A Reclusive Heart

  get laid the better. No, scratch that. The sooner he got laid the better.

  Maybe he should head downstairs to the hotel bar and pick up a woman. No, he couldn’t do that since there was absolutely no way that he was going to last that long. The damn woman had him panting and ready to burst and she hadn’t even touched him.

  “Are you okay?” she asked, moving to take a step closer as she ran her eyes over him with obvious concern.

  “Great. Fine. Never been better,” he said quickly as he ushered her towards the door, making sure to keep the magazine firmly in place. “I’ll look over your computer and get it back to you tomorrow,” he said, opening the door and pretty much shutting it her face.

  “Okay, goodnight,” he thought he heard her mutter, but didn’t really care.

  He dropped the magazine, reached down and undid his pants and had himself in hand as he quickly made his way to the bathroom. He slapped his hand flat against the wall above the toilet, closed his eyes and thought about Jamie’s face.

  Never in his life had been this turned on by one woman and he sure as hell never pictured a woman’s face while he jerked off. Now he couldn’t help but moan as the image of her sweet face caused his balls to tighten. He didn’t even finish the second stroke before his legs threatened to give out and a long groan escaped him.

  “Jamie,” he heard himself growl in ecstasy.

  He dropped his hand away and flushed the toilet, panting harder than if he’d just done thirty minutes on the treadmill and stumbled back from the toilet, wondering what the hell was happening to him. She shouldn’t be affecting him like this. He didn’t want her. Okay, that was bullshit. He shouldn’t want her.

  She was his responsibility and definitely not his type, but he couldn’t help but like the idea of holding her in his arms or kissing her, something he didn’t usually like but did to get a woman to spread. With Jamie he just wanted to kiss her just to kiss the little recluse. His arms actually ached from the urge just to hold her.

  This was so damn wrong. If he didn’t need J.L. Lewis so damn much he’d either walk away or fuck her to get it out of his system, but he did. J.L. Lewis was the key to his success. Once he was done with her no one would care that he was the bastard raised by whores. He was going to make a name for himself, but he needed her to do it and sleeping with her would only screw up his plans.

  He was going to have to keep his damn hands to himself and his dick in his pants around her. It didn’t matter how much he wanted her, because he wanted what J.L. Lewis could give him a whole hell of a lot more.

  Chapter 12

  “You know what?” Jamie asked, trying to pull away from Nick, but the big jerk wouldn’t let her go. “I’ve changed my mind. Having sex is overrated. I’m more than happy to remain a virgin. Very happy,” she stressed as he ignored her and dragged her into the store.

  As soon as the door closed behind him with a soft little chime he pushed her in front of him where she got her first look inside a lingerie store. There was lace and silk in every color and style imaginable and she had absolutely no idea about what to buy, how to figure out her size and in some cases how to wear the tiny contraptions. This was all wrong. She might be passably pretty now, but she was in no way sexy enough to wear any of the pretty things in front of her. It was flannel pajamas for her, she decided as she tried to make a run for the door, but the infuriating man wouldn’t let her go.

  “Behave,” he whispered as a pretty redhead in a sexy silk camisole and short skirt walked over to them. She ran an assessing eye over Jamie, barely biting back a frown before her eyes shifted to Nick and widened in pleasure right along with a coy smile.

  “May I help you?” she asked Jamie, but her eyes were on Nick.

  “That would be great,” Nick said in that deep sensual voice he used on everything female. Well, every female except for her, she thought with a small sigh as she tried to make another run for it, but the darn man wouldn’t let her go.

  The woman’s smile became knowing as she sent Nick a welcoming look. Did the woman not see her? For all the woman knew she could be his girlfriend, his fiancé, or his wife. Okay, that was really pushing it, but it was still really rude.

  “My friend could use some help if you have a moment?” Nick said, placing his hands firmly on her shoulders to keep her in place. Why wouldn’t he just let her run away?

  The woman reluctantly looked at her and did a wonderful job of pulling back her frown. With a slight nod she gestured for Jamie to follow her. When she just stood there Nick gave her a gentle shove in the woman’s direction and forced her to move her butt. She shot him a glare over her shoulder, but of course he just ignored her death glare and kept pushing her towards a whole new level of embarrassment.

  They followed the redhead into a back fitting room decorated in pastel colors, several oversized chairs, mirrors and three changing rooms. She watched as Nick walked over to one of the chairs and sat down and thought that perhaps she should do the same thing when the woman began manhandling her.

  “Hey!” Jamie gasped when the woman wrapped a measuring tape around her chest. Before she could shove the woman’s hands away she measured Jamie’s stomach, hips, and one thigh, leaving her blushing and irritated. Of course she decided to take her irritation out on Nick by sending him a glare, but he was already busy reading a magazine so she gave up scowling and tried to figure out how she was going to get out of this.

  Apparently she wasn’t.

  “What are you interested in?” the saleswoman asked.

  Jamie opened her mouth to tell her anything flannel when Nick answered for her. “Soft colors and nothing too bold,” he said in a bored tone.

  “Virginal?” the woman asked, making Jamie gasp. How the heck did she know?

  “Yes,” Nick said in that same bored tone as he continued to read.

  “I’ll see what I have,” the woman said, throwing Nick one last look of longing before she reluctantly left the room.

  Jamie opened her mouth to tell the man that if he was bored then he could darn well go wait in the car while she did this, but the saleswoman chose that moment to walk back into the room, carrying a huge selection of silk and lace.

  Something about the woman’s flushed cheeks told her that she probably ran around the store and grabbed anything and everything so that she could come back to ogle Nick. For his part, Nick just sat there thumbing through a magazine on fashion.

  “Try these on and we’ll see what we have to work with,” the woman said, shoving several items in Jamie’s hands and absently gesturing for her to go change.

  Knowing there was probably no way to get out of this now, Jamie accepted her fate and walked to the first changing room. She wasn’t too surprised when she saw the saleswoman sit down in the chair next to Nick. Resigning herself to being ignored, she walked into the changing room and decided just to get this over with.

  The sooner she picked out what she liked the faster she could put this nightmare behind her.

  The first one was white silk with lace trimming. It seemed harmless enough, so she quickly undressed, leaving her underwear on and tried on the beautiful nightie. She turned to look in the mirror only to discover that there wasn’t a single mirror in the small room. Well, that was kind of dumb, she thought as she wondered how she was supposed to know what it looked like.

  “Have you tried something on yet?” Nick asked, sounding impatient, which was a little shocking since he was usually cool as a cucumber whenever a woman was around, again not when it was just her. She didn’t seem to count.

  “Yes, but there isn’t a mirror in here,” she explained, looking down at herself and twisting and turning as she tried to see if it looked okay.

  There was a long suffering sigh that she knew all too well. “Use the mirrors out here,” Nick said, well, more like ordered.

  “With you out there?” she asked, worrying her bottom lip nervously.

  “Of course. How else am I supposed to help you if I don’
t see what you’re wearing?” he pointed out and she just barely stopped herself from reminding him that she didn’t in fact want his opinion about this.

  In fact, she specifically told him that she didn’t want his help with this matter. As soon as they finished the interview with the local paper she’d told him that she was going to Wal-Mart to pick out some lingerie. For a moment he’d only been able to stare down at her in that intense way that made her self-conscious and fight the urge to apologize to him. When the urge to apologize to him became too much he grumbled something, grabbed her arm, and practically dragged her to their rental car.

  “I’m waiting, Jamie,” he reminded her and she was about to refuse when it occurred to her that having a man like Nick help her pick out sexy lingerie would probably cut out half the stress. She wouldn’t have to worry if it made her look fat or frumpy because Nick would tell her. He would never hold anything back because he was afraid that he’d hurt her feelings because he didn’t care. How that was a good thing she wasn’t sure, but it was an advantage, one she’d be foolish to ignore.

  Taking a deep breath and praying that she didn’t do something like pass out, she opened the door and walked out of the room. She looked over at Nick to find him taking his time from looking up from his magazine. When he did, he placed the magazine on his lap as he ran an assessing eye over her. He gestured for her to turn around and with a little sigh of annoyance she did just that only to come to a sudden halt when she spotted herself in the mirror.

  Wow……..

  The nightie looked so beautiful and delicate. It put her breasts and figure on display without being obscene. It was really rather pretty, sweet and sexy all at once.

  Nick cleared his throat. “It looks nice. Why don’t you try on another one?” he suggested as she looked back to find him grabbing another magazine and ignoring the one on his lap. Apparently he lost his interest in fashion and the saleswoman wanted to kill her if that glare was any indication. Frowning, she returned to the dressing room.

  Ten nighties later they were walking out the door and the damn stubborn man was holding her bags firmly in front of him so that she couldn’t take them and carry them. Every time she went to grab her bags he stepped away, glaring down at her as if she’d slapped him or something. Finally she gave up and was content to ride in silence as he drove them back to the hotel.

  “What’s on the agenda tonight?” he asked as he pulled onto the highway.

  “I thought I’d have a drink in the hotel bar and find a man to kiss,” she said casually, shooting him a sideways look and noting the way the back of his knuckles were turning white as he clenched the steering wheel tightly. She was just about to ask him what was wrong when her cell phone rang.

  She pulled her phone out of her pocket and sighed when she saw that it was her mother calling. Her mother didn’t call often, but when she did it was usually to brag about Caitlyn or whine about some injustice done to Caitlyn. As much as she’d like to send the call to voice mail she couldn’t. Her mother would have a fit and the call would be ten times worse for Jamie. Resigning herself to a half hour rant about the perfection that was her sister, Jamie answered the phone.

  “Where do you get off humiliating us like this, young lady?” her mother demanded before Jamie could say hello, stunning her and leaving her a little confused.

  “What are you talking about?” she asked, sure that her mother was mistaken since she hadn’t done a single thing that should humiliate her family.

  “You know darn well what I’m talking about, young lady! I’m talking about that smut that you publish! I have never been more humiliate than I was today when Macy Powers showed me the magazine article that talked about your erotic novels,”

  she said with open disgust and Jamie tried not to wince, but she couldn’t help it.

  Well aware of the man beside her, Jamie turned as far as she could away from him, almost huddling into herself as she quickly explained, “They’re not erotic novels, mom.”

  “Don’t you dare lie to me, young lady. I flipped through one of those horrible books that you write and I found inappropriate material in it! Do you have any idea how embarrassed I was? Do you even care that you’ve humiliated your poor sister, hmm?”

  “I-” she started to explain, but of course her mother cut her off.

  “I cannot believe this is how you wasted the college education we provided for you! Do you have any idea how hard your father worked to send you to college and this is how you repay him?” she demanded and it took everything she had not to remind her mother that they hadn’t paid a cent for her college education. That was Caitlyn and she hadn’t even bothered to graduate or really attend for that matter.

  By the time it was her turn to go to college her parents told her there was no money for her because they had used up all the money they set aside for Caitlyn to “find herself.” When she flunked out of three private, expensive, colleges her parents decided that Caitlyn had worked too hard and simply needed time off which they paid for. Jamie on the other hand had worked her butt off and put herself through college. She graduated top of her class and never regretted one second of it because that experience showed her that she could do anything even if no one else thought that she could.

  “I cannot believe you pulled this petty juvenile stunt. Was it for attention or just to embarrass your sister? Are you really that petty that you can’t be happy for your sister? You really felt it was necessary to humiliate her like this?”

  “Mom, this has nothing to do with-hey!” she gasped, startled when her phone was suddenly yanked from her hand. She turned around in time to see Nick end the call and shut the phone off before he tossed it onto the backseat.

  “You just hung up on my mother,” she said, more shocked than anything.

  “I know.”

  “She’s going to be mad,” Jamie said, worrying her bottom lip even as her stomach coiled tightly in guilt.

  It didn’t matter that she hadn’t been the one to hang up or that she hadn’t done anything wrong, she still felt guilty. Her mother always made her feel bad about everything. When she was a kid it was so much worse because she truly believed everything her mother said. She’d become so racked up with guilt that she’d end up making herself sick. When she moved out things slowly got a little bit better and she realized that her mother was laying everything at her feet even things that she had no control over and hadn’t done.

  Unfortunately knowing that her mother overreacted didn’t help her stomach.

  She couldn’t shove away the sense of dread over what her mother would do now.

  Would she leave messages of her crying? Give Jamie the silent treatment? She wasn’t sure what passive aggressive nonsense her mother had in store for her and really shouldn’t care, but she did. She couldn’t help it.

  “Do you want to go see if we can rent a bike and hit the road for a few hours?”

  Nick asked.

  She gave him a forced small smile as she shook her head and murmured, “No, thank you.” Even though she’d rather do that than sit in her room feeling guilty she couldn’t. She hated when her mother was mad at her, probably because it felt like another rejection. She knew her mother had too much power over her, but she couldn’t help it. Maybe by the end of this tour she’d figure out how to deal with her, but it hadn’t happened yet.

  A few minutes later they were in the hotel lobby waiting for the elevator when Nick reached over and took her hand into his and gave it a small squeeze before letting it go, startling her. She looked up at him to find him scowling down at her. Great another person she’d pissed off. This day was just getting better and better, she thought.

  “There’s nothing wrong with your books, Jamie. They’re great. They’re not trash and they’re certainly nothing to be embarrassed about. I don’t know what’s going on in your family, but I can guarantee you that you didn’t embarrass your family. If anything your mother and sister are probably jealous,” he said with a shrug as if what
he just suggested wasn’t ludicrous. Her mother and sister would never be jealous of her. They were beautiful, popular, and married while she barely had anyone that she would consider a real friend, kind of okay looking now and didn’t even have a man interested in her.

  Still…….

  “Why do you think they’re jealous?” she found herself asking.

  Nick simply shrugged as he gestured for her to step into the elevator before him. “I know women,” he simply said and she found that she couldn’t really argue that point, but sadly it didn’t really clear the matter up for her.

  “Meaning?” she prompted when he didn’t add anything else.

  “Meaning,” he said as he pressed the button for the fifth floor, “that she wouldn’t be making a huge deal out of this if she wasn’t jealous. For whatever reason your mother and sister are too petty to be happy for you. They’re upset about the amount of attention that you’re getting so they’re trying to tear you down a bit to make themselves feel better,” Nick said, stepping out of the elevator next to her as she thought that over.

  Was it possible? she wondered as she walked past Nick’s door and pulled out her keycard. It did seem that they acted this way every time anything good happened for her. They also went well out of their way to make her feel bad for it and did whatever they could to shine the light back on themselves. Not that she cared. She really didn’t like attention, especially all the attention that she was receiving on this tour. The only reason she was sticking it out and not running for the hills was her contract and the “List.”

  Well, both lists.

  Thanks to this tour she was trying new things and learning about herself.

  She’d worked really hard to get to this point and maybe, just maybe it was time to stop allowing her family to make her feel like garbage. Maybe she should…..should…..