Bruno and Boots can't stand Mr. Wizzle, the new faculty member. He believes in demerits, computers, and a dress code. Mr. Wizzle is ruining MacDonald Hall. So Bruno and Boots, their friends, and the girls of Miss Scrimmage's Finishing School have decided to team up and get rid of him.

For Nina Askew, turning forty means freedom--from the ex-husband, freedom from their stuffy suburban home, freedom to focus on what she wants for a change. And what she wants is something her ex always vetoed--a puppy. A bouncy, adorable puppy. Instead she gets...Fred. Overweight, middle-aged, a bit smelly and obviously depressed, Fred is light-years from perky. But he does manage to put Nina in the path of Alex Moore, her gorgeous, younger-by-a-decade neighbor. Alex seems perfect--he's a sexy, seemingly sane, surprisingly single E.R. doctor--but the age gap convinces Nina that anyone but Alex would be better relationship material. But with every silver-haired stiff she dates, the more she suspects it's the young, dog-loving doc she wants to sit and stay!

Claire's life revolves around Starbucks, stilettos and her career. Until her boss decrees she must visit every British YHA hostel as part of a marketing campaign. used to five-star spa resorts than 'flea-infested hostels' Claire only takes the assignment to fund a much-needed vacation to the Maldives.'Two-Hundred Steps Home Vol 1' contains 31 instalments of the daily blog by WriterMummy"Claire's life revolves around Starbucks, stilettos and her career as an Advertising Account Director for AJC. That is until her boss Carl decides to send her on a mission to visit every one of the 200 YHA hostel in England and Wales as part of a marketing campaign. More used to five-star spa resorts than 'flea-infested hostels' Claire only takes the assignment to save face. It becomes clear to her the 'mission' is a ruse to make her resign.Together with her hated 1980s Skoda Estelle - another part of the assignment - Claire sets off for Berwick-Upon-Tweed and a new way of life. Will Claire get used to sharing a room, going without skinny lattes and travelling in an Eastern European rust bucket. More importantly, will travelling the length and breadth of her home country enable Claire to forget her lost love Michael?"Volume 1 of 'Two-Hundred Steps Home' contains the first 31 instalments of Amanda Martin's daily challenge on her WriterMummy blog. February's instalments will be published as Volume 2 in March 2013.

"I bought the milk," said my father. "I walked out of the corner shop, and heard a noise like this: t h u m m t h u m m. I looked up and saw a huge silver disc hovering in the air above Marshall Road." "Hullo," I said to myself. "That's not something you see every day. And then something odd happened." Find out just how odd things get in this hilarious New York Times bestselling story of time travel and breakfast cereal, expertly told by Newbery Medalist and bestselling author Neil Gaiman and illustrated by Skottie Young.

An exclusive short story for World Book Day from one of our bestselling authors. This brilliant comic thriller will have you on the edge of your seat. Albert Rossi has many qualities. He’s a man who can spot polyester at a hundred paces. He’s the person you’d have on speed dial were you to find yourself at the centre of a tailoring emergency. He has an excellent working knowledge of Bonnie Tyler’s back catalogue. These skills are essential to a Gentleman’s Outfitter from Eastcote. They are not necessarily on the job description for recruiting an assassin. When Albert hits an unsuspecting pedestrian whilst listening to ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ in his Nissan Micra he is amazed to escape the inevitable knock on the door from the police. Instead he receives a mysterious phone call from a man who sounds surprisingly like Stephen Hawking telling him that his money will be left in the ‘usual’ place. At that very moment, Albert Rossi decides to change careers. Albert Rossi’s life is about to get a whole lot more interesting…

Part of a short story tribute anthology to Tolkien, found in After the King: Stories In Honor of J.R.R. Tolkien, it was also reprinted in My Favorite Fantasy Story, in The Oxford Book of Fantasy Stories, in The Mammoth Book of Comic Fantasy and was finally released as free online fiction.

Most orphanages are horrible, but Earwig has a surprising amount of power over everyone at St Morwald’s Home for Children, and loves it there. The last thing she wants is to be adopted by the very strange Bella Yaga, demon-attended Mandrake, and talking black cat Thomas. Earwig wants to learn magic, but will need all her ingenuity and help from a familiar to survive. Expressive big eyes, twisty mouths, on stick figures flesh out the characters, action, and ravens and spiders adorn the margins.

'Myself and Hugh . . . We're taking a break.' 'A city-with-fancy-food sort of break?' If only. Amy's husband Hugh says he isn't leaving her. He still loves her, he's just taking a break - from their marriage, their children and, most of all, from their life together. Six months to lose himself in south-east Asia. And there is nothing Amy can say or do about it. Yes, it's a mid-life crisis, but let's be clear: a break isn't a break up - yet . . . However, for Amy it's enough to send her - along with her extended family of gossips, misfits and troublemakers - teetering over the edge. For a lot can happen in six-months. When Hugh returns if he returns, will he be the same man she married? And will Amy be the same woman? Because if Hugh is on a break from their marriage, then isn't she? The Break isn't a story about falling in love but about staying in love. It is Marian Keyes at her funniest, wisest and brilliant best.

In the midseventies, Steve Martin exploded onto the comedy scene. By 1978 he was the biggest concert draw in the history of stand-up. In 1981 he quit forever. This book is, in his own words, the story of "why I did stand-up and why I walked away." Emmy and Grammy Award winner, author of the acclaimed New York Times bestsellers Shopgirl and The Pleasure of My Company, and a regular contributor to The New Yorker, Martin has always been a writer. His memoir of his years in stand-up is candid, spectacularly amusing, and beautifully written. At age ten Martin started his career at Disneyland, selling guidebooks in the newly opened theme park. In the decade that followed, he worked in the Disney magic shop and the Bird Cage Theatre at Knott's Berry Farm, performing his first magic/comedy act a dozen times a week. The story of these years, during which he practiced and honed his craft, is moving and revelatory. The dedication to excellence and innovation is formed at an astonishingly early age and never wavers or wanes. Martin illuminates the sacrifice, discipline, and originality that made him an icon and informs his work to this day. To be this good, to perform so frequently, was isolating and lonely. It took Martin decades to reconnect with his parents and sister, and he tells that story with great tenderness. Martin also paints a portrait of his times-the era of free love and protests against the war in Vietnam, the heady irreverence of The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour in the late sixties, and the transformative new voice of Saturday Night Live in the seventies. Throughout the text, Martin has placed photographs, many never seen before. Born Standing Up is a superb testament to the sheer tenacity, focus, and daring of one of the greatest and most iconoclastic comedians of all time.

Time to gird the loins and pucker up. Blimey O'Reilly's trousers! When Georgia embraced being the girlfriend of a Rock Legend/Luurve God, she thought that was the end of her lovenosity woes. As usual, Georgia is the last to know what she is talking about. Now there's the small matter of a snogging accident involving her matey-type mate Dave the Laugh and some toasted newts in her undercrackers. Can Georgia lock up her red bottom and throw away the key?

Peregrine Roderick Clyde-Brown is a bumbling, naive and savagely dim-witted teenager, who, as his name reveals, cannot possibly be exposed to the evils of a comprehensive school. However, with his penchant for taking even the most innocent command literally, no reputable school will accept the boy who, when told that he must turn over a new leaf, begins fondling the foliage. His parents, with high hopes and a considerable amount of bribery money, search for anywhere that will take their 'late developer.' In a school that time forgot, Peregrine's 'talents' for taking orders and having no discernible individual thought seem perfect for a promising career in the upper ranks of the British Army. It is at Groxbourne that Peregrine meets Mr Gladstone, a man whose teaching style extends as far as using lashings to teach arithmetic. After Gladstone whisks the unquestioning boy off on a hysterical mystery, Peregrine ends up storming a French castle, where he unwaveringly commits mischief, mayhem and even murder!

In the eleventh Discworld novel, Death is missing - presumed . . . er . . . gone. Which leads to the kind of chaos you always get when an important public service is withdrawn. Meanwhile, on a little farm far, far away, a tall dark stranger is turning out to be really good with a scythe. There's a harvest to be gathered in.

Menagerie Manor is sure to delight fans of Durrell’s beloved classic My Family and Other Animals and other accounts of his lifelong fascination with members of the animal kingdom. With his unfailing charm, Durrell tells the story of how he finally fulfilled his childhood dream of founding his own private zoo, the Manor of Les Augres, on the English Channel island of Jersey. With the help of an enduring wife, a selfless staff, and a reluctant bank manager, the zoo grows, and readers are treated to a colorful parade of the zoo’s unusual animal inhabitants.

The government has promised to protect Jax Opus and his family from enemies that want to use his hypnotic power to bring more evil into the world. Jax has reluctantly agreed to be protected. But protection has its price — and soon Jax learns that if the government is going to help him, it's going to want some help in return. The reach of Jax's hypnotic talents is especially dangerous because he doesn't have to be looking at people directly to control them. No, he can hypnotize people through video broadcasts — so a person can be innocently checking a computer, and suddenly have a hypnotic message planted. Even worse? Jax is not the only person who can do this. He is up against a hypnotic mastermind who has more than a few tricks up his sleeve. It's a race against time and the power of evil in this heartstopping adventure from #1 New York Times bestselling author Gordon Korman.

Steinbeck's only work of political satire turns the French Revolution on its head, as amateur astronomer Pippin Heristal is drafted in to rule the unruly French. Enchanting comedy ensues as Steinbeck creates the most hilarious royal court ever around the brief, bold reign of the corduroy-clad Pippin, his social-climbing wife Maria, his star-struck daughter Clotilde and her Californian beau, Todd.