Like a Memory, Page 9

  frustration. Glancing at Larissa behind him I noticed her scowling at his back. Yep, okay, she remembered him. Alright, here we go. Trees just a burnin’ and a burnin’.

  “Do I need to be concerned that anyone else may recall who I am and want to kill me?” He asked and smiled disgustedly.

  “I think Micah will help if they start to. I’ll be back at the table in a minute. I need to get a drink.”

  “Why did you invite her, hell, us, into this, knowing what would happen?”

  Good question.

  “I’m not sure. Trust me I’m regretting it. Bad idea. Really bad idea.”

  Nate started to say something else and then stopped before he walked off.

  I turned my attention to Larissa who was eagerly waiting for me. She knew I was here to talk to her. I rarely drank that much.

  She asked “why can’t the fiancé know you once had a thing?” Her expression spoke volumes, said she was annoyed, and so I answered bluntly and directly.

  “Because he didn’t tell her right away and now he thinks it will cause an issue. I like my job. I don’t want to lose it.”

  Larissa rolled her eyes. “This isn’t fucking junior high. He needs to be a man and get that shit out, air his clean and dirty laundry. He should tell the damn truth and be done with it.”

  “It’s fine. I think it’ll be better with her not knowing. Forgetting it ever happened works for me.”

  Larissa leaned forward, as close as she could get, resting her arms on the bar. “Does it really? It works for you? Or does it work for him?”

  She thought I was protecting Nate. That’s why she was pissed.

  “Octavia is spoiled and thinks she’s entitled. She’s been a good boss, but if she thought I was a threat, she’d get rid of me in an instant. I need the job and the income and without any experience she gave me the chance I needed. I don’t want to lose that. Even if I have to hide a secret.”

  “Bliss, you’re making a mistake. He still has a thing for you. It’s in his eyes. I’m never wrong about that. But he’s not man enough to admit it. Don’t forget that. Don’t ever settle. You deserve a fairytale more than anyone I know. What you went through was tremendous. Devastating, and you have to have the best.”

  Because I was sick? What I went through was “tremendous” and I “have to have the best?” These were words, part of the collection, I was used to hearing. But there was one always left unspoken. The “big word” never added to their comments. It hung silently in the balance. They all assumed because of it I should have the best. After CANCER it was supposed to be easy? No, nothing was. I still had to live this life and it was still going to be hard. Just like it was for everyone else.

  “Thanks,” was all I could say. If I said what I really felt about that I’d sound like a brat and have to stand there, arguing back and forth. So, I walked away with a smile on my face I didn’t feel, but had already perfected, a long time ago when I was sick. My “false grin” was one of the best. I should win an Academy Award.

  “Bliss!” Saffron’s voice carried above the crowd and I cringed. She was already drinking and drunk. I could hear it in her slur. Where did she find all these people who would give her alcohol?

  “And she’s here. I’ve already texted Holland. There she comes,” Crimson said, pointing to the door where Holland was walking in. She was dressed normally. Like she had been at home comfortably reading. Which I was sure she had been.

  “But James is here! I came to see James!” Saffron giggled, her boobs almost falling from her top, which by the way was the size of a napkin.

  Holland paused. The hurt in her eyes was quickly masked. She definitely had a thing for James.

  “I’ll take her outside,” James said. He put his arm around her bare waist as Saffron beamed up at him, leaning into his body, loving the man like a puppy. “You’re here,” she cooed. “Jamesy is here with me.”

  “Yeah, but you already knew that,” was his response.

  “I was hoping he’d stay at the table and leave this alone. Why are guys so dumb?” Crimson replied disgusted

  I didn’t know the answer to this question. But I was wondering the same myself. Surely James knew what he was doing? How could he miss the look in Holland’s eyes whenever she looked at him? Saffron was identical to her, but Holland didn’t dress like Saffron and she was quieter, more withdrawn.

  Was that what men wanted? The drawers of attention like Saffron? Damaged goods with expiration dates? I focused on the group at the table. Nate’s arms were around Octavia’s waist. They were talking and laughing, Jimmy being entertaining, because when he wanted he could be that. Nate seemed happy. Content.

  My heart cracked a little more and weakened. I’d asked for this by inviting them. It was time I accepted it and learned to live with it.

  Nate Finlay

  IT HAD BEEN quiet last night on the way back to Octavia’s house. When we walked inside she went to her room and closed the door. No words. Nothing.

  There was no question as to what was wrong. I knew. It would take a complete idiot not to know what was up her ass. Hell, I knew this was going to be an issue while I was doing it. But fuck me if I hadn’t been able to stop myself.

  Bliss was hard not to watch. I tried. God, I so fucking tried. I did everything I could to keep from looking at her last night. But I was a man and Bliss . . . well Bliss was Bliss. She was hard to ignore. For me she was damn near impossible to ignore.

  Finally, I had just given in and watched her. Let my eyes follow her every move. Knowing all along Octavia would notice and a fight would follow. Not because she was a jealous person. She wasn’t. She didn’t have time to focus on anyone other than herself. Very little room for jealousy.

  No, Octavia was pissed because my looking at Bliss had been a slap in the face to her. Others saw it. Knew she wasn’t my center of attention and that she couldn’t deal with. I was fairly certain she was just going to take this out on me. Not Bliss.

  However, I wasn’t about to test that theory. When I woke up to find Octavia’s bedroom already empty I hurried my ass up and got to her store. Bliss wouldn’t be there for another hour so I had time to fix this shit if she in fact was going to let Bliss go because of me.

  Walking into the office that Octavia had me set up for her in the back I could smell the expensive French perfume she loved to wear. It was appealing. One of the first things that got my attention when we met. I liked things to smell good and Octavia always smelled amazing. Money could do that for you.

  She shot an annoyed glare my way before going back to whatever she was doing on her computer. “You’re a bastard,” she said with a hiss in her voice.

  “I’m sorry.”

  I learned from my father that apologizing to a woman was easier than arguing with one. Sometimes this worked and sometimes it didn’t. I was hoping this was one of those times that it worked. The frown in her brow however told me I was fucked. This wasn’t going to be that easy.

  “In front of all those people. Never, Nate Finlay, never have you humiliated me that way. If you had, we wouldn’t be engaged and living together right now. I’d be done with you.”

  This was dramatic. Not her usual response to things.

  “I was trying to figure her out. You’re planning on leaving her here alone to run the place in a little over a month.”

  Octavia shot her heated gaze up from the screen and leveled me with it. “Don’t fucking patronize me. She’s beautiful and has that innocent farm girl thing. You couldn’t take your eyes off her. It was obvious to everyone. Including her and she’s as naïve as a female her age can be. Don’t act like you did that for me.”

  Okay so maybe I should have gone with a different angle. But damn I didn’t have one. Not really. I wanted to look at her last night and I had given up trying to pretend I wasn’t drawn to her. Fascinated with her. Fuck it to hell. This was not the shit I wanted to deal with. This was not easy. I wanted easy.

  “No woman her age that l
ooks like that can be that naïve. I didn’t trust it. I studied how her friends treated her and how she handled herself. You thinking she’s trustworthy because she’s some farm girl from Alabama is fucking naïve if you ask me.”

  Had I even sounded believable just now?

  Octavia frowned. Like she was thinking about what I’d said as if it made sense. Surely she saw through my bullshit.

  “You think I’m being too trustworthy?”

  No. Not one damn bit. Bliss was as trustworthy as Octavia was ever going to get in an employee but this seemed to be working so I went with it. Anything to get Octavia over her snit and save Bliss’s job.

  “I did. Yes. But you’re right. The girl is everything she appears. A bit immature for her age but she’s middle class and needs a job. She seems willing to prove herself and the people close to her really like her. They trust her. And she didn’t once meet my gaze last night. She didn’t try to flirt or even give me a smile.”

  Octavia nodded slowly. “I noticed that. She had to see you watching her but she didn’t take advantage of it. She ignored you completely. I respect that. We need to tell her though the truth. That you had been measuring her up. Testing her. She doesn’t need to think you have any interest in her. She’s not like us. She doesn’t need to think she could fit into your world and mess up the best opportunity she’s going to get in this town. God knows women can be stupid when it comes to you.”

  Most of what she had just said pissed me off.

  Scratch that.

  All of what she had just said pissed me off. I hated the elitist way Octavia’s mind worked. It was the one thing I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to live with the rest of my life. Or any part of my life. Bliss wasn’t less than us because she had grown up differently. My own mother grew up very similar to Bliss and she was one of the smartest women I knew. That meant nothing.

  There were some fucking idiots that had grown up at the country club with me. Money didn’t make you important. It wasn’t a one way ticket into the world of the elite. Especially for people like me and Octavia. We weren’t rich. Our parents were. We were trust fund kids. Not exactly impressive.

  But Bliss’s job was at stake and I knew I had to play the role. Keep my thoughts to myself. Pretend I agreed. I could question this all later. When I wasn’t standing here in front of a woman that was watching my every expression.

  “Bliss isn’t like us. You’re right. She’s a farm girl from Alabama with an inferior education and very little sense of the real world. She lives in a bubble here in Sea Breeze. One she won’t ever get out of or hope to break free from. But that makes her safe. She’s a good employee and one we now know you can trust.”

  Just saying all of that bullshit made me hate myself. It wasn’t true. Bliss had beat a disease that took lives daily. If she wanted out of this damn town she’d get out. She’d create herself. She would achieve any goal she set for herself. She would fight until she had it. I believed that.

  Octavia nodded. “Good. I’m glad you agree.” She then let out a laugh. “The idea of her ever fitting into your world is ludicrous anyway. I guess I was tired last night. Being too sensitive. I should have known you weren’t interested in someone like her. I’ve never known you to settle for someone so beneath you.”

  Bliss York

  “BLISS ISN’T LIKE us . . . She’s a farm girl from Alabama with an inferior education and very little sense of the real world. She lives in a bubble here in Sea Breeze. One she won’t ever get out of or hope to break free from . . .”

  Those words ran through my head over and over again. Long after I had walked away from Octavia’s office door. I’d needed to confirm a price on sandals she had ordered. That was it. Nothing more.

  Yet . . . I’d been crushed instead. A pair of the sandals were still in my hand as I stood in the store front and stared blankly out the window. Farm girl from Alabama. I winced and closed my eyes tightly wishing I could erase that. If only I had waited a few more minutes before walking back there. I’d still be living in my happy bubble where Nate had watched me all evening and my heart had soared with hope.

  This was my punishment. I shouldn’t have wanted him to watch me. To look at me. Because he wasn’t free. I had wanted to take Octavia’s fiancé away. That was wrong. This was what I deserved. The pain of knowing Nate’s real feelings about me.

  He wasn’t the same boy from that summer. He was grown and he had changed. More so than me. I was stronger. Less naïve. The real world and its horror had touched me briefly. But the pain of heartbreak was new. I preferred not knowing how this felt.

  I had been sheltered from so much. How the world saw me was one of those things I didn’t really know. Until now. I liked to think I was on the road to making a real life for myself. That my beating leukemia had made me strong. I wasn’t easily beaten down and I had goals. A lot of goals. When people saw me I hoped they also saw all of that.

  Apparently, they didn’t. I was a farm girl, with an inferior education and no sense of the real world. It was a slap in the face and a knife to the chest. If only these damn shoes had a price on them I could still be in a happy place.

  “Oh good you’re here. We need to add something to the window. A flash. A touch of what the others don’t have. White twinkle lights or the feel of Manhattan. Give the shoppers a taste of what they’re getting when they walk through those doors. Draw them in. The clothing isn’t enough.”

  I still had a job to do. More so than before I had something to prove too. This farm girl from Alabama could impress them. I wasn’t an idiot. The pressure to do so however made me somewhat nervous. What if I gave her ideas and he shot them down? What if my ideas were simple? Just like Nate said I was.

  “Don’t get me wrong. You’ve done a beautiful job displaying the best of what we offer. Kudos to you for that. Now we need to take it a step further. Give them what they don’t get when they look in the other windows. Show them why this store stands out. Why they can’t walk past it. Why they must buy something from Octavia’s.”

  Nate had walked in while she was going on about making the window stand out. Ignoring him before had been difficult. But now . . . it was easier. I had something to prove but not to him. I had to prove it to myself. Remind myself I wasn’t what he said I was. That all he saw was what he assumed. There was more to me than that and he’d never get the privilege of knowing. Our past was now firmly that. The door was closed. Memories shoved so far back it would take a shovel and days of work to dig them out. I was done with all there was to do with Nate Finlay.

  I had to show Bliss York that she was strong, smart, and capable of reaching her goals. All of them and more. Nate’s presence faded to the background and I turned my complete and full attention to the window display. My focus was centered on that and only that.

  One thing they didn’t know about a girl from Alabama was when we were backed into a corner we came out with both fists up and a will to win.

  “I like the twinkle lights. This is a coastal town and people shopping here will be looking for something that reminds them they’re enjoying the sand, surf, and sun. The twinkle lights can be the sunlight, let’s bring in sand for the floor but then the sea breeze can’t be seen. We need something that draws the eye. White feathers suspended as if flying free in the wind surrounding the display would be unique and attention grabbing.”

  I wasn’t sure where the idea came from. I just opened my mouth and let the ideas fly. Not caring how ridiculous it may sound. The picture began taking shape in my head and I added to it and didn’t stop talking for Octavia to say anything until I had it all outlined. Shown her where it all would go and then explained why it would sell. One would think I’d worked at retail stores my entire life the way I was blabbing on about what the shoppers wanted.

  When I was finally done, I waited for her reaction. Prepared for the worst but knowing I hadn’t backed down due to fear or the fact Nate had given me a major blow to my self-esteem only minutes before.

&
nbsp; “It’s brilliant,” were the words out of her mouth. I let out the breath I had been holding. I agreed with her. I wasn’t sure how I created it so quickly and relayed it so clearly but I had. And I was thankful I had. This had been a moment I needed to show myself, not them, that I could do this.

  “The sand and feathers. It’ll be the most talked about store front in town. We need to order the perfect twinkle lights. Hang them straight down from ceiling to floor like you said. Nate, Google lights and see what you find. I’m going to make a call about getting some sand. Bliss you find the feathers. Large white perfect feathers won’t be easy to find.”

  I nodded and reached into my pocket for my phone. I didn’t watch as Octavia left through the backdoor to see if Nate followed. I Googled feathers and began my search. His presence was there. I could feel his gaze on me, I just chose to ignore it. Turning my back to him I studied the window that we’d be transforming and wondered if we needed to add anything else. Maybe some silver. The white with silver would be striking.

  “You knocked this out of the fucking park. Blew Octavia’s mind.”

  Nate had come closer. His voice was deep and there was a touch of pride in his tone. I found that odd considering his words to Octavia about me only moments earlier.

  “Getting the sand in will be a bitch but it’s brilliant.” He was trying to get me to respond. He wasn’t used to me ignoring him. I wasn’t a rude person. Kindness was something I always wanted to be sure I had plenty of. However today with Nate I wasn’t feeling it. Turning around I shot him with a piercing glare.

  “Us farm girls from Alabama can surprise even you I guess.” I didn’t wait for him to respond. Instead, I walked straight to the back where he wouldn’t be able to say more or Octavia would hear him. He knew I’d heard. That was all that had to be said.

  Nate and I had no past, present, or future as far as I was concerned.

  Now, to find those feathers.

  Nate Finlay

  MOTHERFUCKER.

  Dammit to hell! Of all the things for Bliss to hear me say that was the absolute last thing I’d ever want her to hear. It was all bullshit. I was trying to save her job. To reassure Octavia and it backfired in my fucking face.

  I had to go outside. To my truck. Away from it all. So, I could get control of my mouth. Because right now all I wanted to do was explain to Bliss why I’d said it and not give a damn if Octavia heard me. Which would hurt Bliss more. Not help.

  But that look in her eyes was devastating. It said more than the unconcerned expression she was using to hide the pain. She hadn’t been able to mask it. I’d wounded her bad.

  I rubbed my hand over my chest to ease some of the ache there. I didn’t want her to hurt. Fuck I didn’t want to make her do anything but smile. She lit up a room when she smiled. Anyone who would extinguish that didn’t deserve to breathe. Bliss was as close to perfect as a female got and what I’d done was killing me.

  I stared at the closed door and weighed my options. I could go back in there and explain it to her. Fix this. Tell her exactly how I felt