Throttle Me

  “No, I guess not.” I didn’t want to think about the visual I had of another woman sitting on him and fawning.

  “I wanted to be with you tonight. You blew me off. We had such a nice time last night and as soon as I brought you home, you shut down.”

  “I don’t know, City,” I said.

  “Joey,” he interrupted.

  “Joey, I watched Kayden and Sophia all night. They reminded me of what I want someday. I want someone that’s going to love me and be mine alone. I want to be important to someone,” I said staring into his eyes without blinking, worried another tear would slip down my cheek.

  “It’s what everyone wants…” he started to say.

  “Let me finish.” I shook my head. “I like you, Joey. No one has ever made me feel the way you do, but I can’t risk falling for you. I can’t have my heart broken.” I bit my lip trying to focus on pain instead of sadness. I didn’t want tears to flow freely. “I think it’s best if we stop now. The time we’ve spent together has been amazing, but I can’t do it anymore. I can’t lie to myself.”

  “May I speak now?” he smiled at me, but it was a sad smile.

  “Yes.”

  “Do you think I’m incapable of love?” he stared at me waiting for an answer, his mouth was set in a firm line as waited for my answer.

  “No, I just don’t think it’s who you are now and I can’t wait around for that part of you. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us.”

  “Suzette.” Formal names always meant something serious. “I never allowed myself to think of a future with anyone, but last night I saw a world of possibilities. I realized what I was missing out on – I want what Kayden and Sophia have.” He squeezed my fingers and I watched his thumb rub the back of my hand. “Look at me. I’ve never allowed myself to get close to anyone in years, but your innocence and sweetness have pierced my heart.”

  “Oh,” I said my eyes growing wide with surprise.

  “I didn’t want to rush into anything with you. I don’t want to ruin anything, but you need to understand where I’m coming from. You need to know my past.” His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed before continuing. “I have been in love before. I had a fiancé and I thought my entire life was made. Plans don’t always work out exactly as we think.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said breaking a hand free from his grip, touching his cheek, running my thumb across the rough stubble.

  “It was a long time ago. We were in college and her name was Joni. We were high school sweethearts and attended college together.” He closed his eyes and I could see the pain on his beautiful features. “I loved her more than anything in the world and she was ripped from my life.”

  My heart skipped with the thought that anyone could break his heart. “A fucking drunk driver hit her on her way home from work and she was killed instantly.” He hung his head, hiding his face from my view. I could only imagine the pain that he felt losing his love that day in such a brutal manner. “I’ve never allowed myself to get that close to anyone after she died. It fuckin’ wrecked me and I didn’t know if I’d ever fully heal.”

  “I’m sorry, Joey,” I kissed his cheek, allowing him the time to gather his thoughts and hide a small part of himself.

  His eyes rose to meet mine. “You remind me a lot of Joni… your kindness and playful nature. It’s infectious. You two would’ve been good friends. She was my light and I couldn’t remember life without her until the day she died. I thought the heartbreak would kill me, Suzy. I’ve been so scared to open myself to anyone again, but you made me want to try. Don’t shut me out. I can’t promise forever, yet, but I want you to be mine, Suzy.”

  My breath caught. “What do you mean?”

  “Woman, I swear sometimes I have to spell shit out to you. For a smart girl, sometimes you amaze me,” he chuckled. “I want you to be my girlfriend. Mine and only mine; I planned to ask you tonight before you blew me off.”

  Yes, yes, yes! “What about you?” I asked. Would he see other girls – my heart couldn’t take that.

  “Just you, Suzy. I want a full commitment and it’s a two way street. Your body is mine… no one else. I’ve haven’t wanted to be with only one person in a long time.”

  “Okay,” I whispered a smile crept across my lips. My body vibrated with excited as his words sunk in. City wanted me to be his girlfriend. Wow.

  “So, you’ll be my girlfriend?” he asked needing confirmation.

  “Yes,” I said as I crawled into his lap. “I’ve never wanted anything more,” I said against his lips.

  “Mine,” he growled as he crushed his mouth to my lips. The kiss felt different than the others. There was a hunger behind it – a claiming.

  City lifted my body as he stood. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I kissed him back with more passion than I had before. I wanted him more than I ever did. I wanted to make love to him and convey all the passion I felt for him – I wanted to heal him. He may have been broken, but I’d help his heart heal and show him all the love I had to offer.

  Stitches

  Sharing my loss of Joni was easier than I thought. I rarely spoke about her and only my family knew about my past. I felt Suzy needed to know to understand. I owed it to her. I let it go beyond a casual relationship by meeting her friends and seeing her more than once. Fuck, I saw her more than any woman that I allowed in my bed since Joni.

  Placing her feet on the bedroom floor, she slid down my body before standing, leaning against me. Her soft eyes stared into mine as the corners of her mouth turned up into a smile. Cradling my face in her hands, she rose on her tiptoes and touched her lips to mine. She tasted sweet and my body craved more. We kissed with our eyes open and I watched as her pupil dilated and her blinking slowed. Her hands began to move and I heard the fabric of her shirt rustle as her knuckles brushed against my abdomen. I grabbed her hands, stilling them. “I undress you,” I said and her hands went slack at her side.

  She swallowed, smiling at me before lifting her arms. Lifting her shirt, I exposed her soft belly before the white lace of her bra became visible, her hard nipples called for my mouth. I dropped her shirt to the floor behind her and ran my hands down her still raised arms, over her collarbone, over her breasts and stopped at her nipples. I palmed her breasts in my hands and felt the heaviness in them. Her breathing changed as I ran my thumbs over her hardened nipples and I stared in her eyes. Her mouth opened and she sucked in a quick breath as her head fell back.

  I wanted to take her hard and fast, but after the talk we just had, I knew I had to show her the gentler side of sex. I couldn’t be rough with her, not this time at least. I had to show her that I cared for her and didn’t think of her as a fucktoy.

  I forced my hands to leave her breasts and moved over her soft stomach, hooking my fingers inside the cloth hugging her hips as I pulled her skirt down her legs, to reveal matching white lace panties. I kissed the delicate material and placed my knees on the floor. She stood there and swayed, but didn’t move.

  “Feet, sugar.” I tapped the tops of her feet as I waited for her to react. I could hear her giggle above me as she crawled out of her skirt and the sound of it made my heart skip a beat. Innocence and bliss. I grabbed her hips and moved her body until the back of her knees hit the soft mattress. She sat down and looked at me with wide eyes.

  “Lay back,” I growled as I held her knees, spreading them wide. “I want to taste that sweet pussy of yours. I’m going to devour you until you’re begging for my dick, sugar.” I grinned at her. I could hold out an eternity feasting on her body – worshipping her center with my tongue.

  She rested on her elbows and smirked at me as I sat between her knees. “All the way down, sugar.” I squeezed her knees in warning.

  “Damn, you’re pretty between my legs. I just wanted to watch you,” she said with a playful grin on her face.

  “Keep your eyes on me.” I reached for her lace panties and wrapped my fingertips inside the material.

  ���Wait,” she said as I began to move the material away from her body.

  I pulled quickly and the material disintegrated in my hands.

  “Well, crap, those were expensive.” She blew out a breath.

  “I’ll buy you new ones, sugar. No more talking, my mouth has other things to do that are more important.” My hands glided down her legs, pulling them apart as they reached her knees. I moved my mouth to the soft, sensitive skin of her thigh and licked, causing her body to shudder.

  I could smell her arousal and the sweet scent of her pussy made my dick ache. I kissed and licked to the V where her leg connects to her body, only inches from her pussy. Sucking her flesh in my mouth, I lapped at her juices as I twirled my tongue over the smooth skin and listened to her tiny moans. Continuing the slow sensual assault on her body, I gripped her knees as I ran my tongue across her pussy, but didn’t stop to pay her engorged clit any attention. I stopped at the same exact spot on her right leg, pulling the skin into my mouth to leave a mark. I hadn’t given a hickey since high school but I wanted to leave something to remind her of who owns her body.

  “You’re killing me,” she said, all breathy. I smiled against her skin as I bit down on the flesh and her body flinched. “Jesus,” she yelped and the bed dipped as her back dropped against the mattress.

  My tongue soothed the red skin where my teeth had left a mark, making no mistake on where I’d been and whom she belonged to. I couldn’t wait any longer to taste her and feel her on my tongue as I moved toward her heat, inhaling her scent before my mouth descended on her body. I buried my nose in her blonde hair and smelled her sweetness. My flat tongue rested against her clit as I began to circle her clit with my tongue, but I denied her the contact she wanted. I sucked her lips into my mouth, like a starved man, tasting her wetness on my tongue. Her fingers laced in my hair and pushed my face into her core.

  I dipped my tongue into her wetness and swallowed her arousal. I didn’t think I could ever get enough of her taste. I wanted to hear her scream and couldn’t wait any longer. I licked upward, capturing the last drops from her pussy as I sucked her clit hard.

  “Mmmm,” she moaned, pulling my face harder against her body. Writhing under my touch, pushing two fingers inside her, her body stilled. Her pussy clenched against my fingers as I thrust them inside her. Her body arched and she griped the sheets as she moaned. Moving my palm against her skin, I placed my fingertips on her nipple. Pinching it, my grip pulsated against her stiff peak and it tipped her over the edge. She lifted her head, and her body grew rigid as her breathing became erratic and shaky.

  I stared at her face, watching her fall into oblivion, overcome by the orgasm gripping her body. She dropped her head on the pillow as her eyes opened, sucking in a shuttering breath. Listening to her ragged breaths, I grabbed the condom from my back pocket before standing and removing my clothing.

  The look on her face was one of a predator staring at their prey. I stroked my cock and stared at her body, waiting to be filled. Her mouth opened as she stared at my hand as I stroked it with a firm grip, catching the piercing as I touched the tip.

  “You want me inside you, sugar?” I asked in a slow deep tone as I stood at the foot of the bed stroking myself.

  “Well,” she said, caressing her skin and licking her lips. “I mean, your fingers are magic and your mouth is divine…”

  I held up my free hand. “Shhh, sugar. No more talking. The only sound I want to hear is you screaming my name as you come on my dick.”

  “Oh,” she said her eyes still glued to my shaft like she’d never seen it before. She was so easy to fluster. Tearing the condom wrapper open with my teeth, I rolled it over my aching member. I couldn’t wait any longer to be inside her luscious cunt and seek my release.

  I moved up her body and nestled between her legs. “For the first time I’m taking you as mine.” I laid my palm against her pussy, cupping it as I gripped it in its entirety. “No one else gets to touch you understand, Suzette?” I asked with my lips against hers.

  “Yes, Joseph. It’s yours and only yours,” she said staring in my eyes.

  I kissed her and claimed her body as mine, fucking her with passion before spilling my seed inside of her. I took her slow and gentle, showing her body the attention it deserved and worshipped her in a way she’d never experienced before collapsing on the mattress.

  I stretched out in bed and stared at the ceiling as she went to get ready for bed. She walked out of the bathroom in a t-shirt but I wanted to feel her skin against mine as we slept. “No clothes.”

  “What do you mean?” she asked as she touched the edge of the mattress.

  “When you sleep in bed with me, I don’t want you wearing clothes. They’re a barrier I don’t want to deal with – I want all of you whenever I want you, even in the middle of the night.” I patted the mattress.

  “Underwear?” she smiled and lifted the shirt.

  “No underwear either. Strip and get your fine ass in this bed.” She didn’t move, but looked at me with a silly smile. “Do it,” I said eyeing her.

  “But.”

  “No, buts, sugar. I’ve seen every inch of your body, even that beautiful little asshole of yours. That’ll be mine someday too.”

  Her smile faded, but her eyes twinkled as she stepped out of her panties and threw her nightshirt on the floor. She curled against my body and rested her head on my shoulder.

  “Hand, sugar.”

  She placed her hand on my chest, not forgetting where I put it the first night we spent together. My heartbeat thudded below her palm as I rested my hand on top of hers. I placed my lips against her forehead. “Sweet dreams, beautiful.”

  “Night, Joey,” she said as she yawned. Her breathing changed quickly as she drifted to sleep.

  I listened to her tiny breaths as she slept beside me, wrapped in my arms, and curled into my body. I held her hand against my chest and felt her fingertips rub my skin. I felt my eyes grow heavy as I rubbed her hand and tangled my fingers in her hair.

  I felt someone staring at me as I opened my eyes in the darkness. “You awake?” she whispered.

  “I am now,” I said moving my fingers in her hair. “What’s wrong, sugar?”

  “I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t want to wake you, but I…” Her words cut off.

  “What’s bothering that pretty little head of yours?” I moved my fingers out of her hair and rubbed the soft skin of her arms, thrumming my fingers back and forth rhythmically.

  “I’m just scared,” she whispered.

  “Of me?” I moved my head away to see her face barely lit by moonlight cascading through the blinds.

  “Not really.” She rubbed my chest. “I’ve had boyfriends, but only a couple. I’ve never felt about them the way I feel about you, Joey. It scares the piss out of me.”

  “How did you feel about them?” I asked, more curious about how she felt about me than the previous men in my shoes.

  “They were nice, but I didn’t get butterflies every time I saw them. We’d go days without talking and I was fine with that, but with you I’m always checking my phone for a message. I’m feeling needy with you, Joey, and I don’t like it.”

  “Sugar,” I reached for her chin, drawing her shadowed eyes toward my face. “That’s not needy. Needy and clingy is if you’re up my ass all day and want to know my every move. Needy is when you show up at my house all hours of the night and at the shop during the day.” I shook my head and smirked at her. “You’re not needy. Wipe that shit from your mind.”

  “If you say so. It’s just a new feeling for me. If I overstep or act like a crazy person, please tell me.” The worry in her eyes began to ease.

  “Deal.” I kissed her forehead lingering over the soft flesh with my lips.

  “What was your longest relationship?” I asked. I hadn’t been the pillar of normal relationship behavior since I lost Joni, but I had an inkling that she had been just as unlucky in love as I had been.

  “Four months,” she whispered.

  “Did you love him?”

  “I think I loved him, but a week after I said those words to him, he left me. He’s the only man I’ve ever said that to – he broke my heart.” I rubbed my hand up her arms to soothe her while she spoke. “I’ve never really allowed myself to get that close to anyone after that. It was during my freshman year in college and after that breakup, I just spent my time studying and avoiding anything that felt like it could lead to a relationship.” She yawned and burrowed her body a little closer to mine.

  “I understand heartbreak and wanting to guard your heart from the pain. I’ve lived it for more years than I’d like to admit.” I pulled her closer, leaving no space between us. “Let’s just take this slow. It’s best for both of us.”

  “Slow,” she said, as she reached up and rubbed my face. I pulled her hand back to my chest and held it against my heart.

  I could hear her breathing change as sleep took her. I closed my eyes, content and happy for the first time since Joni had last slept in my arms, I look forward to what tomorrow held.

  Tattoos and Torment

  “How’d it go with Mr. Piercings?” Sophia chuckled in the phone as I chewed my bagel.

  “He gave me a little going away present this morning before he headed home to change.” I chomped down, letting the cream cheese slide across my tongue.

  “Ooo, someone had a sleepover. I liked him, Suz. He looks badass, but I can see a kind heart underneath. Reminds me a bit of Kayden, but I hope without the other bullshit.”

  I swallowed down the dry leftover bagel. “I almost messed everything up with him, Sophia.” I grabbed the glass of milk off the counter, taking a sip, while I waited for her to scream at me.

  “Are you fucking crazy? Why in the hell would you do that? What happened?” she yelled, her shrill voice causing my ear to throb.

  “I just didn’t see us going anywhere and I didn’t want to get too attached to him. I ignored him yesterday and ended up going on a date with Derek instead.”

  “Derek? What the fuck, Suzy? You know that guy gives me the creeps.”

  I sighed as I leaned against the counter, wanting to smash my head into the gray Formica for being so stupid. “I know. I just wanted to forget City – epic disaster that I’ll tell you about someday. Anyway, City came to my rescue and took me home.”

  “Well thank Christ for small miracles.”

  “He asked me to be his girlfriend, Sophia. Can you believe that?”

  “I do. You’re an amazing girl, little mama. Any man would be lucky to have you as his woman. City was smart enough to realize it. Kayden was the same way with me, but his hard exterior melted. Sometimes you just have to roll with it to get to the good stuff. Nothing in life is risk free, Suzy.”

  “I know, Sophia. My entire body vibrates when I’m around him and my stomach fills with butterflies. I’ve never felt that way with anyone and it scares the crap out of me. I tried to push him away, but he didn’t let me.”

  “You must have some fine shit.”

  I choked on my milk and it started to come out my nose as I wiped my face. “What in the heck are you talking about, woman?”

  “Well, you tried to get rid of him and I know you usually hold true to your plan, so I know you didn’t relent first and he came to you. Most guys would just say fuck that and walk away without looking back, but you must have something special that made him come back for more. Huh, who knew?” she giggled.

  “Shut it, whore. We had a long talk about relationships and love when he brought me home. He’s been hurt before and hasn’t had a real girlfriend in years.”

  “We’ve all been hurt before. It’s part of love. If you never hurt, then you’ve never truly been in love before, Suzy. What happened to him?”

  “His fiancé died,” I said, putting my cup in the dishwasher. I leaned against the counter and rested the phone against my shoulder.

  “Wow, that’s horrible. I couldn’t image losing Kayden. I’d be a complete and total mess. I don’t know if I’d love anyone the way I love him. I couldn’t allow myself to love anyone that way again if he was ripped from my life.”

  “Yeah, I just wonder if he’ll be able to make room in his heart for me. I’ll always be competing with her for his love, I’m afraid.”

  “It’s not a competition, sweetheart. There’s room for both of you. He’s taking a risk with you – just give him time to deal with his feelings. Don’t rush into the ‘L’ word.”

  “You did with Kayden,” I said, smiling even though she couldn’t see me.

  “I know,” she sighed. “I couldn’t imagine anyone else in my life. Kayden was it for me, babe. He ruined me and I could never be without him – I knew that after our first weekend together – it felt like all the planets aligned. I was finally with the man I was meant to be with my entire life.”

  “I’m just going to enjoy his glorious body filled with extra holes and pretty pictures. Jesus, girl, you should see his fine ass naked.”

  “Did you say ass?” she asked sounding shocked.

  “I am an adult, Sophia. I do swear.”

  “I think City’s dick stirred your brain and altered your thought pattern. My Suzy sunshine never uses profanity,” she bellowed.

  “Suck it.”

  -->