The Wind in the Willows, Page 8

  VIII

  TOAD'S ADVENTURES

  When Toad found himself immured in a dank and noisome dungeon, andknew that all the grim darkness of a medieval fortress lay between himand the outer world of sunshine and well-metalled high roads where hehad lately been so happy, disporting himself as if he had bought upevery road in England, he flung himself at full length on the floor,and shed bitter tears, and abandoned himself to dark despair. "This isthe end of everything" (he said), "at least it is the end of thecareer of Toad, which is the same thing; the popular and handsomeToad, the rich and hospitable Toad, the Toad so free and careless anddebonair! How can I hope to be ever set at large again" (he said),"who have been imprisoned so justly for stealing so handsome amotor-car in such an audacious manner, and for such lurid andimaginative cheek, bestowed upon such a number of fat, red-facedpolicemen!" (Here his sobs choked him.) "Stupid animal that I was" (hesaid), "now I must languish in this dungeon, till people who wereproud to say they knew me, have forgotten the very name of Toad! Owise old Badger!" (he said), "O clever, intelligent Rat and sensibleMole! What sound judgments, what a knowledge of men and matters youpossess! O unhappy and forsaken Toad!" With lamentations such as thesehe passed his days and nights for several weeks, refusing his meals orintermediate light refreshments, though the grim and ancient gaoler,knowing that Toad's pockets were well lined, frequently pointed outthat many comforts, and indeed luxuries, could by arrangement be sentin--at a price--from outside.

  Now the gaoler had a daughter, a pleasant wench and good-hearted, whoassisted her father in the lighter duties of his post. She wasparticularly fond of animals, and, besides her canary, whose cage hungon a nail in the massive wall of the keep by day, to the greatannoyance of prisoners who relished an after-dinner nap, and wasshrouded in an antimacassar on the parlour table at night, she keptseveral piebald mice and a restless revolving squirrel. Thiskind-hearted girl, pitying the misery of Toad, said to her father oneday, "Father! I can't bear to see that poor beast so unhappy, andgetting so thin! You let me have the managing of him. You know howfond of animals I am. I'll make him eat from my hand, and sit up, anddo all sorts of things."

  Her father replied that she could do what she liked with him. He wastired of Toad, and his sulks and his airs and his meanness. So thatday she went on her errand of mercy, and knocked at the door of Toad'scell.

  "Now, cheer up, Toad," she said, coaxingly, on entering, "and sit upand dry your eyes and be a sensible animal. And do try and eat a bitof dinner. See, I've brought you some of mine, hot from the oven!"

  It was bubble-and-squeak, between two plates, and its fragrance filledthe narrow cell. The penetrating smell of cabbage reached the nose ofToad as he lay prostrate in his misery on the floor, and gave him theidea for a moment that perhaps life was not such a blank and desperatething as he had imagined. But still he wailed, and kicked with his legs,and refused to be comforted. So the wise girl retired for the time, but,of course, a good deal of the smell of hot cabbage remained behind, as itwill do, and Toad, between his sobs, sniffed and reflected, and graduallybegan to think new and inspiring thoughts: of chivalry, and poetry, anddeeds still to be done; of broad meadows, and cattle browsing in them,raked by sun and wind; of kitchen-gardens, and straight herb-borders, andwarm snap-dragon beset by bees; and of the comforting clink of dishes setdown on the table at Toad Hall, and the scrape of chair-legs on the flooras every one pulled himself close up to his work. The air of the narrowcell took a rosy tinge; he began to think of his friends, and how theywould surely be able to do something; of lawyers, and how they would haveenjoyed his case, and what an ass he had been not to get in a few; andlastly, he thought of his own great cleverness and resource, and allthat he was capable of if he only gave his great mind to it; and thecure was almost complete.

  _He lay prostrate in his misery on the floor_]

  When the girl returned, some hours later, she carried a tray, with acup of fragrant tea steaming on it; and a plate piled up with very hotbuttered toast, cut thick, very brown on both sides, with the butterrunning through the holes in it in great golden drops, like honey fromthe honeycomb. The smell of that buttered toast simply talked to Toad,and with no uncertain voice; talked of warm kitchens, of breakfasts onbright frosty mornings, of cosy parlour firesides on winter evenings,when one's ramble was over, and slippered feet were propped on thefender; of the purring of contented cats, and the twitter of sleepycanaries. Toad sat up on end once more, dried his eyes, sipped his teaand munched his toast, and soon began talking freely about himself,and the house he lived in, and his doings there, and how important hewas, and what a lot his friends thought of him.

  The gaoler's daughter saw that the topic was doing him as much goodas the tea, as indeed it was, and encouraged him to go on.

  "Tell me about Toad Hall," said she. "It sounds beautiful."

  "Toad Hall," said the Toad proudly, "is an eligible, self-containedgentleman's residence, very unique; dating in part from the fourteenthcentury, but replete with every modern convenience. Up-to-datesanitation. Five minutes from church, post-office, and golf-links.Suitable for--"

  "Bless the animal," said the girl, laughing, "I don't want to _take_it. Tell me something _real_ about it. But first wait till I fetch yousome more tea and toast."

  She tripped away, and presently returned with a fresh trayful; and Toad,pitching into the toast with avidity, his spirits quite restored totheir usual level, told her about the boat-house, and the fish-pond, andthe old walled kitchen-garden; and about the pig-styes and the stables,and the pigeon-house and the hen-house; and about the dairy, and thewash-house, and the china-cupboards, and the linen-presses (she likedthat bit especially); and about the banqueting-hall, and the fun theyhad there when the other animals were gathered round the table and Toadwas at his best, singing songs, telling stories, carrying on generally.Then she wanted to know about his animal-friends, and was veryinterested in all he had to tell her about them and how they lived, andwhat they did to pass their time. Of course, she did not say she wasfond of animals as _pets_, because she had the sense to see that Toadwould be extremely offended. When she said good-night, having filled hiswater-jug and shaken up his straw for him, Toad was very much the samesanguine, self-satisfied animal that he had been of old. He sang alittle song or two, of the sort he used to sing at his dinner-parties,curled himself up in the straw, and had an excellent night's rest andthe pleasantest of dreams.

  They had many interesting talks together, after that, as the drearydays went on; and the gaoler's daughter grew very sorry for Toad, andthought it a great shame that a poor little animal should be lockedup in prison for what seemed to her a very trivial offence. Toad, ofcourse, in his vanity, thought that her interest in him proceeded froma growing tenderness; and he could not help half-regretting that thesocial gulf between them was so very wide, for she was a comely lass,and evidently admired him very much.

  One morning the girl was very thoughtful, and answered at random, anddid not seem to Toad to be paying proper attention to his wittysayings and sparkling comments.

  "Toad," she said presently, "just listen, please. I have an aunt whois a washerwoman."

  "There, there," said Toad, graciously and affably, "never mind; thinkno more about it. _I_ have several aunts who _ought_ to bewasherwomen."

  "Do be quiet a minute, Toad," said the girl. "You talk too much,that's your chief fault, and I'm trying to think, and you hurt myhead. As I said, I have an aunt who is a washerwoman; she does thewashing for all the prisoners in this castle--we try to keep anypaying business of that sort in the family, you understand. She takesout the washing on Monday morning, and brings it in on Friday evening.This is a Thursday. Now, this is what occurs to me: you're veryrich--at least you're always telling me so--and she's very poor. A fewpounds wouldn't make any difference to you, and it would mean a lot toher. Now, I think if she were properly approached--squared, I believeis the word you animals use--you could come to some arrangement bywhich she would let you have her dress a
nd bonnet and so on, and youcould escape from the castle as the official washerwoman. You're veryalike in many respects--particularly about the figure."

  "We're _not_," said the Toad in a huff. "I have a very elegantfigure--for what I am."

  "So has my aunt," replied the girl, "for what _she_ is. But have ityour own way. You horrid, proud, ungrateful animal, when I'm sorry foryou, and trying to help you!"

  "Yes, yes, that's all right; thank you very much indeed," said theToad hurriedly. "But look here! you wouldn't surely have Mr. Toad, ofToad Hall, going about the country disguised as a washerwoman!"

  "Then you can stop here as a Toad," replied the girl with much spirit."I suppose you want to go off in a coach-and-four!"

  Honest Toad was always ready to admit himself in the wrong. "You are agood, kind, clever girl," he said, "and I am indeed a proud and astupid toad. Introduce me to your worthy aunt, if you will be so kind,and I have no doubt that the excellent lady and I will be able toarrange terms satisfactory to both parties."

  Next evening the girl ushered her aunt into Toad's cell, bearing hisweek's washing pinned up in a towel. The old lady had been preparedbeforehand for the interview, and the sight of certain gold sovereignsthat Toad had thoughtfully placed on the table in full view practicallycompleted the matter and left little further to discuss. In return forhis cash, Toad received a cotton print gown, an apron, a shawl, and arusty black bonnet; the only stipulation the old lady made being thatshe should be gagged and bound and dumped down in a corner. By this notvery convincing artifice, she explained, aided by picturesque fictionwhich she could supply herself, she hoped to retain her situation, inspite of the suspicious appearance of things.

  Toad was delighted with the suggestion. It would enable him to leave theprison in some style, and with his reputation for being a desperate anddangerous fellow untarnished; and he readily helped the gaoler'sdaughter to make her aunt appear as much as possible the victim ofcircumstances over which she had no control.

  "Now it's your turn, Toad," said the girl. "Take off that coat andwaistcoat of yours; you're fat enough as it is."

  Shaking with laughter, she proceeded to "hook-and-eye" him into thecotton print gown, arranged the shawl with a professional fold, andtied the strings of the rusty bonnet under his chin.

  "You're the very image of her," she giggled, "only I'm sure you neverlooked half so respectable in all your life before. Now, good-bye,Toad, and good luck. Go straight down the way you came up; and if anyone says anything to you, as they probably will, being but men, youcan chaff back a bit, of course, but remember you're a widow woman,quite alone in the world, with a character to lose."

  With a quaking heart, but as firm a footstep as he could command, Toadset forth cautiously on what seemed to be a most hare-brained andhazardous undertaking; but he was soon agreeably surprised to find howeasy everything was made for him, and a little humbled at the thoughtthat both his popularity, and the sex that seemed to inspire it, werereally another's. The washerwoman's squat figure in its familiarcotton print seemed a passport for every barred door and grim gateway;even when he hesitated, uncertain as to the right turning to take, hefound himself helped out of his difficulty by the warder at the nextgate, anxious to be off to his tea, summoning him to come along sharpand not keep him waiting there all night. The chaff and the humouroussallies to which he was subjected, and to which, of course, he had toprovide prompt and effective reply, formed, indeed, his chief danger;for Toad was an animal with a strong sense of his own dignity, and thechaff was mostly (he thought) poor and clumsy, and the humour of thesallies entirely lacking. However, he kept his temper, though withgreat difficulty, suited his retorts to his company and his supposedcharacter, and did his best not to overstep the limits of good taste.

  It seemed hours before he crossed the last courtyard, rejected thepressing invitations from the last guardroom, and dodged the outspreadarms of the last warder, pleading with simulated passion for just onefarewell embrace. But at last he heard the wicket-gate in the greatouter door click behind him, felt the fresh air of the outer worldupon his anxious brow, and knew that he was free!

  Dizzy with the easy success of his daring exploit, he walked quicklytowards the lights of the town, not knowing in the least what heshould do next, only quite certain of one thing, that he must removehimself as quickly as possible from the neighbourhood where the ladyhe was forced to represent was so well-known and so popular acharacter.

  As he walked along, considering, his attention was caught by some redand green lights a little way off, to one side of the town, and thesound of the puffing and snorting of engines and the banging ofshunted trucks fell on his ear. "Aha!" he thought, "this is a piece ofluck! A railway station is the thing I want most in the whole world atthis moment; and what's more, I needn't go through the town to get it,and shan't have to support this humiliating character by reparteeswhich, though thoroughly effective, do not assist one's sense ofself-respect."

  He made his way to the station accordingly, consulted a time-table,and found that a train, bound more or less in the direction of hishome, was due to start in half-an-hour. "More luck!" said Toad, hisspirits rising rapidly, and went off to the booking-office to buy histicket.

  He gave the name of the station that he knew to be nearest to thevillage of which Toad Hall was the principal feature, and mechanicallyput his fingers, in search of the necessary money, where his waistcoatpocket should have been. But here the cotton gown, which had nobly stoodby him so far, and which he had basely forgotten, intervened, andfrustrated his efforts. In a sort of nightmare he struggled with thestrange uncanny thing that seemed to hold his hands, turn all muscularstrivings to water, and laugh at him all the time; while othertravellers, forming up in a line behind, waited with impatience, makingsuggestions of more or less value and comments of more or lessstringency and point. At last--somehow--he never rightly understoodhow--he burst the barriers, attained the goal, arrived at where allwaistcoat pockets are eternally situated, and found--not only no money,but no pocket to hold it, and no waistcoat to hold the pocket!

  To his horror he recollected that he had left both coat and waistcoatbehind him in his cell, and with them his pocket-book, money, keys,watch, matches, pencil-case--all that makes life worth living, allthat distinguishes the many-pocketed animal, the lord of creation,from the inferior one-pocketed or no-pocketed productions that hop ortrip about permissively, unequipped for the real contest.

  In his misery he made one desperate effort to carry the thing off,and, with a return to his fine old manner--a blend of the Squire andthe College Don--he said, "Look here! I find I've left my pursebehind. Just give me that ticket, will you, and I'll send the money onto-morrow? I'm well-known in these parts."

  The clerk stared at him and the rusty black bonnet a moment, and thenlaughed. "I should think you were pretty well known in these parts,"he said, "if you've tried this game on often. Here, stand away fromthe window, please, madam; you're obstructing the other passengers!"

  An old gentleman who had been prodding him in the back for somemoments here thrust him away, and, what was worse, addressed him ashis good woman, which angered Toad more than anything that hadoccurred that evening.

  Baffled and full of despair, he wandered blindly down the platformwhere the train was standing, and tears trickled down each side ofhis nose. It was hard, he thought, to be within sight of safety andalmost of home, and to be baulked by the want of a few wretchedshillings and by the pettifogging mistrustfulness of paid officials.Very soon his escape would be discovered, the hunt would be up, hewould be caught, reviled, loaded with chains, dragged back again toprison and bread-and-water and straw; his guards and penalties wouldbe doubled; and O, what sarcastic remarks the girl would make! Whatwas to be done? He was not swift of foot; his figure was unfortunatelyrecognisable. Could he not squeeze under the seat of a carriage? Hehad seen this method adopted by schoolboys, when the journey-moneyprovided by thoughtful parents had been diverted to other and betterends. As he p
ondered, he found himself opposite the engine, which wasbeing oiled, wiped, and generally caressed by its affectionate driver,a burly man with an oil-can in one hand and a lump of cotton-waste inthe other.

  "Hullo, mother!" said the engine-driver, "what's the trouble? Youdon't look particularly cheerful."

  "O, sir!" said Toad, crying afresh, "I am a poor unhappy washerwoman,and I've lost all my money, and can't pay for a ticket, and I _must_get home to-night somehow, and whatever I am to do I don't know. Odear, O dear!"

  "That's a bad business, indeed," said the engine-driver reflectively."Lost your money--and can't get home--and got some kids, too, waitingfor you, I dare say?"

  "Any amount of 'em," sobbed Toad. "And they'll be hungry--and playingwith matches--and upsetting lamps, the little innocents!--andquarrelling, and going on generally. O dear, O dear!"

  "Well, I'll tell you what I'll do," said the good engine-driver."You're a washerwoman to your trade, says you. Very well, that's that.And I'm an engine-driver, as you well may see, and there's no denyingit's terribly dirty work. Uses up a power of shirts, it does, till mymissus is fair tired of washing of 'em. If you'll wash a few shirtsfor me when you get home, and send 'em along, I'll give you a ride onmy engine. It's against the Company's regulations, but we're not sovery particular in these out-of-the-way parts."

  The Toad's misery turned into rapture as he eagerly scrambled up intothe cab of the engine. Of course, he had never washed a shirt in hislife, and couldn't if he tried and, anyhow, he wasn't going to begin;but he thought: "When I get safely home to Toad Hall, and have moneyagain, and pockets to put it in, I will send the engine-driver enoughto pay for quite a quantity of washing, and that will be the samething, or better."

  The guard waved his welcome flag, the engine-driver whistled incheerful response, and the train moved out of the station. As thespeed increased, and the Toad could see on either side of him realfields, and trees, and hedges, and cows, and horses, all flying pasthim, and as he thought how every minute was bringing him nearer toToad Hall, and sympathetic friends, and money to chink in his pocket,and a soft bed to sleep in, and good things to eat, and praise andadmiration at the recital of his adventures and his surpassingcleverness, he began to skip up and down and shout and sing snatchesof song, to the great astonishment of the engine-driver, who had comeacross washerwomen before, at long intervals, but never one at alllike this.

  They had covered many and many a mile, and Toad was already consideringwhat he would have for supper as soon as he got home, when he noticedthat the engine-driver, with a puzzled expression on his face, wasleaning over the side of the engine and listening hard. Then he saw himclimb on to the coals and gaze out over the top of the train; then hereturned and said to Toad: "It's very strange; we're the last trainrunning in this direction to-night, yet I could be sworn that I heardanother following us!"

  Toad ceased his frivolous antics at once. He became grave and depressed,and a dull pain in the lower part of his spine, communicating itself tohis legs, made him want to sit down and try desperately not to think ofall the possibilities.

  By this time the moon was shining brightly, and the engine-driver,steadying himself on the coal, could command a view of the line behindthem for a long distance.

  Presently he called out, "I can see it clearly now! It is an engine,on our rails, coming along at a great pace! It looks as if we werebeing pursued!"

  The miserable Toad, crouching in the coal-dust, tried hard to think ofsomething to do, with dismal want of success.

  "They are gaining on us fast!" cried the engine-driver. "And theengine is crowded with the queerest lot of people! Men like ancientwarders, waving halberds; policemen in their helmets, wavingtruncheons; and shabbily dressed men in pot-hats, obvious andunmistakable plain-clothes detectives even at this distance, wavingrevolvers and walking-sticks; all waving, and all shouting the samething--'Stop, stop, stop!'"

  Then Toad fell on his knees among the coals, and, raising his claspedpaws in supplication, cried, "Save me, only save me, dear kind Mr.Engine-driver, and I will confess everything! I am not the simplewasherwoman I seem to be! I have no children waiting for me, innocentor otherwise! I am a toad--the well-known and popular Mr. Toad, alanded proprietor; I have just escaped, by my great daring andcleverness, from a loathsome dungeon into which my enemies had flungme; and if those fellows on that engine recapture me, it will bechains and bread-and-water and straw and misery once more for poor,unhappy, innocent Toad!"

  The engine-driver looked down upon him very sternly, and said, "Nowtell the truth; what were you put in prison for?"

  "It was nothing very much," said poor Toad, colouring deeply. "I onlyborrowed a motor-car while the owners were at lunch; they had no need ofit at the time. I didn't mean to steal it, really; but people--especiallymagistrates--take such harsh views of thoughtless and high-spiritedactions."

  The engine-driver looked very grave and said, "I fear that you havebeen indeed a wicked toad, and by rights I ought to give you up tooffended justice. But you are evidently in sore trouble and distress,so I will not desert you. I don't hold with motor-cars, for one thing;and I don't hold with being ordered about by policemen when I'm on myown engine, for another. And the sight of an animal in tears alwaysmakes me feel queer and soft-hearted. So cheer up, Toad! I'll do mybest, and we may beat them yet!"

  They piled on more coals, shovelling furiously; the furnace roared,the sparks flew, the engine leapt and swung, but still their pursuersslowly gained. The engine-driver, with a sigh, wiped his brow with ahandful of cotton-waste, and said, "I'm afraid it's no good, Toad. Yousee, they are running light, and they have the better engine. There'sjust one thing left for us to do, and it's your only chance, so attendvery carefully to what I tell you. A short way ahead of us is a longtunnel, and on the other side of that the line passes through a thickwood. Now, I will put on all the speed I can while we are runningthrough the tunnel, but the other fellows will slow down a bit,naturally, for fear of an accident. When we are through, I will shutoff steam and put on brakes as hard as I can, and the moment it's safeto do so you must jump and hide in the wood, before they get throughthe tunnel and see you. Then I will go full speed ahead again, andthey can chase me if they like, for as long as they like, and as faras they like. Now mind and be ready to jump when I tell you!"

  They piled on more coals, and the train shot into the tunnel, and theengine rushed and roared and rattled, till at last they shot out atthe other end into fresh air and the peaceful moonlight, and saw thewood lying dark and helpful upon either side of the line. The drivershut off steam and put on brakes, the Toad got down on the step, andas the train slowed down to almost a walking pace he heard the drivercall out, "Now, jump!"

  Toad jumped, rolled down a short embankment, picked himself up unhurt,scrambled into the wood and hid.

  Peeping out, he saw his train get up speed again and disappear at agreat pace. Then out of the tunnel burst the pursuing engine, roaringand whistling, her motley crew waving their various weapons andshouting, "Stop! stop! stop!" When they were past, the Toad had ahearty laugh--for the first time since he was thrown into prison.

  But he soon stopped laughing when he came to consider that it was nowvery late and dark and cold, and he was in an unknown wood, with nomoney and no chance of supper, and still far from friends and home;and the dead silence of everything, after the roar and rattle of thetrain, was something of a shock. He dared not leave the shelter of thetrees, so he struck into the wood, with the idea of leaving therailway as far as possible behind him.

  After so many weeks within walls, he found the wood strange andunfriendly and inclined, he thought, to make fun of him. Night-jars,sounding their mechanical rattle, made him think that the wood wasfull of searching warders, closing in on him. An owl, swoopingnoiselessly towards him, brushed his shoulder with its wing, makinghim jump with the horrid certainty that it was a hand; then flittedoff, moth-like, laughing its low ho! ho! ho! which Toad thought invery poor taste. Once he met a fox, who
stopped, looked him up anddown in a sarcastic sort of way, and said, "Hullo, washerwoman! Half apair of socks and a pillow-case short this week! Mind it doesn't occuragain!" and swaggered off, sniggering. Toad looked about for a stoneto throw at him, but could not succeed in finding one, which vexed himmore than anything. At last, cold, hungry, and tired out, he soughtthe shelter of a hollow tree, where with branches and dead leaves hemade himself as comfortable a bed as he could, and slept soundly tillthe morning.