The Giraffe and the Pelly and Me, Page 2

  'Very well, very well,' the Duke muttered. 'Come along with me and let's see if you're any good at cleaning windows.'

  I climbed out of the Pelican's beak and the kindly old Duke took me by the hand as we all walked towards the house. When we got there, the Duke said, 'What happens next?'

  'It is all very simple, Your Grace,' the Giraffe replied. 'I am the ladder, the Pelly is the bucket and the Monkey is the cleaner. Watch us go!'

  With that, the famous window-cleaning gang sprang into action. The Monkey jumped down from the Giraffe's back and turned on the garden tap. The Pelican held his great beak under the tap until it was full of water. Then, with a wonderful springy leap the Monkey leaped up once again on to the Giraffe's back. From there he scrambled, as easily as if he were climbing a tree, up the long long neck of the Giraffe until he stood balancing on the very top of her head. The Pelican remained standing on the ground beside us, looking up at the Giraffe.

  'We'll do the top floor first!' the Giraffe shouted down. 'Bring the water up, please.'

  The Duke called out, 'Don't worry about the two top floors. You can't reach them anyway.'

  'Who says we can't reach them?' the Giraffe called back.

  'I do,' the Duke said firmly, 'and I'm not having any of you risking your silly necks around here.'

  If you wish to be friends with a Giraffe, never say anything bad about its neck. Its neck is its proudest possession.

  'What's wrong with my neck?' snapped the Giraffe.

  'Don't argue with me, you foolish creature!' cried the Duke. 'If you can't reach it, you can't reach it and that's the end of it! Now get on with your work!'

  'Your Grace,' the Giraffe said, giving the Duke a small superior smile, 'there are no windows in the world I cannot reach with this magical neck of mine.'

  The Monkey, who was dancing about most dangerously on top of the Giraffe's head, cried out, 'Show him, Giraffey! Go on and show him what you can do with your magical neck!'

  The next moment, the Giraffe's neck, which heaven knows was long enough already, began to grow longer and LONGER ...

  and LONGER ...

  and LONGER ...

  and HIGHER ...

  and HIGHER ...

  and HIGHER ...

  until at last the Giraffe's head with the Monkey on top of it was level with the windows of the top floor.

  The Giraffe looked down from her great height and said to the Duke, 'How's that?'

  The Duke was speechless. So was I. It was the most magical thing I had ever seen, more magical even than the Pelican's Patented Beak.

  Up above us, the Giraffe was beginning to sing a little song, but she sang so softly I could hardly catch the words. I think it went something like this:

  'My neck can stretch terribly high,

  Much higher than eagles can fly.

  If I ventured to show

  Just how high it would go

  You'd lose sight of my head in the sky!'

  The Pelican, with his huge beak full of water, flew up and perched on one of the top-floor window-sills near the Monkey, and now the great window-cleaning business really began.

  The speed with which the team worked was astonishing. As soon as one window was done, the Giraffe moved the Monkey over to the next one and the Pelican followed.

  When all the fourth-floor windows on that side of the house were finished, the Giraffe simply drew in her magical neck until the Monkey was level with the third-floor windows and off they went again.

  'Amazing!' cried the Duke. 'Astonishing! Remarkable! Incredible! I haven't seen out of any of my windows for forty years! Now I shall be able to sit indoors and enjoy the view!'

  Suddenly I saw all three of the Window-Cleaners stop dead in their tracks. They seemed to freeze against the wall of the house. None of them moved.

  'What's happened to them?' the Duke asked me. 'What's gone wrong?'

  'I don't know,' I answered.

  Then the Giraffe, with the Monkey on her head, tiptoed very gingerly away from the house and came towards us. The Pelican flew with them. The Giraffe came up very close to the Duke and whispered, 'Your Grace, there is a man in one of the bedrooms on the third floor. He is opening all the drawers and taking things out. He's got a pistol!'

  The Duke jumped about a foot in the air. 'Which room?' he snapped. 'Show me at once!'

  'It's the one on the third floor where the window is wide open,' the Giraffe whispered.

  'By Gad!' cried the Duke. 'That's the Duchess's bedroom! He's after her jewels! Call the police! Summon the army! Bring up the cannon! Charge with the Light Brigade!' But even as he spoke the Pelican was flying up into the air. As he flew, he turned himself upside-down and tipped the window-cleaning water out of his beak. Then I saw the top half of that marvellous patented beak sliding out of his head, ready for action.

  'What's that crazy bird up to?' cried the Duke.

  'Wait and see,' shouted the Monkey. 'Hold your breath, old man! Hold your nose! Hold your horses and watch the Pelly go!'

  Like a bullet the Pelican flew in through the open window, and five seconds later out he came again with his great orange beak firmly closed. He landed on the lawn beside the Duke.

  A tremendous banging noise was coming from inside the Pelican's beak. It sounded as though someone was using a sledgehammer against it from the inside.

  'He's got him!' cried the Monkey. 'Pelly's got the burglar in his beak!'

  'Well done, sir!' shouted the Duke, hopping about with excitement. Suddenly he pulled the handle of his walking-stick upwards, and out of the hollow inside of the stick itself he drew a long thin sharp shining sword. 'I'll run him through!' he shouted, flourishing the sword like a fencer. 'Open up, Pelican! Let me get at him! I'll run the bounder through before he knows what's happened to him! I'll spike him like a pat of butter! I'll feed his gizzards to my foxhounds!'

  But the Pelican did not open his beak. He kept it firmly closed and shook his head at the Duke.

  The Giraffe shouted, 'The burglar is armed with a pistol, Your Grace! If Pelly lets him out now he'll shoot us all!'

  'He can be armed with a machine-gun for all I care!' bellowed the Duke, his massive moustaches bristling like brushwood. 'I'll handle the blighter! Open up, sir! Open up!'

  Suddenly there was an ear-splitting BANG and the Pelican leaped twenty feet into the air. So did the Duke.

  'Watch out!' the Duke shouted, taking ten rapid paces backwards. 'He's trying to shoot his way out!' And pointing his sword at the Pelican, he bellowed, 'Keep that beak closed, sir! Don't you dare let him out! He'll murder us all!'

  'Shake him up, Pelly!' cried the Giraffe. 'Rattle his bones! Teach him not to do it again!'

  The Pelican shook his head so fast from side to side that the beak became a blur and the man inside must have felt he was being scrambled like eggs.

  'Well done, Pelly!' cried the Giraffe. 'You're doing a great job! Keep on shaking him so he doesn't fire that pistol again!'

  At this point, a lady with an enormous chest and flaming orange hair came flying out of the house screaming, 'My jewels! Somebody's stolen my jewels! My diamond tiara! My diamond necklace! My diamond bracelets! My diamond earrings! My diamond rings! They've had the lot! My rooms have been ransacked!'

  And then this massive female, who fifty-five years ago had been a world-famous opera-singer, suddenly burst into song.

  'My diamonds are over the ocean,

  My diamonds are over the sea,

  My diamonds were pinched from my bedroom,

  Oh, bring back my diamonds to me.'

  We were so bowled over by the power of the lady's lungs that all of us, excepting the Pelican, who had to keep his beak closed, joined in the chorus.

  'Bring back, bring back,

  Oh, bring back my diamonds to me, to me.

  Bring back, bring back,

  Oh, bring back my diamonds to me!'

  'Calm yourself, Henrietta,' said the Duke. He pointed to the Pelican and said, 'This clever
bird, this brilliant burglar-catching creature has saved the day! The bounder's in his beak!'

  The Duchess stared at the Pelican. The Pelican stared back at the Duchess and gave her a wink.

  'If he's in there,' cried the Duchess, 'why don't you let him out! Then you can run him through with that famous sword of yours! I want my diamonds! Open your beak, bird!'

  'No, no!' shouted the Duke. 'He's got a pistol! He'll murder us all!'

  Someone must have called the police because suddenly no less than four squad cars came racing towards us with their sirens screaming.

  Within seconds we were surrounded by six policemen, and the Duke was shouting to them, 'The villain you are after is inside the beak of that bird! Stand by to collar him!' And to the Pelican he said, 'Get ready to open up! Are you ready ... steady ... go! Open her up!'

  The Pelican opened his gigantic beak and immediately the policemen pounced upon the burglar, who was crouching inside. They snatched his pistol away from him and dragged him out and put handcuffs on his wrists.

  'Great Scott!' shouted the Chief of Police. 'It's the Cobra himself!'

  'The who! The what!' everyone asked. 'Who's the Cobra?'

  'The Cobra is the cleverest and most dangerous cat-burglar in the world!' said the Chief of Police. 'He must have climbed up the drainpipe. The Cobra can climb up anything!'

  'My diamonds!' screamed the Duchess. 'I want my diamonds! Where are my diamonds?'

  'Here they are!' cried the Chief of Police, fishing great handfuls of jewellery from the burglar's pockets.

  The Duchess was so overcome with relief that she fell to the ground in a faint.

  When the police had taken away the fearsome burglar known as the Cobra, and the fainting Duchess had been carried into the house by her servants, the old Duke stood on the lawn with the Giraffe, the Pelican, the Monkey and me.

  'Look!' cried the Monkey. 'That rotten burglar's bullet has made a hole in poor Pelly's beak!'

  'That's done it,' said the Pelican. 'Now it won't be any use for holding water when we clean the windows.'

  'Don't you worry about that, my dear Pelly,' said the Duke, patting him on the beak. 'My chauffeur will soon put a patch over it the same way he mends the tyres on the Rolls. Right now we have far more important things to talk about than a little hole in a beak.'

  We stood there waiting to see what the Duke was going to say next.

  'Now listen to me, all of you,' he said. 'Those diamonds were worth millions! Millions and millions! And you have saved them!'

  The Monkey nodded. The Giraffe smiled. The Pelican blushed.

  'No reward is too great for you,' the Duke went on. 'I am therefore going to make you an offer which I hope will give you pleasure. I hereby invite the Giraffe and the Pelican and the Monkey to live on my estate for the rest of their lives.

  'I shall give you my best and largest hay-barn as your private house. Central heating, showers, a kitchen and anything else you desire for your comfort will be installed.

  'In return, you will keep my windows clean, and pick my cherries and my apples. If the Pelican is willing, perhaps he will also give me a ride in his beak now and again.'

  'A pleasure, Your Grace!' cried the Pelican. 'Would you like a ride now?'

  'Later,' said the Duke. 'I'll have one after tea.'

  At this point, the Giraffe gave a nervous little cough and looked up at the sky.

  'Is there a problem?' asked the Duke. 'If there is, do please let me hear it.'

  'I don't like to sound ungrateful or pushy,' murmured the Giraffe, 'but we do have one very pressing problem. We are all absolutely famished. We haven't eaten for days.'

  'My dear Giraffey!' cried the Duke. 'How very thoughtless of me. Food is no problem around here.'

  'I'm afraid it is not quite as easy as all that,' said the Giraffe. 'You see, I myself happen to be ...'

  'Don't tell me!' cried the Duke. 'I know it already! I am an expert on the animals of Africa. The moment I saw you I knew you were no ordinary giraffe. You are of the Geraneous variety, are you not?'

  'You are absolutely right, Your Grace,' said the Giraffe. 'But the trouble with us is that we only eat ...'

  'You don't have to tell me that either!' cried the Duke. 'I know perfectly well a Geraneous Giraffe can eat only one kind of food. Am I not right in thinking that the pink and purple flowers of the tinkle-tinkle tree are your only diet?'

  'Yes,' sighed the Giraffe, 'and that's been my problem ever since I arrived on these shores.'

  'That is no problem at all here at Hampshire House,' said the Duke. 'Look over there, my dear Giraffey, and you will see the only plantation of tinkle-tinkle trees in the entire country!'

  The Giraffe looked. She gave a gasp of astonishment, and at first she was so overwhelmed she couldn't even speak. Great tears of joy began running down her cheeks.

  'Help yourself,' said the Duke. 'Eat all you want.'

  'Oh, my sainted souls!' gasped the Giraffe. 'Oh, my naked neck! I cannot believe what I am seeing!'

  The next moment she was galloping full speed across the lawns and whinnying with excitement and the last we saw of her, she was burying her head in the beautiful pink and purple flowers that blossomed on the tops of the trees all around her.

  'As for the Monkey,' the Duke went on, 'I think he also will be pleased with what I have to offer. All over my estate there are thousands of giant nut trees ...'

  'Nuts?' cried the Monkey. 'What kind of nuts?'

  'Walnuts, of course,' said the Duke.

  'Walnuts!' screamed the Monkey. 'Not walnuts? You don't really mean walnuts? You're pulling my leg! You're joking! You can't be serious! I must have heard wrong!'

  'There's a walnut tree right over there,' the Duke said, pointing.

  The Monkey took off like an arrow, and a few seconds later he was high up in the branches of the walnut tree, cracking the nuts and guzzling what was inside.

  'That leaves only the Pelly,' said the Duke.

  'Yes,' said the Pelican nervously, 'but I'm afraid that what I eat does not grow on trees. I only eat fish. Would it be too much trouble, I wonder, if I were to ask you for a reasonably fresh piece of haddock or cod every day?'

  'Haddock or cod!' shouted the Duke, spitting out the words as though they made a bad taste in his mouth. 'Cast your eyes, my dear Pelly, over there to the south.'

  The Pelican looked across the vast rolling estate and in the distance he saw a great river.

  'That is the River Hamp!' cried the Duke. 'The finest salmon river in the whole of Europe!'

  'Salmon!' screeched the Pelican. 'Not salmon? You don't really mean salmon?'

  'It's full of salmon,' the Duke said, 'and I own it. You can help yourself.'

  Before he had finished speaking the Pelican was in the air. The Duke and I watched him as he flew full speed towards the river. We saw him circle over the water, then he dived and disappeared. A few moments later, he was in the air again, and he had a gigantic salmon in his beak.

  I stood alone with the Duke on the lawn beside his great house. 'Well, Billy,' he said, 'I'm glad they are all happy. But what about you, my lad? I am wondering if you happen to have just one extra special little wish all for yourself. If you do, I'd love you to tell me about it.'

  There was a sudden tingling in my toes. It felt as though something tremendous might be going to happen to me any moment.

  'Yes,' I murmured nervously. 'I do have one extra special little wish.'

  'And what might that be?' said the Duke in a kindly voice.

  'There is an old wooden house near where I live,' I said. 'It's called The Grubber and long ago it used to be a sweet-shop. I have wished and wished that one day somebody might come along and make it into a marvellous new sweet-shop all over again.'

  'Somebody?' cried the Duke. 'What do you mean, somebody?' You and I will do that! We'll do it together! We'll make it into the most wonderful sweet-shop in the world! And you, my boy, will own it!'

  Whenever the old
Duke got excited, his enormous moustaches started to bristle and jump about. Right now they were jumping up and down so much it looked as though he had a squirrel on his face. 'By Gad, sir!' he cried, waving his stick, 'I shall buy the place today! Then we'll get to work and have the whole thing ready in no time! You just wait and see what sort of a sweet-shop we are going to make out of this Grubber place of yours!'

  It was amazing how quickly things began to happen after that. There was no problem about buying the house because it was owned by the Giraffe and the Pelly and the Monkey, and they insisted upon giving it to the Duke for nothing.

  Then builders and carpenters moved in and rebuilt the whole of the inside so that once again it had three floors. On all these floors they put together rows and rows of tall shelves, and there were ladders to climb up to the highest shelves and baskets to carry what you bought.

  Then the sweets and chocs and toffees and fudges and nougats began pouring in to fill the shelves. They came by aeroplane from every country in the world, the most wild and wondrous things you could ever imagine.

  There were Gumtwizzlers and Fizzwinkles from China, Frothblowers and Spitsizzlers from Africa, Tummyticklers and Gobwangles from the Fiji Islands and Liplickers and Plushnuggets from the Land of the Midnight Sun.

  For two whole weeks the flood of boxes and sacks continued to arrive. I could no longer keep track of all the countries they came from, but you can bet your life that as I unpacked each new batch I sampled it carefully.

  I can remember especially the Giant Wangdoodles from Australia, every one with a huge ripe red strawberry hidden inside its crispy chocolate crust ... and the Electric Fizzcocklers that made every hair on your head stand straight up on end as soon as you popped one into your mouth

  ... and there were Nishnobblers and Gumglotters and Blue Bubblers and Sherbet Slurpers and Tongue Rakers, and as well as all this, there was a whole lot of splendid stuff from the great Wonka factory itself, for example the famous Willy Wonka Rainbow Drops - suck them and you can spit in seven different colours.