and your soul. It lies in every cell and each individual drop of blood. You cannot separate yourself from your power, so you should not have to try so hard to use it.”

  I cocked my head, completely confused. I understood what he was saying from the perspective of how it felt to lose control, but not in everyday use. I’d never had everyday use.

  “Well. I… uh, have never used my power every day, so I don’t know what you mean. I’ve actually spent more time telling it to sit down and shut up than using it.” I glanced sideways at him, ashamed of how I grew up and how inadequate it made me in the scheme of things.

  He stood there, mouth open, completely shocked. “Pardon?” was the only thing he could apparently say, though I got the feeling his mind had far more going on than was coming out his mouth.

  “It’s really not that big of deal. I mean, I just need you to show me how to do it. I’ll be fine. I mean, you saw the freeze thing. And the thing in the alley. Clearly, I’ve got stuff to work with.” I was embarrassed, but also a little annoyed that he was being so condescending. “Is this too much for you?” I asked, raising an eyebrow and allowing sarcasm to flood my tone.

  “Certainly not. It’s just…surprising. Let’s move on.” And with that, we moved into telekinesis. Moving things around would have been a dead giveaway, so even though I’d tested it a few times, I’d never spent any span of time on the skill. The exertion from pulling and yanking at my power for the last hour was grating on me and I could feel the headache starting. Not wanting to let Micah down, I pressed on. Various pieces of driftwood found new homes around our span of beach and I found myself sweating with the exertion of holding a rock the size of a basketball suspended in mid-air.

  Micah was all business, standing with his arms crossed as he evaluated me. Nodding and giving instruction to put things here or there. He didn’t ask again about what I could or couldn’t do. For that, I was thankful. But as I stood there, a chunk of driftwood hovering over the water, my vision doubled and a sharp ache punched through my core. I dropped the log and fell to my knees, grateful we were on the beach and not concrete.

  Micah was there in an instant, apologizing. “Are you okay? I’m so sorry. I should have realized what this would do to you. Sit down.” He helped me back from my knees to sit on the sand and I could feel the top of my body actually moving in a circle as the rest of the world spun around me. Darkness threatened at the edges of my vision and I took deep breaths, willing myself to stay conscious. It took a few minutes but finally the world righted itself and it was only a dull throb thudding in the back of my skull.

  “How about I drive you home?” Micah asked.

  “No, just take me to the gym. Cole can help me.” I realized as the words came out that Micah hadn’t made that connection yet. I closed my eyes and exhaled in frustration. “He’s my brother. Which also makes him a Mage. But, it’s fine. He can help me. That’s what he does.”

  Micah didn’t ask questions. I was thankful he let it go and supported me as he led me up the beach and across the street to the gym. He let me go in alone, but wasn’t happy about it.

  As luck would have it, Cole wasn’t actually at the gym, so I sat in his office for a while until my headache subsided. I was still exhausted, but I forced myself out to my car and navigated my way back to the apartment. I was asleep instantly and didn’t move until the alarm went off the next morning. My only dreamless nights seemed to come after my body had been through the ringer.