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The Lunatic Cafe

Laurell K. Hamilton


  I stood in the cold dark wondering what to do. I had the bloody file folder in one hand. The other was still gripping the Browning. Now that the adrenaline was seeping away, my hand was cramping around the gun. I'd held it too long without firing it. I tucked the folder under my arm and put the gun away. All the shapeshifters were busy eating each other. I could probably walk to my car without having a gun naked in my hands.

  Edward didn't come out. I had half expected him to. He was hunting someone, but who? After what I'd seen tonight, I wasn't sure hunting them was such a bad idea.

  Of course, Richard was one of them. I didn't want anyone hunting him. I would have to ask Edward what he was doing, but not tonight. Richard wasn't inside. The rest of them could take their chances. I had a momentary thought about Rafael, but let it go. He knew what Edward looked like, if not exactly what he did for a living.

  I stopped halfway down the sidewalk. Should I warn Edward that Rafael might recognize him and tell the others? My head hurt. For this one night let Death take care of himself. The vampires called me the Executioner, but they called Edward Death. After all, I'd never used a flamethrower on them.

  I kept walking. Edward was a big, scary boy. He could take care of himself. And everyone else in the back room certainly didn't need my help.

  Even if they did, I wasn't sure I wanted to give it to them. Which brought me back to the file folder. What could they need my help for? What could I do that they couldn't? I almost didn't want to know. But I didn't throw the folder in the nearest trash can. Truth was, if I didn't read it, it would bug me. Curiosity killed the cat. Here was hoping it didn't do the same for animators.

  13

  AT 5:35 THAT morning I was tucked in bed with the file folder. My favorite stuffed toy penguin, Sigmund, was sitting next to me. It used to be that I used Sigmund only when people were trying to kill me. Lately, I'd been sleeping with him most of the time. It'd been a rough year.

  The Browning Hi-Power was in its second home, a holster on the headboard of the bed. I sometimes slept without the penguin, but never without the gun.

  The folder consisted of a half dozen sheets of paper. All neatly typed, double spaced. The first was a list of eight names with an animal designation beside them. The last two pages were an explanation of the names. Eight lycanthropes had gone missing. Vanished. No bodies, no signs of violence. Nothing. Their families knew nothing. None of the lycanthropes knew anything.

  I went back over the names. Margaret Smitz was number seven. Designation wolf. Could it be George Smitz's wife? Peggy was a nickname for Margaret. Don't ask me how you get Peggy from Margaret, but you do.

  The last few pages were suggestions about who Marcus thought I should talk to. Controlling little bastard. He did offer an explanation for why he asked me for help. He thought that the other shapeshifters would talk more freely to me than to him or any of his wolves. No joke. I was sort of a compromise. They didn't trust the police. And who else do the lunarly disadvantaged go to for help? Why, your friendly neighborhood animator.

  I wasn't sure what I could do for them. I had sent George Smitz to Ronnie for a reason. I was not a detective. I'd never handled a missing-person case in my life. When I met Ronnie the next day, cancel that, that morning, I'd fill her in. George's wife missing was one thing, but eight lycanthropes missing was a pattern. They needed to go to the police. But they didn't trust human law. As late as the 1960s, lycanthropes were still being mobbed and burned at the stake. Couldn't blame them for being leery.

  I put the folder in the drawer of the nightstand. I got a plain white business card out of the drawer. The only thing on it was a phone number. Edward had given me the card only two months ago. It was the first time I'd ever been able to contact him. Before he'd just shown up. Usually when I didn't want him to.

  The number was a twenty-four-hour phone message service. A mechanized voice said, "At the tone leave your message." A long, low beep sounded. "This is Anita. What the hell are you doing in town? Call me soon." I wasn't usually that blunt on a phone message, but hey, it was Edward. He knew me. Besides, he didn't appreciate social niceties.

  I set the alarm, turned off the light, and cuddled into the blankets, my faithful penguin at my side. The phone rang before I'd gotten warm. I waited for the machine to pick up; after the eighth ring I gave up. I'd forgotten to turn on the machine. Great.

  "This better be important," I said.

  "You said to call soon." It was Edward.

  I pulled the receiver under the blankets with me. "Hi, Edward."

  "Hi."

  "Why are you in town? And why were you at the Lunatic Cafe?"

  "Why were you?"

  "It is nearly six in the freaking morning, I haven't been to sleep yet. I don't have time for games."

  "What was in the folder you had? There was fresh blood on it. Whose blood was it?"

  I sighed. I wasn't sure what to tell him. He might be a great deal of help, or he could kill people that I was supposed to be helping. Choices, choices.

  "I can't tell you shit until I know if I'm endangering people."

  "I never hunt people, you know that."

  "So you are on a hunt."

  "Yes."

  "What this time?"

  "Shapeshifters."

  Figures. "Who?"

  "I don't have any names yet."

  "Then how do you know who to kill?"

  "I've got film."

  "Film?"

  "Come to my hotel room tomorrow and I'll show you the film. I'll tell you everything I know."

  "You're not usually this obliging. What's the catch?"

  "No catch. You might be able to identify them, that's all."

  "I don't know a lot of shapeshifters," I said.

  "Fine, just come, see what I have."

  He sounded so sure of himself, but then he always did. "Okay, where are you staying?"

  "Adams Mark. Do you need directions?"

  "No, I can get there. When?"

  "Do you work tomorrow?"

  "Yeah."

  "Then at your convenience, of course."

  He was being too damn polite. "How long will your little presentation take?"

  "Two hours, maybe less."

  I shook my head, realized he couldn't see it, and said, "It'll have to be after my last zombie appointment. I'm booked until then."

  "Name the time."

  "I can be there between twelve-thirty and one." Even saying it made me tired. I wasn't going to get any sleep again.

  "I'll be waiting."

  "Wait. What name are you registered under?"

  "Room 212, just knock."

  "You do have a last name, don't you?"

  "Of course. Good night, Anita." The phone line went dead, buzzing in my hand like an unquiet spirit. I fumbled the receiver into its cradle and switched on the answering machine. I turned the sound down as low as it would go and snuggled back under the covers.

  Edward never shared information unless forced to. He was being too helpful. Something was up. Knowing Edward, it was something unpleasant. Lycanthropes disappearing without a trace. It sounded like a game that Edward would enjoy. But somehow I didn't think it was him. He liked taking credit for his kills as long as the police couldn't tie him to them directly.

  But somebody was doing it. There were bounty hunters who specialized in rogue lycanthropes. Edward might know who they were and if they'd condone murder. Because if all eight were dead, then it was murder. None of them was wanted, as far as I knew. The police would know, but I wasn't going to involve the police. Dolph should know if lycanthropes were disappearing in his territory.

  I felt sleep sucking at the edges of the world. I flashed on the murder victim. I saw his face frozen in the snow, one eye ripped open like a grape. The crushed jaw tried to move, to speak. One word hissed out of his ruined mouth: "Anita." My name, over and over. I woke up enough to roll over, and sleep washed over me in a heavy, black wave. If I dreamed again, I never remembered.


  14

  EVERY YEAR I wondered what to buy Judith, my stepmother, for Christmas. You'd think after fourteen years I'd get better. Of course, you'd think she'd get better at buying for me. Judith and I always end up staring at each other across this chasm of misunderstanding. She wants me to be this perfect feminine daughter, and I want her to be my dead mother. Since I can't have what I want, I've made sure Judith doesn't get her wish, either. Besides, she's got Andria, who is perfect. One perfect kid in the family is enough.

  Ronnie and I were Christmas shopping. We had jogged on the slick wintery streets at nine that morning. I'd managed about three hours of sleep. The running helped. The freezing wind slapping my face helped even more. I was wide awake and temporarily energized when we hit the mall, hair still damp from the shower.

  Ronnie is five foot nine. Her short blond hair is cut in a sort of page-boy. It's the same haircut she's had since I met her, but then my hairstyle hasn't changed, either. She was wearing jeans, cowboy boots with purple tooling, a short winter coat over a lilac crewneck sweater. She was not wearing a gun. Didn't think the mall elves would get that out of hand.

  I was dressed for the office, because I'd need to go straight there from shopping. The skirt was a standard navy blue, with a black belt for my shoulder holster to slip through. The skirt was about two inches higher than I was comfortable with, but Ronnie had insisted. She's a tad more fashion conscious than I am. Then, who isn't? The jacket was a rich midnight blue, the color of Jean-Claude's eyes. Darker blue designs, nearly black, traced it in a vaguely Oriental pattern. The open-necked blouse was a blue that matched the jacket. With black high-heel pumps, I looked pretty snazzy. Ronnie had picked out the jacket, too. Its only fault was that it didn't hide the Browning as well. You got little flashes of it as I moved. So far no one had run screaming to the mall cops. If they had known I was wearing a knife on each forearm under the pretty jacket, maybe they would have.

  Ronnie was staring into a jewelry case at Krigle's, and I was staring at her eyes. They were grey. The same color that Gabriel's eyes had been last night, but there was something different. Her eyes were human. Even in human form Gabriel's eyes weren't human.

  "What's wrong?"

  I shook my head. "Thinking about last night."

  "How do you feel about loverboy after last night?" The jewelry store was three deep in people. We'd forced our way to the case, but I knew I wasn't buying anything here, so I sort of stood beside Ronnie, scanning the crowd. All the faces looked hostile, but it was nothing personal. They were Christmas shopping with two weeks to the big day. Ho, ho, ho.

  The store was a mass of shoving, jostling people. I was getting claustrophobic. "Are you going to buy something?"

  Ronnie looked up at me. "You never answered my question."

  "Get me out of this mess and maybe I will."

  She stood up and motioned me forward. I cleared us a path to the open mall. I'm small and was dressed too pretty to be intimidating, but people cleared a path. Maybe they saw the gun. When we were in the main open space, I took a deep breath. It was crowded but nothing like the stores. At least here, people weren't actually brushing against me. If they did it out here, I could yell at them.

  "You want to sit down?" There were miraculously two seats open on a bench. Ronnie had made the offer because I was dressed for work, which meant heels. In her comfy cowboy boots she didn't need to sit. My feet didn't hurt yet. Maybe I was getting used to wearing heels. Eeek.

  I shook my head. "Let's hit the Nature Company. Maybe I'll find Josh something there."

  "How old is he now, eleven?" Ronnie asked.

  "Thirteen," I said. "My baby brother was my height last year. He'll be gigantic this year. Judith says he's outgrowing his jeans faster than she can buy them."

  "A hint to buy him jeans?" Ronnie said.

  "If it is, I'm ignoring it. I'm buying Josh something fun, not clothes."

  "A lot of teenagers would rather have clothes," Ronnie said.

  "Not Josh, not yet anyway. He seems to have taken after me."

  "What are you going to do about Richard?" she asked me.

  "You're not going to let it go, are you?"

  "Not a chance."

  "I don't know what I'm going do. After what I saw last night. After what Jean-Claude told me. I just don't know."

  "You know that Jean-Claude did it deliberately," she said. "To try and drive a wedge between you."

  "I know, and it worked. I feel like I don't know Richard. Like I've been kissing a stranger."

  "Don't let fang-face break you up."

  I smiled at that. Jean-Claude would love being referred to as fang-face. "I won't."

  She punched my shoulder softly. "I don't believe you."

  "It won't be Jean-Claude that breaks us up, Ronnie. If Richard's been lying to me for months..." I didn't finish the sentence. I didn't have to.

  We were outside the Nature Company. It was crawling with people like a jar of lightning bugs abuzz with activity, but not half as bright.

  "What exactly has Richard lied about?"

  "He didn't tell me about this battle he's got going with Marcus."

  "And you tell him everything," she said.

  "Well, no."

  "He hasn't lied to you, Anita. He just didn't tell you. Let him explain. Maybe he's got a good reason."

  I turned and looked full at her. Her face was all soft with concern. It made me look away. "He's been in danger for months, and didn't tell me. I needed to know."

  "Maybe he couldn't tell you. You won't know until you ask him."

  "I saw lycanthropes last night, Ronnie." I shook my head. "What I saw last night wasn't human. It wasn't even close."

  "So he's not human. No one's perfect."

  I looked at her then. She was smiling at me. I had to smile back. "I'll talk to him."

  "Call him before we leave the mall and set up a dinner for today."

  "You are so pushy," I said.

  She shrugged. "I've learned from the best."

  "Thanks," I said. "What have you learned from George Smitz?"

  "Nothing new to add to the folder you showed me. Except he doesn't seem to know that his wife is one of eight missing shapeshifters. He thinks she's the only one. I got a picture of her. You need pictures of the others. First thing you need in a missing-person case is a picture. Without a picture you could pass them on the street and not know it."

  "I'll ask Kaspar about pictures."

  "Not Richard?"

  "I'm sort of mad at him. I don't want to ask him for help."

  "You're being petty."

  "It's one of my best traits."

  "I'll check out the usual channels for a missing person, but if they're all lycanthropes, I bet it isn't a missing person."

  "You think they're dead?"

  "Don't you?"

  "Yeah."

  "But what could take out eight shapeshifters without a trace?" she asked.

  "That's got me worried, too." I touched her arm. "You wear your gun from now on."

  She smiled. "I promise, Mommy."

  I shook my head. "Shall we brave one more store? If I can get Josh's gift, I'll be halfway done."

  "You'll have to buy Richard a present, you know."

  "What?"

  "You have to buy your steady a gift. It's traditional."

  "Shit." I was halfway mad at him, but she was right. Fighting or not, I had to buy him something. What if he bought me something, and I didn't? I'd feel guilty. If I bought something and he didn't, then I could feel superior. Or angry. I was almost hoping he wouldn't buy me anything.

  Was I looking for an excuse to dump Richard? Maybe. Of course, maybe after we talked he'd give me a good excuse on a silver, excuse me, golden platter. I was ready for a knock-down, drag-out fight. It did not bode well.

  15

  MY ONE O'CLOCK appointment was with Elvira Drew. She sipped her coffee, elegant fingernails curled around the mug. Her nail polish was clear, making her fingerti
ps glint like abalone shell; colorless until the light hit it. The rest of her was just as tasteful. Her dress was that interesting color that looked blue one minute and green the next. Blue-green they called it, but it wasn't accurate. The dress was almost green. For cloth to have that shimmer, almost a life of its own like fur, it had to be expensive. The dress was probably worth more than my entire wardrobe.

  Her long yellow hair spilled down her back in an elegant line. It was the only thing that didn't match. That dress, the manicure, the dyed-to-match shoes, the nearly invisible makeup should have gone with a tasteful but complicated hairdo. I liked her better for the hair being free and nearly untouched.

  When she raised her eyes to meet mine, I knew why she'd spent so much on the dress. Her eyes were the same startling blue-green. The combination was breathtaking.

  I sat across from her, sipping my coffee, happy I'd dressed up. Most days she'd have made me feel like a country cousin. Today I could hold my own.

  "What can I do for you today, Ms. Drew?"

  She smiled, and the smile was all it should have been. She smiled like she knew the effect it had on most people. I was almost afraid to see her near a man. If she lit up this much for me, the thought of what she'd do around Jamison or Manny was kind of frightening.

  "I'm a writer. I'm working on a book about shapeshifters."

  My smile wilted around the edges. "Really. And what brings you to the offices of Animators, Inc.?"

  "The book is set up with each chapter being a different animal form. I give history, any well-known shapeshifters of that form from history, then a personal profile of a present-day shapeshifter."

  My face was beginning to hurt, and I knew my smile was more a baring of teeth than anything else. "Sounds like an interesting book. Now, how can I help you?"

  She blinked gorgeous eyes at me and looked puzzled. She was good at looking puzzled. I'd seen the intelligence in her eyes a moment ago. The dumb-blonde routine was an act. Would it have worked if I were a man? I hoped not.

  "I'm missing one interview. I need to find a wererat. The interview can be strictly confidential." The dumb blonde was gone as quickly as it had come. She'd seen I wasn't buying it.

  The interview can be--not would--be confidential. I sighed and gave up on the smile. "What made you think I could find you a wererat?"