At Any Moment

  “Don’t tell me you know how to dance the tango, too…”

  “I was my cousin Britt’s practice partner by coercion. It wasn’t just for the foxtrot. ”

  “Mmm. Maybe you can help me knock out a few of these in the next little while. ” I waggled my eyebrows suggestively at him.

  “Find someone else for sixty-nine. ”

  I laughed at him. “Oh, so you’re okay with that?”

  “No. Did I say ‘find someone else’? I meant ‘cross it the hell off your list. ’”

  “I could find someone else. Someone into bald chicks. There’s got to be someone out there who’s got a cranial fetish. ”

  He looked at me, reaching up to rub his thumb along my cheekbone. “All it would take is someone with a beautiful woman fetish and there are too many out there with that…” His eyes hardened. “I found mine. They can all go find their own. ”

  I rewarded his sweet remark with a tight hug around the neck and he coaxed me out of bed to eat a little something. For him, I managed to chew off a corner of toast though the thought of anything more was still too much for me.

  For the next few days, he insisted I stay in bed and I humored him because he was so worried about me. The rest of the gang logged in during every spare moment of that time that they could to help me work on the secret quest. We’d spent time slowly gathering the Sergeant’s allies by doing quests for them: finding the lost wedding ring for a lieutenant, sobering up an old, broken captain, busting a roguish type out of jail, and much to our surprise, going back to the beginning, to the original quest-giver, General SylvenWood. He wouldn’t leave his spot at the city gate until we planted a garden of daffodils in honor of his lost love. Once the allies were gathered, we were ready to make progress on breaching the castle.

  With the help of the allies, we safely entered the tunnel while they kept the goblins at bay. And we were fortunate to make our way into the castle. We were almost at our goal, but found ourselves stuck once more.

  Three days later, when I was back to feeling close to my old self again—my old “post chemo” self, anyway—it was time to teach Mia to dance the tango. I figured what the hell, I’d go with it.

  “So you remember that the foxtrot is slow-slow, quick-quick—”

  I shot Adam a sardonic look. “Amsterdam was over ten months ago. I don’t remember that. ”

  “Well, the tango is a lot like the foxtrot. Except the tango goes: slow-slow, quick-quick-slow. And it’s kind of a slide. It’s not hard to learn. ”

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  “I’m sure hearts are breaking all over the West that Adam Drake is dancing the tango with me. ”

  He smiled at me. “It’s a sexy dance. I’ll be the first to admit it. ”

  “Well, if it’s sexy and it’s with you, then I’m definitely in. ”

  “Britt’s coming over to help me teach you. ”

  And that’s exactly what they did. Down in the dining room, the long table shoved aside, we had tons of room and even though I had to take a break once in a while to rest, I learned the basic steps to the tango.

  This went on until right around noon, when Jordan showed up with a briefcase full of work to go over with Adam. He threw a quizzical glance around the room, raised a brow and said, “What’s this, you’re opening a dance studio?”

  “Come on in, we’ll show you how to do the polka!” exclaimed Adam’s cousin, Britt.

  Jordan glanced around and gave me a nod. “Hey, Mia, glad to see you’re feeling better. Mind if I steal Adam for a bit?”

  I smiled. “Be my guest. He’s exhausting me, anyway!”

  Adam left me with Britt and followed Jordan out to his office with an invitation for us all to sit down to lunch together afterward.

  ***

  As we watched them go, Britt, suggested we sit down in the living room with some ice water. I think my comment about being exhausted had concerned her. I gave her a smile. She asked after my mom whom, she’d said repeatedly, she adored and firmly believed she was the best thing that had happened to her father in a long time.

  Then, after a brief, awkward pause she frowned and shifted in her seat to face me. “How are you feeling, Mia?”

  I thought about that for a moment, mentally assessing my energy levels. The achiness was gone but I still got fatigued very easily. I nodded and we went to sit on a nearby couch. I reached up under my cap and scratched my sweaty scalp.

  I glanced out the doorway through which Adam had left with Jordan. If Britt noticed, she didn’t say anything. “So…I know everyone asks you how you are doing all the time. You must be getting tired of that. I am curious, though, about how Adam is doing. ”

  I smiled. “I’m doing better, thanks. And Adam’s…” I hesitated, looked at the doorway again. I shifted in my seat and fell back against the cushion.

  “Intense, stressed out and distracted?”

  I returned my gaze to Britt, confused for a second.

  “It doesn’t take someone with his IQ to figure that out after spending the morning with him. ” she smiled.

  I shrugged, looking down. “I’m worried about him. ”

  “He’s worried about you. ”

  I nodded and darted a glance at her, wondering how much she knew. It was unlikely that Peter or Adam or even my mom would have told her everything that had gone on earlier in the year.

  She reached out and patted me on the leg. “It will be okay. It’s his nature. He’s always been the overprotective type. ”

  “Somehow that doesn’t surprise me. ”

  Britt’s mouth twisted. “In high school he got into a lot of fights because of my brother. ”

  I raised my brows—or would have raised them if I hadn’t sweated them off already from the dance practice. I made a mental note to use the Sharpie next time I practiced. “That’s…um…that’s so surprising. Wasn’t he a skinny weakling in high school?”

  She laughed. “Adam was skinny, but he wasn’t a weakling. He was an excellent runner. But Liam got picked on quite a bit. Kids are so cruel. ”

  I nodded. “And so Adam was defending his cousin?”

  She shrugged. “Well, it started out that way but the one big incident—he told you about that, right?”

  He hadn’t told me about it, no. But I did know from Heath, who had looked into Adam’s background while doing research for the auction. Adam had been the victim of a particularly cruel bullying incident in high school. A group of boys had ganged up on him after a track meet and beaten him up, duct taped his arms and legs and mouth and shoved him into a locker, where he stayed until he was found the next morning. It had been so severe that he’d had to be hospitalized. He never returned to the classroom again, choosing to finish high school early via independent study.

  “Uh, yeah, I know about that. ”

  “Those kids started out by picking on my brother, but Adam deflected their attacks onto himself. Then he became the target. ”

  I sat stunned for a moment. That was beyond awesome of him.

  Britt straightened, perhaps realizing that she might be divulging sensitive information. She cleared her throat. “Anyway… it’s just an example of how he is. He wants to be the big protector…and sometimes it really gets him into trouble. ”

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  I took a deep breath and nodded. She hadn’t implied as much, but that same protectiveness had gotten him into trouble with me. His overprotectiveness combined with my stubborn independence had made a near-lethal combination for our relationship. I wondered if we could learn from that mistake and overcome those failings. Or were those shortcomings so inherent to our characters that we were doomed to fail regardless?

  Britt must have seen the struggle on my face because she put a comforting hand over mine. “Adam is one hell of an awesome guy. And I don’t just say that because he’s family. I know you two have had a rocky road. And I know that this is probably putting a strain on that, but you
know what? I’ve never seen him happier, Mia, than since he’s been with you. You two were clearly meant for each other. ”

  I’d believed that too, once. I cleared my throat of the prickly tears that unexpectedly rose up. It was so frustrating. I was always shamefully close to tears and had been for months. It was almost as if my body and emotions were acting as if I was still pregnant. I bent my head and rubbed my forehead and tried to think of something else so I wouldn’t make a fool out of myself in front of her.

  “I don’t want to lose him…” The shaky words slipped out unexpectedly. I was angry with myself the moment they were out of my mouth. On some level, I almost felt like I deserved to lose him.

  “You don’t have to worry about that and I think he’d be upset to find out that you were. I think he’d rather you concentrate on getting better. ”

  He’d said as much—over and over again.

  “In fact, you should make that your birthday present to him, since it’s in a few weeks. ”

  I smiled. “I’m working on it. And since I have no idea what to get him, I guess that’s as good an idea as any. ”

  She leaned forward and gave me a tight hug. “I think we’d all be delighted with that. Not just him. ”

  And I wanted nothing more than to give that to all of them. But cancer was cancer. I had as much control in overcoming it as any other disease, like diabetes or polio or even the flu. It happened. Shit happened. And even though the feelings of unworthiness for all of my many flaws tended to weigh me down, I was slowly realizing that this hadn’t happened to me because I’d been unworthy or hadn’t deserved to be healthy.

  The blame for other things still sat squarely on my shoulders , but the guilt for this was fading away and making things just a tiny bit lighter. And for that I was grateful.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Adam

  I spent about a half hour with Jordan signing paperwork and going over some details on our pet project when he finally stopped, sat back and rubbed his eyes. “Heard you had a scare the other day. She looks like she’s doing a lot better now. ”

  “She is, thanks. ”

  “What’s with the dance lessons? Trying to keep her mind off of things?”

  “Ahh. ” I sat back, rubbing the back of my neck. “Actually it has to do with her bucket list. ”

  Jordan looked surprised. “She made a bucket list?”

  I tightened my jaw and then released it. “Yeah, she wasn’t doing very well at all. I think she thought she wasn’t going to make it. She’s been kind of down lately so I thought this might be something to get her mind off of things. ”

  He frowned. “So like, what else does she have on her list?”

  “Oh, I don’t know something about the Northern Lights and doing volunteer medical work and the Eiffel Tower. ”

  “The Eiffel Tower?”

  “Yeah, you know, the one in France?”

  He gave me a look. “As opposed to all the other Eiffel Towers out there. ”

  I shrugged and gave him a grin. I liked yanking Jordan’s chain sometimes. Someone had to do it.

  “So like, she’s never been there? To France?”

  “No. We hadn’t gotten around to that yet. ”

  “Yeah, I get it. Maybe soon, though?”

  “When she’s better…definitely. ”

  “But if you wait til then, you might not be able to take advantage of the benefits from it. You said she’s been pretty down lately. What if you took her in a private plane?”

  I hesitated. I knew that he had his epic trip to Paris planned. He’d been working on it since the fall. “What, are you going to let us hitch a ride on your chartered Leer?” I said. It was a little bit insulting. I could afford the extravagance far easier than he could.

  “No,” he said, thoughtfully rubbing his goatee with a thumb. “No, I think you should just take the whole trip. ”

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  I laughed. “Good one. You almost had me there for a minute. ”

  “I’m dead serious, Adam. Take it. Take her. All the plans are made. It’s a great trip. ”

  “I’m not going to take your trip. ”

  “It’s all planned. I’ve got the penthouse suite at the George V Hotel—the Four Seasons just off the Champs-Élysées. Even with all your money, you can’t get reservations like that at the last minute. Just take the goddamn trip. It will be good for her. ”

  I rubbed my jaw, studying him. He wasn’t bullshitting me and I was stunned. Especially because Jordan had never been supportive of my relationship with Emilia. Or maybe he just didn’t like her. I never knew exactly what it was. But his magnanimous offer now was nothing less than shocking.

  “You haven’t been able to shut up about this trip for months,” I said. “I’m not going to take it from you. ”

  “I’m not giving it to you, idiot. I’m giving it to her. ”

  “Well, this is a bit surprising, I have to admit. I always got the impression that you didn’t like her. ”

  He shrugged. “I never had anything personal against her. I wasn’t her biggest fan when you were going through all that bullshit with her, but…she’s handled all of this with strength and grace and I admire her for it. ”

  I clenched my teeth. He didn’t know the half of what she’d been through, in truth. “It’s very generous of you, but—”

  “Goddamn it, Adam. Just stop arguing and take her. It will do her some good. She’ll be able to cross another thing off her list. ”

  “Two things, actually. She wants to see the Venus de Milo, too. That’s in Paris. ”

  “Good. Surprise her, then. The trip is in two weeks. Do you think you’d be ready?”

  I blinked. “I’ll call her doctor and ask. ”

  Jordan looked supremely satisfied with himself after that. So I let him do his good deed. We spent the next half an hour going over his itinerary and I made mental notes to modify it to suit our needs. I also made a note to make it up to him soon.

  But for now I’d let him be the hero for the day. He seemed to be enjoying it.

  I noted his secret smile when he hugged her goodbye. But it wasn’t nearly as amusing as Emilia’s shocked expression when he did it.

  ***

  A few nights later we were sharing a quiet dinner at my house with my Uncle Peter and Mia’s mom, Kim. They had called, wanting to take us out, but Emilia had declined. She’d claimed she liked my chef’s food better than anything a restaurant could make. Considering her dietary restrictions, I couldn’t blame her, but I suspected it also had to do with her self-consciousness over looking like “something that been chewed up and spit out”—her words, which she refused to take back even when I gave her one of my stern looks.

  Thinking it would be good for her to spend more time with her mom, I invited them over to our place instead. Nowadays we ate dairy-free, gluten-free, probiotic and organic. It sounded worse than it actually was. But I did miss cheese.

  Fortunately my chef was amazingly brilliant and saw the restrictions as a challenge she was determined to overcome. So in spite of it all, the meals were good. Not my first choice, but if Emilia could go through all she went through with a minimum of complaint, then I could put up with weird food for her. I just made sure to eat whatever I wanted when I was at work.

  I should have known something was up with Peter and Kim from their weird behavior. Peter, who is always quiet, was even quieter and Kim’s interactions with her daughter were stilted and a little strange.

  So it was no surprise that over dessert and coffee, Emilia’s mother turned to her and took her hand over the table. “So, uh…we had something we wanted to tell you. Um. ” She flicked a glance in my direction. “It might be a little weird for you two, though. ”

  Emilia and I shared a look and then she turned back to her mom expectantly.

  “Peter and I have decided to get married. ”

  Emilia immediately sh
ot out of her seat and went to her mom, taking her in a big hug and kissing her. “Mom, I’m so happy for you!”

  Well…I was glad one of us was. I just felt like this was beyond bizarre. And I couldn’t put my finger on why. I watched Emilia’s overjoyed reaction. Apparently she wasn’t weirded out by this news? Maybe it was just me…

  Because this would make Emilia the stepsister to Liam and Britt, my cousins.

  Emilia was now hugging my Uncle Peter—her future stepfather. The thought of it was so surreal. I got up and hugged Kim and congratulated her. I hoped I was successful at hiding my reaction to their news. It had been coming, I supposed. I should have been preparing for it. They’d been dating for seven or eight months and getting along very well. And given both their pasts, they deserved some happiness.

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  “When’s the wedding?” Emilia asked.

  “We’re not doing anything fancy. Just something for the family and close friends, like Heath. I’d love to do something on the beach. But we don’t have a date yet because…” Her voice died out when it shook with emotion.

  Peter took her hand. “We’re waiting until Mia’s scan comes back negative. We’ll figure out everything out then. ”

  Kim let out a long breath and smiled at her daughter. Emilia hugged her again and reassured her that that would be soon. God, I hoped so.

  Not too long after, we saw them to the door, hugged them and congratulated them again. I was envious of their uncomplicated happiness. But it wasn’t like they didn’t deserve it. Peter’s wife had left him when his kids were still young and he’d had to raise them—and then me, later on—by himself. Kim had had her heart broken at a very young age by a worthless cheater and hadn’t found someone to share her life with until now. I did wish them happiness, and I was certain I’d get over the ick factor, hopefully soon.

  Once the door clicked closed and they were walking back across the island to their car, I turned back to Emilia, who was looking at me with a crooked smile on her face. I took a deep breath and smiled back.

  She moved up to me somewhat slowly, awkwardly and put her arms around my neck. To avoid that always-tense moment with that question of “will we or won’t we kiss?” I kissed her forehead and she blew out a sigh. I didn’t trust myself to kiss her on the mouth again. Not after last time, when I’d almost been sucked into forgetting that we were still trying to take it slow.

  “So, um…. can I ask you something?”