At Any Moment

  “Who from?”

  “From another gaming blogger. The owner of GameGlomerate. He wants to buy out Girl Geek. ”

  “Are you kidding me?” I stiffened, leaning back to look into her face.

  She smiled. “I do bullshit you a lot, but not this time. ”

  “Those guys are tools. Why do they want your blog?”

  She pulled a face at me and then rested her head back against my shoulder. She fiddled with a button near the collar of my shirt. “Don’t act so surprised. It’s a good blog. ”

  “It’s an excellent blog. But what are they planning to do with it?”

  She shrugged, avoiding looking into my eyes. “I think they are buying up several smaller popular blogs to expand their platform and readership. ”

  I laughed. “They could just do that the old fashioned way by writing their own content. But they’ll never be as clever as you are. ”

  She didn’t say anything for a while, just continued to fiddle with my shirt. I studied her. “You aren’t thinking about it, are you?”

  She shrugged.

  “You aren’t selling your blog, Mia. ”

  She looked up at me. “It’s my blog. ”

  “You’d really tolerate someone else swooping in and picking up your platform that you took years to build? All the content you’ve written, all the connections with your readers, other bloggers and commentators. What would you do without it? Why would you sell it? You don’t need the money. ”

  She was silent for a moment, then she quietly unbuttoned one button, opening my shirt at the neck. “I didn’t say I was selling it. But sometimes…blogging about DE can get awkward…especially with all the new traffic I’m getting about the secret quest. ”

  I swallowed and looked away. Her hand slipped to the next button at the base of my neck.

  Page 41

  “What’s so awkward about it?”

  She shrugged. “It feels wrong, somehow… because you and I are—because we live together. ” Her verbal gymnastics were not lost on me. She was as in the dark about what this was between us as I was.

  Her fingers unbuttoned the second button. I decided it would be safer to change the subject and get her the hell off my lap. “Hey, I was thinking we should take the Duffy boat out and go down to the end of the jetty. Or we can go to the Fun Zone…”

  “Or…we can stay here,” she said, her hand slipping inside my shirt.

  I took a deep breath and willed my hormones under control. Her hand on my bare skin was doing strange things to my ability to even think straight. I reached up and gently pulled it out of my shirt.

  “Aren’t we getting together online with Heath and Kat today?” Heath couldn’t come over because he had a cold and Emilia couldn’t be around anyone who had any type of illness. The chemo made her highly susceptible to bacteria and viruses due to her suppressed immune system.

  She frowned, watching me. “I think they wanted to, yeah. ”

  “Good. Do you want to go outside and go for a walk or something before we do that? You’ll be stuck inside for a little while after tomorrow. ”

  She blinked and slid from my lap, standing up. I almost sighed in relief.

  “Uh. Yeah, sure. Let’s do that. ”

  I stood up and moved past her to grab our sweatshirts and put my shoes on. I tried to ignore the puzzled look she gave me as I passed by her. It was a mixture of surprise and hurt. I was aware I’d just rejected her advances—and that it probably hurt her feelings. I made a mental note to discuss it with her later. But not now.

  Because right now, if I didn’t get out of here, I was likely to do something I’d regret—something I really wanted to do—like pull her back into my lap again and kiss her senseless. I’d assured her we should go slow and if I didn’t stick to my guns, disaster was likely waiting in the wings. So I willed my hormones to calm down and we got outside into the fresh air, where there was no danger of temptation.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Mia

  “Take that you green-faced fucktard!” I yelled into the mic of my headset. Shooting off another fireblast spell, I pasted a stray orc against the wall of the fortress we were fighting our way through. Obediently, the orc burst into flames and was no more.

  “Such violence, Mia,” Heath’s laughing voice came through the earpiece on the headset.

  “Mmm. I’m in that kind of mood,” I replied, using another high-level spell on a very low-level monster and thus vaporizing it. Hell had no fury like a sexually frustrated woman who’d just been rejected by the object of her lust.

  “What up, girlfriend?” Kat asked. “Everything okay?”

  I gritted my teeth and fired off another over-the-top spell. “Just fucking peachy. ”

  “Anyone know if FallenOne is going to log in?”

  I bit my tongue. After our walk along the beach, he’d left me to go get started with our group while he finished up some things in his office, promising to join us as soon as he could. I’d hardly heard most of what he’d said. I’d still been mentally licking my wounds from earlier. He’d been perfectly sweet to me during the entire walk. But I knew he was still mad at me. Why else would he keep pushing me away? And just how slow did he mean we should go? I’d only been here a couple weeks and I already hated this plan of his.

  Unless there was another reason…and that was the other thing that smarted. Because I wasn’t an idiot. I saw myself in the mirror every morning. I was perfectly aware that I was beginning to look like the Queen of the Borg from Star Trek. Between the pale, sallow skin, the darkening veins in my arms, and the bald head, I was sure I made up the perfect sexy picture. I frankly couldn’t blame him for being revolted, though I’d hoped he wouldn’t be.

  I blinked away the sting of that feeling by reminding myself that this was all temporary. These losses wouldn’t be forever, unlike others…

  I focused on the computer screen in front of me. A horde of goblins came running around the corner of our corridor where we’d slaughtered their orc cousins. I wasted them all with my highest-level spell.

  “Mia!” Heath hissed. “Stop wasting all your high-level magic. We’re going to need that later when we get to the boss. ” Heath referred to the big bad monster that was the one carrying all the best loot, the one we’d most likely find at the end of this foray.

  Page 42

  *Your friend, FallenOne, is now online.

  I blew out a breath. Well, apparently he was done with work now.

  “Damn, maybe Fallen can talk some sense into you, woman,” Kat said.

  Heath barked a laugh. “I seriously doubt that. ”

  I rattled off a private message to Heath.

  *You tell Fragged, “Knock it off or I’m pasting you next!”

  *Fragged tells you, “WTF did I do?”

  *FallenOne has joined your group.

  “Hey, Fallen,” Kat said. “Can you get to us? We are halfway down the south corridor and Mia is going apeshit with her magic. We’re going to need some help when we get to the boss. ”

  Adam’s voice came across my headset. “I think I can fight my way down to you. ”

  I took a deep breath and looked out the window. I was sitting in the window seat, propped up on pillows, but it was a little hard to see because of the sunlight reflecting off my laptop screen. Also, my butt was starting to get numb from sitting in one place, so I got up and moved to the bed. As I did, Adam came in through the doorway, his headset on and laptop balanced on one muscular forearm.

  He put a hand over his mic so the others couldn’t hear him. “You okay?”

  “Sure. Never better,” I said, giving him my canned response.

  He grimaced, a flash of irritation passing through his dark eyes. “Do you not want to play today?”

  I shrugged. “No, I’m fine. Just jittery about tomorrow. ”

  “What’s tomorrow? Who are you talking to, Mia?” Kat said.
<
br />   Silence. Heath sneezed. Shit. I froze. Kat still didn’t know that Adam and I were—or had once been—a couple. She had no idea what FallenOne’s identity was. She was as clueless as Heath and I had been this time last year.

  All she knew was that I’d held an auction on my virginity—had given me her blessing, as my only friend who had approved. And later, when she’d asked, I’d told her that it hadn’t gone through—we’d had that talk during the time after Adam and I had split up in St. Lucia and then never really discussed it again. One thing about online friends is that you could always hold them at more of a distance than face-to-face friends. And since these past few months had been about keeping my face-to-face friends, and my boyfriend, at bay, I’d shoved everyone away and was still paying the price for it.

  Adam still had his hand over the mic. “She still doesn’t know?”

  I gave him a guilty look and then shuffled to the bed, resting the computer on my knees.

  “Fallen, are you coming or what? Let’s get this party started,” Heath said, clearly trying to distract Kat from her questions.

  Adam sat on the edge of the bed without another glance at me and turned his attention to the game. He started making his way through the same fortress in which we were fighting orcs and goblins. Our group had to backtrack over territory we had already crossed in order to meet up with him.

  “I know what Mia’s problem is,” Kat said, that familiar mischievous tone in her voice.

  “What’s that?” Heath asked.

  “Sexual frustration. ”

  I choked, looking up from my screen at the end of the bed. Adam hadn’t looked up from his laptop, engrossed in some battle against a group of goblins that had just jumped on his character.

  “That’s you projecting, Kat. You probably really need to get laid,” I retorted.

  “Oh, I’m certain it’s your problem. But you just don’t know it because you’re too pure and virginal. ”

  Adam threw me a sidelong glance and Heath started hacking on the other end of his mic. I couldn’t tell whether he was coughing or laughing—or both.

  “Um,” I said. “No, that’s not my problem anymore. ”

  “Shut up!” she said. “Did our little virgin finally lose it after her scandalous auction fell through? Who was it? Was it that hot guy you were dancing with at the employee party in Vegas?”

  Oh, for the love of God… I looked at Adam. He had his head down as if concentrating on the screen, but his shoulders were shaking like he was trying to keep the laughter inside.

  “He wasn’t that hot,” I said and when Adam looked up at me again, I stuck my tongue out at him. He squinted at me.

  “Incoming!” Adam said as his character came running down the hall toward the rest of us with at least five big orcs behind him.

  I pressed the button for one of my big nuker spells. Again, total overkill, but it was too enjoyable to watch them all drop like rocks.

  Page 43

  “What the…?” Kat muttered.

  “Again…we could have used that spell against the big boss, Mia. What the hell are you going to fight him with now? Sticks and rocks? It’s going to take you an hour to get that spell back. ” Heath was clearly irritated with me.

  I shrugged, though I knew they couldn’t see the gesture. I knew I was being immature and probably should just log off due to my pissy mood. I’d do less harm leaving than I would shooting off my good spells left and right.

  “Mia isn’t feeling well,” Adam said, looking at me.

  And he was right. He’d said that at almost the exact moment I’d felt a headache clamp down over my head. It felt like someone was driving a spike through my skull. And I got hot and sweaty.

  Suddenly I could hardly hold the keyboard in my lap as I started shivering. Without another word, Adam stood up and set his laptop aside. “Hold on, you guys, I’m AFK and so is Mia,” Adam said, giving the universal gamer’s code for unavailable—AFK meant “away from the keyboard. ”

  He tore off his headset and had my laptop off my legs in seconds. Grabbing the fleece wrap on the end of my bed, he enfolded me in it.

  “Lie back,” he whispered.

  “Ugh,” I said, putting my hand to my head. “Usually I get so excited in my lady parts when you say something like that to me. ”

  Adam’s expression looked grim as he pulled the fleece blanket over me, tucking it around my body. I continued to shiver.

  “Why did you keep playing if you were feeling sick?”

  I shrugged. “Helps me keep my mind off of everything. ” He pressed the back of his hand to my forehead. “I’m fine—go help them take care of their dungeon crawl. ”

  But he didn’t move. “I’d rather take care of you. ”

  My teeth chattered. “God, this sucks. Kat has no idea, either. I just…haven’t told her. ”

  Adam’s thoughts were unusually transparent on his handsome face when he gave me the “I am so not surprised” look.

  “Yeah, yeah, I know,” I muttered between shivers.

  “Can I get you anything? Some water or something?”

  I stared at him for a moment. “Get me my headset. ”

  He frowned before turning to grab my laptop and headset and set them near me. I pulled the headset onto my head and glanced at the screen. Kat and Heath were in the middle of fighting goblins while arguing.

  “How come no one’s told me this whole time that Mia and FallenOne are a couple and have been living together?”

  I sighed. Oh, I had a lot of splainin’ to do to poor Kat. I swallowed. “It’s not his fault. It’s mine. And it’s a super long story that I should tell you on the phone or over Skype without the guys around…” I glanced up. Adam had grabbed his laptop and was sitting next to me on the bed, putting his headset back on.

  “Oh yeah, well, I’m fine with doing that now. They can go off and play while we talk…” There was an edge to Kat’s voice, one of hurt and confusion. Because it wasn’t enough that I’d stomped all over Heath’s, my Mom’s and especially Adam’s feelings. Now I was being made to suffer from the stupidity of my actions on every level and with everyone I cared about.

  “Not now, Kat. But soon, I promise. I’m feeling kinda shitty right now and I need to log off. ”

  “What’s wrong with you? Did Heath cough on you or something?”

  “No, Kat. I have cancer. ” Those three wretched words weighted everything down like an anchor—or an anvil falling out of the sky.

  Adam’s hand curled around mine but he was looking at his screen, managing to help the other two fight off monsters one-handed. Only he could do something like that. I squeezed his hand tight.

  “Ha ha, yeah. Okay. No, really, what the hell is wrong with you? Fallen didn’t give you the clap or something, did he?”

  “I wish I was kidding,” I answered.

  Silence.

  I heard Heath cough on the other end. Adam and I shared a look. I tapped my mic. “Kat, are you still there?”

  There was a long sigh and then Kat cleared her throat. “Uh. Um, yeah. I’m here,” she said, her voice trembling. She sounded like she was seconds from tears.

  “I’m—I’m sorry. There’s a lot I haven’t told you. ”

  The only thing I heard on the other end of the line was a long sniff.

  “You okay, Kat?” I finally said.

  “No. No, I’m not okay,” she said in a trembling voice. “I’ve got to log off. See you guys later. ”

  Page 44

  My stomach dropped as I watched the screen. Persephone, her character, gated out of the dungeon at a critical moment where there were a bunch of goblins—too many for us to handle, really—attacking our characters. She was our healer and we had no way, except for my crappy heal spells, to survive.

  In seconds, our characters were dead, hovering as ghosts in the graveyard. Heath heaved a long sigh. “Well, that was excellent timi
ng,” he muttered between coughs.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I had no idea she’d take it that hard. ”

  “Mia, I love you but sometimes you are just fucking clueless,” Heath said.

  I glanced up at Adam, whose jaw had set at Heath’s words. But he didn’t say anything. I couldn’t tell whether he was agreeing with Heath or preparing to go to battle for me. Instead, he said nothing.

  “I know,” I agreed. “Maybe I just need to grow up. ”

  “Doll, there isn’t a person alive who loves you more than I do. And I don’t want you to be down on yourself. I will talk to her. She’ll be okay. Just keep your strength up. I wish I could be with you tomorrow. But it’s round three. Only nine more to go after that. ”

  I fell back against my pillow, tears prickling my eyes. Only nine more rounds of sheer and utter hell. Yay.

  We logged off and Adam sat beside me for a long time.

  Finally, I got the courage to ask him the burning question on my mind all day. “So this afternoon, when I was sitting on your lap…did you not like that?”

  He didn’t answer for a few long, heavy minutes. Then, he cleared his throat. “I liked that. A little too much, probably. ”

  I blinked. That made me feel a little bit better. “You say it like it’s a bad thing. ”

  He shifted next to me so he could look into my face. “We’re supposed to be going slow, remember?”

  “That was your idea, not mine. ”

  Another beat of silence. “True. ”

  “So…how slow is ‘slow’?’”

  He took a deep breath and let it out. “Maybe we could play it by ear…”

  “So does this mean like… no kissing, no good groping, no making out?”

  He appeared very uncomfortable. “Let’s…play it by ear?” he repeated.

  I sighed heavily and he smoothed his hand across my bare head, my cheek. I drifted off to sleep but felt his kiss against my smooth scalp before he got up to leave me.

  Heath was right. I was fucking clueless. And now that I was becoming self-aware, it seemed I had no idea how to get myself out of these pits I’d dug myself into. I found myself needing the people around me more than ever and yet because of my own actions, they were more distant. Mia Strong was an island, all right. But she was fucking lonely and dying to have someone save her from her solitude.

  I dreamt of William’s figurines. They were life-sized and animated, yet still made of metal. They could only speak to me in the quietest of whispers yet it seemed they all spoke at once and I couldn’t hear them over the roaring wind and storm all around me. But I knew—I just knew that they had important things to tell me. Vital things. Things I needed to know for my own survival. But I couldn’t hear.