When I Need You, Page 22

  “Point made.” I debated asking her about Markus, a guy she’d clicked with on one of those dating sites. Last I’d heard they were setting up a face-to-face meeting.

  Daisy said, “So what happened to send you teetering on the ledge?”

  “Jensen kissed me. Kissed me like I haven’t been kissed in . . . well . . . ever.”

  “When? Where? And why is this the first I’m hearing of it?”

  “It happened Monday at camp.”

  “Jensen kissed you like you’ve never been kissed . . . four days ago, and instead of grabbing onto him by those massive biceps to see what else he could do with that sexy mouth, you . . . ?”

  “Backed off so I could process it.”

  Daisy smacked her own forehead.

  “What?” I said testily.

  “And did you come to a different conclusion after you’ve had time to ‘process’ it than you did right after he kissed you?”

  I stared at her. Hard. As if I could make her rethink her (absolutely accurate) assumption about me.

  “That’s what I thought.”

  “So I should’ve . . . what? Just jumped him right there on the street?”

  “You tell me. Because that’s what this is about, right? You need to talk it out and let go of some of your issues—hang-ups, preconceived notions—whatever you want to call it that’s keeping you from acting on your impulses.”

  Now that I was sitting across from her, I didn’t remember why I insisted on meeting face-to-face. I’d rather crawl in a hole than admit the truth. Even when Daisy was my closest friend, this wasn’t something we’d ever seriously discussed.

  A soft hand landed on my forearm. “In all seriousness. This is a no-judgment zone. Talk to me.”

  “Where do I even start?”

  “With the hardest thing first.”

  I blurted out, “I hardly ever think about sex. I haven’t since before Calder was born. I spent the first year of his life exhausted. I spent the second year trying to find my balance between being a mother and a trainer and all the cheer stuff. The last time I had sex was three years ago at my friend Marissa’s wedding and it was so hurried I don’t think it counts.” My face flamed from the rapid-fire admissions and I couldn’t even look Daisy in the eye. “I haven’t been on a date since Rand.”

  “Rand was a freakin’ tool,” Daisy retorted.

  “It still stung that he never called me again.”

  “But it’s not like guys aren’t hitting on you all the time, Rowan. Why do you always say no when you get asked out?”

  I met her gaze. “Because I haven’t met any man that I’ve wanted to say yes to.”

  “Until Jensen.”

  “Until him.”

  “Why him?”

  “Don’t you think I’ve asked myself that a hundred times? Yes, he’s so good-looking it borders on obscene. Yes, he’s worked his butt off for that jaw-dropping physique. Yes, he’s got more charms than a jewelry store. Yes, he’s cocky. He’s the very last type of man I should be fantasizing about locking in my bedroom for days.” I tilted my face away from her probing gaze. “I’ve never experienced such an overwhelming physical reaction to a guy. He gets close to me and all I want to do is climb him like a tree. So instead of sex being the last thing on my mind? I’m thinking about sex all the damn time.” I paused. “Even that’s not the whole truth. I was thinking about saying ‘screw it’ to the no-fraternization rules and begging him to screw my brains out before he brought up the IR list exemption.”

  Silence.

  I glanced up.

  Daisy’s mouth hung open. Not only because I’d honestly voiced my inner turmoil, but her gaze winged between me and whoever stood behind me.

  A shadow fell over me as Daisy’s crush stepped up to the table.

  Floor, please open up an escape portal for me right freakin’ now.

  “Sorry to eavesdrop, ladies, but I needed to grab Daisy’s attention.” He crouched down in his fancy-ass suit and kept his focus fully on my flustered friend. “You and I are having dinner at Ike’s immediately after you set your lovely, but conflicted friend, on the right path.”

  “You’ll wait for me? Even if this conversation takes another two hours?” she said skeptically.

  “I’ll wait. But let’s see if I can’t speed things up.” Mr. Crushworthy-in-a-Suit smiled at me. “I overheard more than I should have. You don’t know me, but I am a man who knows exactly what I’d want from a woman who has an intense physical attraction to me.” His gaze didn’t waver from Daisy’s when he said, “She should act on it. Trust me: A man likes it when a woman takes it to the next level.” He pushed to his feet and walked away.

  Daisy’s eyes tracked his every movement and she allowed a cocky grin before refocusing on me. “See? Even Markus agrees you should take that leap of faith.”

  “Omigod, that’s Markus?”

  “Yep. He’s a hottie, isn’t he? He’s a guy, take his advice.”

  “I’ll bet Markus would tell me to bang my TA if he thought it’d convince you to bang him.”

  “I’m a sure thing for him tonight, so I am not letting you deflect this convo back to me.” Daisy leaned in. “It’s about damn time you found a man who trips your trigger. I hate that you’ve equated selfless with sexless. It’s always made me sad that you put your physical needs at the bottom of your ‘life priority’ list. Just once I’d love to see you flip that list on its head and do something out of the norm, maybe a little out of control, maybe even something with the potential for regret.” She pointed at me. “Don’t give in to the panic like it’s third and long. Go for it like it’s a guaranteed first down.”

  I rolled my eyes. “As long as we’re using football euphemisms, the truth is I’m afraid I’ll fumble in the end zone. God knows Jensen doesn’t have that issue, since he’s used to scoring.”

  Daisy laughed. “You’ll be fine, Ro. Very greedy, I suspect, when you’re faced with him completely out of that uniform. So my advice? Make certain when you blow the whistle and it’s game on, that you’ve allowed yourself enough time to get to the goal and you’re not rushing the play.”

  I snickered.

  “You are one sexy mother—literally. You deserve to score with one of the finest men to ever grace the gridiron.”

  “I shouldn’t worry about either of us getting . . . disenfranchised?”

  “Girl, if anyone can burn the rule book, it’s The Rocket. He is on the A team. But it’s still best only to be reckless when you’re alone behind closed doors.”

  My phone buzzed and the caller ID read: TALIA. “Hey, T. What’s up?”

  “We’re at the pool and Calder’s friend Nicolai showed up with his dad. They want to know if Calder can spend the night.”

  Nicolai and his family lived in the other building in Snow Village. Although Nicolai was two years older, he and Calder had a great time when they played together at the pool or the playground with the other kids. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes and we’ll talk about it then.”

  I ended the call and glanced up to see Daisy making eyes at Markus across the room. “I’m out. Thanks for listening. Sorry I’m such a newb at this scoring stuff.”

  Her gaze met mine. “You won’t be for long. I hope you’re on your way to earning a spot at the Pro Bowl.”

  • • •

  At the community pool in the apartment complex, Talia sat on the edge at the shallow end, watching Calder diving for a toy. She didn’t look at me until after Calder surfaced. “Time’s up, mer-boy. Your mom is here.”

  Calder waved at me and took his time swimming, splashing and bouncing his way to the steps.

  “Everything went okay today?” I asked her.

  “He was a little tired after camp and fell asleep in the car. But he perked up when we came down here for his swimming lesson.”

  “Thanks for staying late. I appreciate it.”

  “No problem. Nicolai’s dad said for you and Calder just to come over to their place w
ith Calder’s stuff whenever. He said he’ll feed Calder supper too.”

  That gave me pause. “They’re assuming I’m letting Calder stay over?”

  “Why wouldn’t you?”

  “You don’t think Calder is too young to spend the night at a friend’s?”

  Talia leveled a look on me that indicated maturity beyond her twenty years. Then again, she was majoring in early-childhood development. “From what I’ve seen, Nicolai’s parents are just as involved in their son’s life as you are in yours. I’ve never seen Nicolai running around here unattended. It’s not like Calder would be in Roseville. He’d be in the next building over.”

  “True.”

  “Can I ask you something?” Talia said.

  “Sure.”

  “There are half a dozen kids around Calder’s age in this apartment complex. It’s a gated community. This pool is rockin’. So is the playground. But I don’t hear from Calder that you let him play with those kids very often. Only if you’re with him. Do you think that’s best? Given he’s got a built-in social network so close by? It’d be good for him, as an only child, to develop some interpersonal skills.”

  “It’s hard to just say ‘go out and play’ in this day and age. But I’m working on it.”

  “Good. Because I think some separation would be good for you too.”

  I sighed because I knew she was right. “Camp is great, but it’s only three days a week and I know he misses being around other kids. I want to find a balance between his needs and us spending time together . . .” And my own needs.

  I held out a towel for my shivering son and wrapped it around him before I kissed the top of his wet head. “How’s my guppy today?”

  “I’m not a guppy. I passed to the next level. Right, Talia?”

  “Absolutely. You are in the flounder-level class now.”

  He craned his neck to look up at me. “Didja hear that Nicolai asked if I could have a sleepover?”

  “Yes, I heard.”

  “Is it okay? Please? Please? I promise I’ll—”

  “How about if we talk about it at home?”

  His smile fell. “That means no. You always say no.”

  Hello, guilt.

  Talia slipped a maxidress over her swimsuit and crouched down to talk to Calder. “Hey, Gloomy Gus, your mom didn’t say no. She probably wants to talk about the rules for staying overnight at a friend’s house before she says yes. So promise me you’ll listen to her, okay?”

  “Okay. I promise.”

  “Now give me a hug, mer-boy.”

  Calder squirmed out of the towel and launched himself at her.

  We were so lucky to have Talia. I hugged her too before sending her on her way.

  After Calder changed from his swimming trunks into his clothes, we talked about the rules. The kid was beyond excited to go to Nicolai’s as he packed his backpack and a duffel bag of toys. I didn’t have time to change out of my work clothes before we were out the door and on our way to building two.

  While the boys raced off, I spent ten minutes talking with Nicolai’s parents and exchanging phone numbers. I’d met them several times, but hadn’t known that Gabriel had retired from hockey and now coached a club hockey team, and Nicolai’s mother, Gejel, was a curling instructor. They were both friendly with Martin and Verily—seemed everyone in the Snow Village complex knew my brother. I declined their offer of joining them for dinner, which I decided was a dumb move as I walked back to the apartment by myself. Why did I turn down adult conversation?

  Because the type of adult conversation you want to have is inappropriate in front of your son.

  I stopped in the middle of the hallway because I realized . . . I had an entire night to do whatever I wanted. And what I wanted to do most in the world? Jensen Lund.

  Sixteen

  JENSEN

  I’d just finished my Schell beer when my doorbell rang.

  Couldn’t be Coach Buzzkill since she always knocked.

  Maybe she wants to apologize for all but hiding out after that kiss . . . four days ago.

  Right. I might as well imagine she’s offering that apology on her knees.

  “It’s open.”

  My cousins Ash and Nolan strolled in.

  “Hey, cuz,” Nolan said. “Surprise.”

  “Hope you don’t mind us dropping by,” Ash said. Placing one hand on the edge of the couch, he vaulted over the side, landing ass first on the cushion directly across from mine.

  “By all means, make yourself at home,” I said.

  Ash gestured to my bottle of beer. “See if Jens has any more of those before you join us in the 1970s pit couch.”

  Nolan said, “On it,” and disappeared into my kitchen.

  I looked at Ash. “So you were what? In the neighborhood?”

  “I doubt either of us would venture into this neighborhood without a specific reason.” He smirked. “Or a loaded firearm.”

  “Ha ha. Asshole.”

  “We haven’t hung out in a while. So thanks for keeping us on the permanent visitors list so we can just ‘drop by’ your humble abode whenever we want.”

  “I knew that gesture of goodwill and family solidarity after I bought this property would come back to bite me in the ass,” I muttered.

  Nolan returned with three bottles of Schell. After he handed us each one, he threw himself into the corner of the couch. “Seriously, Jens, you could have an orgy in this thing.”

  “You say that every time you’re over here.”

  He shrugged. “My mind gets stuck on one track.”

  “Never have him house-sit,” Ash deadpanned.

  “No kidding. So you showed up to drink beer? Get your sorry asses kicked at Grand Theft Auto?”

  Ash and Nolan exchanged a shocked look.

  “What?”

  “He doesn’t know?” Nolan said.

  “Apparently not,” Ash replied.

  “Know what?” I demanded.

  “That when you turn thirty, your right to play video games is revoked,” Ash said.

  “It’s the universe’s way of telling you it’s time to move on and do something productive with your free time,” Nolan added. “Since both Ash and I have passed the three-oh mark, we’re banned for life.”

  I sipped my fresh beer. “There’s nothing wrong with gaming.”

  “Name one person who spends his leisure time with his ass glued to the couch and a joystick in his hand that maintains a successful, fulfilling life.”

  “Axl.”

  “Is under thirty.”

  Shit. “The guys on The Big Bang Theory are all rocket scientists, astrophysicists and engineers, and they’re big-time gamers,” I pointed out smugly.

  “Dude. Those are fictional characters. I guarantee if you ran across a guy like Sheldon Cooper in real life you’d beat the fuck out of him,” Nolan said.